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Woman Packs Her Bags And Leaves After Friend Tells Her What She Really Thinks About Her In A Bikini
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Woman Packs Her Bags And Leaves After Friend Tells Her What She Really Thinks About Her In A Bikini

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You know that one kid who you’ve always heard jokes about who has the bright idea in school to try ingesting white glue paste just for the giggles? It was always assumed that it was a joke and the kid was just a fable used for whatever.

Same goes with the “Do I look fat in this?” situations. It’s all a jokey ruse, right? That never happens, it’s just too cliché to be a thing, isn’t it?

Well, it happened. In a recent conflict between two friends regarding swimsuits and, well, you can guess what happened next.

More Info: Reddit

You’d think that the “does this [article of clothing] makes me look fat” trope was just a joke on the internet, but it seems it does happen in the real world

Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)

This one netizen experienced it firsthand and went online to share her experience, getting some perspective on the matter along the way

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Image credits: Pale-Avocado3959

Even though the woman’s response was genuine and she thought her friend looked cute in her one-piece, the friend misinterpreted that as fat-shaming

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Image credits: Rachel Claire (not the actual photo)

Reddit user u/Pale-Avocado3959 recently shared a story involving her good friend, a set of swimsuits and an unprovoked assumption over one’s self-image.

The story goes that OP’s friend came over one week during the summer for a visit and the two decided to go to the local pool. You’d think now would be a good time for a very cool prep montage where the two pick out swimsuits and have a good laugh about it. But, nope, it actually went south very quickly.

OP’s friend asked for her opinion about some swimsuits she had—specifically, a one-piece and a bikini. OP didn’t seem to think much about it, and having seen both in action, she opted for the one-piece. And then her friend seemed to turn hostile.

The woman noted that her friend is overweight and had been on antidepressants for a while now. All of this hinted at why her friend might have maybe misinterpreted her preference for a one-piece to think that it was about her looks. This was in light of the friend actually thinking to herself that she looked “too fat in a bikini.”

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The friend got visibly upset about it all, and while she did go with the one-piece, she became passive-aggressive from that point on. She later simply vanished, only for OP to later learn from a mutual acquaintance that the friend went to a hotel and rebooked her flight, assuming to an earlier time.

Image credits: Armin Rimoldi (not the actual photo)

OP turned to the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective on the matter and got a bit of a divided opinion as the seemingly simple issue was actually very complex depending on how you view it.

Those who said that OP is not a jerk pointed out that the friend herself noted her looks in the bikini, and expected the woman to somehow jump in and support her by contradicting, but never got that answer. Folks did think that these issues were the friend’s alone to deal with. It seemed as if the friend wanted a fake answer.

Those thinking that OP was the problem kept coming back to a specific thing she said in her post, and that was “she used to be very slim and skinny like me.” This alone irked a lot of people, coming off as rude and unnecessary at the very least. There was another nuance where OP told her friend to “f off”, which, depending on the relationship, may or may not be a kind thing to say.

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But then there were people who were either saying that nobody did anything wrong per se, or, quite the opposite, everyone involved could have been better about their approaches. The reasoning stayed pretty much the same on both sides, and the two women could’ve gone with more appropriate behavior, i.e. not snapping, picking your words, and the like.

The post soon went viral, garnering over 14,000 upvotes (86% upvoted) and getting a Facepalm Reddit award. You can read the entire story in context here.

Image credits: ArtHouse Studio (not the actual photo)

There is one tiny bit regarding self-esteem that a lot of folks seem to forget and that is self esteem is more than capable of impacting a person’s quality of life. And if that goes down, it can mean a slew of different problems.

This can mean anything from negative feelings, fear of trying and judgment to lack of self care, relationship problems and even self-harming behaviors. Low self-esteem might also cause things like depression—something that OP’s friend had. This in turn starts a downward spiral if not tackled on time.

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Low self-esteem is often caused by things like having an unhappy childhood, excessive stress in life, poor treatment from partners or carers, ongoing medical problems and mental illness. Often it’ll be a mix of several of these, and the list is not limited to just these ones.

While seeking psychological help and support is one of the best options out there, it will still require a lot of effort on the part of the person seeking help. Talking to yourself positively, stopping comparing yourself to others, appreciating your special qualities, and letting go of hurtful past memories are just a few of many daily things you can do to drastically improve your self-esteem. Other practical approaches include exercise and scheduling positive activities into your calendar as a way to keep up morale.

Better Health Channel provides more detailed information on the topic if it’s something that resonates with you right now. And you can start being positive to yourself right now—by sharing your thoughts and opinions about anything and everything you’ve read here today in the comment section below!

Folks online were all over the place with their judgment, at the very least providing some perspective on it could have went better

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Robertas Lisickis

Robertas Lisickis

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Read more »

Some time ago, Robertas used to spend his days watching how deep the imprint in his chair will become as he wrote for Bored Panda. Wrote about pretty much everything under and beyond the sun. Not anymore, though. He's now probably playing Gwent or hosting Dungeons and Dragons adventures for those with an inclination for chaos.

Read less »
Robertas Lisickis

Robertas Lisickis

Writer, BoredPanda staff

Some time ago, Robertas used to spend his days watching how deep the imprint in his chair will become as he wrote for Bored Panda. Wrote about pretty much everything under and beyond the sun. Not anymore, though. He's now probably playing Gwent or hosting Dungeons and Dragons adventures for those with an inclination for chaos.

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė Tolstych

Author, Community member

Read more »

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

Read less »

Saulė Tolstych

Saulė Tolstych

Author, Community member

Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.

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Noelle Mes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One should not ask a question one does not want the answer to.

Ron Baza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a woman seems like a lot of hassle. I’ve thought this for a number of decades and I still haven’t had reason to change my mind…

Sonja
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It depends on how you're raised. It honestly comes down to parenting, socio-economic circles and who your friends are. I couldn't care less about my appearance and always avoided people who did. I've been called a butch or pick me by lots of people but that's not true. I'm just who I am and society can go touch grass with their sexist ideas of what's 'ladylike' and how women should be or not be. But that's the result of my parents way of raising me. I didn't even know there was a significant difference between men and women until I got old enough to be sexually harassed. I was well protected from stuff like that while younger. That internet didn't exist in my youth and I've grown up in a rural, blue collar workers circle did help too. In my social circles both parents working fully and grandparents helping raising children was normal for generations. The roles and ideas of what's important for women were very different.

Load More Replies...
Skulls.N.Succulents
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Do I look fat.." is a stupid question. Either u aren't overweight and ur fishing for compliments or you know that you are indeed overweight and are putting the person you're asking in a messed up situation.

cartoon ghosts
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH she clearly overreacted but also what the actual f**k, these people both suck as human beings and need to address these problems.

The Mom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA Don't ask questions you don't want an honest answer to.

Shadow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA the OP answered correctly!! The fat friend was itching for a fight and frankly wasn't going to stop until she got one. There was no other outcome, and the key was the serious medication she has been on. It can, in addition to causing weight gain, affect self esteem, obviously. Hopefully she is also in therapy. As for the one saying they are both horrible? I can't see that, at all. This was a no-win for OP.

Ima Manimal
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah, the classic “does this make me look fat” fight trap….

Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Easy way to make it NOT a fight - "Does this make me look fat? it is ok to lie" Both parties are happy if they both know the rules of the "game"

Load More Replies...
Christopher Russell
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idk what's worse , that some random reddit thread and it's random comments is now considered "an article" my like this dude got paid in some way shape or form for cutting and pasting this....or is the fact that I both read it and am now commenting on a site I live read from but never said anything .....welcome to what must be hell, God help us all

Stephen B
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she’s fat! Big deal, honestly a real friend should tell you the truth whether it’s something good or bad. I’d rather have my friend tell me “don’t go out in public like that you look like a gross pig” than have them say “you look fine” just to not hurt my feelings and then have strangers laughing behind my back because I look like a pig just because my friend was afraid to hurt your feelings. If your friend can’t tell you the truth, than who do you expect to hear it from. I say she needs to either grow a thicker skin (thicker than it has already gotten lol) or have the Dr put her on better antidepressants! So you’re fat! Big deal! So are a vast majority of people in this country. Next time you ask a “friend” for an opinion, you should expect an HONEST answer good or bad. Because a real friend will tell you the truth!

Jus
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've turned 40 this year. That and old German women swimming naked in holiday resorts, no insecurities - let's wear whatever. Seriously, no one has to look aesthetically pleasing. We didn't sign a life agreement to look pretty at the beach. Was she naked? No. Was she smelly? No. No problem, then. We should, as society, stop setting beauty standards at all. Seriously, not my fat, not my problem.

Marina Rocha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. She clearly thought she was too fat for a bikini. The friend wanted the social lie. She could definitely handled that better. Skinny "like me". Puff

Marion Vambre
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's interesting how rudeness seems to be totally OK for people when it comes to physical appearance... for every other reason in the world ? Never ever. But when it's about that, no problem. Some even brag about being " honest " to turn it into a good thing... I can't help but think they don't make honesty such a big deal in other aspects of their lives.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As wise husbands know, this kind of conversations are a trap and you fell into it. But this visit wasn’t going to end well anyway and at least you got it out of the way early.

Victoria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The correct answer to "does this dress make me look fat?"; is, "No.. it's your fat that's making you look fat!"

Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really? That is EXTREMELY mean. I hope you are just a troll, or do you fancy yourself a "mean gurl"?

Load More Replies...
Spittnimage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure she's had to buy clothes in a bigger size, so why even ask.

Marion Vambre
Community Member
1 year ago

"Look at me! We were having a peaceful moment, and my friend (by the way, did I mention that I'm much thinner than her and that she's not SKINNY like me?) just sought some reassurance about her appearance. But since I'm too honest and I'm the kind of person who 'tells it like it is,' I told her she looked fat ! Now I need your validation, internet strangers, tell me I'm right." Rude AND attention whore... lol

whiterabbit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats not at all what she said. She told her friend multiple times she didnt think she was fat. The sensitive friend brought it up repeatedly until the OP finally snapped. Stop asking the question if you cant handle the answer.

Load More Replies...
Roland Nijveld
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've just said yes. Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer

Libstak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe remember she's on anti depressants before being blunt and expecting her to take it like a person who is perfectly mentally balanced and healthy?

Load More Replies...
Noelle Mes
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

One should not ask a question one does not want the answer to.

Ron Baza
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Being a woman seems like a lot of hassle. I’ve thought this for a number of decades and I still haven’t had reason to change my mind…

Sonja
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It depends on how you're raised. It honestly comes down to parenting, socio-economic circles and who your friends are. I couldn't care less about my appearance and always avoided people who did. I've been called a butch or pick me by lots of people but that's not true. I'm just who I am and society can go touch grass with their sexist ideas of what's 'ladylike' and how women should be or not be. But that's the result of my parents way of raising me. I didn't even know there was a significant difference between men and women until I got old enough to be sexually harassed. I was well protected from stuff like that while younger. That internet didn't exist in my youth and I've grown up in a rural, blue collar workers circle did help too. In my social circles both parents working fully and grandparents helping raising children was normal for generations. The roles and ideas of what's important for women were very different.

Load More Replies...
Skulls.N.Succulents
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Do I look fat.." is a stupid question. Either u aren't overweight and ur fishing for compliments or you know that you are indeed overweight and are putting the person you're asking in a messed up situation.

cartoon ghosts
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

ESH she clearly overreacted but also what the actual f**k, these people both suck as human beings and need to address these problems.

The Mom
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA Don't ask questions you don't want an honest answer to.

Shadow
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA the OP answered correctly!! The fat friend was itching for a fight and frankly wasn't going to stop until she got one. There was no other outcome, and the key was the serious medication she has been on. It can, in addition to causing weight gain, affect self esteem, obviously. Hopefully she is also in therapy. As for the one saying they are both horrible? I can't see that, at all. This was a no-win for OP.

Ima Manimal
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Ah, the classic “does this make me look fat” fight trap….

Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Easy way to make it NOT a fight - "Does this make me look fat? it is ok to lie" Both parties are happy if they both know the rules of the "game"

Load More Replies...
Christopher Russell
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Idk what's worse , that some random reddit thread and it's random comments is now considered "an article" my like this dude got paid in some way shape or form for cutting and pasting this....or is the fact that I both read it and am now commenting on a site I live read from but never said anything .....welcome to what must be hell, God help us all

Stephen B
Community Member
4 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So she’s fat! Big deal, honestly a real friend should tell you the truth whether it’s something good or bad. I’d rather have my friend tell me “don’t go out in public like that you look like a gross pig” than have them say “you look fine” just to not hurt my feelings and then have strangers laughing behind my back because I look like a pig just because my friend was afraid to hurt your feelings. If your friend can’t tell you the truth, than who do you expect to hear it from. I say she needs to either grow a thicker skin (thicker than it has already gotten lol) or have the Dr put her on better antidepressants! So you’re fat! Big deal! So are a vast majority of people in this country. Next time you ask a “friend” for an opinion, you should expect an HONEST answer good or bad. Because a real friend will tell you the truth!

Jus
Community Member
5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've turned 40 this year. That and old German women swimming naked in holiday resorts, no insecurities - let's wear whatever. Seriously, no one has to look aesthetically pleasing. We didn't sign a life agreement to look pretty at the beach. Was she naked? No. Was she smelly? No. No problem, then. We should, as society, stop setting beauty standards at all. Seriously, not my fat, not my problem.

Marina Rocha
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YTA. She clearly thought she was too fat for a bikini. The friend wanted the social lie. She could definitely handled that better. Skinny "like me". Puff

Marion Vambre
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's interesting how rudeness seems to be totally OK for people when it comes to physical appearance... for every other reason in the world ? Never ever. But when it's about that, no problem. Some even brag about being " honest " to turn it into a good thing... I can't help but think they don't make honesty such a big deal in other aspects of their lives.

The Starsong Princess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As wise husbands know, this kind of conversations are a trap and you fell into it. But this visit wasn’t going to end well anyway and at least you got it out of the way early.

Victoria
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The correct answer to "does this dress make me look fat?"; is, "No.. it's your fat that's making you look fat!"

Gardener of Weeden
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Really? That is EXTREMELY mean. I hope you are just a troll, or do you fancy yourself a "mean gurl"?

Load More Replies...
Spittnimage
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sure she's had to buy clothes in a bigger size, so why even ask.

Marion Vambre
Community Member
1 year ago

"Look at me! We were having a peaceful moment, and my friend (by the way, did I mention that I'm much thinner than her and that she's not SKINNY like me?) just sought some reassurance about her appearance. But since I'm too honest and I'm the kind of person who 'tells it like it is,' I told her she looked fat ! Now I need your validation, internet strangers, tell me I'm right." Rude AND attention whore... lol

whiterabbit
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats not at all what she said. She told her friend multiple times she didnt think she was fat. The sensitive friend brought it up repeatedly until the OP finally snapped. Stop asking the question if you cant handle the answer.

Load More Replies...
Roland Nijveld
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would've just said yes. Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer

Libstak
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Maybe remember she's on anti depressants before being blunt and expecting her to take it like a person who is perfectly mentally balanced and healthy?

Load More Replies...
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