What’s the worst thing that can happen on a Friday?

When you realize it’s Thursday.

Report

POST

"Friday night as a parent: The kids are finally in bed, so let's watch a movie and have a glass of wi......zZzZzZz......"

WalkingOutside Report

POST

foofoofloofy

foofoofloofy

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago (edited)

• Report

"A glass of wiz? Comin' right up! Sorry, I've not been drinking much water lately, I think you can tell."

1

1point

reply

View more comments

"It's Friday night which means I'm pounding shots at the club and getting crazy til the break of dawn. Except by pounding shots, I mean drinking SleepyTime tea. By the club, I mean my couch. By getting crazy, I mean watching Good Eats. And by break of dawn, I mean 10:30 ish."

TwinzerDad Report

POST

"AWW YEAH FRIDAY NIGHT Y'ALL *takes probiotic*, *pays bills online*"

TheCatWhisprer Report

POST

I am instantly 70% nicer after 3 pm on Friday.

Report

POST

Me: "This Friday night is lit! *sips wine, continues to fold laundry*"

sarcasticmommy4 Report

POST

Kelli

Kelli

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

😂😂😂 I got excited when my new dust cloths arrived this week.

1

1point

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments

It’s Friday night. Time to be a hero and rescue some wine from a bottle.

Report

POST

Scott Crowell

Scott Crowell

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

Box wine is easier to carry

0

0points

reply

I don’t work on Fridays. I make appearances.

Report

POST

"Let’s get married so instead of drinking and dancing we can spend Friday night at Home Depot and the rest of the weekend in a fight."

simoncholland Report

POST

I Think I'm Hilarious

I Think I'm Hilarious

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

Ok! We don't talk about weekday fight club!

3

3points

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments

What goes by slower than a boring movie?

Friday afternoon.

Report

POST

"Finally it's Friday. Can't wait to get off work and avoid all social interaction."

sighofaninja Report

POST

Kelli

Kelli

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

Exactly

0

0points

reply

"Name that tune with a 6yo and a kazoo is how I spend my Friday nights now that I’m a parent."

PerfectPending Report

POST

Scott Crowell

Scott Crowell

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

It's a lot funner if you add in a couple/six shots of vodka

0

0points

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments

"My toddler is demanding I breastfeed all her stuffed animals. How's your Friday night?"

UnfilteredMama Report

POST

Jacob Nunez

Jacob Nunez

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

………exams 👍

2

2points

reply

"Just took my blood pressure medication with a swig of Pepto Bismol, because it's Friday night!"

DraggingFeeties Report

POST

What comes after Black Friday?

Broke Saturday.

Report

POST

What do millennial eskimos do Friday night with girls they like?

Net fish and chill.

Report

POST

M. William Bell

M. William Bell

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

Premium

Premium user. Get details.

2 years ago

• Report

I don't think that word is used anymore I believe they prefer to be called Inuit or Yupik.

2

2points

reply

View More Replies...

View more comments

"Woo! It's Friday night, we're gettin' turnt! *turns husband's CPAP machine on and passes out*"

mommy_cusses Report

POST

"The highlight of Friday night when you're a parent is the 5 minutes between putting your kids to bed and passing out on your own."

outsmartedmommy Report

POST

Scott Crowell

Scott Crowell

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

It was more like dad's going to sleep. 2 rules - Don't burn down the house, don't go outside.

1

1point

reply

"Everyone's out partying & I'm in bed struggling to fall asleep on Friday evening."

AndreaFeczko Report

POST

Why don’t people like jokes about Friday?

They’re week.

Report

POST

What does it mean when you arrived late at work for the fifth time in a week?

It means that is a Friday.

Report

POST

When can Sunday feel like a Friday?

When you have a weekend job.

Report

POST

foofoofloofy

foofoofloofy

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

Ugh-weekend jobs are tough af. I like mine, but still. All my friends are making plans and s**t and I'm just like, "i HaVe To ShOvEl HoRsE s**T fOr MoNeY ToMoRrOw, SoRrY".

0

0points

reply

"That Shawshank scene where Andy Dufresne finally reaches freedom, but it's me getting out of work on Friday afternoon."

KateWhineHall Report

POST

Kelli

Kelli

Community Member • points

posts

comments

upvotes

FollowUnfollow

2 years ago

• Report

😂😂

0

0points

reply

What is Jason Voorhees’ favorite restaurant?

TGIF13 (Thank God it’s Friday the 13th).

Report

POST

What is faster than the Flash?

Friday nights.

Report

POST

What would a tired person do if Friday night was a person?

Hug it and never let it go.

Report

POST

What deal did the teacher give the students on Black Friday?

50 per cent off late assignments.

Report

POST

Me: "*Does the absolute bare minimum throughout the work week*."

Me, on Friday: "Finally I can treat myself... I deserve it!"

yungbiryanii Report

POST

"After my first week of working an 8-5 job, I realized 2 things:

1- Beer actually does taste much better after work.

2- I finally understand why people are so excited about the clock striking 5 on Friday."

GNorris5 Report

POST

"It’s finally Friday and it’s payday. After work let’s buy $300 worth of groceries and then wonder what to make for dinner. Screw it. Let’s order pizza."

CruisinSoozan Report

POST

9 PM on Friday night before kids: "Getting ready to go out with my friends."

9 PM on Friday night now: "In bed, in my pajamas, reading the user manual for my new waffle iron."

ThatEvansLady Report

POST

Why did the man at the calendar factory is cutting all the Fridays out?

He wanted a day off.

Report

POST

When’s the best time to meet Ice Cube and Chris Tucker?

Friday.

Report

POST

Fridays are the hardest in some ways; you’re so close to freedom.

Report

POST

My mom is telling me go out on Friday night or she will slam my head against the keyboard weherhrqqkh[qokqho[krq3[t4i2-4q43q343q44334q43.

Report

POST

Why did the French person go to McDonalds?

It was French Fry-Day.

Report

POST

"Just like every other man I prefer casual Fridays when I finally don't have to wear my robe of snakes to work."

tinydinosaurs Report

POST

Me, Friday night in 1998: "I wish the music were louder and there were more people at this party."

Me, Friday night in 2018: "I wish this orange would peel itself."

bluebonetbabies Report

POST

"It’s 10:30 on Friday night. In my 20s, I’d be pregaming, pounding beers, getting ready to go out. At 41, I’ve already gone to bed and am only awake because I got up to go to the bathroom."

DadandBuried Report

POST

"I was shot point-blank in the back by a nerf gun so powerful it has a safety, how's your Friday night going?"

RodLacroix Report

POST

What’s Friday the 13th?

The day of the year that people blame witchcraft for their regular stupidity.

Report

POST

When does Jason Voorhees wear a t-shirt and shorts with his hockey mask?

On Casual Friday the 13th.

Report

POST

What do you put in your drink on Friday?

Ice Cube.

Report

POST

When’s the next best time to meet Ice Cube and Chris Tucker?

Next Friday.

Report

POST

Friday is my second best f-word after food.

Report

POST

Any decent man would know better than scheduling meetings for Friday afternoon.

Report

POST

What type of meat do priests eat on good Friday?

Nun.

Report

POST

How do you make a profit on Black Friday?

By completely ignoring the celebration.

Report

POST

What do you call people who were born on Friday the 13th?

By their names.

Report

POST

Where can you have a Fry-day every day?

In Grease.

Report

POST

What should you do when life gives you lemons?

Ask for more Friday nights instead.

Report

POST

What does an employee look forward to on Friday nights?

The next Friday night.

Report

POST

What is Friday’s favorite day?

Friday. It's just that good of a day.

Report

POST

What do you call it when you have a good philosophical conversation with your friends on a Friday afternoon over a fast-food meal?

A deep fry-day.

Report

POST

What does God gift to hardworking people?

Fridays.

Report

POST

If you think Friday is a sad day, I’ve got some bad news for you. Tomorrow is Sadder Day.

Report

POST

Why didn’t the French chef realize it was Friday?

It Crêpe’d up on him.

Report

POST

"We’ve finally made it to the day we’ve all been waiting for!!!! Friday! Except it’s irrelevant to me cause I work every weekend!! Yeehaw for everyone else though."

DanniCrombie Report

POST

What did the lazy person do the day after Friday?

Sat

Report

POST

Who wins in a fight between Friday and Saturday?

Saturday, because Friday is a weak day.

Report

POST

What do biologists wear on Casual Friday?

Genes to work.

Report

POST

What did the accordion player say on Friday?

Accordion to me, it’s going to be a great Friday.

Report

POST

Do you know why I don’t fear Friday the 13th?

Because my life is already as unlucky as it can get.

Report

POST

I don’t believe in Friday the 13th because I’m not superstitious.

I’m just a little bit stitious..

Report

POST

Why is it best not to care about Friday the 13th?

Because it’s bad luck to be superstitious.

Report

POST

What’s the best music to play on Friday night?

The Weeknd.

Report

POST

If my boss knew how unproductive I am on a Friday, he wouldn’t want me here either.

Report

POST

Work starts on Monday. Life begins on Friday.

Report

POST

Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to stop me from savagely beating one of my coworkers with a keyboard.

Report

POST

Did you hear about the cannibal who converted to Catholicism?

On Fridays, he only eats fishermen!

Report

POST

There was a dude, he was "Yo dude you wanna die?"

I said what is this, Friday the thirteenth?

Report

POST

What did the horse get for Black Friday?

A Macintosh.

Report

POST

When do rich people celebrate Black Friday?

Every day.

Report

POST

What kind of beans do Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th prefer?

Human beans.

Report

POST

What happens to black cats on Friday the 13th?

They have a lot of hiccups.

Report

POST

What do you call the day when you have to submit a huge assignment that you have not even started?

Frightay.

Report

POST

Why couldn't Friday lift the heavy weights?

Because it was a weak day.

Report

POST

Why was the hospital empty?

Because it is a feel-good Friday.

Report

POST

Why was everybody so worried about Friday?

Because it was Fatal Friday.

Report

POST

What is the thing that almost sounds unreal but is actually very real?

Boring Friday.

Report

POST

Where can you find a computer on Friday night?

At the disc-o.

Report

POST

What do you call it when you have to finish your homework on a Friday?

A cryday night.

Report

POST

How long is Monday from Friday night?

Five minutes.

Report

POST

When can Monday feel better than a Friday?

It can't.

Report

POST

What did Roman say on Good Friday?

"Nailed it."

Report

POST

What do evil spirits say on Friday the 13th?

"Voorhees a jolly good fellow!"

Report

POST

What do Catholic cows do on Fridays?

Chew their cod.

Report

POST

I just got a reminder in Outlook that Friday is World Sleep Day. I put it on snooze. I’m doing my bit.

Report

POST

What did the fruit ask at the end of the workweek?

Orange you glad it’s Friday?

Report

POST

How can a man leave home on Friday, stay away for 4 nights, and then return on Friday?

Friday is the name of his horse.

Report

POST

They asked me to follow my dreams this Friday. I went back to sleep right away.

Report

POST

Why do Americans go shopping on Black Friday?

They are thankful they survived Thanksgiving dinner.

Report

POST

Why do people go clothes shopping on Black Friday?

To replace all the clothes they spilled Thanksgiving dinner on.

Report

POST

Last year I bought an instructional boxing DVD on Cyber Monday. This year I’m going Black Friday shopping.

Report

POST

"It’s Friday and I finally got out of bed on time to get to work reasonably early. Please clap."

miniatlases Report

POST

Monday: "Monday already? Where did the weekend go, I hate work."

Tuesday: "I guess this isn’t so bad, already Tuesday."

Wednesday: "IT’S ONLY WEDNESDAY???"

Thursday: "Yessss, one more day till Friday."

Friday: "Finally Friday, almost time for the weekend."

This is how I feel every week

LoganEldridge33 Report

POST

"Finally Friday fried furiously from freaking work."

georgeguzman Report

POST

"Awww yissssss it's Friday night and you know what that means but for me it's actually eating nachos and forcing my kids to watch me do early Britney Spears choreography."

ValeeGrrl Report

POST

When does Jason Voorhees get amazing deals on hockey masks?

On Black Friday the 13th.

Report

POST

What’s Jack Black’s favorite day of the year?

Black Friday.

Report

POST

When did Rebecca Black buy the dress she wore in the Friday video?

On Black Friday.

Report

POST

It’s Friday. Any plan of being a productive member of society is officially thrown out the window.

Report

POST

What’s a chicken’s deadliest day?

FRIday.

Report

POST

Where does a nerdy person spend their Black Friday?

Geology museum because they get great shales there.

Report

POST

Why should one visit a tire shop on Black Friday?

They will have a blowout.

Report

POST

What kind of dessert goes best with the theme of Friday the 13th?

I scream.

Report

POST

Who can profit a lot on Friday the 13th?

Tailors because they know a lot of superstitchens.

Report

POST

What type of pasta is favorable on Friday the 13th?

Fettuccini Afraid-o.

Report

POST

Why did Friday go to visit a doctor?

He was week.

Report

POST

What did a worker tell his co-worker when the long and busy week was about to end?

"Fri-nally."

Report

POST

Why was the student so happy to go back home from school?

Because it was Friyay.

Report

POST

Why could I not attend my friend's dumplings party on Saturday morning?

Because I had to wok on Friday night.

Report

POST

What fun activity did the student do after finishing school on Friday?

He went home.

Report

POST

Why did my dad not go to work on Good Friday?

Because it was a holy-day.

Report

POST

What do lonely single ladies do on a Friday night?

Netflix and Jill.

Report

POST

Why couldn’t I get an appointment at the library for Friday?

They were all booked up.

Report

POST

Why did Thomas the Tank Engine stop working on Friday?

He ran out of steam.

Report

POST

What did the Iceberg say to the Romaine on Friday?

Lettuce celebrate!

Report

POST

"It’s Friday morning so only 472 hours of work until the weekend is finally here."

ItsSamG Report

POST

"Finally made it to Friday!! But lord knows I don’t want to go into work."

xxRAUCboyROBxx Report

POST

"Shout out to folks who don't work but celebrate that it's finally Friday!"

Hawkeye0110 Report

POST

What’s a burger chef’s favorite day of the week?

Fry-day.

Report

POST

What’s a pilot’s favorite day of the week?

Fly-day.

Report

POST

What do you call a Friday that is not serious about anything in life?

Casual Friday.

Report

POST

What did a worker say to another worker who was not feeling like working on a Friday?

"Just a few more hours of work left, weekend make it!"

Report

POST

What is the greatest gift Friday can give?

Weekend vibes.

Report

POST

How does Good Friday end?

With a 'y'.

Report

POST

I headed out before dawn today and braved some insane crowds, to snag some Black Friday deals. The only thing I think I scored was a case of COVID-19.

Report

POST