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Dad Shares His Heartache Of When His Son Told Him Another Kid Kept Calling Him ‘Chinese Boy’
Parenting is hard as it is. But when life hits your kid earlier than you expected with what many consider global problems, it gets even harder to manage it all.
Former White House National Security Official, Diplomat, and Congressman from New Jersey Andy Kim shared a story of how his kid experienced his first instance of racism. Sad to say, it was against him, and while he didn’t really identify it as racism—he’s still a kid—now Andy is wondering how this talk of what really happened should go down.
More Info: Twitter
RELATED:
No dad is ever truly ready to have ‘the talk’ when a kid comes home asking why he was called ‘Chinese boy’
Image credits: Andy Kim
At the end of March, Andy Kim went to Twitter with a heart-wrenching thread explaining how his 5-year-old son came back home and asked why this one bigger kid kept calling him “Chinese boy.” He kept saying back that he’s actually a New Jersey boy, not fully understanding what the bigger boy truly meant.
The son laughed it off, but Andy knew the true meaning and multitude of this issue—this was the kid’s first experience of racism, pointing out how Andy’s family still can’t shake off the “shadow of foreignness.”
This is exactly what happened to New Jersey rep Andy Kim, who shared his thoughts on Twitter
Image credits: AndyKimNJ
Image credits: AndyKimNJ
Andy continued with a question: what does Andy tell his son, as a parent, regarding this issue? How does one approach the problem of racism? What should the “talk” look like, if it should be a talk at all?
His parents never gave him the talk, but Andy called his mom and asked what she would have done. After explaining what racism is, she’d have said this:
“You are very special. Keep being yourself. You are never alone. Whatever problems come, let us know and we will go through together.”
Image credits: AndyKimNJ
The two agreed that he’d need to talk to the boys about the racism they might face in their lives, and reinforce the idea that racism is not cool, that the family is against discrimination, so that they’d be aware.
Andy took the opportunity to preach that every one of us needs to know the struggle of others and that we ought to stand for all. Sure, different ethnic groups experience racism differently, but it’s ultimately a battle for all, not just one group.
Image credits: AndyKimNJ
A lot of questions can be drawn from this thread: how do you deal with your kids experiencing racism, when do you start talking to your kids about it, and how much of an impact would it have if these talks were given beyond just families of color, by people who don’t experience racism against them, so as to not foster racist behavior?
Whatever the case, the ultimate message is that racism shouldn’t be a thing at all. Not in the US. Not in the world.
Image credits: AndyKimNJ
The thread engaged a lot of people, garnering nearly 140,000 likes with almost 20,000 retweets. Some shared their own stories, while others empathized with the family, expressing their sorrow that this even happened and showing support for them.
Image credits: AndyKimNJ
You can read through the entire post and everyone’s reactions on Twitter, but before you go, let us know what you thought about all of this in the comment section below!
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What do you think ?
*me* 4 years ago (edited)
I’m Chinese American and I agree that racism is different. With Asians and such it’s “go back to where you came from, communist!” With blacks it’s like “go back to your violent gang You stupid inferior.” And a lot of times all Middle Easterners are “terrorists” because they go to a mosque or something like that
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
How do you glance at a stranger and immediately jump to conclusions about the person they are, though? It's nonsense. I can't even understand how people think like that.
Theater Kid 4 years ago
I'm Indian and I have been discriminated against so many times for things that are part of my identity or because of blatantly untrue assumptions. It is really very heartbreaking that such a young child would have to experience this. I, unfortunately, do not have any advice on how to tell your child about racism, but I'm sure the dad in this post will do it well.
deanna woods 4 years ago
When my sister was younger a friend of hers called her a "greasy haired n- word." When I was younger I was told that I looked like charcoal. These are just two occasions where someone said something racially inappropriate to us.
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix 4 years ago
Some of my friends were yelled at to "GO BACK TO AFRICA!!" it broke my heart. One of them yelled back "GO BACK TO MILK!" Before all of them ran into the principals office to report it. One of them asked me if I could come too because I was a witness and so I went with and I could tell it really hurt them. They were crying. The one who yelled at them was suspended and I could tell he got in a lot of trouble because after he got back he was given in school suspension. It took a while to get them to stop crying. There were no teachers around, and it was in the gym, and we were all mad as well.
deanna woods 4 years ago
I never thought to yell that back before, but your friend had a great comeback.
Load More Replies...
Vivian Ashe 4 years ago
I think it's important to remember that a lot of people, especially children, say racist things not out of malice, but because they don't know any better. Years ago I was having lunch with my mom and grandmother. My mom was telling a story and kept referring to Asian people as "Orientals." I finally stopped her told her that using that word in that way was racist. She replied, "Well, I can't tell by looking at them if they're Chinese, Japanese, Korean or whatever, so I just say Oriental because it covers everything." Before I could answer, my grandmother - who was in the Navy in World War 2 - piped up and said, in complete earnestness, "Well, back in the Service, they taught us in basic training that the proper term is 'Gooks.'" While I would never argue that there's genuine race-based hatred out there, there are also just a lot of people who have never been properly educated. That's why this political push to stop teaching about racism in schools is so scary.
Nikki Owens 4 years ago
What's wrong with Oriental, though? I actually see it as a respectful and venerable term. I've never heard or seen it used in a disparaging or negative sense.
Load More Replies...
Tabby_Sohee 4 years ago
“Ugly fat Chinese man.” “You’re not Chinese? Not Japanese, either? Then what are you supposed to be?” “Ewww you’re from Korea? I heard North Korea was full of fat communists.” “I thought Korean people were supposed to be all hot.” “I got good grades this semester! Well, duh, of course YOU got good grades, [my name]. You’re Asian.” Only a fragment of what I’ve heard directed to me at school. I’m a Korean teenager. You know what makes me infuriated at the Asian hate the most? Most victims are passerby. That’s right, passerby. They’re completely innocent, they haven’t stood up against authority, NOTHING. But passing people just want to throw insults at them.
DelvianBlue 4 years ago
As a white girl with a German last name, growing up I got called Nazi, jew-hater, and lots of uglier names, on top of some sexual harassment by the other kids. I can't even tell you how many times the other girls in my class told me to do the world a favor and kill myself because no one wanted a so -called "racist Nazi" like me around. All this over a German last name. I don't know what the answer is, but it seems like some people will always find a reason to hate, no matter who you are or what you look like. Maybe the only real answer is to teach kids young, and teach by example so they can see the adults that they want to be like don't act that way and don't approve of racist behavior.
Pillowhead 4 years ago
As an Asian-Pacific Islander my father game my sisters and I the talk when we moved to California and it's a big discussion to face, I have very young nephews 6 and 3 years old and we live together. Luckily they still have not experienced any racial slurs but we would have to talk to them about it before the new school term starts.
*me* 4 years ago (edited)
I’m Chinese American and I agree that racism is different. With Asians and such it’s “go back to where you came from, communist!” With blacks it’s like “go back to your violent gang You stupid inferior.” And a lot of times all Middle Easterners are “terrorists” because they go to a mosque or something like that
Nikki Sevven 4 years ago
How do you glance at a stranger and immediately jump to conclusions about the person they are, though? It's nonsense. I can't even understand how people think like that.
Theater Kid 4 years ago
I'm Indian and I have been discriminated against so many times for things that are part of my identity or because of blatantly untrue assumptions. It is really very heartbreaking that such a young child would have to experience this. I, unfortunately, do not have any advice on how to tell your child about racism, but I'm sure the dad in this post will do it well.
deanna woods 4 years ago
When my sister was younger a friend of hers called her a "greasy haired n- word." When I was younger I was told that I looked like charcoal. These are just two occasions where someone said something racially inappropriate to us.
Chloe *Leah* Pheonix 4 years ago
Some of my friends were yelled at to "GO BACK TO AFRICA!!" it broke my heart. One of them yelled back "GO BACK TO MILK!" Before all of them ran into the principals office to report it. One of them asked me if I could come too because I was a witness and so I went with and I could tell it really hurt them. They were crying. The one who yelled at them was suspended and I could tell he got in a lot of trouble because after he got back he was given in school suspension. It took a while to get them to stop crying. There were no teachers around, and it was in the gym, and we were all mad as well.
deanna woods 4 years ago
I never thought to yell that back before, but your friend had a great comeback.
Load More Replies... Vivian Ashe 4 years ago
I think it's important to remember that a lot of people, especially children, say racist things not out of malice, but because they don't know any better. Years ago I was having lunch with my mom and grandmother. My mom was telling a story and kept referring to Asian people as "Orientals." I finally stopped her told her that using that word in that way was racist. She replied, "Well, I can't tell by looking at them if they're Chinese, Japanese, Korean or whatever, so I just say Oriental because it covers everything." Before I could answer, my grandmother - who was in the Navy in World War 2 - piped up and said, in complete earnestness, "Well, back in the Service, they taught us in basic training that the proper term is 'Gooks.'" While I would never argue that there's genuine race-based hatred out there, there are also just a lot of people who have never been properly educated. That's why this political push to stop teaching about racism in schools is so scary.
Nikki Owens 4 years ago
What's wrong with Oriental, though? I actually see it as a respectful and venerable term. I've never heard or seen it used in a disparaging or negative sense.
Load More Replies... Tabby_Sohee 4 years ago
“Ugly fat Chinese man.” “You’re not Chinese? Not Japanese, either? Then what are you supposed to be?” “Ewww you’re from Korea? I heard North Korea was full of fat communists.” “I thought Korean people were supposed to be all hot.” “I got good grades this semester! Well, duh, of course YOU got good grades, [my name]. You’re Asian.” Only a fragment of what I’ve heard directed to me at school. I’m a Korean teenager. You know what makes me infuriated at the Asian hate the most? Most victims are passerby. That’s right, passerby. They’re completely innocent, they haven’t stood up against authority, NOTHING. But passing people just want to throw insults at them.
DelvianBlue 4 years ago
As a white girl with a German last name, growing up I got called Nazi, jew-hater, and lots of uglier names, on top of some sexual harassment by the other kids. I can't even tell you how many times the other girls in my class told me to do the world a favor and kill myself because no one wanted a so -called "racist Nazi" like me around. All this over a German last name. I don't know what the answer is, but it seems like some people will always find a reason to hate, no matter who you are or what you look like. Maybe the only real answer is to teach kids young, and teach by example so they can see the adults that they want to be like don't act that way and don't approve of racist behavior.
Pillowhead 4 years ago
As an Asian-Pacific Islander my father game my sisters and I the talk when we moved to California and it's a big discussion to face, I have very young nephews 6 and 3 years old and we live together. Luckily they still have not experienced any racial slurs but we would have to talk to them about it before the new school term starts.
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