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If you've ever been on a date, you know how stressful and straight-up scary they can be. Besides the first-date anxiety, which can make you sweat and act crazy, we're all afraid that something we might say or do will scare off our potential soul mate.

Of course, as we know by now, this is pretty much unavoidable. No matter how hard we try to be on our best behavior, saving our biggest pet peeves for that third date, you can't know if some of your quirks won't be a total deal-breaker. Pondering the same question, u/h8raide88 decided to pose it to the Ask Reddit community, amassing more than 20,000 responses. From people obsessed with their date's credit scores to gents who are convinced mansplaining is a surefire way to woo ladies, this one sure is a doozy.

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#1

Racism.

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You've swiped right, exchanged witty banter, and landed yourself a coveted first date. Excitement fills the air, and warm butterflies fill your tummy as you imagine the possibilities of a potential connection. But before you dive headfirst into the love pool, it's important to not get ahead of yourself, since there might be a deal-breaker just around the next corner.

In fact, the success ratio of the first date is so low that nowadays people often find themselves contemplating an escape plan before even stepping foot into the rendezvous. Startlingly, a recent statistic revealed that nearly 60% of single individuals openly confessed to resorting to an escape plan to extricate themselves from the clutches of a nightmarish first date.
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#2

O 🦌

How about when I was invited out with a guy I met online to a nearby sushi place. Wed texted and chatted for about a week til I finally felt comfortable meeting him.

Date picked me up. The conversation on the drive there was great. Seemed like we were connecting.

However, while at the restaurant, he proceeded to order about $100 worth of sushi, while I ordered maybe a roll and some appetizers. My total would have been about $30, at most. I tried to engage him, but quickly realized the conversation was lacking, because he was... uh. busy.

He proceeded to text on his phone the entire time at dinner, ignored me and took pics of his food, posted that the place we were at was amazing. He. Ate. Everything. In. Front. Of. Him. Ok. Gotcha.

At this point, I knew what was going on.

And... when the bill came, he was still on his phone, posting, texting, laughing at the response to his posts. He ignored the waiter, plus the bill. The waiter politely left it on the table. I looked at my date, then the waiter. Date never looked up from his phone.

I then quietly, and politely asked the waiter to split our bill (since date was so consumed with his phone, he didn't notice). Waiter retrieved the bill, adjusted it, then came back. With separate bills this time.

The look on my 'date's face when he was handed a $100 bill for his food was priceless. I paid mine with my card, plus a hefty tip. Date asked me 'uh, oh c**p, I forgot my wallet! Can you spot me?'

I just pretended I was on my phone and left him there, and walked out the door.

I'd already ordered an uber at this point (since he drove us there).

(And yes, don't worry, the waiter got a massive tip, about the amount of my bill - it wasn't his fault that the date was an a**hat).

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DrLivingstonipresume
DrLivingstonipresume
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is fantastic! I love people like you; no hateful words, yelling, or dramatic scenes. You just left the dope at the table and with a bill he couldn't pay. That is brilliant.

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According to a study published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers provided a list of 17 negative personality traits to over 5000 single adults. Participants were asked to indicate whether they would consider these traits as deal breakers in a long-term relationship with a potential partner. While the Independent reports that more women than men considered these traits as deal breakers, the study revealed that there were more similarities than differences between the two sexes.

When it comes to deal-breakers, both men and women agree that a "disheveled or unclean appearance" takes the top spot, with 71 percent of women and 63 percent of men considering it a major turn-off. Additionally, 72 percent of women and 60 percent of men cannot tolerate a partner who is deemed "lazy."
#3

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying Anyone who doesn't understand why a first meeting in public is best for women

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Jared Robinson
Jared Robinson
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's not a red flag, that's a f*****g alarm bell, and klaxon sirens all at once.

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#4

Trump supporter.

Seriously. It means their moral compass is so diametrically opposed to mine. their is 0% chance we would work out.

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and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
and_a_touch_of_the_’tism
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Political differences are a big thing you should sort out early. This person disagrees with trump, a trumper might disagree with them. It’s not something to freak out about! It’s just logical thinking.

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When it comes to deal-breakers, both men and women agree that a "disheveled or unclean appearance" takes the top spot, with 71 percent of women and 63 percent of men considering it a major turn-off. Additionally, 72 percent of women and 60 percent of men cannot tolerate a partner who is deemed "lazy." Being "too needy" is another deal-breaker, with 69 percent of women and 57 percent of men opting to walk away. 
#5

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying They only want to talk about themselves.

I once had a 2-hour blind date. By the end, I knew everything about this girl. I knew all of her cats by name, *and what their favorite movies were.*

She asked me literally nothing, and just kept jumping from topic to topic.

At the end of the date, she wanted to trade numbers, and I couldn't help but ask "What's my name?" and she didn't know. So I just paid for my meal and left.

Luckboy28 , cottonbro studio Report

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Alexia
Alexia
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had such a date. The guy talked only about himself the entire time: his college, his job at a supermarket, his crappy boss. All my attempts to change the subject were promptly met with: "No, no, let me tell you!!" At the end he told me not to pin my hopes on a relationship with him, because his "dream girlfriend" would be a blue-eyed blonde (I am brunette, green eyes).

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#6

Complimenting me by trashing my entire gender. "You really know your s**t, I've never met a female who knew so much about politics". Yeah Bud, you sure have you just didn't listen.

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"If you've been on one or two dates with somebody and then they suddenly start to love-bomb you with loads of texts, loads of emails, telling you how much they like you, making loads of plans for the future - that is a big warning sign," Laura Buckley, a certified matchmaker and the founder of Secret Alchemy, told Bored Panda in a Zoom call.
#7

The amount of guys who think negging is a good flirting technique is ridiculous. Contrary to what you read on WikiHow, insulting a girl doesn't make her want to impress you, it just makes her realize you're a d**k.

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Henry Myers
Henry Myers
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1 year ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do people actually do this? Edit: wow I didn’t realize how many people do this. That’s messed up

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#8

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying On their phone the whole time. If you can't disconnect for an hour or so to engage with me then it's not going to work.

WolfsLairAbyss , cottonbro studio Report

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Amy Smith
Amy Smith
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This happened to me once. She spent ages looking at her phone, kept me out for a couple of hours and then jumped out of her seat and claimed she had to meet her best friend for dinner (was about 9.30pm) and walked out. Must have gotten a better offer. I wasn't overly interested in her either so I deleted her number, met my friends for one last drink and went home to bed. Heard from her about a month later at which point I'd mostly forgotten about it telling me that she just hadn't felt it. Why explain at all at that stage. I laughed it off at the time, this reminded me, so laughing it off again now. But yes, agreed, this is super rude in my opinion. What's the point in going on a date with someone if you have zero interest in talking to them? Unless they're creepy and you're texting for rescue

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Love bombing, though it may appear innocuous in certain instances, actually encompasses a more severe 'red flag' within a relationship. It involves the use of seemingly lavishing gestures like sending presents, flowers, constant communication via texts and calls, and other behaviors, as a means to establish dominance and control over the other person. If you've seen Netflix's 'The Tinder Swindler,' you know what we're on about.

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#9

Flat earther believer, anti vaxxer, rude to staff, tries too hard to look quirky or talks like an anime character.
Also waterboarding conversationalist. Like you have to torture them to hold a conversation.

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1AlphaGeek1
1AlphaGeek1
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Waterboarding conversationalist. LOL. I am definitely stealing that one.

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#10

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying When she puts her smoke out in her baked potato.

cjheaney , lil artsy Report

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Sue Denham
Sue Denham
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Tell me she didn't then eat the potato? Also: do people still smoke in restaurants somewhere in the world?

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"If you've been single for a while and you meet somebody who seems really lovely, treats you with affection and attention, it's really difficult to take a step back and go, 'What's that all about?'", Buckley explained, admitting most single people have fallen for this at least once in their experience. "Obviously, now we know that love bombing can be quite psychologically damaging and it can lead to abusive relationships."
#11

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying Heavy breathing, open mouth chewer or close minded

MailroomMorty , Samson Katt Report

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Alexia
Alexia
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same for coughing or sneezing in your face, chewing fingernails, smelly breath, or nose full of secretions.

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#12

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying Constantly talking about their exes

eternalrefuge86 , cottonbro studio Report

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According to a recent Forbes article, the TikTok hashtags #lovebombing and #lovebomb have gained significant attention, accumulating 329 million and 133 million views, respectively. Users are utilizing these hashtags to share their own personal encounters with the manipulative phenomenon of love bombing.
#13

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying They end up being 3 badgers in a trench coat.

Scoob1978 , Arina Krasnikova Report

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troufaki13
troufaki13
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

3 badgers in a trench coat are so much better than an a*******e

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#14

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying If they are hard to talk to. Might not make them a bad person, but obviously there is no chemistry if all I get are one word answers where they also don't reciprocate questions.

"So you're a teacher right?"

'Yep'

......

"Well that's cool what grade?"

'2nd'

.....

"Aw what a great age! That's like the perfect time cause kids still kind of like school!"

'uh huh'

....check please!

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As one of the most upvoted comments in the list suggests, having your date speak about their ex won't lead to a second date. "If I'm on a first date and a person is chatting away about their ex and they're calling them crazy or a crank, that's going to be a no for me," said Buckley. 

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#15

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying If she has kids or wants to have them, I'm out. I want nothing to do with parenthood.

thequietone710 , Elina Fairytale Report

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Sue Denham
Sue Denham
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if you tell her that up front she'll probably appreciate the time you've saved her.

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#16

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying Being a know it all. I had lunch with someone who called the table salt “sodium chloride” and used the bread as a way to tell me everything he knew about complex carbohydrates (some of which wasn’t even correct) and their connections to evolutionary theory. Just felt like he was compensating for something

useless_grape , Alex Green Report

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Sue Denham
Sue Denham
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Think I know what he was compensating for . . . a personality.

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"Learning how relationships ended (and even began) and how long they lasted can tell you a lot about a person," Yuko Nippoda, psychotherapist and spokesperson for the UK Council for Psychotherapy, recently told Refinery29. "It can reveal red flags, especially in the way they talk about their exes."
#17

For me. During at least some point during a first date I think hobbies or passions are brought up.

I really dont care what hobbies you have. You could be into the dumbest s**t ever. As long as you are into something. Anything.


My red flag is when she says she goes to bars and clubs. And thinks thats a hobby.

I nope the f**k out.

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Nezuko_chan
Nezuko_chan
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My friend says watching YouTube is a hobby I din’t know if it is but I don’t think it is

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#18

Children. I wish all the best to all the single parents in the world but I am not signing up to be a step-parent.

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Strawberry Pizza
Strawberry Pizza
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And that is perfectly OK. Not everyone wants the responsibility of extra kids, especially when those kids aren't their own.

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Politeness, grace, and a dash of table etiquette have the power to make a lasting impression. Imagine, if you will, a romantic dinner transformed into a sideshow spectacle by the sound of soup being slurped like a blender and hands being used as excavation tools. It's no wonder that researchers have identified certain food habits as the biggest pet peeves. In fact, a staggering 68% of people consider talking with your mouth full as the most unforgivable food sin.
#19

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying If they call me "exotic." If they make repeated remarks on how *BeAuTiFuL* my skin tone is. Even worse when they point out that they've never "been with" anybody of my ethnic heritage.

Or, when they've *only* dated women of ethnicities with a similar appearance to mine. Feels a bit fetishizing.

leiladobadoba , Alex Green Report

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#20

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying Lying. Even, if not especially, about small things.

anon , Karolina Grabowska Report

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David
David
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES YES YES. Liars are a big trigger for me. Probably due to a stepfather for a few years who was a habitual liar and I watched how it screwed up his life

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Navigating the treacherous waters of politics, then, is like walking through a minefield on a first date. It's fine to have passionate opinions, but turning your dinner into a heated debate on global policies can be a surefire way to extinguish any romantic sparks. Nothing dampens the mood faster than the sudden realization that your date's political beliefs are on the opposite side of the spectrum, and neither of you is willing to back down. Unless, of course, you have a bizarre fetish for fierce political discussions.
#21

If all they talk about is how bad all their exes are.



If all your exes are psycho, the chances are the problem is you.

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Nimitz
Nimitz
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You run into an a*****e in the morning, you ran into an a*****e. You run into a******s all day, you're the a*****e.

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#22

you know how people joke that buying a dog is just buying a tragedy in 10 years?

that's basically how i feel about dating a smoker long-term

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Nimitz
Nimitz
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I was a smoker but I met an amazing guy who was allergic to smoking. I asked him out in two weeks, he said yes. During our date he asked why it was two weeks later and I told him it was so I could quit smoking. He said that was so hot he immediately asked for a 2nd date. We had an amazing relationship

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#23

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying That she doesnt accepts my racoon pet named Stuart

DegoEatingPancakes , LK MJ Report

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Sue Denham
Sue Denham
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know you. I don't particularly want to meet you. But I completely and utterly accept your racoon pet named Stuart.

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#24

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying They talk over me and spend the conversation giving me unsolicited advice about how to live my life

Edit: I feel like I need to specify that I was thinking of one specific first date that did not become a second date When I answered this, lol. The guy didn't like that I had dyed my hair blond at the bottom and Spent a lot of the date telling me about the dangers of bleaching your hair and how I should learn to make better choices. I just wanted to have a good dinner man.

SuddenTerrible_Haiku , cottonbro studio Report

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1AlphaGeek1
1AlphaGeek1
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cutting someone off is rude even in a normal conversation. What are these people thinking?

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#25

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying Hygiene, in general

Edit: yes, you guys.. "lack of hygiene"

Markebrown93 , Karolina Grabowska Report

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Depressed Owl
Depressed Owl
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

For a second, I thought that Image was someone holding a soapy hairball.

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#26

Why has no one mentioned “they litter”?

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#27

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying I don't hate people who smoke particularly but my parents smoked so much that I promised myself to never date someone who smoked.

GustavoAlex7789 , Pablo Cortés Alegría Report

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#28

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying If a person tells you they are IN LOVE WITH YOU after one day together.

They might try to move into your house, then try to attack you when you ask them to leave!

But that's a story for another time...

leiladobadoba , cottonbro studio Report

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meepmeep
meepmeep
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yep, had this happen once in my early 20s. The guy also said he'd been engaged like five times. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I was young and I liked him otherwise. After a couple of weeks, I lost interest.

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#29

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying If they order shots.

I always do brunch as a first date because it places zero expectation on what happens after. So, if you order f*****g shots at 11:30am on a Saturday, we probably aren’t going to work out.

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Ivo H
Ivo H
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I never though of it, but ordering shots can be a red flag, even during dinner. Beer, wine, cocktails, everyting is completely normal, but ordering shots during date is just weird

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#30

30 Times People Went On First Dates And Noped Right Out Of Seeing That Person Again After These Red Flags Started Flying I know a girl who asks every guy she goes on a date with what his credit score is. She wants to make sure they’re financially stable. Also she’s 23 and doesn’t know how to pump gas.

throwmeawaypop , Pixabay Report

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