A birthday is the one day in the year when a person should be able to do whatever they want. If they wish to spend it alone and in peace, that’s fine! If they see it as a day to celebrate and spend quality time with family and friends, that’s perfectly fine too!

But this woman got robbed of her birthday experience. She planned a nice, fancy dinner with her friends and family members, but they decided to throw a surprise party instead. After being left waiting and alone in the restaurant, the woman just couldn’t appreciate the surprise like her friends wanted. Not sure whether she overreacted, the woman decided to consult with the Internet.

A woman planned a fancy birthday dinner with friends and family for herself

Image credits: mstandret (not the actual photo)

But they had a plan of their own: leave her stranded in the restaurant and throw a surprise party instead

Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: sadburthdt_8471

Sometimes, people who say they don’t want surprise parties actually want them

There’s no consensus among people on surprise parties. Some love them, and others hate them and avoid them like the plague. Last year, in a nationwide poll, 63% of Americans said they either love or like surprise birthday parties. Only 7% said they hate them, and 9% claimed to dislike them.

Interestingly, a poll by Business Wire actually revealed that people want a surprise party even if they say they don’t. 43.5% of the respondents said they give mixed signals when it comes to friends or family throwing a surprise party. They say they don’t want to be surprised on their day, but they actually don’t mean it.

That’s what the planners of a surprise birthday party should keep in mind, according to Social Tables. The first rule of throwing a surprise party should be to know whether the person likes surprise parties to begin with. But, with these interesting pieces of statistics in mind, it seems that it can sometimes go out the window.

That said, checking should still be a prerequisite. Chantelle Hartman Malarkey, a hosting aesthetic expert, told Best Life how unwanted surprise parties can easily backfire. “They will hate the surprise, and you will not get the reaction you are hoping for,” she said. “The idea of the surprise party is for them and no one else—so if they are not a fan of these, it’s best to skip it!”

Event Planner Nora Sheils says that, when done with the right intentions, a surprise party can be a good idea. “As long as you are planning the party for the right reasons and feel prepared by really knowing the person to pull it off, you can’t go wrong,” she told The Knot.

Image credits: Adi Goldstein (not the actual photo)

Surprise party planners should have a decoy plan and someone taking the guest of honor out before the surprise party

Planning a surprise party comes with some big no-nos. This story is a great example of a surprise party secret gone wrong. The experts on all celebrations and occasions at Hallmark say that taking the surprise too far and getting the person in a bad mood is a big mistake.

What is the right way to get the guest of honor to the party? Not to abandon them and leave them alone, that’s for sure. A friend or a family member should take the birthday person out to do something nice or fun. Scheduling an outing to a movie theater or a simple dinner should do the trick.

Planning a smaller surprise before the big party is also an option. That’s why etiquette experts at Evite suggest organizing the surprise around some other event. A concert or a baseball match, for example. Then, when the big day comes, apologize for the unfortunate change of plans and tell them to come to the place of the surprise party.

All in all, even if you think the guest of honor will like the surprise party, plan it according to their preferences. “Take the time to understand their interests, hobbies, and preferences to create an event that truly reflects their personality and makes them feel special,” the founder of Happy Family Blog, Cristy Stewart-Harfmann, told Best Life.

Image credits: Sergei Solo (not the actual photo)

Many commenters comforted the woman, saying that her reaction was warranted

Other people shared similar horrible birthday party stories

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