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40 Times Children Accidentally Proved Themselves To Be True Comedians, As Shared In This Viral Thread
Love it or loathe it, it’s not a secret that parenting can be a handful.
Whether you dreamed of having a big family since you were a kid or you unconsciously caved into the antiquated belief that having children means you’ve succeeded in life – you’ve likely experienced regret at least a couple of times.
To learn more about the troubling thoughts that some parents get, Bored Panda reached out to a parenting coach. “I think most parents have moments where they think - did I really sign up for this? And it can be made worse by the pressure we feel from social media - the ‘perfect family’ pictures,” Laura said when we pondered whether feeling this low was normal.
We then questioned our expert on what someone should do if they are having such thoughts, and the woman responded as follows: “First things first - a reality check. Pause and remember that everyone is doing the best that they can - us, our kids, and other people. Don’t suffer alone. Find someone to talk to if you are struggling with parenting guilt/regrets. Get honest with your friends about your parenting struggles, and you will find that they’ll open up to you about theirs.”
In short, raising a kid is bound to be challenging. However, there are plenty, if not more, things that make being a parent awesome. Their imagination, intelligence – I mean, you’ve literally got a friend for life. Plus, let’s not forget all the funny things they say! Laura, for instance, advises all parents to write things down: “We always think we’ll remember what our kids say that is funny, but we don’t. So keep a record of their funny/cute sayings somewhere, as part of a memory box to treasure.”
Now, onto the article!
“What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most informative and thought-provoking communities, asking its members to reveal the funniest things their offspring have ever said to them. The thread managed to garner over 5K upvotes as well as 2.8K comments containing some hilarious tales.
More info: Reddit | Encouraging Parents
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
My mum loves to tell people that as a toddler I very seriously told off a man for trying to cross a road without holding his mummy's hand. He was definitely an adult, and did not know the elderly woman standing next to him but they dutifully held hands and crossed the road together. I told him he was a good boy.
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#2
We were on a tour of China a few years ago, and the group was taking the bullet train from Beijing to Shanghai. The tickets for our group had us all sitting on one side of the carriage, and the other side was all Chinese locals. It was the middle of summer and everyone was wearing shorts.
Halfway through the five hour trip a young Chinese girl, about three years old, starts walking up and down the aisle tapping everyone’s bare legs as she walks past. She’s got the attention of the whole carriage by now.
The Chinese people on one side all have smooth legs. But when she gets to one of the guys in our group, a Mediterranean type with thick black hair on his legs, she stops in her tracks. Pokes it. A couple of times. Then says something in Chinese and half the carriage roars with laughter.
One of the locals announced “She said Panda” and the other half of the carriage lost it too.
#3
Late to the party but anyway. A few weeks ago my three year old son was cuddling in his mother's arms and sweet talking to her. Here it goes
him : "mom I'm the little baby mouse and you're the mama mouse"
her : "oh honey that's sweet, thanks"
him : "...and daddy is the daddy mouse"
her : "oh ok sweet"
him : ...
her : ...
him : ...
her : "and your little sister ?"
him : "MY SISTER IS A RAT !"
#4
Saw a cute little boy, probably 3 or 4, smiling at me while in line at a grocery store checkout. I smiled back, he said 'Hi,' so I said 'Hi,' back.
His mom was smiling, and I said, 'What a handsome little man.'
He said, 'If you come to my house I have chocolate money.'
Best offer I've ever had.
#5
I was sitting on a rock looking kinda haggard because I was overheating in a satyr costume at a ren faire. A passing child looked me up and down and went, "It'll be okay, goat."
#6
I was helping 5yo with a computer game. He said
"Dad you're like a black hole at this"
[long pause]
"You suck so much"
#7
This was me as a kid but I told my grandmother that I was an octopus and wished I could wrap my testicles around her. I missed her so much and wanted a hug. I’m also a female
#8
I asked my 11 year old son why his room was always so messy and can he keep it clean? He sighs, puts his hands on my shoulders and says 'Mum, I'm not that type of person.' and closes the door. I burst out laughing in the hallway, I was not expecting that response.
#9
5 Year Old: “Today is my lucky day!”
Me: “Oh yeah?”
5YO: “Yup. My lucky day.”
Me: “So, what happened today?”
5YO:
Me:
5YO: “Well I don’t think that’s any of your business”
Betta Fish 2 years ago
My brain just auto-inserted that Jeopardy song into the awkward silence.
#10
I let my niece out of her car seat and said, “You’re free!” She responded, “No, I’m free and a half!” She was 3 1/2 years old
#11
Shortest story - asked a 4 year old how he wanted his eggs. He replied "Good". Touché.
the shrimp whisperer 2 years ago (edited)
reminds me of 8yo me trying to explain to my mom that i want my eggs "fluffy and... hard... with no juice... and not cheese"
#12
During a lesson as a swim teacher
Kid: So do you live here?
Me: What do you mean?
Kid: Once the lesson is over, do you like live in this pool?
Mabelbabel 2 years ago
I remember getting very confused aged 5 because I saw my primary school teacher getting sweets from the pick and mix selection from Woolworths on a Saturday. Apparently I demanded to know who had let her out of school and would she be back in time for lessons on Monday? I thought teachers lived in school. And then I asked if the sweets were for us. She told me she'd get us all sweets if I promised not to tell anyone that she'd sneaked out of school, and right enough, she brought a bag in to class and we all got a jelly baby. RIP Miss Stead, she was a brilliant primary school teacher, but because of her I was about 10 before I finally believed teachers had homes to go to.
#13
My son was complaining of being hot so I was changing him into a t-shirt. He was still hot and crying about something else, I couldn’t understand what he wanted. Finally he screamed “You know, T-PANTS!!!” He meant shorts, he wanted shorts.
GenXandEarnedItAll 2 years ago
My 3 year-old son said to me one day, "Tate a ba, mama. Tata a bah!" Potato? Play? What? Show me. He runs to to the bathroom and slams his hands on the tub. "Tate a ba!" OH, take a bath? Yes, Tate a ba! I melted right there.
#14
Half said, half action. Was taking her to nursery in the middle of winter. She had those mittens that connected to her coat with string,but wasn't wearing them and was complaining that her hands were cold.
Me - if your hands are cold, why don't you put your mittens on then sweetheart?
Her - I can't daddy, my mittens are full of oats.
*she then up-ends her gloves and porridge oats pour out of her mittens making two little mounds on the floor*
#15
I was standing at a chain link fence watching an excavator tear down an old school. A boy about seven years old came to join me and we watched together for a while. Then he turned to me and said, "This is the happiest day of my life." I guess for a boy, seeing an excavator and it was tearing down a school... well, it just doesn't get any better than that.
The Redhead 2 years ago (edited)
Right around the time my daughter turned 4 (she recently turned 5) we were driving to preschool & she yells out "look mommy an excavator". So I look up and think to myself 'I always called that a digger". She learned the proper word from watching Blippi (cute show for young kids) & I what a digger is actually called.
#16
I was breastfeeding my son while babysitting my 3yo nephew. Thos is how the conversation went:
N: what's that?
M: it's my boob, the baby's milk comes from there
N: oh..
N:...that's a nice boob.
He then patted my boob and went to play with his toys.
#17
"I'm not supposed to tell, but the doctor said to my dad he's fat." - 5 year old cousin.
#18
I'm a fat kid 187.3 pound's to be correct at the age of 16 and when I was going to school this new little kid comes in the bus see me (mind that i always sit in tha last row) approaches me and says can I sit next to you and I like "sure, no problem" so he sits beside me then leans on my tummy and now I WTF is he doing?????? then I tell him that it makes me feel uncomfortable and he looks me dead in the eyes and say's "oh i thought that was a pillow my father has the same pillow and he let's sleep on it and my mother also". I nearly died of laughing.
#19
In France 7-years-old is considered the "age of reason". Apparently my daughter had this on her mind a lot leading up to her birthday. When she woke up on her 7th birthday, she told me, "I think the age of reason starts at 8 years old".
#20
I baked muffins for my five year old and he said “Well, they taste okay.. but I’m thinking the people at the stores do a better job”
I just LOVE how brutally honest children are, and not in a passive-aggressive way like adults tend to do, just straight up honesty.
He gave me a hug afterwards and asked if we could play outside. I love kids, they’re great—most of the time xD
#21
I'm a chubby guy, anyway I was hanging out with some friends after work and one of my friend's kid just plainly says, "You're wiggily." We all bust out laughing at this because it was such an astute observation. Later we were all getting ready to sit down to dinner and the same kid then says, "I'm going to sit next to the Wiggily One!" At that point my friends and I absolutely lost it.
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
The wiggly one...if used non-offensively, it could be a funny nickname to bring up at times.
#22
My 4 year old nephew asked me why there was a man in a field dressed in a horsey suit. He was looking at a horse.
#23
My cousin who was like 3 at the time asked me how old I am and I said 22 he goes “ oh I thought you were 50”
Fluffy mommy panda 2 years ago
Kids never think about numbers correctly at least not at that age. My five year old said I was 18 on a paper at her school that asked her about her mom for mother's day that would of made me 13 when I gave birth to her. And no way was I 13 I was like early 20s but it made me feel good lol.
#24
My niece has an old soul and would always come to some big revelations. At a family get together when she was three she flopped down in her chair with a big sigh and said sadly, "some day I'll have to get a job," she looked crushed. When I asked her what job she'd have when she was a grown up she proudly told me she'd make the french fries at mcdonalds
A year later I noticed she was looking sad while visiting and asked her what was wrong. Another big sigh and she hung her head in her hands,
"I'm not married yet."
EDIT: Thank you very much for the award!
#25
Had recently shaved and gelled my hair into a mohawk and some random kid whom i walked past said: "Hey cool guy". Not really what i'm used to hearing so i laughed.
#26
-18 working at a boy scout camp during the summer. Store manager.
Kid comes up (M 10?11?) and he points at his face
“We have the same!”
Me: “The same?”
Him: “We have the same!”
Me:”Same what?”
Him:”Your teeth are messed up just like mine”
Out of nowhere roasted by a child lmao
Edit:
Thanks for the award. He definitely did not mean it rudely, but how it came about was hilarious.
Lakota Wolf 2 years ago
Aw. It wasn't a roasting, it was a young kid finding kinship in similarity XD Still funny, though.
#27
Working for a school. Listening to kids babble on about whatever, I had a child tell me “I have 3 brothers, they all have girlfriends. Except one them and he paints his nails but I don’t know why..”
#28
Back when my son was 3 I spent a lot of time teaching him about road safety and how to safely cross the street. I told him that at intersections you had to wait for the little white man to appear on the crosswalk light before you could start to cross the road and not to go when the orange hand was there.
Of course, my son starts screaming "DADDY WHERE'S THE WHITE MAN?!" at the top of his lungs every time we walk up to an intersection. We're Caucasian. Being three he screeches this at everyone we encountered, regardless of race, demanding to know if they knew the white man.
SweetCheesySpaghetti 2 years ago
My son used to call people by the color of their shirts if he didn't know their name. We moved to a new city, and our neighbor (who was black) came outside wearing a black tshirt. He screams over to her: "HEY BLACK LADY!" It was awkward to explain but she got it, and thankfully laughed.
#29
My brother: dad, im not going to tell you the flavor of your surprise birthday cake.
At least he kept something secret
#30
A couple hours after telling my three year old that he was going to be a big brother, he came up to me and asked “mum where are we going to get the skin?”
Turns out he assumed we would be getting the ‘meat’ for the new baby from the butchers.
#31
My daughter definitely had it coming when she was two and said “Mommy, I’m not going to use the potty anymore! I’ll just go in my pants.”
clever username 2 years ago
I know that museum! It’s one of my favorites. Highly recommend the national portrait gallery if you’re in DC
#32
My daughter at two and a half years old...
"Daddy, my poo smells like s**t."
#33
Overhead a young (like 6-ish) year old boy ask his friend,
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No."
"Oh. That's okay, we can share mine."
#34
My little sister was showing off all of her toys to my friends once. I was ~15, she was ~5.
She brought out a doll with bright green hair.
Her: Now, this is just an ordinary doll...
Me: Her hair doesn't look very ordinary.
Her (suddenly exasperated): It's in a BRAID, *CarrotAnkles*!
Said friends still call me by name in the exact same tone.
#35
I used to be quite heavy, though people always said I "carried it well."
One day I was shopping at the grocery store, and noticed a rather attractive young mother looking at the produce with her little girl, probably 3 or 4 years old.
Just as I worked my way past them, the little girl looked up at me, smiled sweetly, and said, "Hello, fat man."
#36
My 4 yo cousin was firmely convinced that MJ died in the 80s, so I told him that I remembered his death so it couldn't have passed such a long time. He looked at me and serious as hell ascertained that I was pretty old to behave the way I do and then asked me if dinosaurs were still alive when I was a kid.
#37
“Uncle Drkumph, I peed out of my butt!!” Like he was so excited about it.
He had diarrhea..
Bec 2 years ago
My niece (6ish) and her dad got the stomach flu and she had never experienced throwing up that she would have been able to remember so the experience was pretty terrifying to her, she was also crying and upset because dad was loudly puking and she thought he was going to die. PSA get a flu shot wash your hands
#38
When i was a kid, i remember my friend trying to tell me about lesbians, but she didn’t remember the word „lesbian“.
So she said: „sometimes a woman loves a woman, and kisses her like a man. That woman is a ... uhm ...s-...step-.. SKEPTICAL“
#39
My friend's little cousin was giving us all Pokémon names. When he got to my biggest friend he said "And you can be Pokémon stadium!"
#40
My four year old brother was messing around with a knife, and i grabbed it away from him, and told him to be careful.
He asked me why. So i said he could really hurt himself and die. I then said you know (insert brothers name) if you ever die my heart would be broken.
His reply: You know op if you ever die my heart would be fixed.
Man i was so offended but it caught me so off guard i couldnt help but laugh ahah
What do you think ?
V Noe 2 years ago
My brothers and I were quite young when our grandfather (Mom's father) died. As my father was a pallbearer, Mom was driving our car in the procession from church to cemetery, which ended up being about a 30-minute drive. At some point my 4-year-old brother got restless and asked "Do we have to drive grandaddy ALL the way to Heaven?"
GingerPanda 2 years ago
This is a story I've heard a thousand times. When my sister was 3 or 4, my parents worked at a diner with a regular "Breakfast Club" and my sister was their little mascot because she was always in the diner. One of the men in the breakfast club was born without fingers on one hand. Apparently my sister asked him what happened to his hand. He say, "Well, God made me special. I was born without fingers on that hand. My sister thought for a minute and said, Well, I was made special, too. When I was born, I didn't have any teeth."😂
Amy Watkins 2 years ago
When my nephew was about 4 or 5 -- I was talking about British TV programs with his parents at a restaurant one day. I had just started watching "Doctor Who" and was telling them about the show. I was seated next to my nephew in the booth and he leaned out and said in a very serious tone, "Emee, it's pronounced Dr. Seuss."
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Me: *Plays with a little girl, around 4. I'm playing barbies, but a little unorthadox, using velociraptor toys and other chaos.* Her: You play wrong. *Proceeds to explain what I did wrong.* Me: *Tries playing normal but can't play to her standards* Her: It's okay. Maybe Jesus just made you different. Me: ...Yes...
Rocco MZ 2 years ago
This is from my dad. When I was younger, our house had two bathrooms. One day my dad was in the kitchen and my little brother's friend went running through and then ran back through and went back and forth a few times. My dad stopped him to ask him what he was doing. He replied, "I can't figure out which is the boy's bathroom and which one is the girl's!"
Emily Santiago 2 years ago
I was putting my daughter to bed when she was 4 and I said ‘You are my precious being’ She asked ‘Do I get to choose what kind of being I want to be?’ I was like ‘yeah of course! What kind of being do you want to be?’ She looks at me and says ‘Refried’
Alex Mosby 2 years ago
I have a huge skin tag in my neck. My 3yr old nephew sees it then says "In have one too" as he points at his nipple.
Angela C 1 year ago
So I've always been on the bigger side and when I was at my great grandma's funeral breakfast, my cousin (4 or 5 at the time, I was 21) who lives out of town and had only met me a couple times in his life comes up to me and says "You're fat" and just laughs and walks away. Like thanks kid I'm well aware of that fact
(っ◔◡◔)っ blush 1 year ago
When I was a toddler, I would walk up to random men, say "Hi daddy!" and watch the shock and disbelief on their faces. I only now realize why that was extremely inappropriate lol
Bipolarbear. 1 year ago
My daughter used to say, "I wanna purr the kitty!" When she was trying to pet our cats.
Daniel Atkins 2 years ago
When i was a teen I helped with as basketball camp for younger kids as a fund raiser. At the end of the week we divided the group and played an exhibition game for the parents. (My group was one of the younger groups.) So when we divided up teams we had to come up with a name for each team most of the kids picked pro basketball team names, but one kid in our group asked if they could be the Skins. (Skins is a term in street basketball where one team takes off their shirt to designate which team they are thus the term Shirts and Skins.) While creative I couldn't do it. It would have caused too many questions since this was Christian School.
Leanne Duval 2 years ago
Blond haired, blue eyed 5 yr old had covid with a high fever. 5yr old: why am I so hot right now? M: because your body is fighting the germs that are making you sick. 5yr old: ????? M: Well, your body makes extra white blood cells and they all get together and they fight with the germs and, until they win, you’re going to be hot for a little while. Flash forward 10 days or so and we’re all out to dinner together and my friend says to 5yr old, “I’m so glad you’re better so we can all hang out”. 5yr old: in the loudest most excited voice “MY WHITE BLOOD WON!”
NotTodaySatan!! 2 years ago
When my youngest was around 1 (now 28) and his brother was 4 (now 30) he had been terribly quiet in the car on the way to town one day. Finally, he says, "mom, when Lane is older won't it sound stupid if we call him Lane?" Me: Well , no. That is his name. Will it sound stupid if we call you Grant when you're older? 4yo: no. My name is Grant. I'm still all confused at the entire conversation. So I ask why he is asking and he says he was just thinking that maybe we could change his name. Trying to open minded me: what would you like to call him? 4yo after a few minutes: Trigger. Apparently Trigger is much better and more suitable, though I'll never know why. In his defense, he's always been weird. For about 4 months when he was 3 or so, he decided he was Mr. Neimenmier and would answer to nothing else. Lol
V Noe 2 years ago
My brothers and I were quite young when our grandfather (Mom's father) died. As my father was a pallbearer, Mom was driving our car in the procession from church to cemetery, which ended up being about a 30-minute drive. At some point my 4-year-old brother got restless and asked "Do we have to drive grandaddy ALL the way to Heaven?"
GingerPanda 2 years ago
This is a story I've heard a thousand times. When my sister was 3 or 4, my parents worked at a diner with a regular "Breakfast Club" and my sister was their little mascot because she was always in the diner. One of the men in the breakfast club was born without fingers on one hand. Apparently my sister asked him what happened to his hand. He say, "Well, God made me special. I was born without fingers on that hand. My sister thought for a minute and said, Well, I was made special, too. When I was born, I didn't have any teeth."😂
Amy Watkins 2 years ago
When my nephew was about 4 or 5 -- I was talking about British TV programs with his parents at a restaurant one day. I had just started watching "Doctor Who" and was telling them about the show. I was seated next to my nephew in the booth and he leaned out and said in a very serious tone, "Emee, it's pronounced Dr. Seuss."
TailsFangirl03 2 years ago
Me: *Plays with a little girl, around 4. I'm playing barbies, but a little unorthadox, using velociraptor toys and other chaos.* Her: You play wrong. *Proceeds to explain what I did wrong.* Me: *Tries playing normal but can't play to her standards* Her: It's okay. Maybe Jesus just made you different. Me: ...Yes...
Rocco MZ 2 years ago
This is from my dad. When I was younger, our house had two bathrooms. One day my dad was in the kitchen and my little brother's friend went running through and then ran back through and went back and forth a few times. My dad stopped him to ask him what he was doing. He replied, "I can't figure out which is the boy's bathroom and which one is the girl's!"
Emily Santiago 2 years ago
I was putting my daughter to bed when she was 4 and I said ‘You are my precious being’ She asked ‘Do I get to choose what kind of being I want to be?’ I was like ‘yeah of course! What kind of being do you want to be?’ She looks at me and says ‘Refried’
Alex Mosby 2 years ago
I have a huge skin tag in my neck. My 3yr old nephew sees it then says "In have one too" as he points at his nipple.
Angela C 1 year ago
So I've always been on the bigger side and when I was at my great grandma's funeral breakfast, my cousin (4 or 5 at the time, I was 21) who lives out of town and had only met me a couple times in his life comes up to me and says "You're fat" and just laughs and walks away. Like thanks kid I'm well aware of that fact
(っ◔◡◔)っ blush 1 year ago
When I was a toddler, I would walk up to random men, say "Hi daddy!" and watch the shock and disbelief on their faces. I only now realize why that was extremely inappropriate lol
Bipolarbear. 1 year ago
My daughter used to say, "I wanna purr the kitty!" When she was trying to pet our cats.
Daniel Atkins 2 years ago
When i was a teen I helped with as basketball camp for younger kids as a fund raiser. At the end of the week we divided the group and played an exhibition game for the parents. (My group was one of the younger groups.) So when we divided up teams we had to come up with a name for each team most of the kids picked pro basketball team names, but one kid in our group asked if they could be the Skins. (Skins is a term in street basketball where one team takes off their shirt to designate which team they are thus the term Shirts and Skins.) While creative I couldn't do it. It would have caused too many questions since this was Christian School.
Leanne Duval 2 years ago
Blond haired, blue eyed 5 yr old had covid with a high fever. 5yr old: why am I so hot right now? M: because your body is fighting the germs that are making you sick. 5yr old: ????? M: Well, your body makes extra white blood cells and they all get together and they fight with the germs and, until they win, you’re going to be hot for a little while. Flash forward 10 days or so and we’re all out to dinner together and my friend says to 5yr old, “I’m so glad you’re better so we can all hang out”. 5yr old: in the loudest most excited voice “MY WHITE BLOOD WON!”
NotTodaySatan!! 2 years ago
When my youngest was around 1 (now 28) and his brother was 4 (now 30) he had been terribly quiet in the car on the way to town one day. Finally, he says, "mom, when Lane is older won't it sound stupid if we call him Lane?" Me: Well , no. That is his name. Will it sound stupid if we call you Grant when you're older? 4yo: no. My name is Grant. I'm still all confused at the entire conversation. So I ask why he is asking and he says he was just thinking that maybe we could change his name. Trying to open minded me: what would you like to call him? 4yo after a few minutes: Trigger. Apparently Trigger is much better and more suitable, though I'll never know why. In his defense, he's always been weird. For about 4 months when he was 3 or so, he decided he was Mr. Neimenmier and would answer to nothing else. Lol
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