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There are very few things in life that feel better than one-upping someone. Not too many of us will admit it, but it feels absolutely amazing when you prove someone wrong, show everyone you're right, and demolish others with well-placed witty comebacks. The best roasts end up on the 'Clever Comebacks' subreddit, a community of nearly 754k members, eagerly combing the corners of the internet for humorous, witty, and razor-sharp comebacks.

When it comes to being witty, there are two general approaches. The first one is firing off an instant quip, taking advantage of the perfect timing. It's a skill that you can develop over time. The second approach is taking a bit more time and carefully honing the perfect response for each situation. That's much easier done on the internet than in real life, but it's also something we can all do, no matter our current skill in cleverly taking others down a peg or two.

London-based British musical stand-up comedian, author, and comedy writer Ariane Sherine highlighted to Bored Panda in a follow-up interview what's most important when it comes to a clever comeback. "I think the most important thing with comebacks is speed. Even if the joke isn't a total zinger, people will be impressed by your quickfire response," she said. Read on for her other insights about how we can all up our comedy game.

You'll find Bored Panda's earlier post about r/clevercomebacks right over here. Be sure to give it a read once you're done enjoying this list and upvoting the comebacks and epic burns that you personally feel deserve calling the fire brigade over.

#1

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

Just Try Not Being Straight For Awhile

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    #2

    You Can Still Breathe Idiot

    You Can Still Breathe Idiot

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    Julie C Rose
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Also, the subject of double masking among people outside healthcare wouldn’t even have come up if Trumpy boy hadn’t been all “RAMPANTLY SPREADING COVID IN THE COMMUNITY IS FREEEEEEEEEEDUMB!!!1!” Signed, Our prime minister doesn’t like covid

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    #3

    It's Already Happening

    It's Already Happening

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    Sum Guy
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Isn't dean browning the guy who said "I'm a black guy and I can say Obama personally did nothing for me"

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    Ariane told us that most stand-up comics have a "repertoire of comebacks" that they often share with others in their profession when it comes to tackling hecklers at shows. "We're not all as fast and talented as it seems! But if we're doing stand-up, our own routines will be original—it's just heckle putdowns that might not be," she said.

    #4

    Hypocritical, Hyperbolic, And Hyper Stupid

    Hypocritical, Hyperbolic, And Hyper Stupid

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    #5

    Room Temperature Iq

    Room Temperature Iq

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    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Someone from the US talking about rights is quite ironic in my opinion. Although I don’t see anywhere that suggests Gary is from the US.

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    Comedian Ariane also opened up about an "awful stand-up show" that left her incredibly embarrassed. However humiliating the situation was, it was also an example of razor-like wit in action. "I started a joke by saying 'I'm single at the moment...' and a guy in the audience yelled, 'I'll shag you!' So I called his bluff and said, 'Come on up here then' and he shot back, 'Nah, I've taken a closer look and I don't fancy you!' Really humiliating and not much fun at all, but possibly quite amusing for the audience."

    #7

    I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

    I Hope This Hasn’t Been Done Before

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    Laura Mende (Human)
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Ok, cool answer for that MF. BUT MUFASA!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 THIS WAS THE DAY MY CHILDHOOD ENDED!!!

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    Ariane added that you gain emotional resilience as a comedian by becoming more experienced and practised at the comebacks. "You don't want to give them the chance to reject you, as I did previously— you've got to get in there first with a funny insult!"

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    #10

    Simple, Yet Effective

    Simple, Yet Effective

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    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What a stupid tautology of a statement ffs. PSA: Feminism isn't attacking men for being men. It's equal right. So tiring to see this nonsense

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    #11

    Illegal Plants

    Illegal Plants

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    Sum Guy
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's why you never use religion to explain something... it often times contradicts itself.

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    #12

    Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

    Philip Brought A Tank In A Knife Fight

    whymynamedoesnotfi Report

    For those of us who have some trouble firing off clever retors, Ariane said that we can always take inspiration from comedians if things don't come naturally to us. "As I say, heckle putdowns are generally shared among comics so there's no code of honour when it comes to using them (but you mustn't nick original stand-up material!)" she said.

    #13

    I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

    I Should Be Allowed To Pick The Oil Company I Die And Kill For!

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    #14

    Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

    Can Anyone Show Martha The Original Constitution ?

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    #15

    Looking For Approval In All The Wrong Places

    Looking For Approval In All The Wrong Places

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    Earlier, I spoke to comedian Ariane about wit, comebacks, and comedic timing. The professional comedian explained to Bored Panda that when it comes to witty comebacks, they can be spontaneous as well as planned out.

    #16

    Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days

    Common Sense Is Really Rare These Days

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    #17

    Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???

    Whatttt !?? No Vegan Options At KFC!???

    FitzRowe Report

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    cybermerlin2000
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    As an amateur astronomer, I found this very informative. I will avoid World of Carpets. Thanks for the heads up

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    #18

    Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid

    Damn... Guess My Opinion Is Invalid

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    A lot depends on the person thinking up the comeback as well as the particular situation they're in. After all, we've all had moments when we fire off a joke that's 10/10 without knowing how it came to us. We've also been in situations where we're in the shower washing our hair, and we suddenly come up with the ideal comeback to something someone said a week ago. Alas! Usually, it's too late to deploy that perfect comeback because it's far, far too late.

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    #20

    Maybe I Am Karen?

    Maybe I Am Karen?

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    #21

    Bill Burr Everybody

    Bill Burr Everybody

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    "I've definitely come up with comebacks that are spontaneous," Ariane shared. For instance, I told my daughter that if she didn't behave, I'd give her inheritance to a donkey sanctuary. She said, 'You wouldn't', and I came back, 'You bet your ass!' But though I hadn't used that comeback before, I clearly had knowledge of the pun and might have used something similar in the past."

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    #24

    Vandalized Pineapple

    Vandalized Pineapple

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    As for finding the line between a regular comeback and one that makes you laugh out loud, according to comedian Ariane, it's clear for everyone to see when the comeback's good and when it falls flat on its face. "It needs to be very fast, well-timed, and take people by surprise as well as being clever, witty, and immediately understandable." When you break it down like that, the art of the comeback becomes even more daunting than it was before.

    Fortunately, our subconscious mind kicks in and takes over from us when we least expect it. (It could do that more often because it's bloody brilliant when it takes charge.) "But that's relatively rare in my experience. I'm sure many other comics are more natural than I am!" Ariane shared that it doesn't happen nearly as often as we'd like.

    #25

    When You Get Shot Down By Facts

    When You Get Shot Down By Facts

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    Grumble O'Pug
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Jim Hoft: thank you for braying your stupidity 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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    #27

    Who’ll Email You When You Block Him More Like This

    Who’ll Email You When You Block Him More Like This

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    Founded back in 2018, the 'Clever Comebacks' subreddit celebrated its third birthday back in January. Since then, it's amassed a huge following that keeps on growing. Since our last post about the community in December 2020, the number of members has grown from 679k to almost 754k.

    Not everyone has the nuanced point of view that witty comebacks can be either impulsive or planned out. According to Rhea Wessel writing for the BBC, witty comebacks can only be made in the moment and timing is vital. Without it, there's no wit and no comeback worth remembering.

    #28

    They Lack Opposable Thumbs

    They Lack Opposable Thumbs

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    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What's with the antivaxxers thinking they are lions, I've seen a few of this. Poor lions, we musn't tar them with such a dumbass brush

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    #29

    Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

    Other People’s Kids Is A Surprisingly Great Form Of Birth Control

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    #30

    This Is Not Your Business There Is A Something To Consider, You And Your Boss Do Illegal Things Every Day

    This Is Not Your Business There Is A Something To Consider, You And Your Boss Do Illegal Things Every Day

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    While we all secretly enjoy a spot of dark humor here and there, there's an advantage to choosing to go for more positive comebacks instead of negative ones. "Often the best retorts are comebacks that are witty, take the higher moral ground, are appropriate and most importantly, positive," Rhea writes on BBC Worklife.

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    Choosing positive comebacks over negative ones is especially important in a work setting which can affect the atmosphere and how employees feel about their jobs. "Positive comments are a far better tool for keeping projects on track while showing your love of linguistic acrobatics. Others will find the humor in them and you may see negative interactions quickly cease," Rhea explains.

    #33

    Totally True

    Totally True

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    #35

    Now That Is Some Comeback!

    Now That Is Some Comeback!

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    Lauren Caswell
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's actually a cute way to turn a self depreciating put down type of thing into a sweet potential date or friend :)

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    #39

    Found On Fb... Personally I Found The Response To Be Quite A Zinger

    Found On Fb... Personally I Found The Response To Be Quite A Zinger

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    #41

    Colorado Didn't Send Their Best Or Brightest

    Colorado Didn't Send Their Best Or Brightest

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    #44

    I Would Prefer "Beeeeees Run Run"

    I Would Prefer "Beeeeees Run Run"

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    #45

    Fascists Calling Others Fascists

    Fascists Calling Others Fascists

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    Grumble O'Pug
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And a slew of chumpanzee twits who grew up on legitimate press suddenly believe in a fraudster like trump. Insane

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    #46

    Savage Comeback

    Savage Comeback

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    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I will add another, largely denies women’s rights for example domestic violence, sexual assault etc.

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    #47

    I Am More Better Than Everyone

    I Am More Better Than Everyone

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    #48

    Kaepernick Has Entered The Chat

    Kaepernick Has Entered The Chat

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    Sum Guy
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The amounts of cults in the US is scary... how else would explain the republican party

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    #49

    Hey Girl, Are You Piñata ?

    Hey Girl, Are You Piñata ?

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    New Prometheus
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Am I missing something? I would be scared after the first message.

    Ivana
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Sounds like she dodged a bullet, the man is clearly a cannibal. Good recovery though.

    Zophra
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The blase reply of ignoring the violent weirdness and correcting for pinata was so cool.... "good effort" - very subtle slam.

    Brendan
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a disturbing pick-up line, but based on their casual communication, it sounds like they're just good friends.

    Jace
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Dude. Bro. "I wanna tie you up, beat you, and eat your insides" is not remotely cute.

    elcee
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the swing and miss. may have been the "I want to tie u up and beat u" part

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    #50

    Vaccinated Politician Tries To Call Out Elitism

    Vaccinated Politician Tries To Call Out Elitism

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    #51

    It’s Easy To Make Ted Cruz Look Like An Idiot With All The Stuff He Does.

    It’s Easy To Make Ted Cruz Look Like An Idiot With All The Stuff He Does.

    FitzRowe Report

    #52

    I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

    I Mean, He's Not Wrong ..

    CeWash Report

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    Roxy Eastland
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In Kensington in London the life expectancy between people that live in the South and people that live in the North is ten years. Ten years.

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    #53

    A Whole Lotta Words!

    A Whole Lotta Words!

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    Kitty Luna Darrow
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    with that logic, men shouldn't wear pants. we'll see a larger curve, if you get my drift XD

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    #54

    Imagine Getting Owned By Your High School Teacher Decades After You Graduate

    Imagine Getting Owned By Your High School Teacher Decades After You Graduate

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    Sum Guy
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    People followed these people because they were the government and they thought they were popular, and when they lost, people left to follow the next government.

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    #55

    Electric Car Owners

    Electric Car Owners

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    IFXO
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i was today years old when I knew this 😳 don't come at me I don't drive I'm only 16

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    #56

    The Perfect Analogy

    The Perfect Analogy

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    #57

    Trump Karen Gets Quoted Scripture

    Trump Karen Gets Quoted Scripture

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    #58

    When Gun Fanatics Accidentally Make Your Point For You.

    When Gun Fanatics Accidentally Make Your Point For You.

    PrettyRichie Report

    #59

    Powerful Clapback

    Powerful Clapback

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    Grumble O'Pug
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    LMAO!!!!!! *slow clap* epic!! “Minor in classics” *giggle*

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    #60

    Getting Owned By Their Own Kids

    Getting Owned By Their Own Kids

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    #64

    Well I Can't Suggest Her Anything (Being Op Sucks)

    Well I Can't Suggest Her Anything (Being Op Sucks)

    estafema42 Report

    #65

    Called Us “F***ers” !!!

    Called Us “F***ers” !!!

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    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I would seriously like to know how Kayleigh sleeps at night after what she has said during Trumps presidency.

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    #66

    Technically Correct, The Best Kind Of Correct, Until Someone Starts Crying

    Technically Correct, The Best Kind Of Correct, Until Someone Starts Crying

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    #67

    How Dare These People Try To Steal The Election With Their Votes!

    How Dare These People Try To Steal The Election With Their Votes!

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    #68

    Misandrist Gets Murdered By An Intellectual!

    Misandrist Gets Murdered By An Intellectual!

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    #69

    Change My Mind, But Without Science

    Change My Mind, But Without Science

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    #70

    One Pay Taxes The Other Doesn't

    One Pay Taxes The Other Doesn't

    reddit.com Report

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    Jo Johannsen
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Protecting the churchgoers, leaving the pervs to fend for themselves?

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    #71

    From A Post About "Censorship" (Because Some Anti-Vaccine Bs Was Removed)

    From A Post About "Censorship" (Because Some Anti-Vaccine Bs Was Removed)

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    Watching
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    So that's the reason Trump kept the Hitler autobiography on his nightstand.

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    #72

    P.h.d. From Google

    P.h.d. From Google

    SlothOwO Report

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    Ozacoter
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    To be fair you can learn a lot about medicine without having a degree. But you need to go to reputable sources, like scientific articles, not quora.

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    #73

    On Decriminalising Drugs

    On Decriminalising Drugs

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    Foxxy (The Original)
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Making drugs legal does not mean there aren’t restrictions. The fact is making illicit drugs legal will actually solve many problems like drug cartels, serious crimes, the high rates of overdose or people taking laced drugs etc. Prohibition doesn’t work but having rules and regulations helps greatly.

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    #78

    I Guess Herc’s Weakness Is Employment

    I Guess Herc’s Weakness Is Employment

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    #81

    A Remarkable Likeness

    A Remarkable Likeness

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    Sum Guy
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For a country that is about "christianity'... they sure have so many idols they worship

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    #82

    I Rather Trust The Scientists

    I Rather Trust The Scientists

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    Ozacoter
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I hate the controversy over the Astra Zeneca vaccine. Birth control pills (that’s a lot of women take and everybody is ok with) have over 100 times more risk of blood clots.

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    #86

    The Use Of Such A Petty Insult Like Dummy Somehow Makes This More Savage???

    The Use Of Such A Petty Insult Like Dummy Somehow Makes This More Savage???

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    #87

    Well Let’s Swap Bank Accounts... Mines “Normally” Negative

    Well Let’s Swap Bank Accounts... Mines “Normally” Negative

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    #89

    So, What Did You Do For Easter?

    So, What Did You Do For Easter?

    RatherRabidRobin Report

    #90

    We Already Do!

    We Already Do!

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    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    We will have flying cars in the future. As soon as we have found ways to let cars drive totally autonomous so shitheads can text and drive or drink and drive without any consequences to some innocent victim.

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    #91

    A Bold Assumption. She's Only A Politician After All...

    A Bold Assumption. She's Only A Politician After All...

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    #93

    Look Who Wants To End A Term Early

    Look Who Wants To End A Term Early

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    WilvanderHeijden
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Just goes to show how bad a president he was if even pro-life wanted to end his term early.

    #94

    Edit: Superior Platform

    Edit: Superior Platform

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    Random Person
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    very nice that twitter is roasting itself like this. I like companies that don't take themselves too seriously 🙃

    #95

    Clever Twitter Exchange

    Clever Twitter Exchange

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    Carol Emory
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Broke men are hurting women's marriage prospects? Wait, did I miss the meeting where women are back tracking on the equality thing? Get your butt off the couch and get a job. Who says men have to bring home the money? They are just as capable of staying home and raising the kid/ being househusbands.....

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