How am I jealous of a post?

Shut up and take my money!

That uncle has a strange name, Anxiety Disorder. Bet he was not so popular.

Him: Guess where we're going to eat. Me: Paris?

That's wholesome!

Double Bonus! You get to feel virtuous twice…first when you save food, then later when you clean up the fridge.

B******t. I was born in 1962 and my mother taught me everything home-ec. I can cook. I can bake. I can properly wrap a gift. I know how to dust and sweep and vacuum and clean. And it's all because my mother taught me that stuff. And my mother wasn't a "weirdo" for the time.

Truly one of the best TEDs I've seen.

But don't say out loud "I'm glad YOU'RE happy"

Rudolph is a male name and is referred to as male. Rudolph is biologically female but presents as male. Rudolph is transgendeer.

As someone who has lost a brother to suicide ..this is an awesome message

Mmm. Bed. Blankets and pillow cocoons. The best! *stupid bladder ruining it…* 😒

This is the truest story I've ever read

Then they throw salt in the wound with the "When I was your age" speech.

And that's with december being almost over

In a minute…

The moms on the bus go zzz zzz zzz

Ant there's no laundry to do? None? Sure?

oh my gosh! True crime fascinations is a mom thing? I thought it was just my mom! that's interesting! I'm personally too much a scaredy cat for true crime.

Does it serve wine?

Don't forget the wine!

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY 💰 🤑 💸 💲 🪙

What is it about true crime that is so calming? When I've got a bad day, I can watch a documentary about some serial killer killing all his wives in horrific ways, and then go right to sleep next to my husband. Put on anything with jump scares, even obvious ones, and I won't sleep for hours. Is this the same for everyone?!

But thanks to Pavlov, we just end up conditioned to fall asleep while taking our kids everywhere.

Cool except for the true crime thing. Not a fan of that, though soothing music or rain/ocean sounds would be nice for me.

The OP is my new hero

I love it!

Yes!!! Omg I love this idea!

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I guess she was to tired to use punctuation.

She already came back an hour later AND bought donuts and iced coffee? She didn't use the time very well to take care of herself. I would have sent my wife away again. (Once we would have eaten the donuts.

I don't think her apologizing for sitting in her seat has anything to do with her being an introvert... I am one and just would put on my headphones and watch a movie in peace. I cannot imagine what I would have to apologize for.

He has learned the impossible. He is the master.

Leonardo painted the Mona Lisa for 4 years, you're good.

❤️

Who has time for that s**t? Chuck em all in, and whichever gets stained are too weak to be a part of your wardrobe. Done and dusted.

I have said so many sentences I never knew I would need to say but the amount of times I’ve had to say “Dont lick that” is astounding. Most common is don’t lick the floor (typically in public), but other family favorites are don’t lick the slide at the playground, the bottom of so and so’s shoe, the door handle, the edge of the restaurant table, my toes… no idea why my son got sick so often as a toddler.

Oh, can you put the bins out to the curb while you're there?

F**k yes, i can vouch for this. I have been doing this for the last 5 years.

I listened to 20 years of complaints about how bad I snore. Boyfriend even made me use my CPAP machine to help with my sleep apnea because I snore so badly. HIS snoring and sleep apnea is 10 times worse than mine, but he won’t use a CPAP, see a doctor about it, or do anything about it. I have to sleep on the literal opposite end of the house from him. And he says he “misses me” at night. Sorry, buddy, I like to actually be able to sleep!

I need a half and half basket

This is funny....but you'll never catch me referring to my wife as "the wife"

Yup. Literally every important place has “call dad first” because he’s the one who will pick up the phone. Email? Me, I got that covered.

I was going to say me too only to realize I won't be buried!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

That's hurtful. I am an adult and even I agree to put shoes on. I am in bed.

My lovely wife has done this to me and has had a conversation in her head, to the point were she is unhappy with my response, before I've even been made aware of the "conversation". I'm like, "but, I, what, who, how, why,.......I'm sorry". It is quite funny but also a little scary.

The doctor said I needed to consume more greens. Creme de menthe is green. For all I know, so is whatever is in this little green bottle.

Sometimes we all just need to vent about our partner. Get the petty annoyances out before they fester and turn into something bad

That excuse blows

Ummm, I, ummm, got a question. What are muumuus in this case? Sincerely, a german

Better love story than Twilight

Word.