How am I jealous of a post?

Shut up and take my money!

That uncle has a strange name, Anxiety Disorder. Bet he was not so popular.

Him: Guess where we're going to eat. Me: Paris?

That's wholesome!

Double Bonus! You get to feel virtuous twice…first when you save food, then later when you clean up the fridge.

B******t. I was born in 1962 and my mother taught me everything home-ec. I can cook. I can bake. I can properly wrap a gift. I know how to dust and sweep and vacuum and clean. And it's all because my mother taught me that stuff. And my mother wasn't a "weirdo" for the time.

Truly one of the best TEDs I've seen.

P.S. you have not taken out the trash until you collect the bits and pieces around the house and put those out too!.

And here I thought I had to bring the garbage flowers and go to a nice restaurant to take it out...

Batwench

Batwench

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It would seem there are many ‘half a job Bobs’ out there are well as in my house.

Can someone please show my wife where the bins actually are as I'm almost certain she has no idea and probably thinks bin fairies come every Monday night and magically transport them to the main road using magical fairy dust 😔

I used to feel this way too until I realized “my man took the garbage out; please so I can do is put a bag in.”

I am in total agreement but if I don’t put the liner in before walking out the trash it will be wiped from my memory as out of sight and therefore nonexistent.

I hate when I go to throw some garbage and the bin doesnt have a bag in it. Its something so simple but the one who takes out the garbage needs to finish their job and doesn't. Me:NOT DOING IT!

I have one son who has absolutely failed Trash 101. Still can not manage it.

This needs to be posted everywhere in my house!!!

One of the simplest chores that creates the most conflict in a marriage, and a family.

🤣

I had to wind up about 20 feet of tp today because the kids couldn't be bothered to put it on the holder and it just got kicked around the room. If I knew for sure which one did it I would have had them roll it and clean the rest of the room to boot.

I feel personally attacked xD

I keep the replacement bags under the trash bag. Best life hack.

Tell this to my brother 🙄

You do know that you have to give step by step instructions on this don’t you? The task is actually called taking the garbage out and replacing the bin liner. You have to be specific.

It's a process

I shoud show it to my girl...

Honestly, just stop putting in bags. Since we've started having a whole bunch of recycling and food waste containers, almost everything in the main bin is clean plastic wrapping type stuff. We thought it was crazy to go out and buy brand new plastic specifically to throw away, so we stopped. Were worried it would smell or be gross and icky but honestly it's fine

But don't say out loud "I'm glad YOU'RE happy"

Rudolph is a male name and is referred to as male. Rudolph is biologically female but presents as male. Rudolph is transgendeer.

As someone who has lost a brother to suicide ..this is an awesome message

Mmm. Bed. Blankets and pillow cocoons. The best! *stupid bladder ruining it…* 😒

This is the truest story I've ever read

Then they throw salt in the wound with the "When I was your age" speech.

And that's with december being almost over

In a minute…

The moms on the bus go zzz zzz zzz

She already came back an hour later AND bought donuts and iced coffee? She didn't use the time very well to take care of herself. I would have sent my wife away again. (Once we would have eaten the donuts.

I don't think her apologizing for sitting in her seat has anything to do with her being an introvert... I am one and just would put on my headphones and watch a movie in peace. I cannot imagine what I would have to apologize for.

He has learned the impossible. He is the master.

Leonardo painted the Mona Lisa for 4 years, you're good.

❤️

Who has time for that s**t? Chuck em all in, and whichever gets stained are too weak to be a part of your wardrobe. Done and dusted.

I have said so many sentences I never knew I would need to say but the amount of times I’ve had to say “Dont lick that” is astounding. Most common is don’t lick the floor (typically in public), but other family favorites are don’t lick the slide at the playground, the bottom of so and so’s shoe, the door handle, the edge of the restaurant table, my toes… no idea why my son got sick so often as a toddler.

Oh, can you put the bins out to the curb while you're there?

F**k yes, i can vouch for this. I have been doing this for the last 5 years.

I listened to 20 years of complaints about how bad I snore. Boyfriend even made me use my CPAP machine to help with my sleep apnea because I snore so badly. HIS snoring and sleep apnea is 10 times worse than mine, but he won’t use a CPAP, see a doctor about it, or do anything about it. I have to sleep on the literal opposite end of the house from him. And he says he “misses me” at night. Sorry, buddy, I like to actually be able to sleep!

I need a half and half basket

This is funny....but you'll never catch me referring to my wife as "the wife"

Yup. Literally every important place has “call dad first” because he’s the one who will pick up the phone. Email? Me, I got that covered.

I was going to say me too only to realize I won't be buried!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

That's hurtful. I am an adult and even I agree to put shoes on. I am in bed.