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People Who Forgave Their Significant Other’s Affair Share What Happened After That (25 Stories)
Interview With Expert
An affair can be one of the most heartbreaking and difficult things for a relationship to recover from. It often shows that one partner consciously chose to break their loved one’s trust, all for the sake of temporary pleasure.
For many couples, there’s no going back from this, but for some, there might be a path forward. The folks in this list are those who’ve been the victim of their partner’s infidelity and still chose to stay with them. They share what happened after forgiving the cheater.
More info: Reddit
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#1
We both cheated on each other. We were doing a lot of d***s at the time. Now we both are sober. It goes hand in hand with our recovery and we have been doing great. That was 7 years ago now.
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#2
After a two year affair, I ultimately forgave him. We did a ton of (years-long) work through individual counselors and couples counseling. I rebuffed any notion of the idea of “once a cheater, always a cheater” because my husband had done the work to change
Fast forward 8 years…I uncovered another 18 month affair. So, I guess the “work” he did didn’t stick. So…once a cheater, always a cheater.
Jac Carr 1 month ago
Once a cheater, always a cheater - with the same partner. I've known many people who cheated until they met the right person for them and they never cheated again but if your partner cheats and you stay, you're literally telling them that when it happens again, they'll be able to talk you round just like they did the first time
#3
Forgave a cheating partner once because I thought we could work through it. In the end, it didn’t turn out great. The trust was never fully there again, and it always felt like there was this shadow hanging over us. We tried, but eventually, the relationship just fizzled out. Forgiving was one thing, but forgetting was impossible. It taught me a lot about what I need in relationships, though.
It’s scary to think of someone you love having an affair, but unfortunately, infidelity is more common than you’d imagine. The problem is also that the cheating partner does their best to cover up their tracks, which makes it harder to find out what they’ve done. When their mistakes are found out, it’s up to the victim to decide whether they can give the relationship another go.
To understand forgiveness after infidelity, Bored Panda reached out to Stacey and Paul Martino. They are the authors of ‘The Missing Piece,’ a book that can help transform people’s relationships. They also invented the Relationship Development Methodology and, for over 14 years, have helped thousands of people transform their marriages, parenting, and families!
The Martinos told us that “the biggest obstacle in reaching genuine forgiveness is largely caused by our false beliefs that [it] means that you are saying that what they did is ‘okay.’ In reality, forgiveness happens within you and for you, so that you can be free of the burden of carrying unforgiveness.”
#4
She cheated when we dated. Then I caught her with my next door neighbor after 10 years of marriage and two kids. Stayed again. Recently found out about some suspicious activities she did on a girls trip a few years ago. It happened a long time ago but it’s new to me and a reminder of how loving and living with someone who isn’t capable of respecting you is just a horrible way to live your life.
#5
The cheating didn't stop. He just started being more careful about locking down his phone and computer. Divorced his sorry a*s not long after.
#6
She cheated again twice (as far as I know anyway). I broke up with her after the third time, I was being a fool for long enough. Lesson I learned is never forgive cheating, not even once.
Some of the folks on this list were able to forgive and forget their partner’s misdeeds very quickly. It shows a lot of strength of character and courage, but that kind of action may not be possible for everyone. That’s why we asked Luke Shillings what it takes to really pardon someone’s infidelity.
Luke is a relationship coach and podcast host of ‘After the Affair,’ helping individuals and couples rebuild their lives after infidelity. Drawing from personal experience and professional training, he offers compassionate guidance to those navigating betrayal, healing, and growth.
He told us that “forgiveness is absolutely possible, but it’s not something that happens overnight or because someone says, ‘I’m sorry.’ For couples, forgiveness requires both partners to show up in ways they never have before.”
“The person who cheated has to take full accountability, not just for the affair but for rebuilding trust through consistent actions over time. Meanwhile, the betrayed partner needs space to process their emotions without being rushed. There’s no shortcut. Honesty, vulnerability, and professional support often play a big role in helping couples navigate this journey,” Luke added.
#7
They do it again. The only way to get a cheater to stop cheating is with a serious consequence. One like losing the person you love. Unfortunately the person who TEACHES the person not to cheat will not be the one who gets a faithful relationship. The next person does. Which stings, but if you can only keep your pride or walk away with nothing wouldn’t you rather keep your pride?
#8
We've been together 30+ years. Cheating was ~25 years ago. Some really frank discussions and some level of distrust got us through the initial part. We were young and outgrew it. Doing great these days, but I still wouldn't recommend it.
#9
Long term very serious girlfriend. She lived 4 hours away. I did my best to be there as many weekends as I could. She went out with her friends one night, got drunk and hooked up with a former crush. She told me immediately. I drove down, we talked all night about it. I decided I could move past it and promised myself if I was going to move past it I would never bring it up in disagreements or use it against her, and I didn’t. We were a lot stronger for the rest of the time we were a couple, maybe 3 years. I had a dying parent and couldn’t move to where she was. The parent died 3 months after we broke up. I’m with the greatest partner I could ever imagine now, so I’m where I need to be.
It’s very common to hear the phrase ‘once a cheater, always a cheater,’ which is why most people believe that no relationship can survive infidelity. Stacey and Paul Martino told us that they “worked with many people who had been through infidelity and were told by couple's counselors and therapists that divorce was their only option. That is not the case!”
“With the right tools and process, it's absolutely possible to save and even create a new rock-solid, passionate relationship, stronger than ever,” the Martinos added.
Life coach Luke also told us that “surviving infidelity is possible (I'm living proof!), but ‘smoothly’ isn’t the word I’d use to describe the process. Rebuilding a relationship after an affair is messy, emotional, and filled with setbacks. There is also no 'perfect path'. But with the right mindset and effort from both people, it can absolutely be done.”
“I’ve seen couples use the pain of infidelity as a wake-up call, not just to fix the cracks in their relationship but to grow individually, too. They learn to communicate better, set boundaries, and really hear each other. That said, not every relationship will survive, and that’s okay, too. Sometimes, infidelity shines a light on deeper issues that can’t or shouldn’t be ignored,” he added.
#10
It was absolutely horrible. I would rather shove a hot poker in my a*s than go through that again.
#11
I don't know if he ever cheated again, but the trust was so broken that it didn't matter. My fuse got short, self-esteem got low, and the whole relationship turned into a toxic whirlwind. 0/10 would not recommend.
#12
Not forgave but forgiven. When I was 16 I accidentally ended up trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man 10 years older than me. Basically, my naive 16 year old brain thought we'd date for a week and break up, like all my previous teenage "relationships". His adult brain thought we were going to get married and have kids. When I attempted to break up with him, he threatened to [end] himself. I was young and naive and fell for it. Stayed with him over a year and felt increasingly trapped. I eventually cheated on him with a boy, my own age, I really liked. Then I had this great idea. Tell my boyfriend I'd cheated, he'll leave me and I'll be free!!!!!". So I told him. He said, without batting an eye, "I forgive you and I am going to stay with you but you now have to work extra hard to make up for it and prove your love for me.". I lasted a few more months before I finally decided I didn't care what he did and I was leaving him. He pushed me out of a moving car when I finally did it.
It’s truly difficult to move on from a partner’s affair, but nearly 60% of couples do recover from infidelity. It requires a lot of trust, hard work, and honest communication from both people in order to make the relationship work properly again.
Stacey and Paul told us that “when trust is lost in a relationship, it's terrible for both people. Often, people will tell their partner to ‘apologize and promise me that it will never happen again.’ But even when they do, it doesn't fix the feelings of mistrust that the betrayed spouse genuinely suffers from.”
“Please don't feel bad. There's nothing wrong with you, and it's not hopeless. It's just that trust doesn't work that way. Like forgiveness, trust or mistrust is a result, not a cause. When you get the steps to rebuild the rapport and alignment, trust begins to blossom,” the Martinos explained.
#13
I forgave her but we are still divorced. I realized the person I loved changed into someone I did not recognize.
#14
Happened once and let it slide and now it’s been a couple months and still no cheating but it makes me feel Insecure I thought the feeling of insecurity would go away but it hasn’t yet.
#15
Wasted 8 years then she filed for divorce after doing it who knows how many more times. After cheating frankly it’s over don’t waste your time begin the rebuild.
Even though it’s easy to say that the cheating partner needs to win back their loved one’s trust, it’s hard to know exactly how to do that. Since the topic is such a taboo, hardly anyone wants to discuss the exact steps required to heal the relationship after an affair.
Coach Luke told us that “the person who cheated needs to be completely transparent. This means no secrets, no lies, and a genuine willingness to answer hard questions. Just as important, they need to show empathy, real empathy, for the hurt they’ve caused.”
“A simple apology isn’t enough. They need to be patient as their partner works through the waves of emotions that follow. One thing I always remind people is that trust isn’t a destination; it’s a practice. Every day, both partners have to show up, communicate honestly, and make choices that reflect their commitment to moving forward. It’s tough, but it’s absolutely worth it.”
#16
You never look at them, or your relationship, the same way. You’ll never get back what you had. We broke up because I caught him being unfaithful again.
People are capable of change but it would take a lot of hard work and therapy, and I’m still not convinced you ever get the magic back.
#17
I live in constant resentment. He didn’t physically cheat but emotionally cheated. He was still hung up on an unrequited love. I struggle so much with wishing I could go back in time and ending it. But I stupidly got married because I thought I forgave him. I constantly wish I’d win the lottery just to get a divorce. Children are involved and I’m scraping by in hopes one day I can escape this.
He was everything I thought I wanted but the slow creep up on realization he’s not what you needed.
Nobody wants to get cheated on or be a cheater, but sometimes life deals us unexpected cards. What’s good to know is that there is hope even after infidelity, but it all hinges on how hard both parties work to repair their bond. Not everyone can make it happen, but as the list shows, some couples definitely do!
Do you think people can work through an affair or not? Do share your honest thoughts in the comments. We’d love to hear from you.
#19
Never had a cheating partner but my dad did (happened to be my mom btw). She cheated on him before I was born and he found out and decided to forgive her but when they moved to Indiana and had me a few years after my birth she got caught cheating again so he filed for divorce.
#20
I found I could forgive the actual [intercourse] part of the cheating, but couldn't really get over the lies, breach of trust, and lack of regard for my health. So eventually I ended the relationship.
We're actually still on somewhat friendly terms (overlapping friend circles, so we'll chat if we end up at the same gathering). And we're both happily married to other people, hopefully they learned from the experience. .
Parmeisan 1 month ago
The lack of regard for your health aspect doesn't get mentioned much. But if you're cheating and they think you're monogamous, you are opening them up to the risk of STDs without their knowledge or consent. Many cheaters say they love their partner and don't want to hurt them, and since the cheating has already happened then the best way not to hurt them NOW is to lie. B******t. The best way not to hurt them now is to care about their physical health (tell them to get checked for STDs) and their emotional health (you leave, so they can begin to heal from the infidelity and maybe, just maybe, not develop long-term trust issues).
#21
5 years of really hard work and also
accepting that this would be a different relationship than (the one I thought I was in) for the last 15 years. You start over, in a lot of ways.
I don’t judge anyone for how they handle infidelity trauma. Just make the choices you want, for you.
#23
It ended like five years later. Still one of the best decisions I’ve ever made and wish I’d done it sooner.
#25
I cheated first after six years of marriage. We reconciled. She cheated four years after that. Separated briefly then reconciled.
Our 17 year anniversary is in June.
Poll Question
Do you believe that forgiving a cheating partner can lead to a stronger relationship?
Yes, it can be a chance to rebuild trust
No, trust is permanently broken
It depends on the circumstances
I'm not sure
What do you think ?
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
I'm a One + Done - you get ONE chance + if you F it up - I'm outta there. Life's too short to be stressed out: "Is she/he cheating again?" F*** that noise.
Secret Squirrel 1 month ago
Recommend listening to Dan Savage to everyone. If you're the type of person who values sexual fidelity over everything else, and your partner knows this, then part of the play was to hurt you. I am not that hung up on sexual fidelity, but it is very important to my partner so I would never betray him like that. I am more practical about it, I don't want to be exposed to disease or neglected, but I'm just not that possessive as long as our relationship is the priority. But stay married, stay sane. We are a great team, we have a great sex life, we have fun together and look forward to spending time together. As long as that doesn't change, I'm good. If it changes, it doesn't really matter what the reason is.
Mike F 1 month ago
I heard (or read) once that when someone does something wrong once and gets away with it, subsequent times become easier. Think about the first time you went 45mph in a 40 zone, you were nervous but if you didn't get caught, every time after that was easier until you no longer even thought about it. Same thing. They get away with it, it becomes easier until it's just second nature.
painttheyellowsubgreen 1 month ago
This is absolutely true. One of the things neurologists suggest to keep your mental acuity and elasticity is to consciously choose to do habit or repetitive task in a different way than what you usually do. Even as simple as I drive one handed, using my right hand. So if I sit in my car and before I start driving I say, I'm going to drive home using only my left hand. If you fallow through with it all the way home, you have created a brand new neural pathway. While you're doing for the first time by choice, it's difficult to keep going. Not switching to your right hand is something you have to pay attention to, you have to work at it. The more times you do that, the easier you will find it. You're deepening that neural pathway. Eventually that pathway is so well worn, you don't even realize that you're doing it. Repeating a deliberate action makes that action easier to do.
Gavin Johnson 1 month ago
You are worth way more than you imagine and you deserve respect. As soon as your significant other forgets that value or loses their respect for you, get out. I actually don’t care if there is collateral damage to others, you are responsible for protecting your value, getting out of the relationship will ultimately create a happier and stronger you. A happier you means that you’ll become a happier parent, a happier son / daughter / brother sister, person. Yes there’s short term pain and it hurts, it hurts a lot but on the other side is self worth, self respect and that’s what you deserve.
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
I'm a One + Done - you get ONE chance + if you F it up - I'm outta there. Life's too short to be stressed out: "Is she/he cheating again?" F*** that noise.
Secret Squirrel 1 month ago
Recommend listening to Dan Savage to everyone. If you're the type of person who values sexual fidelity over everything else, and your partner knows this, then part of the play was to hurt you. I am not that hung up on sexual fidelity, but it is very important to my partner so I would never betray him like that. I am more practical about it, I don't want to be exposed to disease or neglected, but I'm just not that possessive as long as our relationship is the priority. But stay married, stay sane. We are a great team, we have a great sex life, we have fun together and look forward to spending time together. As long as that doesn't change, I'm good. If it changes, it doesn't really matter what the reason is.
Mike F 1 month ago
I heard (or read) once that when someone does something wrong once and gets away with it, subsequent times become easier. Think about the first time you went 45mph in a 40 zone, you were nervous but if you didn't get caught, every time after that was easier until you no longer even thought about it. Same thing. They get away with it, it becomes easier until it's just second nature.
painttheyellowsubgreen 1 month ago
This is absolutely true. One of the things neurologists suggest to keep your mental acuity and elasticity is to consciously choose to do habit or repetitive task in a different way than what you usually do. Even as simple as I drive one handed, using my right hand. So if I sit in my car and before I start driving I say, I'm going to drive home using only my left hand. If you fallow through with it all the way home, you have created a brand new neural pathway. While you're doing for the first time by choice, it's difficult to keep going. Not switching to your right hand is something you have to pay attention to, you have to work at it. The more times you do that, the easier you will find it. You're deepening that neural pathway. Eventually that pathway is so well worn, you don't even realize that you're doing it. Repeating a deliberate action makes that action easier to do.
Gavin Johnson 1 month ago
You are worth way more than you imagine and you deserve respect. As soon as your significant other forgets that value or loses their respect for you, get out. I actually don’t care if there is collateral damage to others, you are responsible for protecting your value, getting out of the relationship will ultimately create a happier and stronger you. A happier you means that you’ll become a happier parent, a happier son / daughter / brother sister, person. Yes there’s short term pain and it hurts, it hurts a lot but on the other side is self worth, self respect and that’s what you deserve.
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