I wonder if she grew up really poor and is hoarding all the food now because she's scared to be without it?

“I’m leaving if you don’t let me use that freezer” Okay bye! Take your frozen food with you! Okay going from snarky to serious here, she👏needs👏help👏

The elephant in the room here is that this poor man has tried everything including talking to her about getting help and she is straight up refusing and acting like a petulant child at what point should he walk away from this because this is not healthy for him either. He can't force somebody to get help no one can and if she doesn't want to take the steps to get help there isn't really much he can do so he can continue to live in his hell or he can let it go and move on and honestly at this point I think that's what he needs to do Short of having an intervention and getting other people involved that is pretty much the last thing that he can try

My mom is an absolute menace about food storage and waste. She will buy food for you and then harass you until you eat it. She'll complain about other people's food taking up space while she has 47 condiments in the fridge and she'll get mad and complain if someone else eats the last item of something she supposedly wanted but would've gone bad, which would've also made her mad. I feel bad for this guy.

NTA for the padlock and putting his foot down but I'd be enraged that he threw away food. Surely he could have eaten some of it, or put some in the work freezer with a free note, or asked if the neighbors or a charity could take some? I hate food waste. So YTA for throwing away food, but NTA in general.

I grew up in a household where there was little to no food on a given day. My mother shopped maybe once a month. We are not Talking about a normal huge shop. It was just for appearance. I grew up knowing how bad margarine tasted and still cringe at the idea of food tasting like the fridge. I have major food issues as an adult. It would appear that his wife is suffering. I'm really happy to hear that he finally took a stand though. My husband took a stand with me too. It helped big time. I am still not quite where I should be, but I'm getting there. I hope his wife gets the help she needs.

You can't communicate with someone who can't see what they did wrong and only themselves that matters (I am not talking about OP's wife but someone I knew) so it's mission impossible to communicate with them.

Nta. Going thru this with my mum. We bought a freezer during covid, and all meat was supposed to be rotated. Well, she decided it was easier to buy new meat that didn't need thawed... I'm now throwing out meat and could not be more furious after 1+ years of bickering! My dad is fed up as well. Food waste and waste of an animal is something I don't take lightly. We may pad lock our freezer too since all issues have gone unlistened to! Throwing away food makes me sick!!!

So, how did it end?

The marriage may have deeper issues if it took so little effort for her to blow up and issue an ultimatum. I admit that my own freezer is full, but if there's something in there that hasn't seen the light of day for over 6 months, out it goes. I only harass my husband to eat his food in there because once it's out of sight, he forgets about it. I don't know if she's had food insecurity in the past but this sounds more like a compulsory need to fill something that's empty. But she needs therapy regardless, for the hoarding food issue, her own controlling problem and the failure to communicate problem. Husband has been more than accommodating, and communicating his problems clearly, while she is having problems on her end.

NTA...for wanting your own freezer...but yet you are the a**hole for throwing perfectly good food away. Do you not understand that there are many people out there that could have used the food you wasted. Instead of throwing it away you could have taken it to a shelter and donated it to feed those in need.

I can understand the freezer getting full eventually with an unbalance eventually happening, but litterally going on a spending spree to immediately fill a freezer with your food when you already have plenty of food is getting into the realm of indicating some sort of mental health issues. I could even understand using multiple freezers to store your food assuming since they are using cheap to run and assuming you have some sort of backup power supply being able to store a decent food supply if you get caught in a serious natural disaster can potentially be useful.

I had a great aunt who did similar. When she was growing up back in the way backs my grandfather's family had problems getting enough food. When she passed my grandma was helping her husband clean the house. In addition to the roomful of QVC stuff never removed from the boxes, they would find hidden food. Cake mixes under floorboards, flour under beds properly stored, beans behind the couch, and more. Gran thought it was weird as hell, but I told her it made sense knowing their history.

Kind of TA for throwing away the food. I'm sure there's a pantry or something that would be better suited for it

Please your wife needs help and I give you a high five you have every frkin right to have freeze space. The only thing is I'm sorry you had to go out and buy your own. Please don't let her have access to your Freeze!

My wife has a similar problem. She can spend $150 on games (buying games and microtransactions). But if I buy 1 (I always buy discounts, so $10-35), she tells her parents that I'm spending us into oblivion on games. I started keeping track (via our shared bank account. I can track it via the app), and pointed out the issue with it to her. She has since started working on resolving it.

She needs serious therapy. Definitely a hoarder and something is going on in her mind that makes her feel like she needs to fill everything up.

I was going to say YTA but after reading this, nope. After living with someone with a food hoarding issue (who has never had food poverty when ironically i have) i feel his pain. I have begged, pleaded, debated, argued, and torn my fking hair out bc we literally didn't have anywhere to fit the packets, cans and frozen food and everytime I tried to give something away or toss it there was hell to pay. *NTA*

ITA with the ppl who think it's a food insecurity issue for her. Maybe she grew up in an environment where she was never sure when/where her next meal was coming from. Now that she's an adult with her own money, she wants to be "prepared" by having a deep freeze crammed full of stuff. However, that doesn't mean that OP shouldn't have his own space for his own stuff. I feel bad for OP's wife that she (presumably) grew up with food insecurity, but that doesn't mean she gets to tell OP that only she gets to store food, and if OP doesn't like the stuff in the freezer, too bad. If OP's wife won't go to counseling, it might be time for OP to call it quits.

While I agree that she needs therapy, his current plan is bs. We're have 2 freezers too. One is attached to the fridge and it's a large one compared to other fridge/freezer models. We also have a small chest freezer. The small chest freezer holds at least 3 times the amount of food that the large fridge freezer does. Also, I have health issues and often am unable to cook so we buy a lot of microwave food. Those boxes are often twice the size of the food that's in them. We put the frozen meat and veggies in the smaller fridge freezer and the microwave meals in the chest freezer. My teenage son can empty that chest freezer in 3 days. To me, it makes more sense to give him the "large" fridge freezer for his few microwave meals and frozen veggies and give her the bigger freezer to help her feel more secure. I think it's funny how he tries to turn the audience against her by talking about how unhealthy her choices are and then mentions his own microwave meals.

Reminds me of my brothers parents... For a while we were homeless and they said they would let us live in their garage til we could get on our feet. They said we could use 1 shelf in the garage fridge and 1 shelf of the garage freezer (they are both the size of the average fridge) Dispute saying that...we barely got half a shelf of either. I asked them if everything in there was safe to eat, but they didn't even know what was in there. Then they kept putting stuff in there. I asked if it was okay to go thru and check expiration dates on everything and said I would take care of it all myself. They said okay. THERE WAS A HAM IN THERE THAT WAS 6 YEARS EXPIRED!!!!! 6 YEARS!!!!! They asked me not to throw it away kuz it was still edible. IT WAS BEYOND FROST BITTEN!!! IT WAS PETRIFIED AND GREY!!! I tossed it when they weren't looking along with about 95% of what was in that freezer. When they saw me taking the trash out the asked what I was doing and lost their minds!!! Then their .....

Maybe he has a legitimate reason for throwing all the food in the trash, idk but times are tough AF and a garbage bag full or 70% of a deep freezers contents as he said could really help someone out quite a bit! But the lady deff has issues. I recognize it because I'm someone who grew up with little to no food and it has had lasting consequences on me as well. Hence why it bothers me that he threw all that food away. Shes being a real ah about it tho and needs some serious help before she ends up divorced over it

To be honest I think this relationship is past saving she's already threatening to divorce over this yet refusing to seek help You don't threaten divorce over something like a freezer so clearly there's probably other factors and she's not happy. And he clearly is living in a freezer hell no pun intended at this point short of a multi-person intervention I think he needs to seek separation and start making ultimatums of his own One of which being that she needs to seek professional help because as people have stated this is not normal and not acceptable and furthermore not healthy for either party involved

Nta, but I do have questions. Like, who is the primary person who makes food in the house? I've grown pretty accustomed to relying on our mini deep freeze for bulk batches and meal prep. It makes cooking much easier, and I feel like the house cook should be given the larger space while the other partner should be given the smaller freezer in the fridge, if the couple can't share.

Either tell her to buy her own second deep freezer so you can have yours padlock and all to yourself or take all the stuff from the main freezer upstairs and put it in the deep freezer and lock the one on the fridge. Either way there is a problem. If she's buying all this food and it's going bad before she eats it that's an issue. If she never got to pick what she wanted to eat then that's maybe an issue. If it's because she has a hoarding issue then that's also an ocd therapy thing. Maybe poke around her friends and see if she's ever ask to store food at their houses too. Or get her a storage unit that she can fill with used Craigslist freezers and pay for the electric bills and storage and fill to her hearts content. And keep yours padlocked.

Since she already threatened divorce and is gaslighting him when she is actually the controlling one refusing to get the help she needs, he would tell her to either buy her own freezer or call a therapist or a lawyer but she is not getting access to his freezer.

Yeah, yikes. OP kind of sounds like he's exhausted his resources on this one and if she's the one threatening divorce I can't see another choice. It seems like a weird thing to get divorced over, but if she refuses to admit that she has an issue and as he said won't go to therapy unless he were to drug her, there's a lot more of a problem than just freezer space.

I'm sure I'm not the first one to mention this but food insecurities and hoarding are progressive mental conditions. This situation is not going to get better on its own. So I would be threatening divorce if she does not commit to therapy for at least 6 months.

Lay all of the items out and allow her to see how ridiculous it is. She'll be able to see that it's not okay and either address it, ignore it or flip out. If that's her only outrageous quirk then see if you can live with it. Otherwise get a therapist for yourself as a last resort before going the legal route.

The real issue is why the wife feels compelled to buy more frozen dinners than can reasonably be eaten. Seems like a food insecurity issue. A padlock isnt the answer, therapy is.