Sense of humor is a skill social media proves to have again and again. Some real-life situations shared online are impossible to make up, but in a world full of contrasts and contradictions, we get comedy gold quite often.
Even though during our lifetime we experience a lot of silly situations, not everyone takes them lightheartedly. Luckily this is not the case on the subreddit r/comedyheaven where some of the funniest social media posts can be found. With that in mind, we invite you to look at laughter more seriously. Apart from helping you become more positive, having a good sense of humor is beneficial for your health. No wonder why people say ‘laughter is the best medicine’ - because it is actually true. Besides relieving stress, it improves your immune system and, obviously, your mood.
So, dear Pandas, let's make this year our healthiest yet and let this post be just the beginning of the most joyful and fulfilling 2023. For more laughter medicine, see our previous post here.
This post may include affiliate links.
Not A Bobcat
He wouldn't meow at the cupboard waiting for you to come and open it for a treat...he'd bring the cupboard to you.
Yes, he does indeed have a furrever home and has been with his new family for about a year now: https://www.instagram.com/chonkymrb/?hl=en
Load More Replies...He Loved It
If you are what you eat, and he ate your card, either he was trying to become you or stationery.
If I remember this story correctly, the kid was autistic and loved the books
Pretty sure this little boy is actually Max, the protagonist of Where the Wild Things Are.
This has to be one of my all time favourite author quotes.
One of the reasons this holds importance to Maurice Sendak is because when he was a child, his sister gave him a book called "The Prince & The Pauper", and he loved it so much he tried to eat it.
Love Maurice Sendak so much! Favorite is Outside Over There. This NPR interview with Terry Gross really sealed my appreciation for Sendak's loving and subversive sprit as an artist and person: https://www.npr.org/transcripts/144077273
I bought Where the Wild Things Are for my kids when they were little, many years ago. I wish I knew what happened to that book. It seems to have just disappeared.
Wth Man
LMAO Im laughing so hard, its my first day back and I hate it and here BP makes me laugh
Garfield
Right! Oh, off topic: Did you eat all the camembert??? Don't blame my mum, I know it was you LOL Happy new year to you HR xoxo
Load More Replies...Why would someone even ask him that? I mean, he as as much to do with it as if someone asked the PI I used to work for ~ brilliant man in the field of RNA research, but fuckall to do with the Academy Awards.
I love the character Nermal in Garfield:D the comic strips with him in it are all so funny (some people still think Nermal is female but he isn’t)
It didn't exactly help that on the original Garfield and Friends show, he was voiced by a woman.
Load More Replies...He literally doesn’t make them though, doesn’t he? He only needs to approve them is what I heard
He still does rough sketches and some writing for them.
Load More Replies...My high school psych teach was Jim Davis's college roommate, said he is a great guy
Jim Davis is famous for making Garfield as anodyne as humanly possible: politically un-Doonsbury, philosophically un-Calvin and Hobbs, intellectually un-Far Side. It’s quite possible his opinion on “the slap” was solicited just to hear his non-response.
90 Second Cycle
TikTiokers will do anything in the name of fake internet points
Load More Replies...They should just not put out any signs and let the phones continue to be sanitized into oblivion.
Totally agree but I think they have to put signs so the can't get sued? (I could be wrong)
Load More Replies...That Kids Going Places
Tbf, this is super easy with an echo. Alexa plays a fart then asks if you want to buy the extension. All the kid needs to do is yell yes and there ya go.
Load More Replies...This kid has it all worked out. If his mom didn't cancel the order, he would have bonus fart sounds. In this case, he got to watch his mom call someone to cancel a fart
Here you go: https://www.amazon.com/The-Extreme-Farts-Extension-Pack/dp/B07QSB56HF
Load More Replies...I've always wanted to try the Extreme Farts Extension Pack, but I spend too much time reading Bored Panda...
Man i just dealt with almost the same thing. But I didn't take the time to deal with a $2 charge. We did fix our Alexa settings though.
It could very well be. You can set up your Amazon account to store multiple cards and all you need to do is click on the "Buy Now" button.
Load More Replies...Yummy Star
Reporter: "And what is this new star's name?" Scientist, stoned out of their mind: "C H O R I Z O"
Ricky Pee Pee
...And i woula gotten away with it if it werent for you meddling anti-Ricky-Pee-Pees!
Didn't the police have better things to do than bring in pranking 7th graders?
If it is in a small town with low crime then, yes, the police could literally have nothing better to do. Reminds me of a friend whose middle school takes a trip to to the local jail every year to "show them that actions have consequences" I guess the theory is to nip minor things in the bud before the kids get into more major trouble.
Load More Replies...This made me wheeze so hard my chest hurt and I think I strained a muscle. The power of pumpkin spice is fading...
Please don’t forget your children, Lucy puke, puke, and Billy snot snot
Load More Replies...This tweet was not from Christmas of 2022 because my husband and I read this about a year ago and we have an inside joke about Ricky Pee Pee that we bring up all the time.
Regardless of when it was posted, it’s hilarious 😂
Load More Replies...Democracy Dies In Darkness
Doctor: “But why did you put an eel up your nose?” Hawaiian Monk seal: “Because it fit!”
Load More Replies..."Researchers have managed to successfully remove all of the protruding eels, all from juvenile seals, but are still trying to ascertain why this is happening." Those kids!
Load More Replies...Maybe it's pleasant. I don't want to live in a society that forbids me stuff eels up my nose.
How does a Headless Roach stuff an eel up her nose? Or is it just the principle of the thing?
Load More Replies...This article explains it pretty well: https://www.livescience.com/64249-seal-eel-stuck-nose.html
Load More Replies...I think the seals might need contact lenses. How else do you mistake an eel for a line of coke?
Dude. Howd You Do That?! Im Snorting A Line Right Now!!
Load More Replies...Yes. The seals naturally select the right size eel that will fit into a nostril.
Load More Replies...scientists: hey you guys havent been snorting eels have you? that's not good for you -- seal with eel halfway up nose: they're like slimy little cocaine worms hehe -- scientists: please stop jonathan
Whose Car?
“Cozy one bedroom, tons of light, view of the sky.”
Load More Replies...Damn, no idea what to make of that. For all we know, it could be exactly the kind of thing they'd want there.
I would be staying up all night on Friday to watch for the change-over.
The weirdest part is they're in khakis like they just got home from work.
Oddly Satisfying
xenomorph uses the train .. very good for the environment .. good boy.. girl.. well, good alien.
I was just asking that very question! If you see her, RUN like the f*****g wind!!
Load More Replies..."...so I was born on that ship. I was only a few hours old and they were immediately hostile twords me. I didn't ask to be on that ship. I was scared, they were trying to kill me! It was self-defense...yet I'M THE BAD GUY!!" Anyway, thanks for letting me vent to you buddy.
Solved
For some reason I read “Please don’t kill my wife” in the nickelodeon tune
Nick-Nick-Nick-Nick Nick-Nick-Nick please don’t kill my wiiiiifee 🎶
Load More Replies...Reminds me of when someone asked about the song that says "I'm automatic". They were talking about [I'm] Not An Addict.
Or: Scuse Me While I Kiss This Guy Instead Of Kiss The Sky By Hendrix
Load More Replies...In fairness, it was easy to get confused. He was married to a Kardassian.
I Googled and that is incorrect. Do you think Kenrick Lamar is Kanye West or Lamar Odom? Not really cool.
Load More Replies...The normal human condition, dude, everyone mishears things
Load More Replies...Please Don’t Do It
1st Fart
I worked in a bakery some years ago, and we would have pissed ourselves laughing if we would have got such order
Load More Replies...Oh Im sure she's gonna love having that moment " immortalized " in a Cake....
So what everybody farts, that's how you know your digestive system is working.
I remember that celebrity who got stomach problems for suppressing farts so good for the gf!
The first time I farted in front of my girlfriend she yelled, 'Eeeew! Gross!' and then kicked me in the nuts.
Is she now your ex-girlfriend? And if not then why not
Load More Replies...Nintendo
The ending of what I thought was innocent in my childhood
Load More Replies...I disagree with Nintendo nothing feels better than eating Zara’s tentacles.
Load More Replies...Selfie
rs? INDIA? WTF I live in India. BTW 3000 can't even get u a plane to the other end of the country, much less to Russia, U doofus
"rs" in this case is Rubles not Rupees, but they have close to the same value, 3000 is like 40$
Load More Replies...Crying And Shaking
I can just imagine it now.... *Aldi worker frantically scanning groceries like each can of tomato soup is filled with spiders that might burst at any moment and give them an anti-vaxx speech*
Great! The less amount of time I have to be in public the better.
Load More Replies...I bet this noob tried to pack at the checkout. You fill the shopping trolley as fast as they scan the items and then go and pack at your own pace at the packing bench. Simples, lol.
Is this a British thing? Or a big city thing? I've never seen a "packing bench", but that's a really good idea.
Load More Replies...This is actually because everything they do at the register is timed—this includes how many scans per minute, how many seconds between each transaction, etc.
Thank you for saying this. I can't believe there are people proudly announcing how they enjoy slowing down a cashier. No cashier wants to do that, they have to. They must in order to keep their job. Do this people think it's easy to keep that fast pace? Do they never wonder how exhausting it must be to do that for a whole shift, day after day. If they are so concerned why not outrage at the company who enforces this inhumane requirements in order for a cashier to keep their job instead of directing their outrage at the lowest level employee who has no power to change anything. Only reason I can think of it is because this employees are easy targets.
Load More Replies...and when you're not fast enough as a customer, for example because you hurt your back, they will slow down.
When I worked for Sainsburys, back in the early 1990s, we had to be able to scan 21 items a minute.
Wimp! I hope her next visit she gets a faster Aldi worker who shouts cheerful comments like Terry Crews does when he gets over excited
Snow Globe
I would just like to point out that is a taxidermy mouse. While he's doing lines and thats crazy, someone stuffed a mouse for this project
Boxing
I Dont Get It. Maybe It's Cuz Im Gay ...
Load More Replies...Who Knows : Maybe That Baby Who Bypasses The Clinic Finds A Cure For Cancer
Load More Replies..."The Decision" that sounds like a corny romance movie don't ya think?
Bill Clinton
I know this guy! His name is Norman Summerton. He's a really sweet old man who is HEAVILY into BDSM and refers to himself in third person as "Pig" or "F*ck pig". He has a mistress who has made him tattoo lots of obscene stuff all over his body. He's really in to it!
Thanks for the context! Sounds like he's out there living his best life?
Load More Replies...Norman Summerton! This guy is a freak 😂 but is still a better person than most!
OMGosh!!!....Grandpa!!!! 😱🤣 Mom is going to be so embarrassed....smh
Never saw a bookstore on acid. Didn't even know bookstores do drugs...
I literally ran in to Bill Clinton when I was 16, the security dude almost knocked me out. Bill was cool tho
Cat
That is a quote from Mr. T... Zangeif was a Russian wrestler character in the Street Fighter video game
Load More Replies...Goblin Mode
0 words of encouragement, I notice..........May I suggest activating your own, say, "Defence systems engaged", then kick him in the nuggets?
Id say She should just start humming the Spiderman theme song..... Lets see how long would the guy last in goblin mode lol.
Load More Replies...That's easy. Stop sex with him until he stops "goblin mode". If that doesn't work, offer to geld him with a garlic press.
This is a popular "copypasta" on the internet. Not real.
Load More Replies...There's a simple phrase you can say...it goes like this.."Yep...I'm done." Then get up and leave. Let his Goblin take a cold shower.
Hit him with a spiky ball on a chain, shouting "Anti-Goblin Mode Activated! +10 Mace online!"
not sure if you can stop husband but did it ever occur to this person, (i assume wife but nothing really confirms that) to simply say "don't say that please." My wife NEVER hesitates to let me know when i do ANYTHING, that she disapproves of, no matter now petty it may be...which actually now makes me think this post may not be entirely real.
Mistakes
The trick is to make mistakes when nobody's looking, and best not involving any 74yo man.
Say it with me guys "play stupid games......" I wish the 74 year had been Chuck Norris.
lol my friend showed this to me in the middle of class and i started dying trying to contain my laughs 😂
As a Christian I am taught to extend forgiveness. So...could the old guy swim?
He had two 14 year old girls help him out. It wasn’t a little kick and they filmed it.
Load More Replies...There´s probably a horrible story behind it, but this headline is pure gold
Pigs
It looks small, there is not mushroom 🍄
Load More Replies...I am a waddling land fish with no specific duties
Load More Replies...The Size Of What
How about if you use caution and watch for FALLING BOULDERS instead?!?! All sizes.
Please use the left lane to get around by getting into the right lane.
Boris Cheese
I'm trying to remember if I actually did watch a video about cheese on youtube when I was working from home... 🤔
Well there's a video in Ted Ed explaining the history of Cheese
Load More Replies...But Boris never did any actual work in-person either, unless you count lying as work!
Such a buffoonish twatwaffle. It's as if a minor daemon decided to make mussed-up hair into a drab, flabby, uninterested sex-toy.
It's worse than that. If he spots a camera, or knows that cameras will be at an event he purposefully musses his hair, in an attempt to look like an, "everyman"...because you know those cheeky, chirpy working class types are always ungroomed.
Load More Replies...He's still 'employed' - even though he's no longer Prime Minister or leader of the Tory party he still has his 'job' as Member of Parliament for Uxbridge and South Ruislip. I'm sure he's doing a fabulous job for his constituents... /s
Load More Replies...My work team used this excuse for months - "sorry I didn't answer the phone, I was getting some cheese". We were clearly desperate for entertainment by that point!
Old And Sick
Nah.... you're just seeing him without his man-makeup (beard 'n' stache)!
Did we learn nothing from Chadwick Boseman? Stop judging peoples’ weight, you don’t know what’s going on with them!
If I could give you more than one up vote I would. I still get angry about the "Crack Panther" headlines.
Load More Replies...The first marvel movie I ever cried about was the one he died in. He was my fave superhero as a kid and that movie was so sad 😢
I don't know why your comment was down voted, here's an upvote.
Load More Replies...The chap on the right looks well enough, but are we absolutely sure it's Jr? Asking for a friend 😉
I can't get over how different the noses look...
Load More Replies...How is letting himself go gray and shaving making him look old and sick? I see a guy who looks healthy and has simply made a few changes to his appearance.
Golly. It's as if a celebrity getting older is an anomaly. Not normal. They're supposed to stay young looking forever. No matter what it costs!
Antonio
Antonio looks a bit pricey for $45. Is he house trained? Does he do tricks? Can he cook?
I'd pay $45 for Antonio, but only if he has the Domestic Services option pack already installed.
Blubzzz
So.. it's Nemo in the image? The stripes check out, but I'm slightly confused.
This is the ridiculous kind of thing intelligent people have to do to try to protect critical species because there are so many politicians who are too ignorant to understand that fish and invertebrates aren't the same thing. So, bees have to be called fish because them's the rules per short-sighted legislation.
Basically, the CESA doesn't cover insects, but other categories can be expanded to protect endangered animals for which there is no category. So the fish category was expanded to give legal protections to four endangered bumblebee species, because the fish category can cover invertebrates. Three species of butterfly and a snail are also covered as fish.
It's because while the category is called fish it's really fish and invertebrates made when the distinction wasn't really cared about by law makers.
California ESA only covers “native species or subspecies of a bird, mammal, fish, amphibian, reptile or plant.” This does not include invertebrates. However, CESA also defines a fish as “a wild fish, mollusk, crustacean, invertebrate, amphibian or part, spawn or ovum of any of those animals.” So that includes bees.
The food theorist has a pretty interesting video on this... https://youtu.be/laxYhf-uOs4
I Forgot
He is fucken Al Pacino he needs no excuse for just about anything he does except I am fucken Al Pacino.
Abigail you don't need to wait until then - start now and blame covid
Load More Replies...Al Pacino was born in 1940. He’s earned the right to have no f#%ks left to give.
I will be 81 in October and I forget NOTHING of importance.
Load More Replies...He May Be A Pirate
It's the sequel to Ratatouille, the timeless story of a rat controlled dork. This time, an extraordinary bird with unusual lusts pilots a young man as he takes over the management of a bordello. Bawdy and naughty. It's Pixxx-R's Cockatoos, 2 Between Erotic and a Hard Place. Oh la la. (Not suitable - at all. It's bad animation combining PG-13 semi nudity with dad jokes. It's as erotic as being ridiculed in a public toilet. By your parents. No birds, or Tom Hollands, were injured during production, or even involved. But a half dozen animators were spontaneously castrated by their own bodies. This 'film' may make you celibate. Not connected to Pixar, Disney, Decency, Professionalism, or Artistry.)
I'm ... I'm suddenly thinking of Wally - Bloodnose the Pirate - from The Curse of Monkey Island
Cock
i think the joke is that 'cockpit' was cut off at just the right point to get this.
Load More Replies...But nowadays they call it flight deck! ✈️ Maybe some younger crews felt uneasy in the pit? 🤔
Load More Replies...Yes, in general it's normal for heterosexual couples to share when only one has it, have to let the other one play sometimes.
You just know that the Daily Fail editor spent ages adjusting that headling to that the elipsis landed at exactly that po...
Maggie Simpson
Y'all goofs. The teacher was trying to tell the student what Homer had on his work wall.. "Do it for her."
This makes me so made. I hope this person is first of all getting care, secondly reporting that professor, and thirdly knows they can speak to their school about "special accomadstions" schools make for mental health issues. These made my child's college life much easier. She had several panic attacks her 1st year. Second year she got accommodations that changed her entire world. She was allowed extra time for exams, and if she wanted she could also take.tests in a separate room in a quiet location. She rarely even used them, but something about knowing she could made college life a lot easier for her.
Think the insinuation is that the student is being a baby for missing class. If the student let the prof know why they were missing it beforehand, then it's an indication of how the prof feels about 'panic attack' as an excuse for missing class.
Load More Replies...Sad
Just one more good reason not to have a bunch of annoying friends. Bunch of dang virus factories.
Well..... I havnt had it ( yet ) and all i can say is.... Dude might be on to something lol.
Sausage
Barry, 34, Bites Customer, Asked To Leave
This literally applies to every animal with teeth. And some without. In my life I have been bitten by cat, dog, parrot, cockatiel, chicken, lizard, ostrich, horse, snake (non-venomous), rat, mouse, probably others I'm forgetting. And I get along great with animals, am just around them a lot. If it is for a little kid just get them something with teeth that won't do much damage.
Joy
What do they mean fell? Like it was placed there by the chef or a bird got into it.....I know this sounds stupid but my brain isn't quite there yet
Jokes aside, I don't think I could eat this 😳 it very well may be delicious. I just can't get past the green unfortunately
Wow! Look at the E-numbers in that! Looks a similar colour to the tinned Mushy Peas we have in the UK, ugh.
Blueberry
Is this a questionnaire the winners of Willie Wonka's golden tickets had to fill out before entering the chocolate factory?
Keep in mind that TWENTY NINE PEOPLE GOT EXCITED. "Oh nice I am now relative to a fruit"
I guess if I kept them away from pie crusts and pancake batter we could make it work.
Brea
Guys, look at this measuring unit I found in a normal stack of bananas: 78E14DB0-3...5-jpeg.jpg
The problem you made is that those bananas aren't nearly ripe enough for banana bread.
The start of a long list of crimes this person committed
Load More Replies...Global Warming
'The Queen's Guard has a protocol for everything, including how to faint. They are told to "faint to attention." In other words, the Queen's Guard is expected to faint face forward while holding on to their rifles — a full face plant; no going down on one knee, or falling backwards. One Major noted that fainting to attention "will probably involve a broken nose and a whole lot of missing teeth." Nevertheless, this is seen as an honourable way to pass out.' My Step Brother was in the Queen's guards back in the day and he verified this. Read More: https://www.grunge.com/1010477/fainting-among-the-queens-guard-is-more-common-than-you-think/
Ah, those summer days when it's so hot you can cook a beefeater on the sidewalk
Not a beefeater. Beefeater's actual title is Yeoman Warder. Beefeaters are selected from applicants who have served more than 25yrs in anyone of 3 branches of the British Military whereas King's (queen's) guard is a regiment of ordinary soldiers.
Load More Replies...You do know that they're serving soldiers not tourist attractions. Standing guard to protect the Queen (now King) is not inhumane. They signed on the dotted line and took their shilling
Load More Replies...Heat rises. He's following the tried-and-true "Hug the crown, cool down".
If he was laying upright he could beat the meat. Dumbass. Oh wait....
Non-Sexually
So when it's someone's birthday, and everyone says "Surprise" ... does the party need to know it's non-sexual?
this implies that this alligator has been surprised sexually by a human and is tired of it.
I'm actually going to ignore the non-sexually part, I feel as if that has enough attention. I'm more concerned about WHY would you surprise an alligator at all?!
Crawfish
Ye
Probably why he shortened his name to Ye as he couldn't read anything longer ;)
Soon it will be just Y, pronounced why.
Load More Replies...If he wasn't rich, he would have been held on a psych eval by now. He needs help badly.
Unfortunately it’s so hard for regular people to get help for an unwilling partner or loved one. The same thing happened to my partner and I begged the hospitals, cops and courts to help me and they wouldn’t / couldn’t. It turned violent and I had to flee eventually.
Load More Replies...Why do I have a sudden urge to fill a potato gun with Brussels spouts and aim it at him?
Why do brussel sprouts get so much hate? If they're done right, they're freaking delicious!
Careful Park-Goers
"Have a magical day sir/mam!" tenor.gif
This gif was little bit grafical (cartoon) gif though..... (Edit, so I pressed edit to get rid of the preview).
Again, I really need more info... Especially before going to Disney Land.
“Although we want every Disney quest to have fun, our number one priority is safety. Because of this, Aladdin will never under any circumstances kill a park quest, unless it is absolutely necessary to save the lives of a greater number of park quests. This is referred to as ‘Aladdin’s exception’”. There you go mate.
Load More Replies...4 Nightmares, 4 Farts
Sorry, that was me. Also you pushed all the stuff off the table last night. (Not my fault, the body was faulty.)
Load More Replies...Bro I downloaded it last night after seeing this post. I f*****g barked in my sleep. Like a little puppy bark. I work at a doggy daycare
Back
*Runs down people saying that the holocaust was faked*
Load More Replies...There are actually several follow-up lines he could write that would fit awesomely, but sound too flippant for the subject matter.
Somewhat better than Justin Bieber's unforgettable comment in the Anne Frank House guestbook.
Which was? Edit: I googled it. I think he hoped in vain.
Load More Replies...He's Here For A Vasectomy
I don't see any legs. Is it really a person or a sculpture? (Or does the costume allow for a cross-legged position?)
It's an art work by Dutch artist Margriet van Breevoort, the statue is called Homunculus Loxodontus.
Load More Replies...Meatloaf
Well, to be fair new borns do look like meatloaf at the very beginning
Both of mine looked like tiny, freshly hatched velociraptors. Made the same sounds too 😂
Load More Replies...Jesus joke aside, is COLD meatloaf so common there they feel the need to specify it is hot?
Nose Knob
"K**b" censored? Come on Bored Panda! Edit: that's actually censored... Did it have a meaning I don't know? Re-edit: Found it Really didn't know that. Lol!
I think it's british slang for the few inches of male flesh that are not to be named :-D
Load More Replies...K**B OF BUTTER DOOR K**B K**B IS NOT A NAUGHTY WORD KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!!
Ernesto
the text under her, according to google translate, says "tomato foam"???
Aligator Jail
Ahh this makes way more sense when surprising an alligator non-sexually.
This as well has to be approached non-sexually... puts the previous post in context..
Related to the diver surprising the alligator "non-sexually"?
Farts On Dog
I don't know why but this cracked me up! I had tears I laughed so much. I need to get out more....
Concerns
Só far not a problem, as long as he doesn't get any red Ballons.....
In many parts of the UK, peeps paint rude images around them hoping enough numbers of peeps will complain to their councils and possibly fill them. Most Councils, currently, don't have the funds to repair since the current Govt cut their budgets to the bone, so potholes are a common sight, sadly.
Right In The Penis
I believe you're looking at a sweet jean jacket
Load More Replies...Who wouldn’t want their boy bits smelling like Heavenly Wind or Citrus Breeze? 😄
Me too! I have both the black one and the white one! They work great but they're very noisy
Load More Replies...Quit complaining - some people have to pay for that kind of attention
New challenge - accepted. My junk will smell wonderful. Wife will get sprayed in the face, face will smell wonderful. /jk
Fun
When you realized Spock was inspired by the (old-school) British.
Also, usually the mat is used long-ways so you don't have to hold your feet up, you just put them on the mat. Having been on several of these type of slides here in England, I can say that with some authority, though I am not Royal.
Seemingly
This is the kind of stuff that drives me nuts. And I'd blame it on a younger tiktok culture but this guy looks my age. What a pointless waste of time and money. I hate this kind of 'quirkiness'.
Scary
I swear I’ve seen a ‘Roachless Head’ user on BP sometime before… :D but I think the account might be inactive already
Load More Replies...She is a ghost. And she doomed to wander the earth until she finds her sunglasses.
She should check the fitting room at Burlington. That's where I left mine.
Load More Replies...Do people really not know about composite photography? I would have thought with all kinds of artifacts showing up in people's badly made smartphone panoramas, they'd know.
Achoo
That is a post-party hangover vomit comet. Married to a Marine: I've seen these before.
Hot And Bothered
Collection
Me most of all. I fell in love romantically with an NPC from animal crossing and made friends with a bubble from a bubble bath.
Load More Replies...Those are some tiny mosquitoes... the ones at my house are significantly larger than that
I need to know how the ranking was decided ... it seems unfair to the 4th mosquito😕
He Came In For A Check Up
Well she obviously won't have enough teeth for that to be enacted
Load More Replies...From the looks of her, if she also had pulled all of her own teeth out that would've made it 14.
Tooth Fairy pulled 13 and the patient did not notice? How?
Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth? What! No?
Comedyheaven
Ore-Oh
The right wing has always opposed black and white being in close proximity.
However, they do try running "Oreo" candidates.
Load More Replies...Narrative
NGL, if I'm surrounded by leopards while naked I'm gonna hold my penis too. You know how cats are with dangly things.
Interesting response.....said the leopards. They then ate everything else.
Kombat
If we could just get the guy who says "flawless victory" on 3way to congratulate him.
Baby Shark Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo
No matter how many times I’ve heard Baby Shark, I still can never remember the melody / beat when I see it typed out. I haven’t heard it that many times but still, it’s not as catchy to me as people say it is.
After watching "Stadium Fluffy" that song will just never be the same lol
Baby Shark Karl: "Baby shark, doo doo doo doOH GOD! KEITH JUST ATE MY SPL---" Baby Shark Keith: "That's what you get for singing that song!"
Lightyear Gay
I didn't know Lightyear came out the closet ... I must have missed it.
https://www.wikihow.com/Relationships/Am-I-Gay-Quiz is a good one that is accurate (not extremely accurate, but still)
Forklift
The trouble is, his employer sells paper products. Now the warehouse is short one forklift.
"I’d like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks. It’d be so damn literal! You are using that machine to it’s exact purpose!" -- Mitch Hedberg
Its Hank Hill, if he worked with forklifts & forklift accessories!
How hard of a sell is it? Don't people buy these things because they need them? Seems like business would come to you.
Fork lifts are crazy expensive, and when people buy something that's such a big investment, they probably talk to multiple brands. So convincing them to buy from your company and not from a competitor, is probably a huge success.
Load More Replies...Kid Rock
That doesn't sound the least bit annoying. I hear instead of arguing they rap battle.
Haha, that would be awesome. Channeling your anger into rapping could be cathartic. In my case we'd probably end up laughing at how ridiculously bad I would be at rapping, which would certainly light the mood.
Load More Replies...Mince Lady
It's so hard to meat women these days. (Thanks to those losers complaining I'm "misusing" LinkedIn.)
Wait it says “Mince Man” on the card but “Mince Lady” on the other thing?
You buffoon. You jackanape. You absolute gobshite. That's Link. How dare you.
Legs
I swear he just bought Second Life. That, or an old version of The Sims. It looks so horrible :/
META ISNT REAL! Meta has legs Legs backwards is Sgel S the G government E is L watching
Since there are better looking apps with groups on the Quest they have no excuse to have Meya look this bad.
Butter
Is no one else concerned that there is a sippy straw in a cup labeled butter???
Inspired By Your Shopping Interests
Welp, here we go again... Everything is a _____ if you're _____ enough.
He is from Star Wars! His name is Klaud and he is a technician in the resistance.
Hot Dog
this sub exists and seems to be doing ok.... I saw something traumatic on it though
Brain Damage
Yup, got the whole collection. Turns out the paint held up so well because it's full of lead and cadmium. This may be an urban legend, but...
Not an urban legend I'm afraid, they've done tests on the paint.
Load More Replies...On the plus side, every morning the cartoon seems a little bit funnier
I have two of those mugs! So that's why... and here I thought I must have been dropped on the head as a baby!
it's a lie! you do not have to worry about lead in vintage glassware and china. Just don't microwave vintage stuff or put it in the dishwasher b/c it's bad for it.
No, there’s something in the paint. Also, I love Garfield comics…
Load More Replies...Macarena
What was I supposed to do? He was out of town, and his two friends were sooooo fiiiinnneee!
Fart
Definitely An Osha Issue
This Is Amazing
Pickle
Shirkin’ his workin’ for lurkin’ with a gerkhin.
Load More Replies...Why wouldn't you, except that you're wasting pickles?
Load More Replies...I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and guess you're not employed by a think tank, huh?
And In The Darkness, Bind Them
Day one hundred, and thirty-four. I am assimilating well among the humans. They have lovingly, admiringly referred to me as a disembodied tower of all consuming evil. I believe humans call this, "friendship".
I’m pretty sure comparing someone to Sauron is a compliment. I assume Mark Zuckerberg is joking?
Bidinflation
Meanwhile, Ben Shapiro probably can't even balance his checking account.
It looks like he found one of the Golden Tickets and couldn't control himself
If that was Trump it would say: more full of s**t than a president with no a*****e.
Pikachu
That's not a female, though - they have the heart tails lol
Load More Replies...#hefarted
If that's the test I'm happy to report there'll be no surgery for me!
Amazing
Drake was supposed to give only one toilet bowl, but DJ Khaled said "another one"
I forgot what i was doing and clicked the play button(multiple times)💀
History Of Coca Cola
There's a video of him being interviewed by 2 sixth formers. One asks him ' do you prefer coke or pepsi?' Rishi replies 'I'm a total coke addict' he does correct himself, but talks way way too long about coke. It was on a lot of shows in the UK last year.
Seen an interview between him and some kids. He's obsessed with Coca Cola. He did say coke initially and had to correct himself. Still, tiny wee Tory tool.
More Info
(Left)
🎶 like stUuUuuUrgeon with your heartbeat next to mine 🎵
Load More Replies...Just think: That fish is old enough to remember when anyone WANTED to live in Detroit!
wow im so glad that they specified that the fish was on the left 😭 i was really confused
Liminal Space
Owls
Urinate
With yellow liquid burning and streaming down Robert’s leg, he wondered if he was going to live through the event. Sadly for him, it wasn’t looking too good. With all his strength, he managed to mutter out the words: “Thanks Christian.” And soon, the Dark Knight fell on to the ground in a puddle of unidentifiable yellow warm liquid.
Push UPS
It would've been extremely awkward if he was doing this on top of her casket.
Should I mention that this picture isn’t actually of the funeral? No? Ok, I won’t mention it.
That’s cool she had a fitness trainer at her age. Was this maybe a tribute or something to her or was he just being a classic macho dude?
Trololololed
Children
Context: In the game, child NPCs can't "die". Some players figured out that if you keep slashing one of these children with lightsaber attacks, they can be used as kind of "stepping stones" to easily traverse long distances.
Ah yes. Fast travel via war crimes. Anyone shocked? No?
Load More Replies...Ouchie Mouth Hurt
Well, there's different levels of spicy, and there is no universal agreement about when to say something is spicy, really spicy, super spicy, ridiculously spicy, murder attempt spicy, etc. Some restaurants use the word spicy for quite mild meals, others use the word spicy for stomach-burning spicy, so it's not weird to say a spicy meal was spicier than you expected.
To be fair - I LOVE spicy food, I put hot sauce on everything I eat, I even have a chili pepper tattoo behind my ear. But I’ve noticed my taste buds are getting wimpier as I get older 😅 tried to order something spicy at Wagamama’s (my fave) in the UK and ended up in the bathroom bawling and scraping my tongue with toilet paper. Giving Pusha T the benefit of the doubt here.
Black Coin
The stomach acids have oxidized the zinc metal content of the coin: My Fiancée (Scientist)
Urine Sample
Mankind Will Die.. iPhone 7
True Love
Yahoo News
Rice is great when you're hungry and want two thousand of something. -- MH
I remember when I heard it for the first time and burst out laughing. He was so awesome.
Load More Replies...Wild Food
I had a very hippie grassroots van-life roommate once on far northern Vancouver Island - she used to go out and forage wild kale, dandelion greens and dandelion blossoms, clover blossoms, and a handful of other wild greens and lettuces, juicy sweet sea asparagus, and then make us an amazing salad with a vinaigrette made with crushed huckleberries/salmon berries and oil and balsamic vinegar. Occasionally feta or sunflower seeds added. It was SO good. The clover blossoms were my favourite, so sweet and perfect texture.
Load More Replies...hmmm ... he's a neighbor I'm not coming to his house for dinner ... found this animal on the side of the road ... yum
I thought you were still talking about the hypothetical neighbor in that last part...
Load More Replies...Foraged here means they really just pulled all the weeds from lawns around the neighborhood.
Do you think capitalists aren't aware that food comes from the ground? Just because people don't go farming themselves doesn't mean they aren't aware of it. I don't understand these kinds of flexes. You aren't helping anything by disturbing the small vegetation in the area you plucked these from unless you replanted what you took or picked in it a way it would grow back. There was no less waste being thrown away at the grocery store because you did this and there wouldn't be if another 200 people did so. In fact, you may have disturbed the species living near and using this foliage and/or could cause other plants/bugs to die because you disturbed the area. So... relax. If you really want to make a difference, stop buying more than you need. Food waste is a bigger problem and can be controlled by 1, not over farming in order to fill shelves to make things look more appealing and 2, not buying more than you will actually use.
What’s Brackin
I don't think I can make that sign ... I'm going to have to practice
Be careful, you might accidentally summon a demon when trying this.
Load More Replies...Brackin is how Blood gang members say “crackin” because they don’t start words with the letter C since Crips are their rivals. “What’s crackin / what’s brackin” just means “what’s up?” I’m not sure what the gang sign is, some Blood s**t probably.
Load More Replies...Mister Prezzy
They're probably in the same place you're hiding more classified documents. 🧐
can't believe he is now a self admitted sexual predator and people are still supporting him....conservatives have just lost it.
Top 4 Fish
*fish shatters into a million pieces” OPA!!!!
Load More Replies...Never heard of #2, but Opah Swimfree is now my favorite fishtalkshow host.
That is the wisest way to say happy holidays from far away
Load More Replies...Shoes
Hey, it's Monk! It makes so much sense that he cleaned his shoes.
Who likes this?? For a lot of people English isn't their first language and maybe they will learn something from this.
English isn't my first language but I learned in school that if an event or action took place in the past and reaches into the present or has a result in the present than you have to use the Perfect tense. Us immigrants aren't the ones who need the above image - it's your average American and his/her sub-par knowledge of English grammar who need to print out the image above and hang it above their beds.
Load More Replies...Phone
Giving out all the NESSassary information, I see. (I apologize, I’ve always been given the “ness” puns but never been able to give them back!)
Checkmate
You put one at each end of the vestry, so the choir boys can't escape
Thank You
Book Are Dino Mite!
Never Forget
Tomatoes and cucumbers are fruits, not vegetables!
Load More Replies...Where the heck do you get that "thought" from?
Load More Replies...
