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An uneventful flight is usually a good one. All smooth sailing and aplomb. However, although you might be happy to get bored when things are going well during your journey, sometimes you yearn for something more. Something that would make you laugh and spice up the dull voyage. The pilots and crew know this, and sometimes, when the stars align, you get to hear funny airline announcements, which, at the very least, will make you snicker. We’ve gathered some of these funny airline pilot announcements for our list, and now you’ll be the judge of which ones of them are the funniest!
As far as funny announcements during a flight go, they can be literally about anything. Think about an amped-up flight attendant safety dance, a notion on the quality of refreshments, or an absurd prediction for the smoothness of an upcoming landing. So, although a pilot jokes about Godzilla meeting you at the airport, you know it (sadly? luckily?) won’t be true, hence the absurd. You know, once the crew begins with these jokes, it seems the funny announcements to make will never run out for them. But, as we said before - if all the stars align.
Another thing to do with these airline jokes is to learn some of them - that way, you’ll have loads of funny things to say to your compadres if you’re ever stuck on the most boring flight of your life. Although, boring flights are what we wish for you! Anyway, check out the submissions, give your votes to the most amusing ones, and share this article with your friends!
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#1
“Hi, I’m Captain Amanda Smith. Yes, I’m a female pilot and as a benefit, if we get lost on the way I won’t be afraid to stop and ask for directions.”
Carole Glawe 2 years ago
Friend was flight attendant and had a passenger asked why they stopped.Without missing a beat he said, we are at a stop light
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#2
“Please remain seated until the plane is parked at the gate. At no time in history has a passenger beaten a plane to the gate. So please don’t even try.”
#3
Pilot as the cabin lights are dimmed: “The lights are dim and you all are getting sleepy, very, very sleepy. You don’t need any assistance from your cabin crew. Sleep now. Zzzzzz.”
#4
“I’ve just been informed that my mother-in-law has just passed security and will be shortly boarding this flight using one of my crew passes. If you all sit down fast, we should be able to get out of here before she arrives.”
Headless Roach 2 years ago
When you read this - don't make a pause between "passed" and "security". It makes it sound weird.
#5
"In case of an emergency landing, air masks will drop from the overhead compartments. Place the mask over your nose and mouth and adjust the straps on either side to secure it. If you are traveling with a small child, secure your mask first then assist them with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one child, decide which one has the most potential and assist that one first."
#6
“Please make sure you take all your belonging with you. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please don’t leave children or spouses.”
IThinkIShouldNotBeTrusted 2 years ago
Funny story, my mom left me on a plane once and it was a whole thing w/ the flight attendants. I got candy tho
#7
After a heavy landing the pilot announced, “As you may already know, we have hit our destination.”
#8
"Now ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to share some words with you all that my father shared with me on my eighteenth birthday: Pack your bags and get out."
#9
After a plane taxied for a long time: “If you look to your right that was the terminal we left an hour ago. I hope you enjoyed your tour of the airport. We should be leaving shortly.”
#10
As the plane is taxiing to the gate the pilot announces, “We are currently recruiting people to clean the aircraft. If you wish to volunteer then please stand before we have come to a stop.”
#11
“That was a rough one. Since you all survived we expect you to keep all those promises you just made.”
#12
"Folks we will be arriving early today because we found a shortcut."
𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖟𝖊𝖗 2 years ago
Umm folks the shortcut is through south korea. Please keep your seat belts buckled.
#13
“For those of you wondering about the weather at our destination, Honolulu is reporting sunny skies and temperatures of 86 degrees. Unfortunately, our destination is Nome Alaska which is reporting 27 degrees below zero and blowing snow.”
#14
"Pilot: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have a special announcement to make. Ben, my co-pilot, has just gone to use the in-flight potty for the first time in his flying career. When he comes out, please give him a round of applause!""
GingerPanda 2 years ago
Is this a case of being really good at planning potty breaks, holding it or is he a new pilot? 🤔
#15
“We’ll be landing as soon as we get closer to the ground.”
#16
"Welcome to Orlando. The safest part of your journey is now over."
#17
“When exiting the plane please watch out for the low overhead door. If you forget, please watch your language.”
#18
“Please refrain from smoking until you reach a designated smoking area, which, for California, is Las Vegas.”
#19
"Most of you already have your seatbelt fastened. Now we will demonstrate how you did that."
#20
“As we taxi out we’d like those passengers sat on the right side of the aircraft to press their faces against the window. We’d like to remind those other airlines what a full plane looks like.”
#21
“We are now going to dim the lights for take off. If you are scared of the dark or that the Bogey Man will get you, don’t worry, he only flies with American Airlines.”
#22
“This aircraft is equipped to land on water… Once.”
#23
After a bumpy landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
#24
“Welcome aboard Southwest Flight 245 to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”
#25
“Please notice that we are 10 minutes early. So the next time we are 2-3 hours late we’ll just call it even.”
#26
"America West (Operated by Mesa): "In the event of an emergency landing, lights on the floor will illuminate to guide you to the exit. Or you could just follow me because there's no way any of you are beating me off this plane.""
#27
Co-pilot: "Give it up for your pilot, at the end of this flight he will have logged 40 hours without sleep just to get you all to your destination."
Pilot: "Don't worry folks, I got some sleep in the air."
#28
“Position your seat belt tight, low and across your hips, like my grandmother wears her support bra.”
#29
“Hello and welcome to Alaska flight 438 to San Francisco. If you’re going to San Francisco, you’re in the right place. If you’re not going to San Francisco, you’re about to have a really long evening.”
#30
In reference to oxygen masks: “Please help yourself before helping small children or politicians.”
#31
"Welcome to San Francisco, we hope you had a good flight and thank you for flying southwest - if you didn't, my name is Bob and this is united"
#32
"You love us, we love you, we are better than Jet Blue, with no surcharge and no bag fee marry one of us and you'll fly freeeeee."
#33
“We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight.”
#34
“My colleague on my right-hand side, his name is Steve Moore… He’s had a long and distinguished career with the Royal Air Force, spanning some decade or more, but luckily for us, he got rather bored of being a chef and has decided to take up flying.”
#35
“In a short time, we will serve refreshments. Please remember that we are in the airline business, not the food business.”
#36
“For those of you traveling with your children – why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking?”
Paulo Freitas 2 years ago (edited)
I'v seen an flight attendant say this, the dude was giving that safety " speach " and then Said this, made the entire " plane " laugh.
#37
“If you need an additional reading light, just push the button above your head with the lightbulb on it. That’ll turn the light on. However, if you push the button above your head with the flight attendant on it, it does not turn us on.”
#38
“Please return your seats to their upright and most uncomfortable position.”
#39
“Prior to takeoff, the flight attendants will be walking up and down the aisle to make sure all of you have matching socks.”
#40
"Last one off the plane has to clean it!"
What do you think ?
Jenny Barnes 1 year ago
Flying to Las Vegas, my pilot said, “… and remember, folks, this is a non-smoking flight. If you feel the need to smoke; feel free to step out on the wing where the inflight movie is Gone with the Wind.”
Cyber Returns 1 year ago
From when I went parachuting: (While flying and the red light has come on) Ladies and Gentlemen, we have arrived at your destination, not ours. Please mind the step as it is a bit of a doozy, and we will race you to the ground. Thank you for flying Is That The Ground airways and remember, no one has complained about our failed parachutes. My uncle on a holiday flight heard the pilot say: OK, this flight is slightly overbooked, so we are going to ask the passengers to undo their seat belts and just as we are about to take off, jump as high as possible repeatedly until we reach our desired altitude. Getting back down will be faster
RedPanda 1 year ago
“You don’t need a parachute to go parachuting. You need a parachute to go parachuting twice.”
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Jenny Barnes 1 year ago
Flying to Las Vegas, my pilot said, “… and remember, folks, this is a non-smoking flight. If you feel the need to smoke; feel free to step out on the wing where the inflight movie is Gone with the Wind.”
Cyber Returns 1 year ago
From when I went parachuting: (While flying and the red light has come on) Ladies and Gentlemen, we have arrived at your destination, not ours. Please mind the step as it is a bit of a doozy, and we will race you to the ground. Thank you for flying Is That The Ground airways and remember, no one has complained about our failed parachutes. My uncle on a holiday flight heard the pilot say: OK, this flight is slightly overbooked, so we are going to ask the passengers to undo their seat belts and just as we are about to take off, jump as high as possible repeatedly until we reach our desired altitude. Getting back down will be faster
RedPanda 1 year ago
“You don’t need a parachute to go parachuting. You need a parachute to go parachuting twice.”
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