Join the Fun!

Duck standing on pavement, looking amused, possibly reminding viewers of a funny joke they've heard and remember to this day. Norm told this best:

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I see your ears are working, too," says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that" says the bartender as he pours the duck a pint. "It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted bartender cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the bartender says to him:

"You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the bartender says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the bartender.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"The circus?" the duck asks again. "With the big TENT?"

"Yeah!" the bartender replies.

"With all the animals who live in CAGES, and performers who live in CARAVANS?" says the duck.

"Of course," the bartender replies.

"And the tent has CANVAS sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says: "What would they want with a plasterer???".

imref , Saeid Anvar Report

112points

POST

Doenutts 4 days ago

this is brilliant 🤣

19points

Man in green plaid hat drinking at a bar, celebrating a funny joke remembered to this day. An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.

The next day, the Irishman returns, orders another two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.

He continues to do this for some time, when one day the bartender questions him, “How come you always order exactly two shots?”

The Irishman replies, “well, you see my brother and I used to go out drinking every night, but he lives across the country now, so every night, I order two drinks. One for myself, and one for my brother.”

Things remain the same for a while until one day the Irishman comes in and orders only one shot. The bartender becomes concerned and asks him “how come you’re only ordering one shot? Did something happen to your brother? Is he ok?”

The Irishman replies, “of course not, my brother’s fine. I just quit drinking”.

Mr_TigerZ , RDNE Stock project Report

93points

POST

Doenutts 4 days ago

**slow clap**

14points

A couple lying on the floor, one holding a baby, smiling and sharing the funniest joke still thought about today. It must suck having gay parents. You either get twice the normal amount of dad jokes or stuck in an endless loop of go ask your mother.

markymark0123 , Kaboompics.com Report

90points

POST

Not-a-Clue (she/her) 4 days ago

I love the story of the teen who trolled his dads by leaving a '"world's greatest dad" mug around at home and let them fight it out 😂

25points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

😆 🤣 😂 Cute

14points

Cosmos 4 days ago

My favorite: your mom was so ugly, your dad married a man instead.

12points

Bret Sander 3 days ago

But completely immune to yo mamma jokes

9points

Makenzie McNeal 2 days ago

Well here's one. "Your mama was so ugly your dad went and married a man."

0points

Lee Banks 3 days ago

And you have constant comment of :"should you wear that? Are they actually good for you?" Bless gay parents. They chose you.

8points

AlphyCygnus , Monstera Production Report

Two kids playing with a toy car on wooden floor, evoking fun and laughter, reminiscent of the funniest joke told to this day. An old man is lying on his death bed with his wife at his side. They had 3 kids but the last one, Steve, looked nothing like the first 2 so he was always suspicious. The old man looked at his wife and says: "Hunny, it doesn't matter at this point but I need to know. Is Steve my son?" His wife smiles and says: "I swear to you, he is your son". The old man then dies peacefully. Then his wife says: "thank god he didn't ask about the first 2".

79points

POST

Cosmos 4 days ago

HA!

9points

Man hitchhiking on a rural road, wearing glasses and a dark jacket, pondering the funniest joke he's heard. I was driving down the road and saw a hitchhiker. Being in a generous mood, I decided I’d give him a ride. After I picked him up and we started on down the road, he was very thankful, but said “you aren’t scared that I could be a serial k*ller or something?” So I chuckled, looked at him and said “the chances that we are both serial k*llers is probably pretty low, don’t you think?”.

Low_cards , Seth Doyle Report

79points

POST

D G 4 days ago

Why is the "i" in killers censored????

15points

Elephant standing in the grassy savanna, evokes the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day. My friend got me an elephant for my room. I said thanks and she said, don’t mention it.

JustbyLlama , Ghida Basma Report

71points

POST

CAREL LAWANI 4 days ago

I don’t get it

8points

Feet wearing sandals on a brick sidewalk, capturing a casual moment related to the funniest joke theme. What do you call a Frenchman in sandals? Philippe Phillope.

magusmccormick , yoppy Report

67points

POST

Nea 4 days ago

This killed me 😂😂

16points

Worker in a yellow hard hat and gloves fixing wires outdoors, reminiscent of a funny joke you still think about to this day. How do you tell the difference between an electrician and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce "unionized.".

SailBoatFuel Report

67points

POST

RU Sirius 4 days ago

I'm an electrician I guess )))

11points

#10

Man holding calf muscle in pain on grass, wearing teal running shoes, reminiscent of a funny joke moment. There's this guy, Dave who absolutely hates going to the doctor. Luckily for him, his brother Henry is a veterinarian. So anytime Dave is sick, he tells Henry and Henry will say "look I'm not a doctor but here is what I would do and the medicines I would take".
One day Dave breaks his leg so he calls up his brother and tells Henry he broke his leg. Henry is quiet for a bit and then says "Dave, I've got bad news".

CluelessDinosaur , Kindel Media Report

63points

POST

Hassel Davidhoff 3 days ago

I think I'm missing something because I don't get it...

4points

Catastophic_Fantasy , Kaboompics.com Report

#11

“Wooden plate with peanuts on a marble countertop, related to funniest joke discussions.” A man walked into a bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. As he sipped the beer, he heard a soothing voice say “nice tie!” Looking around, he noticed that the bar was empty except for himself and the bartender at the end of the bar. A few sips later, the voice said “beautiful shirt“.
At this, the man called the bartender over. “Hey…I must be losing my mind,” he told the bartender. “I keep hearing these voices saying nice things, and there’s not a soul in here but us.”
“It’s the peanuts,” answered the bartender.
“Say what?”
“You heard me,” said the barkeep. “It’s the peanuts … they’re complimentary.“.

61points

POST

jessica r 4 days ago

When I'm in a bar, not even the complimentary peanuts talk to me. FML.

8points

#12

A dark, mysterious forest setting, reminiscent of the funniest joke you've been told that you still think about to this day. Short and sweet. A man and a young boy are walking together, deep in a creepy forest.

The young boy says: I'm scared...

The man replies: I'm the one who has to walk back alone...

SassiesSoiledPanties , Rosie Sun Report

61points

POST

Gabrielle 4 days ago (edited)

Plot twist: the boy is the man's son, and the dad's walking with him to his school.

22points

#13

A pot of boiling water, related to the funniest joke you’ve been told and still think about today. How do you make holy water? Easy. Just boil the hell out of it.

chazbo26 , Scott Akerman Report

59points

POST

Nea 4 days ago

Sounds logical to me.

9points

#14

“What Is The Funniest Joke You’ve Been Told That You Still Think About To This Day?” (30 Answers) How do you think the unthinkable?

... With an itheberg.

ALittleNightMusing , Pixabay Report

59points

POST

StarCrossedFriday 4 days ago

Okay, I giggled a little 😁

10points

#15

Man looking at a soccer ball with a thoughtful expression, outdoors. I couldn't work out why the ball was getting bigger...

Then it hit me.

sparkysparks666 , Harsh Raj Gond Report

58points

POST

wowbagger 3 days ago

Excellent picture!

13points

#16

“What Is The Funniest Joke You’ve Been Told That You Still Think About To This Day?” (30 Answers) An old preacher, a renowned scholar, a rich businessman, and a young boy were riding on a small plane.

The engine fails and the pilot tells the passengers: "We're going down, but we only have 4 parachutes. One of us will have to stay, but it ain't gonna be me!" He grabs a parachute and jumps.

The scholar gets out of his seat and says, "I'm too smart to die!". He also grabs a parachute and jumps.

Once the businessman sees this, he says, "I'm too rich to die!". He grabs the third parachute and jumps.

The preacher looks at the young boy and says, "I've lived a long life, but you're still young. Take the last parachute and live."

The boy responds, "Thank you sir, that's very kind of you. But we can both survive."

Confused, the preacher asks, "What do you mean? We only have one parachute left."

To which the boy responds, "Before the scholar jumped, he grabbed my backpack.".

NeighborhoodNo7917 , Jimmy Chan Report

57points

POST

xolitaire 4 days ago

I know this one, but instead of the scholar it's Trump

28points

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

See Also on Bored Panda

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#17

“What Is The Funniest Joke You’ve Been Told That You Still Think About To This Day?” (30 Answers) NSFW but hilarious…

A penguin has his car break down and takes it in to get serviced on a hot summer’s day. While he’s waiting, he notices an ice cream parlor across the street. He heads over and gets a nice, big, vanilla ice cream cone and sits on the curb and eats it.

Since it’s so hot outside, it melts a bit and gets all over the place, especially around his beak.

Just then the mechanic calls to him and says his car is ready.

He heads inside, where the mechanic tells him, “looks like you blew a seal.”

The penguin responds, “oh, no, it’s just a little ice cream.”.

whitethunder9 , Pixabay Report

53points

POST

StarCrossedFriday 4 days ago

I hate that my mind instantly went there 🫤

11points

#18

Happy dog sitting in a field, tongue out, surrounded by dry grass and graffiti in the background. What do you call a magical dog?

A Labracadabrador.

That joke makes me chuckle every time it passes through my brain.

The_difficult_bit , Oil Report

51points

POST

Nea 4 days ago

All dogs are magical and therefore Labracadabradors.

12points

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

See Also on Bored Panda

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#19

“What Is The Funniest Joke You’ve Been Told That You Still Think About To This Day?” (30 Answers) A grocer is restocking the vegetables when a woman taps him on the shoulder and says “Excuse me Sir, but where do you keep the spinach?” The man replies “Well ma’am we’re out of spinach today, but we get some more tomorrow so come back then.”

The woman nods and walks away while the grocer continues stocking the carrots. A few minutes later the same woman taps the grocer on the shoulder and asks “Sir, I was wondering where I could find the spinach?” Confused, the grocer says “Well ma’am we are out of spinach today. However, we will have more tomorrow morning. Come back tomorrow.”

The woman smiles and thanks him as she walks away. Shaking his head, the grocer turns his attention back to the carrots. Moments later the woman again taps him on the shoulder and asks “Pardon me, but do you know where the spinach is?”

The grocer looks at her angrily and says “Let me ask you something. How do you spell dog, like in dogmatic?” The woman replies “D-O-G” “Okay” says the grocer. “Now how do you spell cat, as in catatonic?” “C-A-T” says the woman. “Perfect” the grocer replies. “Now how do you spell f**k, as in spinach?” She replies, "sure, F - U - ... wait a sec ... there is no f**k in spinach.”

The grocer says “THAT’S THE POINT LADY!".

winkelschleifer , Matheus Cenali Report

49points

POST

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

ROTFLMAO 😂 Love it

8points

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

See Also on Bored Panda

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#20

A man in a denim jacket laughing and pointing, reminded of the funniest joke he's been told. Knock knock

Hike.

Hike who?

Unsuspecting friend.

I await with baited breath.

Sets the perfect trap.

NSA_Chatbot , whoiswasiq Report

49points

POST

kissmychakram 4 days ago

Brilliant.

12points

#21

“What Is The Funniest Joke You’ve Been Told That You Still Think About To This Day?” (30 Answers) A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
“When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.”

So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a*s.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a*s.

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A- Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Phat-mahn , RDNE Stock project Report

48points

POST

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

As a recovering Catholic, I might actually go to this sermon!!!

23points

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

See Also on Bored Panda

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#22

Person eating pizza, wearing a ring with navy nails, pondering a funny joke they still think about to this day. What do dark humor and food have in common?

Not everybody gets it.

Joe-Schmeaux , Fernanda Lima Report

45points

POST

Nea 4 days ago

Dark humour it is.

10points

rentiertrashpanda , William Warby Report

#23

Bright red shrimp on gravel, evoking thoughts of the funniest joke you've been told. What's the difference between a dirty transit hub and a lobster who's had plastic surgery? One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean.

43points

POST

Brittania Kelli 4 days ago

What's the difference between Mary Poppins and Ghandi? One is supercalifraglisticexpialidocious and the other is a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-with-extreme-halitosis.

21points

#24

“What Is The Funniest Joke You’ve Been Told That You Still Think About To This Day?” (30 Answers) So many years ago I was shopping for groceries and standing in the aisle with the honey and syrup. An older gentleman casually walked up to me and said, "What's the hardest part of licking molasses? Spreading their little cheeks." Then he walked off.....funny joke and random encounter 10/10.

AMA_About_Birdlaw , Pixabay Report

41points

POST

Der Kommissar 3 days ago

Have you ever smelled mothballs? if so, how do you get their tiny legs apart?

10points

#25

A coiled rope on a white background. A piece of string walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender tell him "Sorry, we don't serve strings here. Get out."

The string walks out and unravels one end of himself and ties himself up a few times and walks back in and orders a drink. The bartender says "Aren't you the string that was just in here?"

The string replies >!"No, I'm a frayed knot"!<

Heard this joke probably 23 years ago. Still love it and tell it to people.

Sa7aSa7a , Mockup Graphics Report

38points

POST

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

Love this kind of joke!

8points

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

See Also on Bored Panda

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#26

Alligator in water with greenery, evoking a funny joke memory. What do you call an alligator in a vest?

An investigator.

sasquatchfuntimes , Rene Ferrer Report

38points

POST

GhostlySnail (she/her) 4 days ago

There’s a whole kids comic book series based off this one pun, they’re actually really good

8points

#27

Man in a hoodie sitting on a couch, reflecting on the funniest joke he still thinks about to this day. One of my go to's I actually found on here a while back:

What's brown, and rhymes with snoop?

Dr dre.

butterflypuncher , Peacock Report

36points

POST

Khavrinen 4 days ago

What's brown and sticky? -- A stick.

12points

#28

A pig with large ears in a muddy field, related to the funniest joke you’ve been told topic. A guy from the city is out driving in the country.

He passes a farm and sees the farmer holding a pig up, so the pig can eat apples out of an apple tree. The city slicker has never seen anything like that, so he stops, hops the fence and approaches the farmer.

"What in the world are you doing?" the city slicker asks.

"Holdin' up mah pig, so he can eat apples out tha tree," the farmer says.

"Why not shake the tree, and let your pig eat the apples off the ground?" the city slicker says. "Wouldn't that save a lot of time?"

"Well," the farmer says, "What's time to a pig?".

Identical_Stranger , mali maeder Report

36points

POST

Corvus 4 days ago

Deep.

6points

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

See Also on Bored Panda

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#29

Speckled chicken in a farm setting, evoking memories of a classic funny joke still thought about today. Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the dumb guys house.

Knock, knock. Who's there?
It's the chicken.

EastSideNick , Christian West Report

30points

POST

Eric Williams 3 days ago

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. JACK NICHOLSON: 'cause it f.....g wanted to. That's the f.....g reason. RONALD REAGAN: I forgot. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has ever gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into que

18points

#30

Front view of Five Guys restaurant, known for its milkshakes, with red signage and brick facade, open for customers. I actually just heard it today.

Jeffrey Dalmer ate Five Guys before it was even a restaurant.

ailish , JOHN K THORNE Report

27points

POST

sturmwesen 4 days ago

Dahmer

6points

Note: this post originally had 60 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.

A writer here at Bored Panda, I am a lover of good music, good food, and good company, which makes food-related topics and feel-good stories my favorite ones to cover. Passionate about traveling and concerts, I constantly seek occasions to visit places yet personally unexplored. I also enjoy spending free time outdoors, trying out different sports—even if I don’t look too graceful at it—or socializing over a cup of coffee.

Read less »

Gabija is a photo editor at Bored Panda. Before joining the team, she achieved a Professional Bachelor degree in Photography and has been working as a freelance photographer since. She also has a special place in her heart for film photography, movies and nature.

Read less »

What do you think ?

POST

ZGutr 3 days ago (edited)

Everybody that lives here says the house is haunted. I've been here 274 years now and never noticed anything

17points

Birb 4 days ago

What do you call a spider with 8 eyes? A spiiiiiiiider

13points

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

How do you call a moose with no naam, anonymoose

0points

Tobias Reaper 4 days ago

A: Knock Knock B: whos there A: interupting cow B: interupting co.... A: MOOOO

12points

Thorty4 3 days ago

What's E.T short for..... because he has little legs.

9points

Cosmos 4 days ago

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle!

8points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck! I tried to childproof my house, but they keep getting in!

7points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

The cemetery is so crowded, but people are still dying to get in!

10points

Papa 3 days ago

An older gentleman was working out at the gym with his trainer. An attractive young woman happened to walk by, and the old man asked his trainer "What machine should I use to impress that young lady?" The trainer looked at the old man, then looked at the young lady, and then looked back at the old man, and said "I'd recommend the ATM in the lobby."

6points

Jessica Scott 3 days ago

One my dad told me that I always loved (yes we're a twisted family): What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver? WHACK... Damn! Damn... WHACK.

6points

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 2 days ago

Made me smile. I guess I'm twisted, too.

1point

reuben kift 4 days ago (edited)

Why can't my bicycle stand up by itself? Because, it is two-tired.

6points

BookFanatic 3 days ago

I've got a couple. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. What happened when the blue ship crashed into the red ship? All the sailors were marooned. I also know a score of dirty jokes, but I'll keep it clean.

5points

Nea 4 days ago

Good job at keeping most of these non-offensive

5points

Der Kommissar 3 days ago (edited)

What's brown and sticky? a stick. what is red and is bad for your teeth? a flying brick

4points

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

😂😂😂😂 this one made me spill my drink

0points

Rae Reyn 3 days ago

Norwegian ships now have barcodes on the side so when the ships come in to port they can Scandinavian.

3points

McTrash (They/them) 3 days ago

What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

3points

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

👌l

0points

Richard Graham 3 days ago (edited)

What do you get when you cross a Mafia Don with an Interpretive Dancer? Someone who will make you an offer you don't understand.

2points

Jimmy Cornillez 3 days ago

A guy walks into a bar and says ouch. Two guys walk into a bar. You figure after the first guy hit it the 2nd guy would've ducked.

2points

AnnaB Premium 3 days ago

Guy 1: I just got back from Barbados. They had the best lemon pie! It was $2.00 a slice. Then I went to Jamaica. The lemon pie there was $8.00 a slice! Guy 2: Why the difference? Guy 1: I don't know. Those are just the pie rates of the Caribbean.

2points

Corvus 4 days ago

How does a Welsh man find a sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying ;)

2points

Not-a-Clue (she/her) 4 days ago

Some funny one and quite a lot that were meh or totally pointless. A few I didn't get at all, and I think are possibly culturally or language specific.

2points

DeZeCrATioN 2 days ago

What do a necrophi|iac and an alcoholic have in common? Both like to crack open a cold one :)

1point

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

💀🖤🩶

0points

char 2 days ago

what are the strongest days of the week? saturday and sunday, all the others are weekdays.

1point

char 2 days ago

one of my favorite childhood memories was building sandcastles with my grandpa. then my mom took the urn away.

2points

Highfalutin Heron Premium 2 days ago

Why did the little kid go to rehab? He was hooked on phonics

1point

Montanavanna 3 days ago

Why can't a lesbian go on a diet and wear make up at the same time? Cuz you can't eat Jenny Craig when you got Mary Kay on your face..baddum tss..this might be a joke for people above a certain age but I have always loved it

1point

Rednose 3 days ago

True story. My SIL raises chickens. One morning as she opened the sealed feed barrel, out jumped a chicken. Not one to waste a spontaneous pun, I suggested she might be eligible for the "pullet surprise."

1point

René Sauer 3 days ago

Too bad my favorites are build on german language and are thus hard to translate.

1point

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

A cricket goes into a bar and the bartender says: we have a drink named after you. An the cricket says: you have a drink named Steve???

0points

Dl B 2 days ago

There is a bakery that has a very small floor space so they store the baked goods on high shelves along the wall. They hired a young woman with very short skirts to be the cashier. One day a man came in for some raisin bread. She had to get the ladder, bring it over to the proper shelf and climb all the way to the top to get the raisin bread. The man was enjoying watching her, in her short skirts climb up there. As she was coming down another man came in. He saw was happening and decided he needed some raisin bread. After she went and got the second guy his loaf he decided he needed a second loaf. As she was at the top of the ladder an old man with a cane came shuffling in. The girl thought she could save some time and effort. She yelled from the top of ladder to the old man "Is yours raisin too" He replied "No, but it is wigglin' some"

0points

Josh David Whitmore 2 days ago

I asked my doctor what is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer. He said, "The taste."

0points

Josh David Whitmore 2 days ago

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. HEY!....it could happen!

0points

Josh David Whitmore 2 days ago

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. HEY!.....it could happen!

0points

Kain Guru 3 days ago

How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

0points

Amy Roberts 3 days ago

And when we tell them, let’s just include some more female characters and get rid of the masculine neutral??

0points

Carl Smith 3 days ago

What's black and white and red all over? A nun with her throat slit.

0points

Papa 3 days ago

I always thought it was a zebra with a sunburn.

1point

Carl Smith 3 days ago

This comment has been deleted.

0points

POST

ZGutr 3 days ago (edited)

Everybody that lives here says the house is haunted. I've been here 274 years now and never noticed anything

17points

Birb 4 days ago

What do you call a spider with 8 eyes? A spiiiiiiiider

13points

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

How do you call a moose with no naam, anonymoose

0points

Tobias Reaper 4 days ago

A: Knock Knock B: whos there A: interupting cow B: interupting co.... A: MOOOO

12points

Thorty4 3 days ago

What's E.T short for..... because he has little legs.

9points

Cosmos 4 days ago

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo drizzle!

8points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

What has 4 wheels and flies? A garbage truck! I tried to childproof my house, but they keep getting in!

7points

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson 4 days ago

The cemetery is so crowded, but people are still dying to get in!

10points

Papa 3 days ago

6points

Jessica Scott 3 days ago

One my dad told me that I always loved (yes we're a twisted family): What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver? WHACK... Damn! Damn... WHACK.

6points

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦 2 days ago

Made me smile. I guess I'm twisted, too.

1point

reuben kift 4 days ago (edited)

Why can't my bicycle stand up by itself? Because, it is two-tired.

6points

BookFanatic 3 days ago

5points

Nea 4 days ago

Good job at keeping most of these non-offensive

5points

Der Kommissar 3 days ago (edited)

What's brown and sticky? a stick. what is red and is bad for your teeth? a flying brick

4points

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

😂😂😂😂 this one made me spill my drink

0points

Rae Reyn 3 days ago

Norwegian ships now have barcodes on the side so when the ships come in to port they can Scandinavian.

3points

McTrash (They/them) 3 days ago

What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?

3points

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

👌l

0points

Richard Graham 3 days ago (edited)

What do you get when you cross a Mafia Don with an Interpretive Dancer? Someone who will make you an offer you don't understand.

2points

Jimmy Cornillez 3 days ago

A guy walks into a bar and says ouch. Two guys walk into a bar. You figure after the first guy hit it the 2nd guy would've ducked.

2points

AnnaB Premium 3 days ago

2points

Corvus 4 days ago

How does a Welsh man find a sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying ;)

2points

Not-a-Clue (she/her) 4 days ago

Some funny one and quite a lot that were meh or totally pointless. A few I didn't get at all, and I think are possibly culturally or language specific.

2points

DeZeCrATioN 2 days ago

What do a necrophi|iac and an alcoholic have in common? Both like to crack open a cold one :)

1point

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

💀🖤🩶

0points

char 2 days ago

what are the strongest days of the week? saturday and sunday, all the others are weekdays.

1point

char 2 days ago

one of my favorite childhood memories was building sandcastles with my grandpa. then my mom took the urn away.

2points

Highfalutin Heron Premium 2 days ago

Why did the little kid go to rehab? He was hooked on phonics

1point

Montanavanna 3 days ago

1point

Rednose 3 days ago

1point

René Sauer 3 days ago

Too bad my favorites are build on german language and are thus hard to translate.

1point

Meta Veldkamp 12 hours ago

A cricket goes into a bar and the bartender says: we have a drink named after you. An the cricket says: you have a drink named Steve???

0points

Dl B 2 days ago

0points

Josh David Whitmore 2 days ago

I asked my doctor what is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer. He said, "The taste."

0points

Josh David Whitmore 2 days ago

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. HEY!....it could happen!

0points

Josh David Whitmore 2 days ago

Two Irishmen walk out of a bar. HEY!.....it could happen!

0points

Kain Guru 3 days ago

How do you kill a blue elephant? Shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant? Hold its nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

0points

Amy Roberts 3 days ago

And when we tell them, let’s just include some more female characters and get rid of the masculine neutral??

0points

Carl Smith 3 days ago

What's black and white and red all over? A nun with her throat slit.

0points

Papa 3 days ago

I always thought it was a zebra with a sunburn.

1point