I would have at least cracked a smile!

When I order an entire large pizza, chicken wings, and a 2L coke, I yell "Pizza is here!" before I answer the door, so they don't know i'm going to eat all that by myself!

kind of sweet :-)

Okay, this one is cute!

I'd believe that, but even the Service hates Trump. Republicans hate him, Democrats hate him, he got outvoted by 3 million...

Gold

HAHAHHAA

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

poor secret service agents, they're sitting duck..

not as funny as n****r, run

lol

OHHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHA

Deep intellectual humor, hope you get it.

Hah hah hah! Ok! This one made me laugh out loud.....LOL! Good one!

my wife just broke her ankle. she'll be able to run maraton soon

Now that often makes good sense. I'll have to remember to us it in the future. :D

this is great. if i do this to my son one day i'll say the same thing

*facepalm*

LOLOL

love this one !

I'm stealing this!

...and he is!

lol I've never heard this, so I can enjoy it. I'm sure after the 100th time though it gets old

i have 3 dad jokes at my home right now

Getting that many happy years is a great accomplishment. I've seen much worse. :D

So have the nurses now, I guess.

it took me 3 sec to get it... nice one!

stay there ... I'll go get the ice for that burn!

I prefer it just put straight in the shopping cart... then i can make a trail of milk for me to find my way back xD

At least he didn't ask you to pull his finger like my dad STILL does!

...ouch

😂😂 I'm gonna use that soon!!

If I told my dad i was hungry, he'd say "oh, nice to meet you hungry, I'm Dad" *rolls eyes so hard i can see brain"

bhahaha

He must be very good at it if he can do it with his eyes closed.

yeah. he answer the question. they didn't ask to talk to her

You deserve it

That's genius

I'd give this five upvotes if I could!

If he called cows "bunnies", then what did he call bunnies?

wise man

I have no shame in admitting i just sat at my desk and made the "Fsh" noise just to see how it sounds without the "i"

anyone else noticed that this guy's name is crispy bacon?

When life gives you limes

I wonder the same thing!

This is my dad!

👍😂👍 I'm using this tomorrow!!!!

I would love to see a video of this!

in this case the baggers are the choosers.

I do this to my kids too. The look they always give me is so funny!

Took me a minute...

whenever the waiter/waitress brings the check my dad always, I mean ALWAYS says, "Oh, its her turn to pay. What do you mean you didn't bring any money?" shoving the check towards me when we go out to eat and then he takes the check sighing and says, "I have to do everything around here."

i can see at the picture you have one too :-)

That was actually told by Bono from U2 in an interview a long time ago.

But what about the people visiting the cemetery? are they dead?

I did that TO my dad and I thought he'd slap me X'D

Mine said , "yeah it's called your eyeball"

Optimist!