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Have you ever wondered what to say to a person celebrating their birthday? Sure, a simple “Happy birthday!” would do, but hey, it’s a special day, so it’s only fitting to have a special congratulations line. That’s where funny birthday quotes come in. With so many birthday wishes around, you will surely find one that is unique, funny, and touching!
When the day of birth comes, the main topic often is age. Depending on who you are congratulating, these hilarious birthday quotes should touch on aging, the wisdom that comes with it, and rebelliousness, all with a touch of comedy.
Wishing congratulations to someone comes in all shapes and forms, so if you need some funny happy birthday quotes to avoid a ruined birthday and perhaps wish a long-distance friend (or a family member) a happy birthday over social media, these lines will work great as captions too.
So don’t wait any longer and dig into this collection of funny birthday quotes. Vote for your favorites and surprise your celebrating friends or family members with a line or two!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
“Inside every older person is a younger person—wondering what the hell happened.” — Jennifer Yane
#2
“The older you get the better you get, unless you are a banana.“ – Betty White
#3
“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.“ — George Burns
#4
“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.” — Ogden Nash
#5
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” — Robert Frost
#6
“Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.“ — Will Rogers
#7
“If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” — Eubie Blake
#8
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” — Phyllis Diller
#9
“Life really does begin at forty. Up until then, you are just doing research.“ — Carl G. Jung
#10
“You're not forty, you're eighteen with twenty-two years experience.“ – Unknown
#11
“I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.” — Unknown
#12
“The old believe everything; the middle-aged suspect everything; the young know everything.“ — Oscar Wilde
#13
“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” — Sir Norman Wisdom
#14
“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.” — Ogden Nash
#16
“Every year on my birthday, I start a new playlist titled after my current age so I can keep track of my favorite songs of the year as a sort of musical diary because I am a teenage girl.“ — Chris Hardwick
#17
“Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?“ – Bobby Kelton
#18
“Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning.“ — Bob Hope
#19
“Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.” — Herbert Asquith
#20
“Growing old is like being increasingly penalized for a crime you have not committed.“ – Anthony Powell
#21
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
#22
“I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it.” — Eva Gabor
#23
“Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.” — Charles Schultz
#24
“They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older. What they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it very much.” — Malcolm Cowley
#25
“Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen.“ – Jim Gaffigan
#26
“I think all this talk about age is foolish. Every time I’m one year older, everyone else is too.“ — Gloria Swanson
#27
“Please don’t retouch my wrinkles. It took me so long to earn them.“ — Anna Magnani
#28
“Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.” — Dorothy Canfield Fisher
#29
“Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.“
#30
“Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.“ — John Glenn
#31
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.” — Tom Wilson
#32
“To my surprise, my 70s are nicer than my 60s and my 60s than my 50s, and I wouldn’t wish my teens and 20s on my enemies.“ — Lionel Blue
Magnolia Bayou Burke 2 years ago
My 30s are better than my 20s, I hope my 40s are better than my 30s and so on, I wouldn't wish my younger life on anyone.
#33
“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” — Jack Benny
#34
“When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.” — Mark Twain
#35
“We must both, I'm afraid, recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars - more and more repairs and replacements are necessary.“ — C. S. Lewis
#36
“The first hundred years are the hardest.“ — Wilson Mizner
#37
“Don’t regret another birthday, the good news is that you are alive and can celebrate it.” — Catherine Pulsifer
Amanda B Bench 2 years ago
That's been my thought too since turning 40. Glad to be around to keep celebrating them!
#38
“You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’“ — Jerry Seinfeld
Rosemary Probert 2 years ago
The fire brigade advised against putting a candle on your cake for every year, but that was OK as the shop didn't have that many in stock anyway.
#39
“Aging is the worst side effect of birthdays.“
Nicholas Hodsdon 2 years ago
Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live
#40
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” — Golda Meir
#41
“Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” — C.E.M. Joad
Russ Kincade 2 years ago
I heard a woman say "Men are like carpet - if you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them forever!"
#42
“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?“ — Satchel Paige
#43
“Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.” — Dave Barry
Gail Cannon 2 years ago
If you'd just eat more sea urchin gonads, you'd pass the time of wanting to, Dave.... Gail Cannon
#44
“From birth to age eighteen, a girl needs good parents. From eighteen to thirty-five, she needs good looks. From thirty-five to fifty-five, she needs a good personality. From fifty-five on, she needs good cash.“ – Sophie Tucker
#45
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” — Maurice Chevalier
#46
“You’ve heard of the three ages of man: Youth, middle age, and you’re looking wonderful.” — Cardinal Spellman
#47
“When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off.“ – Joan Rivers
#48
“Like many women my age, I am 28 years old.” — Mary Schmich
Chris Harr 2 years ago
Every year my dear friend Marlene celebrated her 29th birthday. She did this until she died somewhere in her mid 90's. Even her own kids didn't know exactly how old she was. 😊
#49
“Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.” — Kin Hubbard
#50
“Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act.“ – Truman Capote
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