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One of the best things about childhood is its sheer randomness. Yet uncorrupted by society and its rules, kids can get away with doing most things, including saying anything that comes to their mind. Lucky for us, this often results in funny and unexpected sentences that are just too good not to share.

Recently, adults in this online thread were doing exactly that—posting the most hilarious and weirdest things a child has said to them. Fancy a laugh? All you have to do is scroll down and giggle at the #nofilter wisdom these kids shared with grown people. 

While you're at it, don't forget to check out a conversation with the person who started this discussion and child psychologists Dr. Annie McNeill, Dr. Sophie Pierce, and Stephanie Nova Fields, Ph.D., who kindly agreed to answer why kids often blurt out such comedic things.

Image credits: SolidUltra

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#1

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Not me but my mom who used to teach younger children once had a kid tell her that the kids mom actually had a p*nis too, just like dads do. My mom reacted with scepticism and then the kid blurted out ”No she really does, I’ve seen it myself in her bedroom drawer”.

JoelHenryJonsson , Max Fischer / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#2

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share It wasn't to me, but to my brother in law. He was driving in his truck with his toddler daughter safely belted into her car seat. To keep her amused during the drive he was asking her what noises different animals make.

"What does a cow say?"

"Moo"

"What does a pig say?"

"Oink, oink!"

Then he decided to mess with her and asks "What does a turtle say?"

She was silent for a moment as she thought about it, then busted out in a big smile and said "Kowabunga dude!".

Adddicus , Matheus Bertelli / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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TheNewJenBrady
TheNewJenBrady
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my daughter was about 3, she thought all turtles/tortoises made loud grunting noises to "speak" because the first time she saw a tortoise at the zoo, it was trying to mate with the other tortoise lol. (These were the giant size tortoises)

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#3

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Was studying for a math exam in college and some family friends brought their little kid for dinner. Little guy found his way in my room, said he's good at math and asked if he could help. "Eh I don't know, how do you draw the energy plot of a square signal?", and this kid, confidently amd without missing a beat, "With a pencil".

spoonthrows , Tatiana Syrikova / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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The person, nicknamed SolidUltra, who started this discussion in the first place shares with Bored Panda that their question was inspired by a little stranger who unexpectedly told them that his father eats his mom every night. “The kid's innocent tone and the funny reaction from his mom were so funny that I almost died from laughing,” they said.

We were further curious to know if they have a memory of their own where they have said something surprisingly amusing as a kid and it has become a recurring joke in their family. 

They said, “I had my moment as well when I was a child. When I was about 6 years old, I visited my aunt and said, "What is wrong with your butt?" because I wasn't used to seeing such a form of the body, I was worried about her, and I didn't mean to offend her. 

Even though I am now 24 years old, she is still mad at me, and I am her worst relative, even though I am so kind. I have apologized for sure, but I guess I've hit her weakness. It is so silly, but my mother keeps laughing at that moment every time someone recalls it.”

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They believe that adults find kids saying random things funny because they are still innocent. “They are unaware of the sensitivity of what they say. Their innocence makes the moment more precious and unforgettable for me.”
#4

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My stepdaughter was about 5/6 when I got pregnant with her half brother, I was getting dressed one morning and she looked at the stretchmarks on my 7/8 month along belly and asked 'why did the baby write all over your tummy'? Still one of my most precious memories of when she was little!

HEB33 , Matilda Wormwood / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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T J R
T J R
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Awww that's adorable. It makes stretch marks not so bad when it's put that way.

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#5

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My son, at 9yo told me I couldn't give him almonds in his lunchbox because it was No Nut November.

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#6

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Reminds me of when my mom was looking at baby photos of me, and there was a picture of her and tiny me on her lap. i asked where my younger brother was, since he wasn't in the photo, and she responded with "he's in mommy's tummy." this was the first time my conscious mind had been introduced to the concept of pregnancy, as my response was a wide-eyed glare followed by "YOU ATE HIM???"

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To learn more about why children often blurt such comedic sentences, we reached out to clinical psychologists Dr. Annie McNeill and Dr. Sophie Pierce from Feeling Stable and child psychologist Stephanie Nova Fields, Ph.D.

Fields explains, “Kids between 3 and 6 often say funny things, mostly unintentionally. At these ages, they are learning about the world and about language at a rapid pace. Their minds work hard to make sense of the world and to put things together. Their funny comments come about when they don’t get it quite right.”

She also adds, “They are at a concrete stage of thinking in which they understand things at face value and don’t get some of the underlying subtleties. This can also make for some funny comments and behaviors.”
#7

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I told a little girl one time that her shoes were on the wrong feet. She busted out crying and said, "But these are the only feet I've got!".

Comprehensive_Debt_7 , Allan Mas / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#8

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I worked at a day care for a bit and they said funny s**t all the time.. one of my favorites was when we were going over fire safety and the main teacher asked the class.. what do you do if you’re on fire? A 3y/o girl shoots her hand up in the air and yells “STOP DROP AND ROCK N ROLL!!!”.

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#9

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share When I was deployed to Afghanistan we got a package from a bunch of elementary school kids. They sent cards, candy, and snacks. On one of the cards was a drawing of a graphic firefight with a bunch of dead soldiers. The only thing the card said was I hope you don't die. It made everyone laugh and we hung it up in our room lol.

Avodroc4 , Vlada Karpovich / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce additionally mention that this is often a result of a lack of filter. “If they have a thought, you can bet they’re going to say it out loud. Part of what makes statements so funny and unexpected from children, unlike adults, is that they haven’t yet developed impulse control or the skills to filter their thoughts! Also, more than anything else, children want to make their adults happy, and they sometimes do this through funny behaviors or sayings so they can feel delighted.”

However, they aren’t usually aware that they’re being funny until someone laughs at them. Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce explain, “Children are always looking to others to make sense of who they are and the world around them. They pay attention to reactions and can feel the types of responses they are eliciting from others. 

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So, while they may not always know that their responses are funny per se, they can certainly feel and enjoy the reactions they are getting! Children who enjoy this type of attention will continue to engage in behaviors that get the same reaction or laugh from those around them.”
#10

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My kid farted and said “there’s a duck in my butt” she was 3 at the time … I lost it.

Complete-Plenty-236 , Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#11

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I walked into the living room and my 5-year-old son was sitting on the couch in a shirt and underwear only. I asked him why he was sitting there like that and he says:

"I changed my mind about pants.".

wossquee , Anna Shvets / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#12

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I was working as a cashier and a couple came to my till with their young son (maybe like 5 years old or so). I go to give them their receipt and tell them to have a good day. The kid responded to this with "Thanks Baby, I love you!".

starrfast , Pavel Danilyuk / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Ashlisha
Ashlisha
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Sounds like his parents say this a lot to each other. Totally cute.

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Upstaged75
Upstaged75
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A friend of mine's 4 year old son once came up to me and said "Excuse me Miss Upstaged?" When I said yes? he responded with "You're so pretty". Then he asked me for candy. When I asked him what that was all about he said "that's how daddy gets stuff from mom!". Little con artist. :)

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SlothyK8
SlothyK8
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did that once. I called my dad "Honey" when I was about 4-5years old, having heard my mother call him that. Unlike OP, my father was PISSED. No idea why.

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Nykky
Nykky
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Might have been trying to be like the little girl from Animaniacs. "Okay lady, I love you, byebye!"

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Even if they aren’t aware of it, saying something out-of-pocket helps children move forward with their development. “A crucial part of building a child’s self-esteem and sense of self is having others, especially adults, find joy in them. When children get positive attention from adults, such as laughter, it communicates to the child that they have a positive impact and that others enjoy who they are. 

Additionally, allowing a child to say something out-of-pocket and funny helps support them in finding their voice, learning how to express themselves, and connecting to others,” Dr. McNeill and Dr. Pierce tell us. 

Fields concludes by saying, “These comments give us a glimpse of how children work to understand their world. I find it to be both charming and interesting. It is one of the things that makes this age so much fun for adults.”
#13

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share One of the funniest things one of my children said to me is that scorpions are desert lobsters and I don't think she is wrong 😂.

MaitreCanard , Annalise Tingler / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#14

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My then-4 yr old was wearing a Darth Vader t shirt that said "VADER" across the image of the dude, where the little triangle of the "A" was lined up to the triangle on Vaders mask. Pretty cool right?

Conservative uncle was complimenting his shirt. My little guy replied "Thanks! And hey look. The A-hole is his mouth!!" 💀 I think uncles soul left his body. Kid had no idea why everyone was laughing so hard.

CatScratchEther , RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#15

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I used to teach English in China.

One day, I was collecting homework from my 11-year-olds, and out of nowhere, the quietest, most reserved girl in the class pulls her homework out from behind her back, shoves it in my face, and exclaims, "SURPRISE, M**********R!"

The inflection was EXACTLY the same as the meme from Dexter.

I had to hold back my laughter so hard because it was in the middle of class, but the second the students left the classroom, I couldn't contain myself. I was nearly in tears.

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Lyone Fein
Lyone Fein
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's always great when the quietest student does something so boisterous.

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#16

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I once overheard a kid trying to convince his friend that he had superpowers. When his friend asked what they were, he confidently replied, "I can make all the traffic lights turn green... eventually." It was a charming mix of innocence and creativity!

podhorodynski , Anastasia Shuraeva / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Antonia
Antonia
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our shopping centre has doors that open when you walk towards them. When my kid was about 2 he used to shout and voilá the doors opened. Once he forgot to shout and the doors opened anyway... Big surprise

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#17

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Helping my grandmother go grocery shopping with my much younger cousins. Took one up to the bathroom while she grabbed a few more things. As we were walking back to her, he, very loudly, says "look! It's grandmas special juice!". While pointing at the wine aisle.

Huge_Policy_6517 , Adrien Olichon / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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ElfVibratorGlitter
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to drink diet coke for breakfast (I know it's disgusting but whatever). It's a silver can. Leaving a convenience store/gas station my daughter points to a case of beer (I think it was miller lite?) with silver cans and says at the top of her lungs, Momma! Look! They have your breakfast!

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#18

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I heard a little girl once say that she was mad at her dad because he had bigger breasts then she does! I was dying lmao.

RonJeremyBellyButton , Josh Willink / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#19

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I returned to skateboarding after 30 years away. I was at a local skate park and ate s**t. While I was on my back checking my internal systems to determine if anything was broken or bleeding, a young kid rolls up and says, “Damn, are you ok grandpa?!” 🤨😆.

imbrotep , Allan Mas / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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That One
That One
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rude kiddos aside, kudos to you for skateboarding again! It's awesome when people return to such activities. 🥂

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#20

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Me at the playground with my son. Little kid comes up to play with us.

Me: What's your name?

Kid: A*****e

Me: Whaaaaat is your name?

Kid: A*****e

Me: Your name is... A*****e?

Kid's mom overhearing us: His name is "Axel". We didn't really think about it.

procrastablasta , Quang Nguyen Vinh / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#21

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share (Talking s**t is our love language, no feelings were hurt)
Not to me, but my daughters were bickering and my youngest says "at least I wasn't an accident!" and her sister didn't miss a beat and shot back "no, you were a mistake". I laughed so damn hard.

Taodragons , nappy / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#22

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share When I was a kid I was watching my dog doing dog things and I said to my mom, “I wish I was a dog.”

“Why is that, sweetie?”

“So I could see what my nuts taste like.”.

dontcalmdown , Gabriel Frank / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#23

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Once when i was a kid, i asked my grandma if she remembers how dinosaurs looked like 💀.

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Downunderdude
Downunderdude
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was little, I apparently asked my father if they said 'thee' and 'thou' when he was a kid.

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#24

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I worked at a summer camp where, on a cold and blustery day, a boy at the swim pond loudly and repeatedly cried, “I’VE LOST MY TWO BEST FRIENDS!”

We evacuated the swim pond and started the process for an all-hands pond search. It was at this point that one of the lifeguards noticed the kid’s hands frantically cupping his swim shorts: this was his first time experiencing shrinkage.

helixdevotee , Mushtaq Hussain / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#25

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My godson asked me to tell a "mad story". I said I bought a different brand of yogurt and I couldn't get the cover off, and that made me mad. He asked "Could you get help from an adult?".

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#26

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I used to give my kid a five dollar bill to tip the pizza guys. He loved it, it made him feel like a big kid. Once, when he was about four, I gave him a fiver and he leaned in real close and said "if you give me fifty bucks, I'll k*ll Superman".

linecookdaddy , Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#27

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My niece asked me if she can have a piece of skin from the cadavers I work with so she can give it to her boyfriend for Valentine’s Day this year.

They’re 8.

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#28

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Not to me, but friend's daughter to him, her dad: "Daddy? Does mommy know you're my daddy?"

BuBleGum21 , ALINA MATVEYCHEVA / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#29

I worked at a movie theatre that recently was getting s**t on because of new people in the company making poor decisions. I had been planning to leave for a while, and on one of the rougher days, I was helping a mom and her two kids. The youngest daughter, I'd say was maybe 7-9, was waiting for her mom to finish ordering food, and then asked me, "do you hate your job?"

I almost broke laughing right in front of them, and I had to reassure to the mom that it wasn't exactly an out of place question. I hope that kid goes places.

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Karina
Karina
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im glad they took their time to tell the mother that her child was poseebly perceptive instead of rude.

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#30

I was walking into a store and there was a little boy around 7 standing just inside the door and when he saw me he turned to me and said with heartfelt anguish “She said she was only going to be 5 minutes!”.

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#31

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My niece asked me why didn't I let my hair grow on the central side of my scalp ^^

She doesn't know about hair loss yet.

MarceloBielsa70 , Steshka Willems / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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Papa
Papa
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my grandson was about 4 I had a long beard. I finally got tired of it and had it trimmed short. The first time he saw me after having it trimmed he took one look and said "Papa, you got a haircut on your face!"

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#32

My older cousin was obsessed with Shrek. He got a toy microphone for Christmas one year, and was playing with it in the basement while the adults went upstairs for coffee, and all of a sudden they hear him singing Baby Got Back, which donkey sings at the end of Shrek. But my cousin, who couldn't have been more than 4 at the time, didn't know the words, so what he actually sang was "I like big butts and I cannot lie, and I like it with pumpkin pie.".

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#33

Our first grader daughter told us that she broke up with her crush.
She said," I dont have a crush on him anymore, he is so annoying. I want somebody who is serious,smart and who actually listens and makes a good team."

We asked her the details and told us, she was partnered with her crush during their class activity and they only got 1 point,because this particular boy was just so silly and not good in listening.

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#34

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share A kid has told me once "sir do you know that my dad eats my mom every night" his mom smacked his back and left without looking at me 😂.

SolidUltra , Andrew Neel / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#35

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share A kid once told my mother’s coworker (a 60year old kindergarten teacher) “madame, even though you’re old and ugly I still love you”.

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#36

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share When I went to wake my son up to get ready for school, the very first thing he said to me was daddy my butt has a crack in it.

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#37

"Why do I have to listen to you, pointy neck?"-from a student at a program for developmentally delayed children. My ego and Adam's apple were never the same.

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#38

An adorable, four-year-old Trick Or Treater rang my doorbell. She looked like Cindy Lou Who from How The Grinch Stole Christmas. As I was giving her a candy bar, she looked me squarely in the eye and said, 'My parents are getting back together again. I don't know what happened to my Dad's girlfriend. My mother hated her.'

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#39

I used to run a small tire shop in the middle of nowhere. We had this one pretty rough customer who would come in always looking for a handout (something on credit). Well she comes in one day with another sob story, and talking about how she knows my father (he owned the place, I just managed it), and how we should give her a tire today and let her pay for it later.

At this point, her son in the car, who can’t be any older than about 7 or 8, leans out the window and yells ‘You ain’t got credit nowhere, momma! That’s what the last guy said!’

Im doing my best to hold it together at this point, and I’m doing a much better job than my brother, who I can hear in the office behind me laughing his a*s off. I don’t know who this last guy was, but he was clearly wise beyond his years.

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#40

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I worked as a nurse in a pre school. I was sitting on a bench and a 5 year old boy comes up to me and says "well, what’s this pretty little angels name".

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#41

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share I had a kid that couldn't be older than six ask to fight me while standing in line at the movies. I told him "no thanks," and that seemed to be an acceptable response.

starlet25 , Santiago Sauceda González / pexels (not the actual photo) Report

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#42

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share Yesterday a kid said to me “you look like you suck at basketball”.

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#43

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My kid is 4 and we were talking about space. In space, there are asteroids, planets, and black holes.
He misunderstood and confidently said "there are butts in space".

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#44

Briefly worked as a volunteer at a pre-school (ages 3-5) and I was sitting helping a couple of the kids put a puzzle together and one of them randomly said, “Can I rap for you?” I was surprised but thought how bad could it be? He then proceeded to rap while his buddy attempted to beatbox.

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#45

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share So one of my closest friends before we got really close and just got to know is each other we would face time and on day in face time she introduced me to her family and one day I visited my besties house and the first thing one of her little sisters says is “you look even uglier in person”.

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tjr avatar
T J R
T J R
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The honesty in children can be quite brutal sometimes!

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#46

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share There was something stuck in the headphone port of my phone, so I tried to suck it out, which worked. Some kid then asked me why I was trying to vape from my phone.

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#47

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My kids were getting in the car when my daughter (7) elbowed my son (5) between the legs, conversation went as follows…

Son: ow my peanuts!

Me: your what?

Daughter: his peanuts

Me: what’s that?

Daughter: it’s another name for winky that I heard at school.


I didn’t correct them as it’s just too funny.

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#48

Years ago I had a goatee and moustache combo. My cousins 7 year old daughter told me that my mouth looked like a v*gina. At the time I was just "um, okay". Though now I find it a funny story.

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I AM A LOLLY SNEK (she/her)
I AM A LOLLY SNEK (she/her)
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

why does bp censor things like vagina and penis? Its a part of life, not anything taboo or nasty.

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#49

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share A third grader said: “I hate friction!”(fractions).

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MellonCollie
MellonCollie
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is it me, or do the equations on the whiteboard make no sense?

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#50

I work in a school, so I hear amazingly ridiculous things every day, but the best one I’ve ever heard still goes to a girl called Vanessa in science when I was at high school.

The teacher was explaining the theory of the Big Bang. Vanessa’s hand shoots up to ask a question, the teacher says “yes?”
And Vanessa says staring at the ceiling in what looked like deep thought “so… is that what killed the dinosaurs?”.

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T J R
T J R
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Mine was 12th grade Health class when a girl asked if girls can get pregnant from the holes in our nipples...

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#51

Kid: How old are you?
Me: 48
Kid: How did you manage that? I've only made it to 8.

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#52

Years ago, in high school, I told a kid (two years younger, so not much of a kid) that he had a subzero IQ.

Kid: *Don't talk Physics to me*.

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That One
That One
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's some wrong kid here. As a kid I was well aware that subzero is Mortal Kombat and not physics.

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#53

My son had two on me that stick in my mind *random conversation* Kid - "Daddy it's because you're fat" Me - "while True, that's not funny" Kid - "it's a little funny" *holds up hand showing a little bit* I wish I could remember the conversation. But his timing was perfect...and it in fact was a lot of bit funny. Second one: *gives first pair of big Kid underwear* "DAAAAAAAD DAD!!! I have a P*NIS POCKET!!!" he then ran around singing "p*nis pocket" with his hand shoved in the front of his underwear. I couldn't even breathe I was laughing so hard.

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#54

When i was at my gfs place for the third time or so her niece asked my gf if we she wants to marry me. My gf laughed and said no, thats way too early. her 7 year old niece then said: that's right, better look for a guy with more qualities. I was speechless.

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#55

50 Times Kids Had Brainfart Moments That Were Too Funny Not To Share My 5 year old calls the concession stand at arenas the "concussion stand." Very unfortunate and has got some weird looks.

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#56

My stepdaughter fell onto her a**e.
Apparently she hurt her buttknuckle.

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#57

*pokes dead bug* Move you b***hole! The race has started!

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aricely
aricely
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6 months ago

This comment has been deleted.

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#58

Kid in a ski lesson i was teaching: "i want the group name to be golden shower because i love golden showers".

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#59

Son's friend told me that his parents get mad at him for taking long showers. He then said "they act like I'm hogging all the hot water, but um, no I'm not! It's florida, the water is already hot when they pump it in from the ocean, duh!!".

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#60

I had a little kid ask me how much I get paid at my job in front of my coworker. Then after I said I cant say asked why, so I had to attempt to explain why grown ups don't do that, then he goes "so not a lot then?" I was just defeated at that point lol why the mom didn't intervene? beats me 🤷‍♂️He didnt get it lol. 😂.

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Anonymous
Anonymous
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Discuss your salary with your co-workers and make sure it's fair. The hush hush culture around earning is anti-union BS.

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#61

I was at a park with my little brother and some kid came up to him and asked to play. My little brother is shy and kinda hid behind my leg and told the other kid no thanks. This kid had the angriest look and said “WELL THAT’S WHY MY DAD CAN BEAT YOUR DAD”. My little brother started to cry so I picked him up to comfort him, another little boy comes in and tells the rude boy “I don’t think you have a dad, h*e”. And then proceeded to run off while the rude boy cried to his mom. I ended up telling my dad about it and we still laugh to this day over it.

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#62

Daddy why does your teeth smell good?

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#63

A few years ago, my nephew (5 years old at the time) looked up at the night sky and said "Oh no... the stars are out"
I asked him why he said "Oh no?"
He replied "Because the stars can see into my soul"

Was so weird...

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Anikulapo
Anikulapo
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Whaaat? Oh s**t oh s**t oh s**t oh s**t *runs back inside*

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#64

I've got a good one for this.

I work in a daycare as an educator. One day I was working with the preschool room (roughly 2.5-4 years old). At random the children created a sort of game with me, where they would claim to be different foods and then i would pinch their jacket and mime eating to pretend I was eating that food (e.g. "I'm a broccoli")

After a little while of only using foods, some of the children started listing non-foods (e.g. "I'm a monkey", "I'm a worm"), to which I would give a big exaggerated reaction along the lines of "a worm? I don't want to eat that!

The one response that broke my composure that I just could not manage to play along with because of laughing/surprise: "I'm a disaster!".

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#65

My 3 y.o was upset with mom one day and came to me and said "daddy can we throw mommy in the trash she's making me mad."

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Elle Lian
Elle Lian
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My 3 y.o. was made at his dad and told me that he hoped a vacuum sucked him up.

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#66

So my little sister (4) she said ,,i want to became a callboy"
She meant cowgirl...

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KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿
KariAdoresHerKats🇮🇪🇵🇸🇩🇿
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love how kids get names mixed up. My Foster daughter used to call lip sticks lick stick and when i would put a bit on her side wouldn't move her mouth to talk in case it fell off. She also used to call high heels he hiles we still use both of those today even though she's a grown woman.

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#67

Once my niece asked if i also had two lungs.

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#68

My SIL is a daycare teacher and when one of her kids started crying hysterically, another kid asked "what is he squabbling about...?".

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#69

Sex ed... not to me, but classmate asking a teacher... "where can i buy absences?".

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#70

When I’d ask my little nephew to pick up his toys (he was around 4 or 5) it would go something like:

“Hey, buddy, do you want to pick up your toys and put them away”

“No, thanks!”

“….”.

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#71

Got called a "filthy lizard".

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#72

A 9-11 years old dude called me a wolf man. I was young and around 16-14 y.o. And i had a full size beard….

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Stardust she/her
Stardust she/her
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

14 seems too young for a guy to have anything besides fuzz on his face. Or maybe the only guys I know who are my age are just late bloomers

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#73

Can I be the kid?

When I was ~4, I examined my mom's fingernails and said "hm, yours grow out white but mine grow out black"

yes, I was a grubby child.

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Pamula Furness
Pamula Furness
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I too was once a member of the 'Black Hand Gang' apparently........,

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#74

I was staring at a pillar and the kid was standing in front of me he said “You can try all you want but only I can win this staring contest you don’t know I am”.

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#75

“Hey lady, let’s watch Avatar The Way Of Water”,

Said an absolute random kid on my way home.

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#76

My 5 year old boy when he's peeing in the morning "dad, it won't stop!" .

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#77

Idk, a pair of kids asked me if I wanted a random rock while I was on a walk the other day. Took me a solid 10 seconds to react, and finally said “yeah, I’d love a rock” it’s just a cute little chunk of brick wall I’m *now obligated to treasure forever, nbd.

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#78

A few years ago when my cousin was 3, it was Christmas and we were raising turkeys on the farm to sell and a few to keep for ourselves, he had seen them for the few months before and then the next time he saw one was after it had been plucked and prepared. He had this quizzical look on his face and said "but... Where is his face?".

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#79

I said "take me back to 2016!". My brother told me "why do you say it?" I told him that it is a nostalgia move meaning that I miss the time I was 8. He told me "take me back to 2026!".

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#80

Me: Nice to meet you. Your name is Dillon right? Younger brother of friend I'm just meeting: are you boy or girl Me: I'm a guy, why? Younger Brother of friend: Your a girl. You have long hair Me: No I'm not Kid: Yes you are Me: Bro I'm not. Might be suprising but I'd actually know. Kid: Why do you have no eyebrows?


8 year olds man.

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mika-dm avatar
That One
That One
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Guys with long hair are awesome! And with no eyebrows sometimes too.

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#81

I heard my four year old niece let out a quiet little fart.

Me: eww? Did you just poot?

Niece: No! I farted!

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#82

Was when I was also a kid. Probably 12 or 13 years old.

We were having a big sleepover at a friend’s house. It was like 3 in the morning, and we came up from the basement to the ground floor to see a big blanket of snow outside. Naturally, were like “dude, let’s go outside and walk on the lake.”

One of the guys had a bit of a lisp, and he said incredulously, “you can’t go out there! You’ll break your ankles off!” It was the combination of the ridiculous idea of someone actually breaking their ankles completely off, how sincere he was when he said it, and the lisp that killed us.

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#83

Omg and one of the cutest things one of my friend’s kids said to me… he was doing karaoke at my house and I said Kid, you’re a Rockstar! And he responds all emotional like.. “noooo, I’m little” 😭.

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#84

I was talking to my 4yr old cousin and i said something along the lines of “oh thats legit” and she said “the word legit scares me it makes me think of monsters” not sure what forged that association in her brain but.

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#85

A while back my little sister asked me if I was pregnant, so I said yes. She then proceeded to yell at my stomach, saying “I don’t want you” about twice. before looking up towards me asking “why do u have a baby in your tummy” she didn’t look so happy about it.

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cerinamroth
cerinamroth
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter told me that no one asked her about having another baby and that our son should go back. The weird thing is, about two years before I was even pregnant with him or even considering another child, she told us that she had "played with her little brother before she came to this place and met us"... Still freaks us out!

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#86

That I look like an egg.

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#87

3rd grade kid "is that Michael Jackson?" pointing at me, made me chuckle nonetheless.

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#88

My neighbor's daughter, like 6 or 7, has said a couple things that stand out. I gave her and her brother each on of the artificial mini koi ponds that I make and sell, everything in it artificial besides stones and the water is resin, and she immediately says that she is going to feed the little fish batteries. I ask why batteries and she just shrugs her shoulders. 

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Bill Swallow
Bill Swallow
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Has she seen Red Dwarf? (Thinking Cat, and Lister's robotic goldfish...)

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#89

One of my favorites was when my cousin Burke was about 7 years old and his family took a road trip to get to our place for Christmas. This little guy hops out of the minivan, runs at my Dad screaming “nuts up Mr. Brian!” And punched my Dad right in the balls, funniest thing I’ve ever seen.

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OnlyMe
OnlyMe
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6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not funny. Kids should be taught that violence is not ok, not at any age. 7 years old, he should definitely know this.

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