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“She Didn’t Even Ask”: Narcissist Assumes Friend Gave Baby Her Name, Gets Shamed Online
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“She Didn’t Even Ask”: Narcissist Assumes Friend Gave Baby Her Name, Gets Shamed Online

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Naming a baby is a huge decision. It’s the signifier that a person will have to carry for the rest of their lives. Some parents choose to name their child after a family member, especially if that’s a long-standing tradition. Other babies are namesakes of their parents’ favorite writers, musicians or scientists. The parents can also just choose a name that sounds nice to them.

But some people name their children after friends. At least that’s what the author of this post assumed. The user theamyshaveit asked the people of Reddit to weigh in on her story. Was she rightfully angry that a friend named her baby after her without asking for permission? The verdict of the people was quite unanimous. Read on to find out what the Internet decided.

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    The OP believed she was the inspiration behind her friend’s baby’s name. But was her assumption correct?

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    Image credits:Daniel Reche (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: theamyshaveit

    It’s not actually possible to ‘own’ a name

    Image credits: Kristina Paukshtite (not the actual photo)

    Although OP’s anger was likely unfounded, baby names can stir up quite the drama. There are plenty of similar stories on Reddit with new mothers complaining that their friends or family members stole their baby’s name. Even Rachel on Friends stole her best friend Monica’s favorite name for her daughter Emma.

    However, the truth is that ‘stealing’ a name is a gray area. Etiquette expert Diane Gottsman told HuffPost that a name is not intellectual property. “Anybody can use a name,” she said. “And while you have an emotional reaction to it, you can’t really steal a name. But it feels like a stab.”

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    It might feel like a betrayal when a friend uses your name or the name that you picked out for your child. In her advice column, Amy Dickinson writes that a child’s name is the parents’ business.

    “If one person could prevent another from assigning a name to a child merely by objecting to it, there would be no one named Merle. I don’t want to live in a world with no Merles,” she quips.

    “You are the baby’s mother. You will be addressing the child dozens of times a day.” Dickinson claims that if the parents think their decision through and don’t mind if people might assume the baby’s named after somebody else, they should go for it.

    There is an etiquette to reacting to babies’ names

    Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)

    Even if you don’t think your friend ‘borrowed’ your name to name their child, it’s important not to offend the parent with your opinion of their child’s name. The Birmingham Mom Collective has some advice for how to react to a baby name you don’t like.

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    Generally, it’s one of those cases where the golden rule “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” applies. Even if it is a white lie, better to respond with a “That’s a beautiful name! I’m so happy for you!”

    Some things you should definitely not say. “Are you sure?” or “It’s a really long name,” for instance. If you don’t have anything nice to say, pivot to another subject. Ask the parents how they came up with it or whether it took long for the baby to get a name.

    Some names can be for girls and boys alike, for example, Alex, Ashley or Charlie. A big mistake would be to comment on the fact after the parents announce their baby’s name. It’s not very polite to ask whether they know it’s a girl’s/boy’s name.

    “Popular names tend to swing from gender to gender throughout the decades. Just because a name is considered more appropriate for one gender in the current age, doesn’t mean it wasn’t used for the opposite gender in the past,” Brittany B writes for Birmingham Mom Collective.

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    Commenters deemed OP the jerk, calling her a “narcissist” and an “AH”

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    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

    Read less »
    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Kornelija Viečaitė

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Read more »

    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

    Read less »

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Ilona Baliūnaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    I'm a Visual Editor at Bored Panda since 2017. I've searched through a multitude of images to create over 2000 diverse posts on a wide range of topics. I love memes, funny, and cute stuff, but I'm also into social issues topics. Despite my background in communication, my heart belongs to visual media, especially photography. When I'm not at my desk, you're likely to find me in the streets with my camera, checking out cool exhibitions, watching a movie at the cinema or just chilling with a coffee in a cozy place

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    María Hermida
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First World people and their First World "problems". This jerk clearly has nothing serious to worry about and she has to invent some drama. If her life is so boring she should do some volunteer work in a shelter or the Red Cross or any other NGO. She clearly needs to face the harsh realities of life.

    C.O. Shea
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I give you... the narcissist in her natural habitat. "It's All About Me" Land.

    K Davis
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. My friend who I was very close to as a child in school, where we have grown apart as adults but still see each other a few times a year (don't live in the same area to see each other as easily sadly) had a baby. He has the same name as me but the male version, for example like I'm Samantha and he's Samuel so we both are known as Sam. I knew he wouldn't have been named after me, but I still loved that he has the same name as me and selfishly liked to think I had a little bit to do with influencing the name, or at least not putting her off it! I would never dream of gatekeeping a name! Even my middle name that is incredibly unique, I wouldn't be angry if someone I knew used it for their baby! I'd be flattered. This woman has issues!

    Load More Comments
    María Hermida
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    First World people and their First World "problems". This jerk clearly has nothing serious to worry about and she has to invent some drama. If her life is so boring she should do some volunteer work in a shelter or the Red Cross or any other NGO. She clearly needs to face the harsh realities of life.

    C.O. Shea
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I give you... the narcissist in her natural habitat. "It's All About Me" Land.

    K Davis
    Community Member
    11 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. My friend who I was very close to as a child in school, where we have grown apart as adults but still see each other a few times a year (don't live in the same area to see each other as easily sadly) had a baby. He has the same name as me but the male version, for example like I'm Samantha and he's Samuel so we both are known as Sam. I knew he wouldn't have been named after me, but I still loved that he has the same name as me and selfishly liked to think I had a little bit to do with influencing the name, or at least not putting her off it! I would never dream of gatekeeping a name! Even my middle name that is incredibly unique, I wouldn't be angry if someone I knew used it for their baby! I'd be flattered. This woman has issues!

    Load More Comments
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