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Woman Asks The Internet If She’s Being Used As A Free Babysitter, Gets A Harsh Reality Check
It’s never a good feeling to be used for someone’s benefit. But what’s worse is if it involves your best friend, someone you’ve known and trusted for many years.
Today’s story is about online user Sunshinemama1, who shared her experience with a lifestyle forum, Mumsnet. According to her account, she agreed to take on childcare duties for her best friend of 25 years.
However, the “thanks” she received were non-invitations to two momentous events in her friend’s life. It left her taken aback, so she sought advice and answers on the internet.
RELATED:
This woman decided to do her longtime best friend a favor by taking on childcare duties
Image credits: yavdat / Envato (not the actual photo)
However, she received an unpleasant response
Image credits: Lara-sh / Envato (not the actual photo)
Family and friends told her she was likely being used
Image credits: Sunshinemama1
She was left confused and has turned to the internet for answers
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The story’s poster wasn’t aware that she may have been used for her best friend’s benefit. But apparently, this scenario is far too common.
Statistics say 90% of Americans demonstrate codependent behavior. As for why people seem to willingly get themselves into such relationships with other people, experts like clinical psychologist Scott Bea attribute it to the person’s upbringing.
“Maybe we grew up in a family where there’s lots of chaos and where our emotions get attached or entangled to other family members,” Dr. Bea told the Cleveland Clinic.
That begs another important question: Why do people stay in codependent relationships? According to Dr. Bea, it is possible that people who compromise too much are waiting for a positive change from the other person.
“People are often engaged in some sort of calculation about future likelihoods and whether a relationship can get better. People with hopes that rise and then are dashed frequently will persist a bit longer when they have a commitment and significant investment.”
Here’s an expert’s advice on how to properly end one-sided relationships
Image credits: Roberto Nickson / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s no secret that one-sided relationships aren’t healthy, especially for the person who constantly bends over. There’s no other way but out, and Dr. Bea’s advice for cutting ties with codependency begins with keeping a neutral dialogue.
“Don’t excessively blame the other person. Take responsibility for your own contribution to the conflict. Try to preserve a sense of integrity and well-being of the person, and if there are kids involved, do the same thing.”
Those who feel trapped in one-sided relationships seem to have difficulty putting their foot down. This is something Dr. Bea stresses.
“If you say, ‘We’re splitting,’ and you’ve said that 100 times and no split has ever occurred, it’s going to be meaningless.
“[Instead], you say, ‘You know, I’ve reached my limit. I really need to see some change sometime in the next six months, or we need to calculate other paths,’ and mean it.”
After hearing what could be the harsh truth from her mom, the poster now feels lost and confused about what to do next.
But most people in the comments believe she is being used
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
The poster shared a final response to clarify her post
Image credits: Sunshinemama1
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What do you think ?
Szzone 1 year ago
Godparent doesn't have to mean person from the same faith. Godparent is just a special honor. It used to be, godparents were backups in case the parents died, and helped out with the kid if needed. That's it. It's not faith, it's a support network thing. Literally the role she's already unofficially doing - without any appreciation or recognition. She should just drop this friend.
Rachel Pelz 1 year ago (edited)
Well, in Lutheran Christian churches -and all Christian churches I know of- being member of the respective church is absolutely prerequisite to being a godparent. At the christening, parents and godparents vow to raise the child teaching it about god and (their) faith. Since OP talks about christening, I assume this is a church event. Of course, you are free to call anybody "godparent", but technically/historically it is definitely a religious "title". (Edit: keyboard problem ;) )
Load More Replies...
Tenebre 1 year ago (edited)
Why on earth would you want to be friends with someone who uses you for free childcare, including providing food and diapers, but didn't have you be part of the wedding, but instead be used as a babysitter? Backbone is non existent. I just went to the page they took the story from and OP updated that she babysat at the christening the entire time and did not enjoy it. She also said a bridesmaid has confided in her that she received similar comments from other people about being used, and now neither women will babysit for the friend. Thank god. What a shame it took her so long.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
What's a YANBU? Is that the acronym for You Are Not Being Used? That's all I can think of in this context
Francois 1 year ago
To be honest, at least in our country the godparents are usually family members e.g. siblings. But still it sounds you are rather useful to her to put lightly.
Szzone 1 year ago
One, howcome it's not the siblings who take care of the child? And two, there can be more godparents, not just one set.
Load More Replies...
Sunny Day 1 year ago
I could have written this post. My "BFF" had done some things that raised flags, but I ignored them because "we're friends". But then she got married. It wasn't that I wasn't invited - it was a sudden courthouse thing - but that she didn't bother to tell me. I heard it thru the grapevine. And that made me realize - she never contacted me to just spend time together. I was the one who always did that. She only got in touch with me when she needed something - pick up diapers on my way, or bring her lunch, or watch her kids, give her a ride, loan her gas money. So I walked away and haven't spoken to her since. Almost 40 years.
Kate Johnson 1 year ago
I think I'd just be a little less "available" in future. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just say, "Hey, sorry, but I have stuff coming up and I'll no longer be able to babysit" and just slowly fade to black in the relationship.
Gabriele Alfredo Pini 1 year ago
First I would speak with her, asking why the decisions. Not being made godparent of a child I watch one full day every week is strange...
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
As soon as op stops the free babysitting, she’ll never see this friend again.
Michelle C 1 year ago
Used to have a friend like that....haven't bothered to speak to her in 6 years
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
So, as per one poster, if you aren't 'of her faith' you can be used like a doormat? Lol. The justifications some people do. This poor woman doesn't understand just how much she is being used. And *shocked Pikachu face* by a person of faith, no less.
Szzone 1 year ago
Godparent doesn't have to mean person from the same faith. Godparent is just a special honor. It used to be, godparents were backups in case the parents died, and helped out with the kid if needed. That's it. It's not faith, it's a support network thing. Literally the role she's already unofficially doing - without any appreciation or recognition. She should just drop this friend.
Rachel Pelz 1 year ago (edited)
Well, in Lutheran Christian churches -and all Christian churches I know of- being member of the respective church is absolutely prerequisite to being a godparent. At the christening, parents and godparents vow to raise the child teaching it about god and (their) faith. Since OP talks about christening, I assume this is a church event. Of course, you are free to call anybody "godparent", but technically/historically it is definitely a religious "title". (Edit: keyboard problem ;) )
Load More Replies... Tenebre 1 year ago (edited)
Why on earth would you want to be friends with someone who uses you for free childcare, including providing food and diapers, but didn't have you be part of the wedding, but instead be used as a babysitter? Backbone is non existent. I just went to the page they took the story from and OP updated that she babysat at the christening the entire time and did not enjoy it. She also said a bridesmaid has confided in her that she received similar comments from other people about being used, and now neither women will babysit for the friend. Thank god. What a shame it took her so long.
Zedrapazia 1 year ago
What's a YANBU? Is that the acronym for You Are Not Being Used? That's all I can think of in this context
Francois 1 year ago
To be honest, at least in our country the godparents are usually family members e.g. siblings. But still it sounds you are rather useful to her to put lightly.
Szzone 1 year ago
One, howcome it's not the siblings who take care of the child? And two, there can be more godparents, not just one set.
Load More Replies... Sunny Day 1 year ago
I could have written this post. My "BFF" had done some things that raised flags, but I ignored them because "we're friends". But then she got married. It wasn't that I wasn't invited - it was a sudden courthouse thing - but that she didn't bother to tell me. I heard it thru the grapevine. And that made me realize - she never contacted me to just spend time together. I was the one who always did that. She only got in touch with me when she needed something - pick up diapers on my way, or bring her lunch, or watch her kids, give her a ride, loan her gas money. So I walked away and haven't spoken to her since. Almost 40 years.
Kate Johnson 1 year ago
I think I'd just be a little less "available" in future. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just say, "Hey, sorry, but I have stuff coming up and I'll no longer be able to babysit" and just slowly fade to black in the relationship.
Gabriele Alfredo Pini 1 year ago
First I would speak with her, asking why the decisions. Not being made godparent of a child I watch one full day every week is strange...
The Starsong Princess 1 year ago
As soon as op stops the free babysitting, she’ll never see this friend again.
Michelle C 1 year ago
Used to have a friend like that....haven't bothered to speak to her in 6 years
Ephemera Image 1 year ago
So, as per one poster, if you aren't 'of her faith' you can be used like a doormat? Lol. The justifications some people do. This poor woman doesn't understand just how much she is being used. And *shocked Pikachu face* by a person of faith, no less.
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