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Group Leaves Friend After She’s Late Yet Again, Sparks Major Friendship Fallout
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Group Leaves Friend After She’s Late Yet Again, Sparks Major Friendship Fallout

Interview With Expert
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Some people are sticklers for punctuality, while to others, time is only a suggestion. In a 2006 survey, 15-20% of Americans said they’re “consistently late.” Another 2017 survey revealed that almost 30% Americans are late to work every day. But how do people actually deal with the chronically late?

Well, this woman didn’t play around. She up and left her always late friend out of the birthday party bus. After the friend’s wrath and some disapproving words from the friend group, she started wondering: maybe her solution to the always late friend’s behavior wasn’t as good as she thought?

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A birthday party became a disaster when a woman decided to leave the group’s always late friend behind

Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual photo)

She justified her actions by saying that the friend was acting selfishly by holding up the party by more than an hour

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Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual photo)

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From the perspective of good etiquette, being late is inexcusable

We probably all have at least one person in our lives for whom time is a mere suggestion. When you tell them, “Meet me at five,” they will most likely be there at 5:45. Some people get really mad at the perpetually late, as they believe it’s disrespectful.

Bored Panda asked Lisa Mirza Grotts, a 23-year certified etiquette expert, whether punctuality is a virtue or just a preference. “When you are late, it says that your time is more important than everybody else’s,” the etiquette expert says. “It’s not. It shows a lack of respect and consideration.”

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“Punctuality is a courtesy that we extend to others and they extend to us. It’s the golden rule on steroids,” Grotts explains. “Remember: all of our choices have power. When you repeat good behavior, you build, trust, strength, and relationships, and set a positive example for others to follow.”

It’s true that some people like to keep others waiting. Behavior expert Somia Zaman says that some people make lateness part of their personal brand. If people already expect them to be always late, why should they change their behavior? Especially when family and friends accommodate them.

Yet scientists say that being late is not always a conscious choice

Yet many psychologists and researchers believe that most chronic late comers don’t actually decide they want to be late. The reasons for their lateness can be several. Sometimes, it’s mental health issues: anxious people are more likely to be late.

“There may be some element of executive dysfunction,” Zaman explained. “But they might also be struggling with some level of anxiety, which makes the transition of leaving one place for another difficult for them.”

Procrastination also comes into play here. The reason why you’re always late to submit that essay is not that you’re bad at time management, you’re just avoiding an unpleasant task.

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“There’s something about doing that task or finishing that task that is threatening to us. It might be that we’re worried that it’s not going to be good enough, or it’s not going to please somebody,” Dr. Fuschia Sirois explained to The Guardian.

Our upbringing also influences our punctuality, and it really can go both ways. If people in our environment growing up were punctual, we might want to rebel and be more lax with time. Or, on the contrary, we might learn punctuality from our parents and caretakers and remain punctual well into our adulthood.

Some people are just really bad at estimating time

People who overschedule tend to be optimistic; they think they’ll be able to accomplish lots of things during a short amount of time. Chronically late people might just be eternal optimists.

“Some over-schedulers are people who have trouble saying ‘no,’ fearing they may offend someone, or miss out on an important opportunity (FOMO). In this case, their unrealistic plans for the day are a reflection of their worries rather than their excitement,” Somia Zaman told Metro.

A 2001 study looked into how different personality types judge time. Type A (ambitious, competitive) participants were almost right about when a minute passed by. But Type B (creative and explorative) people felt the minute was over after 77 seconds.

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Chronic lateness might also be the result of how everyone approaches time differently. As Dr. Fuschia Sirois explained to The Guardian, some people are more future-oriented and others make decisions based on the present. The people in the second group might be late more often because they focus less on what’s next.

“She needs to learn the world doesn’t revolve around her schedule,” people said

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Others said the group should’ve left even earlier and stop accommodating the always late friend

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Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

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Kornelija Viečaitė

Kornelija Viečaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Hi there, fellow pandas! As a person (over)educated both in social sciences and literature, I'm most interested in how we connect and behave online (and sometimes in real life too.) The human experience is weird, so I try my best to put its peculiarities in writing. As a person who grew up chronically online, I now try to marry two sides of myself: the one who knows too much about MySpace, and the one who can't settle and needs to see every corner of the world.

Shelly Fourer

Shelly Fourer

Author, BoredPanda staff

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Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. When I'm not working, you'll often find me immersed in creativity, whether it's creating animations, 3D and traditional art, writing, or making music.I've been drawing since I was little, and my passion for visual storytelling really took off after I finished a 2-year Film Academy. It ignited my existing spark for bringing stories to life through visuals. Since then, I've been diving deeper into art and tech, always exploring new ways to tell compelling stories.

Read less »

Shelly Fourer

Shelly Fourer

Author, BoredPanda staff

Hey there! I'm Shelly, a Visual Editor at Bored Panda. When I'm not working, you'll often find me immersed in creativity, whether it's creating animations, 3D and traditional art, writing, or making music.I've been drawing since I was little, and my passion for visual storytelling really took off after I finished a 2-year Film Academy. It ignited my existing spark for bringing stories to life through visuals. Since then, I've been diving deeper into art and tech, always exploring new ways to tell compelling stories.

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Nimitz
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my mother and three of my older sisters. If I wanted them to be on time for anything I had to tell them a time that would put normal people an hour early. I also eventually gave up and let them eat crow. And I continue that policy to this day. They are high functioning people who have no trouble being on time for work or doctor's appointments, but when it comes to family/friends they expect unlimited tolerance. I cut them no slack and when possible, allow them to experience financial penalties (cancellation fees, no admittance after blank clauses, or just locking my door and ignoring them). Instead of making me worry and stress, I am free of the burden they place upon me, and it's wonderful

Mari
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same thing with my family. But I gave up, they won't change their behaviour. I learned to do my own thing until they show up, I am not stressing anymore.

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ThatG
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Finally!!! The YTA’s are not unhinged and I completely agree with them!!

Yu Pan
Community Member
1 day ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute, didn't op say, "...WE decided we had to go". As this is a group decision, why is the blame on op alone and who are those that now said the group should have waited? Op needs to call out those turncoats and refuses to be the scapegoat. The group made the decision; the group needs to own it.

Bob Brooce
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Might be people who didn't go but are part of a larger group of friends. And they're also a******s.

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varwenea
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So stupid. Bus leaves at 7, period. Then go. If she wants to arrive at a restaurant 1.5 hours late, then she can eat dinner while everyone else is ordering dessert. A plane will leave without her. They have been enabling her. Such b.s.

Bob Brooce
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bus will wait if you ask, but that either means everybody loses an hour at the event, or they stay an hour later and pay more for the bus (I wonder what Sarah would have said if they asked her to pay for the extra hour if they stayed late? Well, actually I'm pretty sure I know). Either way, the plan already allowed everybody a 30 minute cushion to get there and be boarding the bus at 7.

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Sergio Bicerra
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'You know how he/she is" is the sing of those who want to keep the peace when they're not te offended party.

pineapple87
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have just left at 7 and told Sarah to meet you at the first place you were stopping instead. It's one thing being late and to be honest about it, but the people who say "I'm almost there" when they haven't even left have no respect for other people's time. If you're going to be royally late, at least have the courtesy to give me an accurate eta, so I can do other stuff instead of just idling thinking you'll be there any minute.

Aboredpanda
Community Member
1 day ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. Whenever I'm late I write a message 'Leaving the house now, will be there in __ minutes. OR "taking the buss at __ it will be there at __. Etc. Say it early that you'll be late so you'll not be forcing people to stand around waiting for you. After having a child sometimes things just don't go according to plan, last time I was late for a poker game. They made a unanimous decition to start without me, and I was perfectly fine with that. And everyone was happy.

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Alexia
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my long-time friend. She is late in 90% of the cases. She doesn't value her time at all, so other people's time is unimportant for her too. She was once late and missed her train because she wouldn't leave without wearing makeup. Some other time, she spent hours in traffic just to get to a specific supermarket; the discount she received was minor as opposed to the time she wasted. As she made me waste time waiting for her on several occasions, I decided it was time to stop. If we meet for an event and she's late, I'm going in without her. If she wants to meet me, she drops by my house when I'm home (and that's the only acceptable place to meet). She didn't like it, but I'm done tolerating (enabling) such behavior.

Beth Wheeler
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They keep telling an earlier time so that she will hopefully be on time. Sarah needs to get up off her a*s and show up on time or not show up at all and not get mad at the others.

Ace
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem being that Sarah has got used to being told an earlier time so will continue to assume that being an hour 'late' is not actually late at all. It's like people who set their clocks a few minutes fast to ensure they get up or leave the house on time - it might work for a while but once you're used to it you might as well not do it. Unless someone comes around unannounced and sets all your clocks to the correct time, which is effectively what's happened here.

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Dog Mom to Zoe
Community Member
21 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a gentlemen friend that would do this. We had tickets to a play..he was running late with no call. (no text at that time). I left the ticket on my door with a note we left. Never late again.

Veronica Jean
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being late is her issue to solve. I say that as a chronic late person. I have no sense of time. I have to set an alarm that goes off every ten minutes otherwise I could not tell you how long it's been. It's very difficult for me to estimate how long ago things happened, or differentiate days. I remember events, but my timeline is always way off. Took and ADHD diagnosis for me to finally understand. I do think that time blindness is a real thing, and simply a neurotype. That being said: You have to deal with it. You can't make other people suffer because of it, and when you mess sup you have to take responsibility because this is your issue. She could be ADHD, she could be just manipulative or selfish, but either way ....SHE has to learn to cope. You can be patient and supportive without being enabling or having your boundaries violated. It was a boundary. She messed it up

Dan Flo
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imo - people accepting she is late by saying "you know how she is" is part of why she doesnt care enough to show up in time. It is not selfish for a group of people to leave when someone is this late, it is selfish to demand that other people should miss out on fun just because you have a problem with respectin being on time.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're an hour late you can meet at a new spot instead of the original one.

Aboredpanda
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother was always late. It was due to undiagnosed ADD and social anxiety. She always felt bad and was embarassed. That probably wasn't the case here based on the reaction. NTA someone had to put their foot down.

T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother was like this (but to be fair I think she had one heck of an undiagnosed anxiety disorder). She would be 15 minutes to an hour late picking us up from school, to the point where we'd be the only kids left. If we went to movies (which at the time were only in "town" - the city centre), she'd show up 15 to 30 minutes late (and town wasn't all that safe, even in the '80s). Eventually my brother and I started telling her to come 15 minutes before we actually wanted her to come. That worked most of the time, except once or twice when she sent my father instead - and my father was always 15 minutes *early*. Oops.

Monosyllabicgirl
Community Member
25 minutes ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad was like this, to be at a 12 pm wedding they would tell us it started at 11. After my parents divorced I hated waiting excitedly for an hour with my coat on to get picked up. I've always prescribed to the "on time is ten minutes late" myself because I remember how it feels to be kept waiting. When I started using d***s then became full out heroin addict I couldn't understand how people "on their way" from 5 mins away weren't there for an hour because an hour is a long time to leave someone s******g themselves and puking. So I was always left waiting bc my expectations of myself are just higher than other people's I guess no matter what the situation is. As a (now clean) store general manager i abhor lateness. Applicants who are late for an interview without calling or texting either get refused right out or i waste 5 mins interviewing and throw their application in garbage in front of them as I walk through the employee door.

Schmebulock
Community Member
9 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

F**k that b******t. I would have left at 7:00 like scheduled and told anyone not there to catch up at one of the stops. Waiting an hour is ridiculous.

Rico Suave
Community Member
10 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have had this issue with a friend. One time I was meeting him for breakfast at 8 before going to a function. I texted him at 8:10 and he said he was on his way. He lived 15 minutes away. At 8:30 he said he was almost there. I left at 9:15 after only having coffee, since I was stupid enough to believe his lies. And when I saw him, that is exactly what I called out - his lies. The same way that the poster should have called out the woman lying saying that she was almost there.

Voice of reason?
Community Member
11 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't imagine why on earth they waited over an hour, that was ridiculous.

JessSayin'
Community Member
19 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend actually named Sarah and she may be this person lol bc she can never be on time and it is infuriating. I used to be her boss though and one time did put her in her place over it. But she learned nothing and is still chronically late. It's disrespectful and unnecessary, and when it matters, like a vendor schedule, I give zero grace. We are all adults and we learned to tell time in kindergarten.

Esther Archuleta
Community Member
19 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter. All adults in her house, but she says she has to help everyone get ready. If we need to meet by 6, we tell them 4:30, no later than 5.

Far_Rhubarb7177
Community Member
19 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our small friend group also had a “Sarah.” (She died almost 10 years ago at age 48 of a heart attack). While she was alive, she was a nice person…but she could also be horribly inconsiderate. She repeatedly was a no-show when we all would get together for dinner and/or drinks. I don’t even mean running late…she just wouldn’t show up at all, even though she had said that she would. If we called or texted her to see if she was okay, she wouldn’t even bother answering. More often than not, we wouldn’t hear from her at all until a few days later, when she would make some excuse such as, “Oh, I fell asleep!” It happened often enough that we got used to it so it wasn’t unexpected, but it was really irritating, in particular to me and one of the other girls in our group. I don’t like to speak badly about the dead…but when a person is chronically late or absent after agreeing to be there, it’s just really inconsiderate. And it says that they don’t care about other people’s time at all!

Tyranamar Suess
Community Member
6 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe a d**g or alcohol problem there. My patient's who accidentally "sleep through" their appointments are usually drunk or high.

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Joshua David
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure YTA for other things probably (as we all are and can be) but not here. Actions have consequences.

Nitka Tsar
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would have been better to tell her to be there at 5 and never say the actual time, if they cherished the friendship, but either way, I don‘t blame them for leaving.

Rosie May
Community Member
6 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she is consistently 90 minutes late.... tell her everyone is gathering 90 minutes before you need to leave, start an event, be somewhere..... If one day she actually shows up on time and asks where everyone is, tell her that the time got moved back and everyone should start showing up soon. JMO

Anna Drever
Community Member
7 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate being late and I set alarms on my phone for every action (wake up, shower, sort out pets) and out the door. In this day and age where we tend to have a smart phone, or even before that we’d use an egg timer, there’s no excuse.

Melanie Blenaru
Community Member
8 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yea, I know a couple folks, like her. Drives me crazy. I would of told her first time. 15mins or we rolling out. Bet she would been there. Showing up 10mins after you did it. She was around the whole time, not caring about anyone but herself, so nta

Bryn
Community Member
9 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people will not learn until something negative happens to them. (Also I love how the ESH/YTA were actually for valid reasons)

Janelle Collard
Community Member
Premium
10 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That friend group has been too lenient with Sarah for too long. After the first few times she was late they should have told her, "We're leaving at X time. If you're not here by then, you're not coming."

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦
Community Member
11 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one who thinks that the poll is missing the option "the group shouldn't have waited an hour for Sarah" or is that too harsh?

Sheryl Parker
Community Member
12 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, I had a friend like that. Thought the world revolved around her and was always late. Lucky they weren't on a tour bus in Australia (not my home country). They leave on time whether you're on the bus or not! Saw a couple of tourists left behind because of this

Erin Mitchell
Community Member
13 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta. After the last time someone left me waiting for an hr I have 0 patience for it.

person (i think)
Community Member
15 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am someone who is pretty consistently 5-20 min late. I don’t mean to be and I try really hard to get places on time but my brain isn’t wired for that (long explanation). It suck for me, it sucks for others, and it is not coming from a place of disrespect. That said, I can’t and don’t expect everyone else to put their lives on hold and screw up their plans because my brain is hampering me. It is unfair to them and fosters resentment. This chronically late friend is a self centered a*****e

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
18 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why the actual f**k are they even asking this question. That kind of habitual behavior is absurdly toxic and selfish. Its long past time to tell her she needs to stop being so perversely selfish and grow tf up if she wants to join. 5-10 minutes is nothing. An hour, repeatedly makes you a bad person. And nothing close to a friend.

Kim Shannon
Community Member
20 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I would give her, and all your friends, a 15 minute courtesy wait time. On minute 16, off we go! She's a grown up-she knows how to be on time. She just chooses not to. Fine. That's HER choice that should effect ONLY HER and not the whole group.

Iowa
Community Member
13 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t give one minute in a situation such as paying for the time of a party bus. Every friend there is wasting their money waiting on her. Even if she is the life of the party, leave her. Do it enough times, and she might learn to quit being so self-absorbed and be in tune.

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Hope Tirendi
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Two things...She gets one last chance to show up on time at the next function or she's never invited again. I am that harsh. Then again I never would have put up with her from the start. The second thing is the friends that are defending her can go out with her and keep putting up with her disrespect. The group that is done with her c**p should start making their own plans. Watch how fast the ones defending her change their minds when their no longer included because of HER!!!

DC
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and don't cave. Give her times, in the future, that are another 30 minutes off, another 30 minutes too early. If it happens that she's on time in this regard, so sad she gotta wait. What a tragedy. If she still makes it to not make it, make her make plans in the future. Make her sign for any timeslotted booked things, make her name on all of this. Sometimes, that makes them consider agreed-on times somewhat relevant to them, sometimes, they just refuse. Regardless, if her timery skills weren't so nonexisting, none of this would happen, so any fall out, she can be the sole owner of.

Papa
Community Member
22 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I disagree about giving her earlier times. I don't like to play games like that. Give her the correct time, and leave or start without her if she's not on time.

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ThomasMJost
Community Member
1 day ago

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Nimitz
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my mother and three of my older sisters. If I wanted them to be on time for anything I had to tell them a time that would put normal people an hour early. I also eventually gave up and let them eat crow. And I continue that policy to this day. They are high functioning people who have no trouble being on time for work or doctor's appointments, but when it comes to family/friends they expect unlimited tolerance. I cut them no slack and when possible, allow them to experience financial penalties (cancellation fees, no admittance after blank clauses, or just locking my door and ignoring them). Instead of making me worry and stress, I am free of the burden they place upon me, and it's wonderful

Mari
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same thing with my family. But I gave up, they won't change their behaviour. I learned to do my own thing until they show up, I am not stressing anymore.

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ThatG
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Finally!!! The YTA’s are not unhinged and I completely agree with them!!

Yu Pan
Community Member
1 day ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wait a minute, didn't op say, "...WE decided we had to go". As this is a group decision, why is the blame on op alone and who are those that now said the group should have waited? Op needs to call out those turncoats and refuses to be the scapegoat. The group made the decision; the group needs to own it.

Bob Brooce
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Might be people who didn't go but are part of a larger group of friends. And they're also a******s.

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varwenea
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So stupid. Bus leaves at 7, period. Then go. If she wants to arrive at a restaurant 1.5 hours late, then she can eat dinner while everyone else is ordering dessert. A plane will leave without her. They have been enabling her. Such b.s.

Bob Brooce
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The bus will wait if you ask, but that either means everybody loses an hour at the event, or they stay an hour later and pay more for the bus (I wonder what Sarah would have said if they asked her to pay for the extra hour if they stayed late? Well, actually I'm pretty sure I know). Either way, the plan already allowed everybody a 30 minute cushion to get there and be boarding the bus at 7.

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Sergio Bicerra
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

'You know how he/she is" is the sing of those who want to keep the peace when they're not te offended party.

pineapple87
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would have just left at 7 and told Sarah to meet you at the first place you were stopping instead. It's one thing being late and to be honest about it, but the people who say "I'm almost there" when they haven't even left have no respect for other people's time. If you're going to be royally late, at least have the courtesy to give me an accurate eta, so I can do other stuff instead of just idling thinking you'll be there any minute.

Aboredpanda
Community Member
1 day ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This. Whenever I'm late I write a message 'Leaving the house now, will be there in __ minutes. OR "taking the buss at __ it will be there at __. Etc. Say it early that you'll be late so you'll not be forcing people to stand around waiting for you. After having a child sometimes things just don't go according to plan, last time I was late for a poker game. They made a unanimous decition to start without me, and I was perfectly fine with that. And everyone was happy.

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Alexia
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is my long-time friend. She is late in 90% of the cases. She doesn't value her time at all, so other people's time is unimportant for her too. She was once late and missed her train because she wouldn't leave without wearing makeup. Some other time, she spent hours in traffic just to get to a specific supermarket; the discount she received was minor as opposed to the time she wasted. As she made me waste time waiting for her on several occasions, I decided it was time to stop. If we meet for an event and she's late, I'm going in without her. If she wants to meet me, she drops by my house when I'm home (and that's the only acceptable place to meet). She didn't like it, but I'm done tolerating (enabling) such behavior.

Beth Wheeler
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

They keep telling an earlier time so that she will hopefully be on time. Sarah needs to get up off her a*s and show up on time or not show up at all and not get mad at the others.

Ace
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The problem being that Sarah has got used to being told an earlier time so will continue to assume that being an hour 'late' is not actually late at all. It's like people who set their clocks a few minutes fast to ensure they get up or leave the house on time - it might work for a while but once you're used to it you might as well not do it. Unless someone comes around unannounced and sets all your clocks to the correct time, which is effectively what's happened here.

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Dog Mom to Zoe
Community Member
21 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a gentlemen friend that would do this. We had tickets to a play..he was running late with no call. (no text at that time). I left the ticket on my door with a note we left. Never late again.

Veronica Jean
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being late is her issue to solve. I say that as a chronic late person. I have no sense of time. I have to set an alarm that goes off every ten minutes otherwise I could not tell you how long it's been. It's very difficult for me to estimate how long ago things happened, or differentiate days. I remember events, but my timeline is always way off. Took and ADHD diagnosis for me to finally understand. I do think that time blindness is a real thing, and simply a neurotype. That being said: You have to deal with it. You can't make other people suffer because of it, and when you mess sup you have to take responsibility because this is your issue. She could be ADHD, she could be just manipulative or selfish, but either way ....SHE has to learn to cope. You can be patient and supportive without being enabling or having your boundaries violated. It was a boundary. She messed it up

Dan Flo
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Imo - people accepting she is late by saying "you know how she is" is part of why she doesnt care enough to show up in time. It is not selfish for a group of people to leave when someone is this late, it is selfish to demand that other people should miss out on fun just because you have a problem with respectin being on time.

FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're an hour late you can meet at a new spot instead of the original one.

Aboredpanda
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandmother was always late. It was due to undiagnosed ADD and social anxiety. She always felt bad and was embarassed. That probably wasn't the case here based on the reaction. NTA someone had to put their foot down.

T'Mar of Vulcan
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother was like this (but to be fair I think she had one heck of an undiagnosed anxiety disorder). She would be 15 minutes to an hour late picking us up from school, to the point where we'd be the only kids left. If we went to movies (which at the time were only in "town" - the city centre), she'd show up 15 to 30 minutes late (and town wasn't all that safe, even in the '80s). Eventually my brother and I started telling her to come 15 minutes before we actually wanted her to come. That worked most of the time, except once or twice when she sent my father instead - and my father was always 15 minutes *early*. Oops.

Monosyllabicgirl
Community Member
25 minutes ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad was like this, to be at a 12 pm wedding they would tell us it started at 11. After my parents divorced I hated waiting excitedly for an hour with my coat on to get picked up. I've always prescribed to the "on time is ten minutes late" myself because I remember how it feels to be kept waiting. When I started using d***s then became full out heroin addict I couldn't understand how people "on their way" from 5 mins away weren't there for an hour because an hour is a long time to leave someone s******g themselves and puking. So I was always left waiting bc my expectations of myself are just higher than other people's I guess no matter what the situation is. As a (now clean) store general manager i abhor lateness. Applicants who are late for an interview without calling or texting either get refused right out or i waste 5 mins interviewing and throw their application in garbage in front of them as I walk through the employee door.

Schmebulock
Community Member
9 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

F**k that b******t. I would have left at 7:00 like scheduled and told anyone not there to catch up at one of the stops. Waiting an hour is ridiculous.

Rico Suave
Community Member
10 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have had this issue with a friend. One time I was meeting him for breakfast at 8 before going to a function. I texted him at 8:10 and he said he was on his way. He lived 15 minutes away. At 8:30 he said he was almost there. I left at 9:15 after only having coffee, since I was stupid enough to believe his lies. And when I saw him, that is exactly what I called out - his lies. The same way that the poster should have called out the woman lying saying that she was almost there.

Voice of reason?
Community Member
11 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Can't imagine why on earth they waited over an hour, that was ridiculous.

JessSayin'
Community Member
19 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend actually named Sarah and she may be this person lol bc she can never be on time and it is infuriating. I used to be her boss though and one time did put her in her place over it. But she learned nothing and is still chronically late. It's disrespectful and unnecessary, and when it matters, like a vendor schedule, I give zero grace. We are all adults and we learned to tell time in kindergarten.

Esther Archuleta
Community Member
19 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter. All adults in her house, but she says she has to help everyone get ready. If we need to meet by 6, we tell them 4:30, no later than 5.

Far_Rhubarb7177
Community Member
19 hours ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our small friend group also had a “Sarah.” (She died almost 10 years ago at age 48 of a heart attack). While she was alive, she was a nice person…but she could also be horribly inconsiderate. She repeatedly was a no-show when we all would get together for dinner and/or drinks. I don’t even mean running late…she just wouldn’t show up at all, even though she had said that she would. If we called or texted her to see if she was okay, she wouldn’t even bother answering. More often than not, we wouldn’t hear from her at all until a few days later, when she would make some excuse such as, “Oh, I fell asleep!” It happened often enough that we got used to it so it wasn’t unexpected, but it was really irritating, in particular to me and one of the other girls in our group. I don’t like to speak badly about the dead…but when a person is chronically late or absent after agreeing to be there, it’s just really inconsiderate. And it says that they don’t care about other people’s time at all!

Tyranamar Suess
Community Member
6 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe a d**g or alcohol problem there. My patient's who accidentally "sleep through" their appointments are usually drunk or high.

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Joshua David
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure YTA for other things probably (as we all are and can be) but not here. Actions have consequences.

Nitka Tsar
Community Member
1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Would have been better to tell her to be there at 5 and never say the actual time, if they cherished the friendship, but either way, I don‘t blame them for leaving.

Rosie May
Community Member
6 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If she is consistently 90 minutes late.... tell her everyone is gathering 90 minutes before you need to leave, start an event, be somewhere..... If one day she actually shows up on time and asks where everyone is, tell her that the time got moved back and everyone should start showing up soon. JMO

Anna Drever
Community Member
7 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate being late and I set alarms on my phone for every action (wake up, shower, sort out pets) and out the door. In this day and age where we tend to have a smart phone, or even before that we’d use an egg timer, there’s no excuse.

Melanie Blenaru
Community Member
8 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yea, I know a couple folks, like her. Drives me crazy. I would of told her first time. 15mins or we rolling out. Bet she would been there. Showing up 10mins after you did it. She was around the whole time, not caring about anyone but herself, so nta

Bryn
Community Member
9 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people will not learn until something negative happens to them. (Also I love how the ESH/YTA were actually for valid reasons)

Janelle Collard
Community Member
Premium
10 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That friend group has been too lenient with Sarah for too long. After the first few times she was late they should have told her, "We're leaving at X time. If you're not here by then, you're not coming."

Metalhead Turtle 🇺🇦
Community Member
11 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Am I the only one who thinks that the poll is missing the option "the group shouldn't have waited an hour for Sarah" or is that too harsh?

Sheryl Parker
Community Member
12 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, I had a friend like that. Thought the world revolved around her and was always late. Lucky they weren't on a tour bus in Australia (not my home country). They leave on time whether you're on the bus or not! Saw a couple of tourists left behind because of this

Erin Mitchell
Community Member
13 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nta. After the last time someone left me waiting for an hr I have 0 patience for it.

person (i think)
Community Member
15 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am someone who is pretty consistently 5-20 min late. I don’t mean to be and I try really hard to get places on time but my brain isn’t wired for that (long explanation). It suck for me, it sucks for others, and it is not coming from a place of disrespect. That said, I can’t and don’t expect everyone else to put their lives on hold and screw up their plans because my brain is hampering me. It is unfair to them and fosters resentment. This chronically late friend is a self centered a*****e

Fox with a Dragon Tattoo
Community Member
18 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why the actual f**k are they even asking this question. That kind of habitual behavior is absurdly toxic and selfish. Its long past time to tell her she needs to stop being so perversely selfish and grow tf up if she wants to join. 5-10 minutes is nothing. An hour, repeatedly makes you a bad person. And nothing close to a friend.

Kim Shannon
Community Member
20 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I would give her, and all your friends, a 15 minute courtesy wait time. On minute 16, off we go! She's a grown up-she knows how to be on time. She just chooses not to. Fine. That's HER choice that should effect ONLY HER and not the whole group.

Iowa
Community Member
13 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t give one minute in a situation such as paying for the time of a party bus. Every friend there is wasting their money waiting on her. Even if she is the life of the party, leave her. Do it enough times, and she might learn to quit being so self-absorbed and be in tune.

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Hope Tirendi
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Two things...She gets one last chance to show up on time at the next function or she's never invited again. I am that harsh. Then again I never would have put up with her from the start. The second thing is the friends that are defending her can go out with her and keep putting up with her disrespect. The group that is done with her c**p should start making their own plans. Watch how fast the ones defending her change their minds when their no longer included because of HER!!!

DC
Community Member
23 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and don't cave. Give her times, in the future, that are another 30 minutes off, another 30 minutes too early. If it happens that she's on time in this regard, so sad she gotta wait. What a tragedy. If she still makes it to not make it, make her make plans in the future. Make her sign for any timeslotted booked things, make her name on all of this. Sometimes, that makes them consider agreed-on times somewhat relevant to them, sometimes, they just refuse. Regardless, if her timery skills weren't so nonexisting, none of this would happen, so any fall out, she can be the sole owner of.

Papa
Community Member
22 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I disagree about giving her earlier times. I don't like to play games like that. Give her the correct time, and leave or start without her if she's not on time.

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ThomasMJost
Community Member
1 day ago

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