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Perfectionism isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it can be incredibly harmful to our emotional and psychological health if left unchecked. The desire to control everything at all times, in a world that often is outside our control, can lead to anxiety, stress, even depression. So it’s no wonder that some people, who were gifted students at school and constantly praised for their achievements, are now severely disappointed with the lives they lead. Perfectionism is all they know. And it hasn’t served everyone well. I would know, being a former ‘smart kid’ and recovering perfectionist myself.
Reddit users, all gifted students themselves, opened up about how their lives have turned out. Quite a few shared some of the issues they faced, such as never learning to properly study or how to put in consistent hard work. Meanwhile, others noted some of the upsides, such as the ability to come up with amazing ideas on the fly and acing tests… which, of course, have their own drawbacks, too.
Scroll down to read the tales of these former gifted students and how growing up as the ‘smart kid’ affected their adult lives. Keep in mind that perfectionist parents tend to raise perfectionist kids. They can then eventually grow up and become perfectionist parents themselves who go on to put undue pressure on their munchkins to perform well at school. And the whole cycle starts anew, with stress and pressure left and right.
Bored Panda reached out to Lenore Skenazy from New York for a chat about perfectionism in the modern world. Lenore is the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit promoting childhood independence and resilience, and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. As she put it, control is a “figment of our imagination” and the desire to be ‘perfect’ can backfire dramatically. Scroll down for the full interview.
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#1
Since everyone is telling you you're a genius and you're special and you're capable of amazing things when you grow up... you spend the first twenty years of your life expecting success to fall into your lap. When you finally realize it won't, you're still stuck with your terrible work ethic.
#2
I certainly lack the organizational skills that a less intelligent person was forced to develop, because previously, I just kept it all in my head. Now, of course, there are far too many things going on, and they last so much longer, that it's virtually impossible to keep everything in my head. But I lack the discipline and skill necessary for, say, a schedule book. Intelligence is not wisdom, and it is not common sense, and it is not discernment. It is, however, unfortunately, very highly regarded as a standalone product when, as a standalone product, it does not really add value.
#3
Lack of discipline, bad work ethic, started becoming more and more lazy and even falling behind everyone else. Even now, studying at the university, I fail pretty much all of my exams the first time I take them, cause I never actually learnt how to study in the first place.
Childhood independence expert and author Lenore explained to Bored Panda that we imagine that we control everything when in reality, seeking control makes us more anxious. “The thing about being ‘perfect’ is that we never know all the workings of the universe. So to assume we can control everything and make it perfect is foolish,” she told Bored Panda.
Lenore quoted a part of her book, Free-Range Kids, that dealt with the topic. “[Control] certainly isn’t required for good child-rearing. And to the extent that we do manage to solve all our children’s problems—or keep those problems from ever even popping up— we are doing them a disservice. Not a fatal one that will stunt our children forever. (That would still be control, right? The ability to control exactly what our kids become.) But still, we are steering them away from the real source of confidence and independence, which comes from navigating the world and its surprises. Especially the unpleasant ones.”
Lenore then explained to Bored Panda exactly what she means by this. “What I mean is: striving to be ‘perfect’ can actually backfire,” she said.
#4
Even worse was being told how "mature" I was for my age; get told enough times and you start to believe it yourself. Turns out I wasn't mature, just different.
I was mature because I did what I was supposed to in class, in reality I just didn't really dare to disobey;
I was mature because I didn't chatter with others during class, wasn't because I was mature enough to know better than others, but because I didn't have any friends to talk with.
Yet I was still always told I was "mature," which leads you into believing you are walking down the correct path -- that you have the correct mindset and there's no need to change it.
Sky Render 3 years ago
Especially nasty for those who have been traumatized. No, we're not "mature for our age", we're suffering the side-effects of untreated PTSD by way of being obedient and quiet so as to avoid further damage.
#5
When people start doing better than you and you become more average, you start becoming a bit disconnected with who you are as a person. For all your life you've identified as the 'smart one', now you have no idea
#6
I entered a culture were everyone, teachers, parents, relatives etc valued me for my smarts and so I used that as my yardstick to value other people for a long time.
Nowadays I'm more interested in who shows compassion, loyalty, dedication, generosity, humor, etc Had to work really hard to break the filters.
The desire to be ‘perfect’ can cause a lot of damage, whether you’re a parent or not. But it’s especially in raising our kids that perfectionism can do more harm than good. For everyone involved. The main issue? Kids need to learn to take care of problems themselves. Independence is vital growing up.
“Making sure your child NEVER has to be uncomfortable or scared or lonely or frustrated—trying to ‘concierge’ their life—means kids arrive at adulthood without much experience in rising to the occasion,” Lenore warned. “In a way, they [the kids] arrive undercooked, unready for life—and that’s not what any of us want for our kids.”
#7
When you don't have to work at anything (intellectually), you're completely unprepared for those things that do require work, like essays, partner projects, etc. So you end up missing out on a lot of study skills, which all have a direct corollary to "adult" skills.
#8
Now that I'm out of school, I realize how much of my self worth I wrongly placed in my grades/GPA.
#9
I skipped a grade... So, no one saw me as the smart kid but instead as the diminutive thirteen year old ninth grader in Pre Calculus. You learn to keep your mouth shut.
It wasn't that great.
MikeWheelerFan 3 years ago
Imo you’re lucky you got to skip a grade. When I was still in Public School (I’m homeschooled now) the principal still wouldn’t let me skip a grade even though I was clearly bored…
According to Lenore, being exposed to a variety of experiences can help toughen us up. That way, we can deal with whatever life throws at us as veterans. “The pain of not getting invited to a birthday party, or failing a class, or not making the basketball team is no fun. But when your college girlfriend dumps you, at least you know you’ve been sad before and lived through it,” the expert gave an example.
“We do our kids a disservice when we make their lives ‘too’ perfect and don’t let them build up some resilience. Sure, we should love and support them. Sure, we want to steer them from true, serious danger. But always intervening in day-to-day frustrations is like going to the gym with our kids and lifting the barbells FOR them. Yes, they have an easier workout. No, they don’t leave stronger.”
As such, modern parents are living with “a new and incredibly heavy burden” that they supposedly ‘should’ be and even can be ‘perfect.’ Of course, this causes a lot of stress and results in kids who are well taken care of, bright, skilled, but don’t have the resilience to deal with the realities of grown-up life.
#10
Hard. I skipped four years in school - it took me years to come to terms with the fact that I'm allowed to do what makes me happy, not what people expect because "you have so much potential."
When I applied to music school my mother's friends openly criticised her for letting me do it, because they couldn't understand why I wasn't moving into a 'brainy' career path like medicine or law. Still get a lot of family members asking why I'm not doing XYZ job that they think I'd be perfect for.
TLDR: Just because you're smart enough to be a rocket scientist, that doesn't mean you have to be one.
Kanuli 3 years ago
You always want what you didn’t get? I wish I had this kind of support. Instead I was left all by myself, had to learn that I learn for myself, and how to do this. Same with social skills, emotions, morale, household. I still truggle because I taught myself not ideally. My morale is quite black and white for example. But I can still learn and become better.
#11
The correcting of other people is what I've found bothers people the most. I can't stand listening to others spout information that is incorrect, especially to smaller children that will repeat the endless cycle of stupid, so I say something. Or, when playing trivial pursuit, you know all the answers, but don't know how you know them and get the trivial or critical thought based games banned in your friend circle because, "she's just going to win anyway!"
Joey Marlin 3 years ago
Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? I've opted for the latter where it's something that isn't going to hurt the other person by being wrong in some way and it may mean a row or something ensues because people often don't want to believe you.
#12
I used to be so proud of my intellectual abilities and saw myself above many of my peers. Now I loathe myself for that and am realizing there is so much more to a person than being "smart" or "not smart". I'm realizing I was a little jerk inside and even if I tried to be nice on the outside, I still probably hurt people.
Claire Stanfield 3 years ago
This became very clear to me when a classmate of mine pointed to our mutual friend and announced, "She's in the dumb class". She was the gen ed class and we were in Honors. And this was high school. I was shocked, she was certainly old enough to know better than to say something so wrong.
#13
I was the typical over-achiever until University, when I had a mental breakdown and developed depression and an anxiety disorder. Turns out, being intelligent doesn't help so much when the family history of mental illness hits you in early adulthood.
White Paper Tsuru 3 years ago
It was a real pissoff that I couldn't 'think' my way out of depression
#14
Have to say the best part of growing up gifted was the "well what'd you miss" I'd get from parents when I brought home anything less than a 100.
Jaekry 3 years ago
Toxic. Redefine your own standards. A 70 is perfect to me (I always need(ed) everything to be a perfect 100. When I'm afraid I won't succeed, I stress, stall or procrastinate. I just get stuck.) Aiming for a 70 is important (for me!) otherwise nothing happens anymore. I will not get the job/task done. Ongoing struggle. Trying to redefine standards that work for me. Hope you all ready figured out yours.
#15
Lonely, because few share your interests.
Lonely, because displaying (showing off?) an intellectual gift brings as much resentment as it does praise (brains are particularly susceptible to resentment because, unlike say soccer or dancing, no one says "hey, your great at that! Thinking just is not my thing lol!". everyone fancies themself to be intelligent, even though everyone can't be).
Lonely, because most people would rather not be corrected, no matter how interesting you personally find the actual accurate information. This might not be clear to you for the first few decades (Actually, did you know that carrots don't substantially aid eyesight? oh, and actually the Pennsylvania Dutch are German. Dutch is an American corruption of Deutsch and....hey, where ya going??)
Lonely, because stories/puzzles/convos that move slow enough to engage most people are interminable to you, and those that move fast enough for you are unintelligible for everyone else.
Lonely because what makes you different can't be seen, so others who're like you might walk right by, and not seek you out. There's no uniform, like a sports jersey our punk rock hair to indicate that you're in the 1%.
Lonely, because logic is your favorite tool, but it is rarely used and often misapplied. Relationships, religion, politics, social situations----it is often OFFENSIVE to apply logic to them. but...you're a logic guy.
Purple light 3 years ago
This is me. Using logic in all the wrong places, like when people want to be comforted by your words en you start explaining everything logically. They just want to be told what a b*stard that other person is, not why you think they might have a valid point too.
#16
Intellectually, I was waaay ahead of my peer group, but emotionally and socially I wasn't. When I was moved forward a grade, I ended up being the youngest kid in my classes. All of them. So when my classmates were all getting their driver's licenses, I wasn't. When they were all allowed to see the naughty movies, I wasn't. Their parents set curfews that were usually later than mine, because I was younger. And puberty, well, puberty was a very difficult time
Becky Samuel 3 years ago
Oh, this one hits home. Try being a late developing 15 year old when the rest of your class are 17. At best they treat you with condescension as a 'pet' and at worst - well, you can guess.
#17
Imposter syndrome out the wazoo. Everyone is going to find out that I don't know what I'm doing/am not working as hard as I should be/am not as gifted as they say I am.
Virgil Blue 3 years ago
Ah, so it has a name then. Good to know, since I'm currently looking into getting help for that and other things.
#18
I wish I had figured that out while getting my aero degrees. One of my advisors even told me it would be OK for me to leave to go to music school. Now I'm 40, I left engineering years ago and I'm about to release my first album. But hey, I'm a rocket scientist too. So there's that.
#20
I had a horrific work ethic because I learned in elementary school that because I was smarter than the other kids, I didn't have to work as hard. Generally they would give us "GIFTED" work, and whatever time we had remaining once the work was complete was ours to do with as we liked. The result was learning that the other slobs would toil away all day, and by virtue of being smart, we could just d**k around with Lego or whatever. It wasn't until I got older that I learned to "apply" myself, and went the opposite direction. Now I work, arguably, too much.
DC 3 years ago
Uh ... cool. I was punished for looking out of the window when I was supposed to be stuck with math. When I had a concussion as a result from a fight in first grade, I though I finally got as stupid as I sometimes felt ... I was hardly ever told I was smart without any "but". Like "but you refuse to show it" - then, how do YOU get to know it, I asked after a few months. Got thrown out of class and sent home for the day for that. Uh, what? School always was about making us into equal units of economic explotability. The year preschool was different - left to do what I wanted, often alone. Year one was horrbible on so many levels...
#21
You are segregated (physically and partially by choice) from average people your age, and you tend to only interact with other smart people who are in the same place you are. You might not learn the necessary social skills, especially since many of your peers don't have them either.
#22
My self esteem, self worth, and happiness are being sucked up by this void feeling of mediocrity creeping into my life. I feel cheated, or like a cheater. I was given a head start early in life but now I'm sort of back to average. I feel like I was wrongly chosen as "gifted" and that I am a complete waste of resources.
Kanuli 3 years ago
Don’t worry. This feeling is present at alot of people. The headstart can be in various levels, be it a healthy supportive family, high intellect, god social skills, physical abilities. On the other hand others have it hard, and feel handicapped, some are even on various levels. You can only try to accept your being, and go on from there. The past can’t be changed, but you can change. Nothing wrong with being average, above or below either. Don’t judge yourself on the scale of others, but accept and love yourself for how and who you are, or who you can become, and work towards being this person you want to be.
#23
I am a severe perfectionist. So much so that I sabotage myself because I happen to make a tiny mistake. The only thing I seem to be good at now is work, because I HAVE to have everything perfect.
Vorknkx 3 years ago
I know the feeling. Sometimes I've scrapped something almost finished and started over due to some irrational feelings that my work is "corrupted" or fundamentally flawed in some imperceivable way. In some cases I've forced myself to leave things as they are, only to be "rewarded" with a constantant nagging in my mind that I did it wrong.
#24
The hard thing about the real world is just that life doesn't work to where you can do nothing and then ace the test. You have to do every single little step along the way. As menial, and useless as those steps may seem, the real world will always take the guy that averages a C on everything and maybe squeaks out a B- on the test over the guy that says f**k the stupid s**t, and still gets 100% on the final test. (Metaphorically speaking)
#25
One thing I missed going from an excellent student in high school to an average one in college was the attention I'd get from teachers as the 'smart one.' I'd always feel they were generally looking out for me more. Of course, it didn't help that college class sizes were gigantic, but that anonymous feeling got to me. A bit embarrassing to admit.
Bobby 3 years ago
I had the same experience with the US navy nuclear power school. Recruiters and RDC's kept telling us we're the elite of the navy intellectually, they brag about the high attrition rate etc etc, I get there and while I can see people struggling with it, i pass middle of the road. Meanwhile in my class we have someone who gets a perfect score on everything (literally) they tell us the program was designed for that to be impossible. That huge disparity between his intelligence and mine really was a wake up call of sorts
#26
My entire life I was top of the class, and I told myself it was okay I wasn't thin or pretty because I was smart. Then I went to a relatively prestigious university and suddenly I was surrounded by people who were just as smart or smarter than me, but also hot. It ruined me, and destroyed my self esteem.
I also developed this pathological perfectionism which caused/causes me so much anxiety I'm unable to work and then feeds into itself.
Jo87 3 years ago (edited)
The thing with being super smart and super hot is both those things take an incredible amount of time and energy. A lot of focus on yourself not others, a lot of effort and stress to be so perfect in everyway, when really it's all pretty immaterial to anyone but themselves. It's only a random commentor on BP's opinion, but I think finding some value in not being so self absorbed is a very strong trait ❤️ A perfectionists' 80% effort is a much higher standard than most people's 100% so you will always be impressive, even on a bad day ❤️
#27
We're going to spend a week's worth of classes learning one concept. Gifted Student, you're going to get this in five minutes and sit in the back corner reading for the rest of the week while I get more and more angry and yell at you for not paying attention. I'm going to sent you to in school suspension for one day this week, meaning you'll miss one of those classes. You'll be back in time for the test and still get the highest grade in the class, which will make me hate you even more.
KatKaleen 3 years ago
I had something similar happen, but because of my ADD. To this day I zone out when somebody is talking and I have nothing else to occupy my eyes and hands with, so I used to draw in the margins of my notes. With almost every new teacher it would take some time of them asking me a question out of the blue and me being able to answer it correctly for them to figure out I was, in fact, paying attention, just not looking at them. On one occasion, my former English teacher approached me when I thought I'd bombed the first test of the year with an F and was crying in the hallway. She couldn't believe one of her A-students could drop like that and took the test to the teachers' room. I don't know what was said and done, but I got the test back with a B and my new teacher stopped being so pissy with me.
#28
Skipped a grade, which I probably could have used to become more emotionally mature. Cried a lot in math class.
#29
I have always felt an immense pressure from my family (parents and my parents close friends who are like my aunts and uncles) to work hard and not squander the gift I was born with. I will be receiving my Ph.D in biomedical science and translational medicine next Friday. My current work focuses on identifying a novel protein complex that is involved in Triglyceride metabolism. Hopefully I lived up to their expectations and can leave something behind in this world to benefit mankind....or a pharmaceutical company hires me and pays me a boatload of money.
Al Christensen 3 years ago
Sometimes I think the best thing for child prodigies is to take them from their overbearing parents and put them in a boarding school where they can function without all the do-it-for-us-and-all-your-ancestors-and-the-future-of-the-planet-and-for- our-bragging-rights crap.
#30
Not going to lie, you grow up feeling kind of entitled to good test scores/grades, and when that doesn't actually happen you start re-evaluating your life. Then, when you take classes with other gifted kids, and see that you're part of the "average" section of that group, you reconsider every academic achievement you've received, haha.
I'm still a top student in my grade, still too lazy to do my homework (not as much as others though), but I stopped getting upset when my test scores didn't surpass those of my friends.
What do you think ?
Firefoxy3121 3 years ago
I was one of the 'gifted' kids in primary school and then I hit high school and everything just went wrong. Then I got diagnosed with ADD and anxiety which is apparently why
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I'm really baffled by the ones who say they had a problem with being lazy or a bad work ethic. the fact it came easy didn't stop me working my a** off... Granted, I'd be bored stiff when I'd worked through the books, but then I'd get *other* ones...??? Am I the only one who did that? Great, now I'm more of a weirdo.
whodunnitfan2013 3 years ago
My narcissistic parents forced me to always be perfect, especially academically. They taught me my grades directly reflected my self-worth and school was more important than my mental health. I graduated from school in May, and I'm still recovering. Damaged my self-esteem big time.
Evil Little Thing 3 years ago (edited)
I've tested two (or more) standard deviations from the mean all my life, so yeah - "gifted". But I have ADHD and didn't learn discipline until after I was 25 and had a baby (making a lot of mistakes along the way). I went back to college at 30 and absolutely slayed, then went into a PhD program. Now I'm a postdoc researching the emotional and cognitive benefits of psychedelics. My baby is nearly 17, and apparently trying to flunk the 11th grade. I'm going to let him. He can repeat it.
Jerry T 3 years ago
When I was in first or second grade I was tested for the "gifted" program. When I told my friends I was going to take the test they told me that kids in the gifted program had school all summer. The last thing I wanted was to be forced into extra school so I intentionally tanked the test. I failed it by a slim margin so I was retested 3 times and each time I barely failed until the final time when I really crunked it up. I moved around alot, including moving to different states and some of the transitions were really hard. Sometimes I look back and wonder how things would have turned out with the added label of "Gifted." I think that not having those expectations helped me keep my head above water. That being said, I also had to learn how to study once I went to college because I was never really challenged before that point. I now try to work with my kids to try instilling those skills before they get blindsided like I did.
Piet Puk 3 years ago
The frustration of identifying problems, and offering solutions, then being ignored and a year later it takes multiple people months of meetings to come up with the same solution.
Bill Evs 3 years ago
What I hated was being treated as everyone's problem solver. It's totally my own fault as for a long time I did just that for family and friends. However as the years went on it began to wear me down. I got asked for help for everything from financial investments, relationship problems, IT, etc, etc. It got to the point where these people weren't even trying anymore and just expecting me to magically impart whatever knowledge they needed to fix whatever problem they were currently facing (I'm not talking about advice or guidance, I mean literally expecting me to pull a solution to a very real problem off the top of my head because they didn't want to pay a professional or figure it out themselves). The worst part however was whenever I needed help I'd get nonchalant shrugs and "I dunno". It started getting to the point of ridiculousness with people expecting answers to things an expert in that field with years of experience would struggle with. In the end I just stated saying "I dunno"
Martha Meyer 3 years ago
Special schools for gifted kids are reall necessary imo. That way they can interact with other children their age and learn social skills without being teh odd young one out, and also be challenged enough intellectually to require actual effort and learning skills from them.
Jo Choto 3 years ago
Part 3: -- with other human beings. It matters to be kind and compassionate. It matters to have a sense of humour, especially about yourself. It matters to have a strong sense of ethics and common decency and good manners. It matters to share what you have with other people in a way that lifts them up. It matters to develop yourself as a whole human being, especially emotionally. Most people when they first meet me have no idea what I'm like. After a while, it sort of becomes obvious, but I don't lead with my IQ. I would rather people say I am warm and kind and caring and funny, and I am those things. I will always battle with a great sense of isolation, because even in Mensa groups, I have not found anyone I can relate to, especially as far as some of my thought processes go, but that's okay. IQ does not determine the value of a person, even when that's how we feel valued sometimes. I love my brain though, and wouldn't change it for the world. Still wish I was pretty though!
Jo Choto 3 years ago
Part 2: -- and out of touch with reality). I got thrown out of home. I have more letters after my name than in it. I have never studied. I have a phenomenal memory which is all that has been required for me get my qualifications. I am a linguist. I speak many languages. It took me two weeks to learn conversational Dutch. I taught myself how to play around 10 different musical instruments. I do algebra for fun. I was working out the laws of physics and coming up with theories before I ever studied physics. I theorized pangaea before I ever learned geography. I am a published writer. I have succeeded at every mental/intellectual thing I have ever tried. It has kept going like this my whole life. I feel as different from most human beings as I do from an octopus. I understand I am so far from average as to not even understand what that is. And none of that matters. None of it. What I have learned is the most important thing about being a human being, is how to get along-
Jo Choto 3 years ago
Part 1: This is my life. I think everyone knew I was smart when I tested out of elementary/primary school when I was 7. We lived overseas and I didn't go to school at all for a year, but I learned plenty. They sent me to private school. I was IQ tested and my life was catapulted into the fast lane. I went to several different schools. I was 11 in classes with 15/16 year olds. I got everything right all the time and I was universally hated by everyone. I was doing secondary/high school exams at 12. I was offered a place at Oxford when I was 14. Because I didn't have a stable family situation, and therefore no chaperone (which was required) I couldn't go. Everything academic always comes easy to me. I'm on the spectrum, so I didn't understand a lot of the social rules, which made me even less popular. So I retreated into my intelligence and lived there alone. I changed schools again. I was offered another place at Oxford when I was 16. I refused to go (they are classist--
Lord Mysticlaw 3 years ago
I was considered gifted but I think I turned out OK. My biggest problem is that now that I'm a mom I don't know how to "teach" my kid how to study for a test or how to do a research assignment because I feel like I just... naturally knew how to do it? Which doesn't seem right, but I don't know where or how I acquired the skill and I don't know how to teach it.
MikeWheelerFan 3 years ago
I’m considered Gifted and sometimes it isn’t worth it. Like the times I literally can not fall asleep and crash and burn the next day because of it. And the constant fidgeting…ugh. The only good thing to come out of being Gifted is that I’m homeschooled.
PixxelDust 3 years ago
This really hit home for me. Taught myself to read before kindergarten, spent all of my primary school life bored. I was never allowed to move up a grade because my principal was an absolute sh*thead to the students. Made very few friends, was always the kid that got upset when people didn't follow rules. Had no spare time to just exist because everyone assumed that I must *love* math because I was good at it. Gave up even trying, still got good grades, got bullied, fell into a long cycle of depression and anxiety. Betrayed by my friends in years 5 and 6. Was always expected to be the best at everything. Thanks to that, I now suffer from PTSD and possibly high-functioning ASD (co-morbid with GAD). There was really nothing to do but give up on school, once you reach the top the only way left to go is down. To all the people out there who wish they were gifted - you really don't. It's a life of incredibly high expectations, exclusion from society, and pain.
April Stephens 3 years ago
I'm sad to read that there was basically only one positive response. Wow. I was "gifted" and am grateful to have had a pretty good experience through my school years, especially because it suited me, as a highly sensitive person, to be apart in the more sheltered small group of other gifted students. I can relate to some of the negative comments, but now that my school days are over, I feel like "it all led me to be the person I am today" and "it's water under the bridge." Maybe I ought to be more jaded about it, haha.
Arthur Waite 3 years ago
This was an excellent article - I found myself over and over as I read. And it's scary to see how many people had the same sort of experience. Suggests there is something wrong about how the Human Race handles above-average youth.
Ivana 3 years ago
I am good at just about everything but seldom will be really great at something. I am good at piano, violin, painting, sewing, refurbishing, gymnastics, dance, etc. but I always hit a wall at some point, and to get over that wall you need to put forth a lot of effort and time, and as soon as something was effort I was no longer interested. I do really love to be overwhelmed and successful so being gifted never impacted me in academics or professionally. Work and school have always been easy for me and even when I get promoted the adjustment period isn't very difficult. I enjoy the distraction of always having a ton of work to do because it has always been doable and is where all my self-esteem comes from. Wish I had it in me to branch out more though, I can't handle the stress of not being the best at something and struggling to better myself in the arts or athletics makes me so frustrated I just become enraged.
Rain.coffee.exe 3 years ago
Im a "gifted" kid and its awful. Any grade below an A- Is bad and any bad score could be better if i "aplied myself more." it has wrecked my mental health and i feel worthless most of the time
Prisha Mahajan 3 years ago
This isn't that bad, but was anyone else not allowed to join logical games like card games or chess witht their friends because "It's not fair! She's gonna win if she plays anyway!"
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Infuriating. I don't know why my brain does what it does, how it does it. I really don't, I can't explain. And I'm not on the spectrum (been triple-checked). I just... connect things... faster? Differently?... both? It's *lonely*. Really lonely. Sitting alone in school was lonely, b/c who wants to be with the class "nerd". Who wants to be with the "gifted freak". And then, in adulthood, bosses think I'll take their jobs (no, never, ugh, yuck). No. I just... see solutions differently than others do? I don't know. All I know is, even being a perfect gifted student didn't stop my dad saying I was worthless, so ... I'd rather be much nearer that "norm" of Normal.
François Carré 3 years ago (edited)
I had a first phase in primary school when I was doing great, everything was so damn easy and effortless, I was pretty self-satisfied and genuinely believed everyone around was in admiration of me (to be honest, I guess I was also compensating at school because at home my brother would treat me like s**t). Turns out most of my classmates hated me, which was legit since I was a complete asshole, arrogant and depreciative of others. I realized that through some painful events, changed my mind and entered a second phase where I was still the smart kid but didn't brag about it anymore. I also discovered that helping those who had more difficulties than me and actually befriend them was much better than standing alone in academic success, and that being a good person would be more important in life than just being a smart kid.
similarly 3 years ago (edited)
My problem was that it wasn't that I was smarter than anyone else, or really better in ANY way: I just got more CHANCES than other people because people made assumptions about me. For SO much of my early career, I kept getting promoted over people, and made supervisor or manager over people who were older, more experienced, and sometimes better educated than me. I still don't know why. In many jobs, I was the "guinea pig". They'd bring me some new technology or some new way of doing something and say "Nobody's ever tried this before, and we're not sure how it works, but just play with it!" and before long, I'd have a manual. Got pretty decent at making manuals for stuff. But I really missed out on having peers, and being just another guy in the break room. I was at my current job two months when I was put in de-facto charge of my department, and I swore, if this job burned out, my next job I was going to insist on NOT being promoted for at least a year. Been here 17 years now!
Shadow Phillips 3 years ago
I was in private school til high school, so noone thought anything of the little Kindergartener being trotted up to the 3rd/4th grade class for "classes" and back to age group for "art" and such. Didn't attend public school til I hit high school "age" by then I just wanted to be in theater and choir, didn't care about the rest. It was a new experience, and I was all in for about... 1 semester then my mom gave me leave to check myself off campus lol. I'd show up for theater/choir and a couple other classes with friends, but other then that I was MIA. I'd already finished their "gifted" coursework, their senior gifted reading list was s**t I'd read when I was like 10 :/ Soon as I was done with school and graduated with my friends, I bailed and went into retail throwing freight! I had a blast and if I could still physically do it I'd still be doing it. I picked up a few degrees along the way but, throwing freight was perfect for me. I can put up with any customer for 5 minutes lol,
Brandy Grote 3 years ago (edited)
I dunno my grades stayed high throughout my schooling. Even in military training, I was in the hardest field, and getting the highest grades. Then when I went to actually WORK in the field, I wasn't allowed to because of my gender. Even so, I still enjoy researching and learning new things even though I'm retired.
DC 3 years ago
One thing I may allow myself to advise: See if you can join Mensa. Go to the meetings. Haven't been there in a while now, and not that often, and pretty much regret it - the people there aren't bragging about how smart they are, but a lot have faced similar difficulties and problems, and a lot of them have been able to resolve them and may help you on your way to not waste your thinkability by exchanging it for unhappiness and frustration. The main property enabling to join may look like arbitrary or elitist, but this truly doesn't represent the people you'll get to meet and get to know there. Also - find something you really can do better than anyone else, allow yourself to deviate from the usual, never be ashamed, never adapt to stupidity, ... and never brag about it.
Locke 3 years ago
I’m “gifted”, and I’ve been super lucky that my parents are non toxic about it. They just say that the only thing I can control is how hard I try, so if I bring home a grade that’s less than perfect, but it was the best I could do, they’re happy. The thing is that I’m a senior now and I’ve got some serious senioritis. Everything has always just kinda… worked out in the end, you know. So the challenge is how little I can get away with doing. And if I end up doing poorly I always fall back on, “Well I would have done better if I had tried, so at least there’s that.” It’s super frustrating now because I barely do anything and I’m always really stressed in the back of my mind, but it never changes the amount of work I do. I’ve got to do something, I just can’t seem to.
Snooky Shirt 3 years ago
Not exactly the same but I grew up being good in school, pretty smart. Which got me a reputation of loving it. Now I have a class who won't accept me as trans or queer and I had to move to homeschooling to stop daily panic attacks.
David Bowlby 3 years ago
This sounds like a bunch of people who were labeled "gifted" but actually weren't. I can't identify with any of these people's statements.
Kiwii Stone 3 years ago
A lot of us who were 'gifted' (NAGTY, National Academy of Gifted and Talented Youth in the UK) have since had late diagnoses of ADHD. There seems to be a strong correlation in over-performance at school and burnout in later life
Chich 3 years ago
I took a few years off betwixt HS & college. Grew up a bit. When I did start college there were a few straight from HS who had been honour students. They all found college was not what they expected. You had to be organized, you had to apply yourself and I think the biggest shock was that the instructors were very much "You will pass...or you won't. It is not my problem"
Alexandra Prytkova 1 year ago
What is considered "gifted" by people around you, sometimes is really nothing about "you" but how life has worked out for you. I spoke 5 languages on a "native level" by the age of 8. Not because I was "gifted", but because we moved a lot and I had to adapt. I aced all my tests and was the best student in class for years, because I came from another country and my level of intellect was above average for the country I was living in. When I moved back to my home country I felt like a fraud. Education was very hard, I couldn't catch up to my peers. It took me years to be able to actually not sound like an idiot in conversation. I did manage to catch up eventually, mostly because I am good at actually understanding s**t - still feel like a fraud. People still call me "gifted" because of the languages, but by God is it not a sign you are gifted... At 30, I have severe anxiety and imposter syndrome and depression.
Mer☕️🧭☕️ 2 years ago
Dang but I feel seen. In hindsight, my problem was that I never had to work for my grades and at the time "grades" were all that mattered. Study skills? Time management skills? Prioritizing skills? Never needed them. NO ONE thought to tell me that life outside of school is not the same as life in school.
OHIOWAndering_Around 2 years ago
She's smart but doesn't apply herself. Her daily work is A+ work why does she fail every test. She scores in the 99th percentile on standardized tests so why is she too stupid to figure out something as simple as basic Algebra. A 136 IQ means jackshit when a kid is an ADD, highly functioning autistic, anxious, depressed, emotionally and mentally abused mess of a human. But that was the 80s and 90s when kids like me, incredible memory for facts and highly gifted in English and History, fell through the cracks. My life could be worse though.
Marnie 2 years ago
The biggest problem I see in our local schools (Minnesota, USA) is that they have programs for gifted kids that are run by people who are not gifted, so it's just a big waste of time and doesn't help the kids at all. When my son was in the gifted program, we were both gifted enough to realize it was a joke and a waste of his time. He wasn't getting anything out of it, and just took up time where he could have been playing or doing chores or reading, etc.
Stannous Flouride 3 years ago
As I have long suspected from the general quality of comments here on BP, most of us could have clicked on almost all of these. Yes, there is a bit of snark and trolls do show up, especially around stuff like masks and vaccines, but they don't seem to stick around for very long. (I suspect that's because most of us won't take the bait and can't be a$$ed to care enough to engage them the way they want.)
Linny H 3 years ago
Funny how that grass is never greener. How easy would it have been if I were gifted? No struggles in math or English. Or if my kids were and it'd have been easy A's for them? Eyes opened here. Everything comes at a cost and everything comes with its own struggles. Just so you know, your struggles may be unique to you, but struggles are common to every single person.
Jerry Mathers 3 years ago
I think gifted or intelligence is really misleading. When they tell you that, especially in the context of school, I think what they are really saying is that you excel in the way we teach (ie learning by reading, memorization, & taking tests). The problem is there are several different ways to learn and if you fall under 1 of those, you are viewed as less intelligent. This isn't true, but because the label is applied (either as gifted or not), real damage gets done. Kids are taught they are smart or not and because it comes from authority figures, the believe and embrace it. This creates self imposed limits and tends to have an effect that lasts their lifetimes. Also success and "intelligence" are not really connected. Success is highly subjective. If you view happiness as success, then successfully pursuing that which interests you is the bar. If it's financial success, motivation and drive are better indicators. Basically what I'm saying is the whole concept is flawed.
Faith Hurst-Bilinski 3 years ago
I went to schools for gifted kids and none were lazy and disorganized as these people all seem to claim it made them. It was full of driven people and maybe a couple of kids who screwed around.
Buck Up 3 years ago (edited)
Programs for gifted children are often the haunt of Jesuit recruiters, seeking the best and brightest for their ranks. One of them persuaded my mother to enroll me in his private Latin class. Fostering loyalty to Rome, they educate you to enter and subvert local government. This is why the majority of the SCOTUS is Catholic, our public schools are hamstrung (in favor of parochial ones), and our Southern border is wide open. Breach, the movie, is a good picture of this dynamic.
Lightningstar 3 years ago
My mom couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that in high school, a C was my best effort and I couldn't get As anymore
iblowsheep 3 years ago
how come "There's no such f*****g thing as *Gifted* isn't on this list?
marianne eliza 3 years ago
I was "gifted" in sciences and math. My dad was a high school & jr. college math teacher. When I hit rebellious age, the worst thing I could do was fail math. So I did.
FailBunny17 3 years ago (edited)
At school in early years I failed a lot. Middle school comes along and a batch of knowledgeable/observant teachers come along and they realized I wasnt "dumb" I was bored out of my skull 😂. I didn't do my homework but when I took a test I normally aced it. I failed math because I was too stubborn to go through the process of "showing my work", so even though I technically got it right they failed me. I read at a level much higher than what had been offered in the library for my age group. They tried to put me in advanced courses... I declined, I wasn't going to work crazy hard to get maybe a B when I could just turn in some homework and get a passing grade. As an adult, I think dumb still fits.
thatmagicgaychick 3 years ago
thinking about applicability instead of a letter grade. got an average score on a writing test recently, but ffs no boss wants a f*cking essay on why you don't want to take on a larger sales territory
Kar Red Roses 3 years ago
Anyone else depressed after scrolling this one? I was in TAG from grades 1-8 https://qz.com/2049935/what-does-a-good-life-look-like/ I found this article that reminded me (again) that an enjoyable life is not dependent on wealth, pretty privilege, artistic talent or a gift for learning.
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
I actually didn't realize I was 'gifted' until 7th grade when the health teacher said that we were lucky if we didn't need to study. I just thought that the other kids didn't pay good enough attention.
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
I don't know how to put effort in for an extended period of time, because I've barely ever had to study, and when I do study it's just to go over flashcards a time or two and I'm good. It's made me lazy, and it will be horrible when I do finally have to study. Also, it's become my identity. Kids in school know me as 'the smart girl' and the only time they have any interest in me is when they think I can help them with school work. The only compliment I get most of the time, even from my family, is that I'm smart. Maybe it would feel more like a compliment if I had to work for the good grades, but I don't and I've heard that compliment so many times it's lost meaning. You get to be too hard on yourself. I start getting nervous about my grade when it drops to a 95. Both my parents and I have gotten better with it recently, but a B- or lower on anything is something to talk about.
Cassie 3 years ago
Things came incredibly easily to me growing up and even as a young adult. I could learn just about anything without much effort. Now that I'm middle-aged, I struggle to learn new things and I'm no longer just automatically good at everything. I have no idea how to handle or overcome that, so I often just give up and sometimes I question my self-worth.
KiwiBubbles 3 years ago
Academically did fantastic until high school. Then... ✨perfectionism✨, because I'd always gotten 100%s before, so I should still be able to do everything perfectly! ✨anxiety✨, because trying to do everything perfectly takes a lot more time than trying your best, so I always have too much to do... and then still don't do everything perfectly. ✨depression✨, because school is extremely emotionally painful and stressful, as well as unavoidable, and I'm still not working perfectly so I don't feel good enough. (No idea how much my actual diagnosis was affected by the "gifted" thing versus genes, other stuff... But I'm doing a lot better now that I'm on medication and nearly out of school. Terrified of college, though, but not sure what else to do. Very glad my parents are going to help me out with that.)
Emme K. 3 years ago
Hey. Gifted kid here. I resonate with a lot of these posts and comments, Im kind of going through my own identity crisis right now too. I was determined gifted by a specialist when I was 1 or 2. My parents homeschooled my until high school, skipping me a grade, it was always very easy, I didn't have to try hard, there wasn't so much emphasis on grades, I learned for the sake of learning. But after I finished 8th grade my parents decided to have me attend an online high school program, which was basically the high school education everyone else was getting, but online. I entered high school at the age of 12, now Im 14 and in Grade 11. And high school is HARD. My parents told me it was going to be so easy, I and I was going to do so well and get the best grades. And Im still getting decent grades, but it's nothing fantastic, and I'm only squeaking along because of the grace I get from my teachers, because I struggle with time management, turning in stuff on time, my work ethic,
Enrique Villarreal 3 years ago
Oh my... y'all can stop complaining now. Being labeled something positive does give you an advantage and does help you achieve more. There have been many studies on this. You want to complain? Imagine the kid in your class who as introverted, afraid to participate, anxious that is they make a mistake they would be laughed. They feel envious of your gifted label and ashamed that they don't have it. And because they don't have it they have been labeled a loser or an idiot. At least being labeled something positive give you chances to take risks, to challenge yourself publicly, to ask bigger questions, etc.
Firefoxy3121 3 years ago
I was one of the 'gifted' kids in primary school and then I hit high school and everything just went wrong. Then I got diagnosed with ADD and anxiety which is apparently why
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
I'm really baffled by the ones who say they had a problem with being lazy or a bad work ethic. the fact it came easy didn't stop me working my a** off... Granted, I'd be bored stiff when I'd worked through the books, but then I'd get *other* ones...??? Am I the only one who did that? Great, now I'm more of a weirdo.
whodunnitfan2013 3 years ago
My narcissistic parents forced me to always be perfect, especially academically. They taught me my grades directly reflected my self-worth and school was more important than my mental health. I graduated from school in May, and I'm still recovering. Damaged my self-esteem big time.
Evil Little Thing 3 years ago (edited)
I've tested two (or more) standard deviations from the mean all my life, so yeah - "gifted". But I have ADHD and didn't learn discipline until after I was 25 and had a baby (making a lot of mistakes along the way). I went back to college at 30 and absolutely slayed, then went into a PhD program. Now I'm a postdoc researching the emotional and cognitive benefits of psychedelics. My baby is nearly 17, and apparently trying to flunk the 11th grade. I'm going to let him. He can repeat it.
Jerry T 3 years ago
When I was in first or second grade I was tested for the "gifted" program. When I told my friends I was going to take the test they told me that kids in the gifted program had school all summer. The last thing I wanted was to be forced into extra school so I intentionally tanked the test. I failed it by a slim margin so I was retested 3 times and each time I barely failed until the final time when I really crunked it up. I moved around alot, including moving to different states and some of the transitions were really hard. Sometimes I look back and wonder how things would have turned out with the added label of "Gifted." I think that not having those expectations helped me keep my head above water. That being said, I also had to learn how to study once I went to college because I was never really challenged before that point. I now try to work with my kids to try instilling those skills before they get blindsided like I did.
Piet Puk 3 years ago
The frustration of identifying problems, and offering solutions, then being ignored and a year later it takes multiple people months of meetings to come up with the same solution.
Bill Evs 3 years ago
What I hated was being treated as everyone's problem solver. It's totally my own fault as for a long time I did just that for family and friends. However as the years went on it began to wear me down. I got asked for help for everything from financial investments, relationship problems, IT, etc, etc. It got to the point where these people weren't even trying anymore and just expecting me to magically impart whatever knowledge they needed to fix whatever problem they were currently facing (I'm not talking about advice or guidance, I mean literally expecting me to pull a solution to a very real problem off the top of my head because they didn't want to pay a professional or figure it out themselves). The worst part however was whenever I needed help I'd get nonchalant shrugs and "I dunno". It started getting to the point of ridiculousness with people expecting answers to things an expert in that field with years of experience would struggle with. In the end I just stated saying "I dunno"
Martha Meyer 3 years ago
Special schools for gifted kids are reall necessary imo. That way they can interact with other children their age and learn social skills without being teh odd young one out, and also be challenged enough intellectually to require actual effort and learning skills from them.
Jo Choto 3 years ago
Part 3: -- with other human beings. It matters to be kind and compassionate. It matters to have a sense of humour, especially about yourself. It matters to have a strong sense of ethics and common decency and good manners. It matters to share what you have with other people in a way that lifts them up. It matters to develop yourself as a whole human being, especially emotionally. Most people when they first meet me have no idea what I'm like. After a while, it sort of becomes obvious, but I don't lead with my IQ. I would rather people say I am warm and kind and caring and funny, and I am those things. I will always battle with a great sense of isolation, because even in Mensa groups, I have not found anyone I can relate to, especially as far as some of my thought processes go, but that's okay. IQ does not determine the value of a person, even when that's how we feel valued sometimes. I love my brain though, and wouldn't change it for the world. Still wish I was pretty though!
Jo Choto 3 years ago
Part 2: -- and out of touch with reality). I got thrown out of home. I have more letters after my name than in it. I have never studied. I have a phenomenal memory which is all that has been required for me get my qualifications. I am a linguist. I speak many languages. It took me two weeks to learn conversational Dutch. I taught myself how to play around 10 different musical instruments. I do algebra for fun. I was working out the laws of physics and coming up with theories before I ever studied physics. I theorized pangaea before I ever learned geography. I am a published writer. I have succeeded at every mental/intellectual thing I have ever tried. It has kept going like this my whole life. I feel as different from most human beings as I do from an octopus. I understand I am so far from average as to not even understand what that is. And none of that matters. None of it. What I have learned is the most important thing about being a human being, is how to get along-
Jo Choto 3 years ago
Part 1: This is my life. I think everyone knew I was smart when I tested out of elementary/primary school when I was 7. We lived overseas and I didn't go to school at all for a year, but I learned plenty. They sent me to private school. I was IQ tested and my life was catapulted into the fast lane. I went to several different schools. I was 11 in classes with 15/16 year olds. I got everything right all the time and I was universally hated by everyone. I was doing secondary/high school exams at 12. I was offered a place at Oxford when I was 14. Because I didn't have a stable family situation, and therefore no chaperone (which was required) I couldn't go. Everything academic always comes easy to me. I'm on the spectrum, so I didn't understand a lot of the social rules, which made me even less popular. So I retreated into my intelligence and lived there alone. I changed schools again. I was offered another place at Oxford when I was 16. I refused to go (they are classist--
Lord Mysticlaw 3 years ago
I was considered gifted but I think I turned out OK. My biggest problem is that now that I'm a mom I don't know how to "teach" my kid how to study for a test or how to do a research assignment because I feel like I just... naturally knew how to do it? Which doesn't seem right, but I don't know where or how I acquired the skill and I don't know how to teach it.
MikeWheelerFan 3 years ago
I’m considered Gifted and sometimes it isn’t worth it. Like the times I literally can not fall asleep and crash and burn the next day because of it. And the constant fidgeting…ugh. The only good thing to come out of being Gifted is that I’m homeschooled.
PixxelDust 3 years ago
This really hit home for me. Taught myself to read before kindergarten, spent all of my primary school life bored. I was never allowed to move up a grade because my principal was an absolute sh*thead to the students. Made very few friends, was always the kid that got upset when people didn't follow rules. Had no spare time to just exist because everyone assumed that I must *love* math because I was good at it. Gave up even trying, still got good grades, got bullied, fell into a long cycle of depression and anxiety. Betrayed by my friends in years 5 and 6. Was always expected to be the best at everything. Thanks to that, I now suffer from PTSD and possibly high-functioning ASD (co-morbid with GAD). There was really nothing to do but give up on school, once you reach the top the only way left to go is down. To all the people out there who wish they were gifted - you really don't. It's a life of incredibly high expectations, exclusion from society, and pain.
April Stephens 3 years ago
I'm sad to read that there was basically only one positive response. Wow. I was "gifted" and am grateful to have had a pretty good experience through my school years, especially because it suited me, as a highly sensitive person, to be apart in the more sheltered small group of other gifted students. I can relate to some of the negative comments, but now that my school days are over, I feel like "it all led me to be the person I am today" and "it's water under the bridge." Maybe I ought to be more jaded about it, haha.
Arthur Waite 3 years ago
This was an excellent article - I found myself over and over as I read. And it's scary to see how many people had the same sort of experience. Suggests there is something wrong about how the Human Race handles above-average youth.
Ivana 3 years ago
I am good at just about everything but seldom will be really great at something. I am good at piano, violin, painting, sewing, refurbishing, gymnastics, dance, etc. but I always hit a wall at some point, and to get over that wall you need to put forth a lot of effort and time, and as soon as something was effort I was no longer interested. I do really love to be overwhelmed and successful so being gifted never impacted me in academics or professionally. Work and school have always been easy for me and even when I get promoted the adjustment period isn't very difficult. I enjoy the distraction of always having a ton of work to do because it has always been doable and is where all my self-esteem comes from. Wish I had it in me to branch out more though, I can't handle the stress of not being the best at something and struggling to better myself in the arts or athletics makes me so frustrated I just become enraged.
Rain.coffee.exe 3 years ago
Im a "gifted" kid and its awful. Any grade below an A- Is bad and any bad score could be better if i "aplied myself more." it has wrecked my mental health and i feel worthless most of the time
Prisha Mahajan 3 years ago
This isn't that bad, but was anyone else not allowed to join logical games like card games or chess witht their friends because "It's not fair! She's gonna win if she plays anyway!"
Leo Domitrix 3 years ago
Infuriating. I don't know why my brain does what it does, how it does it. I really don't, I can't explain. And I'm not on the spectrum (been triple-checked). I just... connect things... faster? Differently?... both? It's *lonely*. Really lonely. Sitting alone in school was lonely, b/c who wants to be with the class "nerd". Who wants to be with the "gifted freak". And then, in adulthood, bosses think I'll take their jobs (no, never, ugh, yuck). No. I just... see solutions differently than others do? I don't know. All I know is, even being a perfect gifted student didn't stop my dad saying I was worthless, so ... I'd rather be much nearer that "norm" of Normal.
François Carré 3 years ago (edited)
I had a first phase in primary school when I was doing great, everything was so damn easy and effortless, I was pretty self-satisfied and genuinely believed everyone around was in admiration of me (to be honest, I guess I was also compensating at school because at home my brother would treat me like s**t). Turns out most of my classmates hated me, which was legit since I was a complete asshole, arrogant and depreciative of others. I realized that through some painful events, changed my mind and entered a second phase where I was still the smart kid but didn't brag about it anymore. I also discovered that helping those who had more difficulties than me and actually befriend them was much better than standing alone in academic success, and that being a good person would be more important in life than just being a smart kid.
similarly 3 years ago (edited)
My problem was that it wasn't that I was smarter than anyone else, or really better in ANY way: I just got more CHANCES than other people because people made assumptions about me. For SO much of my early career, I kept getting promoted over people, and made supervisor or manager over people who were older, more experienced, and sometimes better educated than me. I still don't know why. In many jobs, I was the "guinea pig". They'd bring me some new technology or some new way of doing something and say "Nobody's ever tried this before, and we're not sure how it works, but just play with it!" and before long, I'd have a manual. Got pretty decent at making manuals for stuff. But I really missed out on having peers, and being just another guy in the break room. I was at my current job two months when I was put in de-facto charge of my department, and I swore, if this job burned out, my next job I was going to insist on NOT being promoted for at least a year. Been here 17 years now!
Shadow Phillips 3 years ago
I was in private school til high school, so noone thought anything of the little Kindergartener being trotted up to the 3rd/4th grade class for "classes" and back to age group for "art" and such. Didn't attend public school til I hit high school "age" by then I just wanted to be in theater and choir, didn't care about the rest. It was a new experience, and I was all in for about... 1 semester then my mom gave me leave to check myself off campus lol. I'd show up for theater/choir and a couple other classes with friends, but other then that I was MIA. I'd already finished their "gifted" coursework, their senior gifted reading list was s**t I'd read when I was like 10 :/ Soon as I was done with school and graduated with my friends, I bailed and went into retail throwing freight! I had a blast and if I could still physically do it I'd still be doing it. I picked up a few degrees along the way but, throwing freight was perfect for me. I can put up with any customer for 5 minutes lol,
Brandy Grote 3 years ago (edited)
I dunno my grades stayed high throughout my schooling. Even in military training, I was in the hardest field, and getting the highest grades. Then when I went to actually WORK in the field, I wasn't allowed to because of my gender. Even so, I still enjoy researching and learning new things even though I'm retired.
DC 3 years ago
One thing I may allow myself to advise: See if you can join Mensa. Go to the meetings. Haven't been there in a while now, and not that often, and pretty much regret it - the people there aren't bragging about how smart they are, but a lot have faced similar difficulties and problems, and a lot of them have been able to resolve them and may help you on your way to not waste your thinkability by exchanging it for unhappiness and frustration. The main property enabling to join may look like arbitrary or elitist, but this truly doesn't represent the people you'll get to meet and get to know there. Also - find something you really can do better than anyone else, allow yourself to deviate from the usual, never be ashamed, never adapt to stupidity, ... and never brag about it.
Locke 3 years ago
I’m “gifted”, and I’ve been super lucky that my parents are non toxic about it. They just say that the only thing I can control is how hard I try, so if I bring home a grade that’s less than perfect, but it was the best I could do, they’re happy. The thing is that I’m a senior now and I’ve got some serious senioritis. Everything has always just kinda… worked out in the end, you know. So the challenge is how little I can get away with doing. And if I end up doing poorly I always fall back on, “Well I would have done better if I had tried, so at least there’s that.” It’s super frustrating now because I barely do anything and I’m always really stressed in the back of my mind, but it never changes the amount of work I do. I’ve got to do something, I just can’t seem to.
Snooky Shirt 3 years ago
Not exactly the same but I grew up being good in school, pretty smart. Which got me a reputation of loving it. Now I have a class who won't accept me as trans or queer and I had to move to homeschooling to stop daily panic attacks.
David Bowlby 3 years ago
This sounds like a bunch of people who were labeled "gifted" but actually weren't. I can't identify with any of these people's statements.
Kiwii Stone 3 years ago
A lot of us who were 'gifted' (NAGTY, National Academy of Gifted and Talented Youth in the UK) have since had late diagnoses of ADHD. There seems to be a strong correlation in over-performance at school and burnout in later life
Chich 3 years ago
I took a few years off betwixt HS & college. Grew up a bit. When I did start college there were a few straight from HS who had been honour students. They all found college was not what they expected. You had to be organized, you had to apply yourself and I think the biggest shock was that the instructors were very much "You will pass...or you won't. It is not my problem"
Alexandra Prytkova 1 year ago
What is considered "gifted" by people around you, sometimes is really nothing about "you" but how life has worked out for you. I spoke 5 languages on a "native level" by the age of 8. Not because I was "gifted", but because we moved a lot and I had to adapt. I aced all my tests and was the best student in class for years, because I came from another country and my level of intellect was above average for the country I was living in. When I moved back to my home country I felt like a fraud. Education was very hard, I couldn't catch up to my peers. It took me years to be able to actually not sound like an idiot in conversation. I did manage to catch up eventually, mostly because I am good at actually understanding s**t - still feel like a fraud. People still call me "gifted" because of the languages, but by God is it not a sign you are gifted... At 30, I have severe anxiety and imposter syndrome and depression.
Mer☕️🧭☕️ 2 years ago
Dang but I feel seen. In hindsight, my problem was that I never had to work for my grades and at the time "grades" were all that mattered. Study skills? Time management skills? Prioritizing skills? Never needed them. NO ONE thought to tell me that life outside of school is not the same as life in school.
OHIOWAndering_Around 2 years ago
She's smart but doesn't apply herself. Her daily work is A+ work why does she fail every test. She scores in the 99th percentile on standardized tests so why is she too stupid to figure out something as simple as basic Algebra. A 136 IQ means jackshit when a kid is an ADD, highly functioning autistic, anxious, depressed, emotionally and mentally abused mess of a human. But that was the 80s and 90s when kids like me, incredible memory for facts and highly gifted in English and History, fell through the cracks. My life could be worse though.
Marnie 2 years ago
The biggest problem I see in our local schools (Minnesota, USA) is that they have programs for gifted kids that are run by people who are not gifted, so it's just a big waste of time and doesn't help the kids at all. When my son was in the gifted program, we were both gifted enough to realize it was a joke and a waste of his time. He wasn't getting anything out of it, and just took up time where he could have been playing or doing chores or reading, etc.
Stannous Flouride 3 years ago
As I have long suspected from the general quality of comments here on BP, most of us could have clicked on almost all of these. Yes, there is a bit of snark and trolls do show up, especially around stuff like masks and vaccines, but they don't seem to stick around for very long. (I suspect that's because most of us won't take the bait and can't be a$$ed to care enough to engage them the way they want.)
Linny H 3 years ago
Funny how that grass is never greener. How easy would it have been if I were gifted? No struggles in math or English. Or if my kids were and it'd have been easy A's for them? Eyes opened here. Everything comes at a cost and everything comes with its own struggles. Just so you know, your struggles may be unique to you, but struggles are common to every single person.
Jerry Mathers 3 years ago
I think gifted or intelligence is really misleading. When they tell you that, especially in the context of school, I think what they are really saying is that you excel in the way we teach (ie learning by reading, memorization, & taking tests). The problem is there are several different ways to learn and if you fall under 1 of those, you are viewed as less intelligent. This isn't true, but because the label is applied (either as gifted or not), real damage gets done. Kids are taught they are smart or not and because it comes from authority figures, the believe and embrace it. This creates self imposed limits and tends to have an effect that lasts their lifetimes. Also success and "intelligence" are not really connected. Success is highly subjective. If you view happiness as success, then successfully pursuing that which interests you is the bar. If it's financial success, motivation and drive are better indicators. Basically what I'm saying is the whole concept is flawed.
Faith Hurst-Bilinski 3 years ago
I went to schools for gifted kids and none were lazy and disorganized as these people all seem to claim it made them. It was full of driven people and maybe a couple of kids who screwed around.
Buck Up 3 years ago (edited)
Programs for gifted children are often the haunt of Jesuit recruiters, seeking the best and brightest for their ranks. One of them persuaded my mother to enroll me in his private Latin class. Fostering loyalty to Rome, they educate you to enter and subvert local government. This is why the majority of the SCOTUS is Catholic, our public schools are hamstrung (in favor of parochial ones), and our Southern border is wide open. Breach, the movie, is a good picture of this dynamic.
Lightningstar 3 years ago
My mom couldn't wrap her mind around the fact that in high school, a C was my best effort and I couldn't get As anymore
iblowsheep 3 years ago
how come "There's no such f*****g thing as *Gifted* isn't on this list?
marianne eliza 3 years ago
I was "gifted" in sciences and math. My dad was a high school & jr. college math teacher. When I hit rebellious age, the worst thing I could do was fail math. So I did.
FailBunny17 3 years ago (edited)
At school in early years I failed a lot. Middle school comes along and a batch of knowledgeable/observant teachers come along and they realized I wasnt "dumb" I was bored out of my skull 😂. I didn't do my homework but when I took a test I normally aced it. I failed math because I was too stubborn to go through the process of "showing my work", so even though I technically got it right they failed me. I read at a level much higher than what had been offered in the library for my age group. They tried to put me in advanced courses... I declined, I wasn't going to work crazy hard to get maybe a B when I could just turn in some homework and get a passing grade. As an adult, I think dumb still fits.
thatmagicgaychick 3 years ago
thinking about applicability instead of a letter grade. got an average score on a writing test recently, but ffs no boss wants a f*cking essay on why you don't want to take on a larger sales territory
Kar Red Roses 3 years ago
Anyone else depressed after scrolling this one? I was in TAG from grades 1-8 https://qz.com/2049935/what-does-a-good-life-look-like/ I found this article that reminded me (again) that an enjoyable life is not dependent on wealth, pretty privilege, artistic talent or a gift for learning.
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
I actually didn't realize I was 'gifted' until 7th grade when the health teacher said that we were lucky if we didn't need to study. I just thought that the other kids didn't pay good enough attention.
Chicken Nugget 3 years ago
I don't know how to put effort in for an extended period of time, because I've barely ever had to study, and when I do study it's just to go over flashcards a time or two and I'm good. It's made me lazy, and it will be horrible when I do finally have to study. Also, it's become my identity. Kids in school know me as 'the smart girl' and the only time they have any interest in me is when they think I can help them with school work. The only compliment I get most of the time, even from my family, is that I'm smart. Maybe it would feel more like a compliment if I had to work for the good grades, but I don't and I've heard that compliment so many times it's lost meaning. You get to be too hard on yourself. I start getting nervous about my grade when it drops to a 95. Both my parents and I have gotten better with it recently, but a B- or lower on anything is something to talk about.
Cassie 3 years ago
Things came incredibly easily to me growing up and even as a young adult. I could learn just about anything without much effort. Now that I'm middle-aged, I struggle to learn new things and I'm no longer just automatically good at everything. I have no idea how to handle or overcome that, so I often just give up and sometimes I question my self-worth.
KiwiBubbles 3 years ago
Academically did fantastic until high school. Then... ✨perfectionism✨, because I'd always gotten 100%s before, so I should still be able to do everything perfectly! ✨anxiety✨, because trying to do everything perfectly takes a lot more time than trying your best, so I always have too much to do... and then still don't do everything perfectly. ✨depression✨, because school is extremely emotionally painful and stressful, as well as unavoidable, and I'm still not working perfectly so I don't feel good enough. (No idea how much my actual diagnosis was affected by the "gifted" thing versus genes, other stuff... But I'm doing a lot better now that I'm on medication and nearly out of school. Terrified of college, though, but not sure what else to do. Very glad my parents are going to help me out with that.)
Emme K. 3 years ago
Hey. Gifted kid here. I resonate with a lot of these posts and comments, Im kind of going through my own identity crisis right now too. I was determined gifted by a specialist when I was 1 or 2. My parents homeschooled my until high school, skipping me a grade, it was always very easy, I didn't have to try hard, there wasn't so much emphasis on grades, I learned for the sake of learning. But after I finished 8th grade my parents decided to have me attend an online high school program, which was basically the high school education everyone else was getting, but online. I entered high school at the age of 12, now Im 14 and in Grade 11. And high school is HARD. My parents told me it was going to be so easy, I and I was going to do so well and get the best grades. And Im still getting decent grades, but it's nothing fantastic, and I'm only squeaking along because of the grace I get from my teachers, because I struggle with time management, turning in stuff on time, my work ethic,
Enrique Villarreal 3 years ago
Oh my... y'all can stop complaining now. Being labeled something positive does give you an advantage and does help you achieve more. There have been many studies on this. You want to complain? Imagine the kid in your class who as introverted, afraid to participate, anxious that is they make a mistake they would be laughed. They feel envious of your gifted label and ashamed that they don't have it. And because they don't have it they have been labeled a loser or an idiot. At least being labeled something positive give you chances to take risks, to challenge yourself publicly, to ask bigger questions, etc.
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