When I was 11 years old, I was bullied by a 12 year old boy. He would steal things from my lunch every day. I got sick of it and decided to do something about it. One day, I brought a super hot pepper in my lunch and pretended to be really excited about it. Sure enough, the boy comes over, snatches it from my hand and pops it in his mouth.

He practically exploded in pain. Writhing around the floor, unable to handle the heat.

I calmly looked at him and told him that drinking a nice glass of cold water would help immensely. He did so. This promptly magnified the pain 100x.

He never stole food from me again.

I regret nothing.

i_am_not_a_numberr , Jessica Lewis Creative Report

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Beating the s**t out of the man who abused and beat my mother for 6 years. 7 years later and she still has no idea.

cklly2013 , Luis Quintero Report

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A sh**ty repair shop in Moab, UT messed up our car which left us stranded in a nearby National Park. We called and demanded they tow the vehicle in, and while they said they'd come get us they never did. When we talked with park rangers they were quite familiar with the shop: the biggest in town, and with a terrible reputation.

We were on our honeymoon, and had more time on our hands than I imagine most travelers do. We went to the shop, demanded a full refund, and when they refused we sat out front on the curb in our camp chairs for two days with homemade protest signs. I was overwhelmed with the support we got from locals, who honked and waved, stopped and chatted with us and shared their own stories of horror. The owner called the cops on us, but the joke was on him! We'd already notified the police we'd be protesting, and were well within our rights in doing so.

In the end the shop owner refunded all our money, and left visibly distressed when we told him that even with the refund, we weren't sure we were ready to leave town. Eventually we did, but not before filing complaints with the Better Business Bureau and every review site we could find. They'd already been booted from the Chamber of Commerce.

We ended up becoming friends with an awesome local mechanic, and having a great story to tell. Justice was served! And without a tinge of guilt.

serenidade , cottonbro Report

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In 4th grade gym I discovered heart break, revenge, and victory all in one class period.

Moments before class had started my "boyfriend" dumped me because I was too weird. There I sat in disbelief and sadness, and he just ran around like nothing had happened. We were put on opposite teams, only making the chasm between us greater.

Now, I am possibly the worst person at sports, wiffleball being no exception. I stepped up to the orange rubber plate, the bat heavy in my hands. The Ex was pitching and called out to everyone in the outfield

"Don't worry about this one, she can't hit anything."

I was embarrassed. I was heartbroken. Mostly, I was pissed. I said nothing, watching as he casually cocked back his arm. His eyes gleamed as the ball flew from his grip, careening towards me. I raised my bat and swung with all of my measly strength. The wiffle ball met my bat with a dull, plastic WHACK. Next, the wiffle ball met The Ex's balls, square on. I watched as he crumpled to the floor, a wailing heap. My team cheered for me as I ran around the bases, greeting me with high fives as I cleared home.

It was beautiful.

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My ex-fiancee walked out on me a week before the wedding.

I later married a a great girl, became much wealthier, and about to have a kid.

Meanwhile, I heard she's still living in her parents apartment and is actively looking online for dates.

The best revenge is living a *better* life without her, and that is what I did.

ass_munch_reborn , Terje Sollie Report

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I ground up laxatives and tainted all my kitchen fridge food with it to figure out which of my seven room mates was eating all my food, while I survived off a secret stash in my mini-fridge.

I found out who did it. Very, very quickly.

DefconDelta88 , Darrien Staton Report

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Telling a group of baseball bullies that were picking on my younger brother that Snape kills Dumbledore in Half -Blood Prince after realizing they had all just started it.

TwoKingz Report

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This one comes to mind because I thoroughly enjoyed it.

I was out snow-blowing the driveway one day. Some dude who is a friend of my sister's walks up to me and throws a snowball at me. He then gave that look like "What are you gonna do about it man?" and laughed, putting his hands up as if to go "ohhhhhhh!!"

Dude? Do you not see this large snow-moving device I am pushing around?

Only took several seconds to completely coat him in snow, and the look of defeat on his face was glorious!

anon , Ivan Mudruk Report

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Driving home around 2 in the morning. Two cars ahead of me, one is clearly giving the other car a hard time. Tailgating him. Cutting him off. Windows open and he's yelling tame other guy. I catch up at the light and see a scared older man (70+) getting verbally cussed out by this kid. Now, I'm totally sober and I know that cops hang out in the back of the parking lot at work. Heh, heh. (They were security guards on their off hours)

I get he punks attention and he starts harassing me. 1 mile to go. Cussing at me..trying to cut me off.

I pull into the parking lot, he follows. Whip down to the back and yep, there's the cop.. Lights come on. Both of us get pulled over. Other guy is screaming and I only have to explain for 30 seconds what happened. I leave the scene like I did my good deed for the day.

TL/DR: saved old man from being harassed, cops pull over and arrest the right guy ...

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Years ago, living in an apartment in Johannesburg; the block consisted mostly of elderly folk and a few young working couples like me and my wife, who generally hit the sack early. The place was like a morgue after 10pm. Until a couple of guys move into the place below us. Party types, who would whoop it up till dawn. If anyone complained, they'd quickly get threatening. The owner of the apartment was one of the guys' dad, so they had no fear of being kicked out.
One evening, around midnight, they hooked up with some mates & girls to go clubbing. They were outside in the road, talking, yelling, girls screeching. Bedlam. Eventually they depart. I was furious, but being an original 90 pound wimp, felt helpless.
Then I remembered the tube of superglue in my desk drawer.
I went to their flat, which had a serious security gate protecting the front door. I put the glue nozzle into the gate lock - a heavy duty bolt lock - and squeezed the sucker dry.
Couple of hours later, lying in bed, I hear the Party Hardies arrive back. Same deal as when they left - making a hell of a commotion as they spill out their cars and head for the apartment. Then silence.
Later I heard they ended up breaking a toilet window and getting in that way. The girlfriends of course were having none of it so they buggered off, as did the mates.
The next day they had to get in locksmith who used a blowtorch to cut the lock out of its steel casing; this damaged the door behind, so both gate and door had to be replaced, along with the bathroom window. Because these boneheads did not have the money for all this, the dad who owned the apartment had to cough. He was so pissed off that he kicked out the roommate. From then on, it was the quietest flat in the building.

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This may seem small, but it was the most satisfying thing I have ever done. When I was in the seventh grade I sat behind a jerk who hated me and enjoyed being annoying. Every single goddamn day he would lean back in his chair and hit the front of my desk, over and ever again. If I was trying to write something, he would do it even harder. So one day I decided enough was enough, and in the middle of a lesson he started again. So I waited, and right as he was leaning his chair back fast, trying to knock my desk hard, I pulled it back. Without my desk behind him his chair tipped right over and he hit the ground hard. I can still clearly remember him whispering "you b***h" beneath the laughter of the whole class and the teacher yelling at him to get up. The look on his face was a mixture of shock, embarassment and pure rage as he looked up at me from the floor. Bastard never f****d with me again.

walkingdisaster3 , Taylor Wilcox Report

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I'm a professor. Many years ago, I had a small cluster of students in one course that I strongly suspected were cheating; scattered evidence suggested that they had knowledge of my test content ahead of time. I don't let my students keep their test copies, and I re-write my tests every semester, so this was puzzling. I determined that the most likely way they were cheating was during the photocopying process, so I set out to test that possibility first.

When the next test in the course was getting close, I left the previous semester's version of the test in the photocopy room as bait. I then rewrote the new version of the test, keeping page 1 the same to avoid raising suspicions on test day but otherwise completely revising the questions. I made the new copies on another department's copier the morning of the test.

Sure enough, when I graded the test I found that my cheaters all had perfect scores on the page 1 questions, but then bombed all subsequent questions to varying degrees. They all went from "A"s on the first two tests to "D"s and "F"s on the test in question. Those patterns alone probably wouldn't be enough evidence for an airtight academic integrity charge, but one of them gave up the whole group and the plan when I called her in to confront her with the test copies. Turns out they had access to my department's copy room from a former student worker and would routinely pop in and steal exams in the to-be-copied pile after hours.

In the end, it caused a big disciplinary fuss in the administration with "F" grades, multiple suspensions, and one expulsion, which is a true rarity given how gun-shy universities are about kicking out students. The cheaters were hoisted by their own petard and I got what passes for professorly street cred among my peers for catching a well-organized group that many others had missed.

**TL;DR: Caught academic cheaters in college with the right bait. Justice was served.**

galileosmiddlefinger Report

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Driving to drop someone off my radar detector went off. Saw a cop sitting in a parking lot. Dropped off my friend and headed back. The whole way some a*s is tailgating me. Speed limits 40, I'm doing 45 and he's so close I can't see his head lights.

We come up to a traffic circle and he tries to pass me on the right. I sped up and he kept trying. We hit about 80-90 with him on the shoulder. Come up to the crest of a hill and I know the cop is right on the other side. I hit the brakes and he flew up over the hill, had to be doing 90 in a 40.

I even stopped to let the cop out of the parking lot. MOST. SATISFYING. THING. EVER.

Jacknife_Johnny , Evgeny Tchebotarev Report

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Signed out of all devices on Netflix. That'll show her...

Packabowl09 , John-Mark Smith Report

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**Not me but my mom…**

When I was nine (I'm 26 now) my parents went through a really rough divorce. Long story short, my dad had a very public and long-term affair with a prominent public figure in our area (We'll call her Debbie.) Naturally, my mother was humiliated, but back then she was quite meek, unassuming, and not at all vindictive. She only did one thing to the woman that broke up my family…

My mom is a nurse and about 6 months after the divorce she was attending a medical conference our area. As she walks in the room, she saw that one of the panelists was the woman who slept with her husband. Shocked, but always in control, my mother calmly walked to the very front of the room and sat down silently in front of Debbie. Now, Debbie had been a family friend for over a decade, so my mom was intimately familiar with her upbringing and unfortunate issues. Remembering that she was an English Lit major in undergrad, my mom took out a red sharpie and drew a very large ["A"](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Scarlet_Letter) on the notebook that she brought to the conference. She turned it around and faced it directly at Debbie, never saying a word. Debbie was visibly agitated, and when it came time for her to speak, something amazing happened: she started ticking. You see, my mother also knew that Debbie had a condition that when under immense stress, despite significant speech therapy and experience in public speaking, she began to twitch and stutter. She twitched so much it impaired her speech, and she had to rush her portion. When she ended, my mother calmly shut her notebook, smiled at the woman, and walked out of the room. She never spoke a word. That was the last they saw of each other.

**Tl;dr: Read it, my mom's a badass.**

Snufaluffaloo , JESHOOTS.COM Report

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This isn't that great, but I worked as a contractor helping IT set up hardware for a branch of hospitals. Almost everyone was easy to get along with, but one of the contractors treated me like I was an idiot because I was the only one there without any formal IT training. It was a daily explanation of something very simple that I already understood.

"Okay, ceedubs2. You know how to put a USB in right? *laughs* Right. Well, okay. But just in case you forgot, let me show you."

Dude, we did not have time for this ego-trip b******t. I just kept my mouth shut and worked my a*s off for the length of the contract.

A few months later, I was rehired by the same IT team. They wanted me to go through the previous contractors we had that summer, and pick out which ones to help out with our project. Guess who didn't get hired?

ceedubs2 Report

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Okay. I have two older brothers. Eldest is a good person. The middle is a monster. He is a meth-addled felon. He has tortured my family for 20 years and I have taken the brunt of the as**ult as the only person willing to openly challenge him.

He stole my mother's wedding rings, my grandmother's car, and my tv - to name a few things.
My family has decided to try again to welcome him back into their lives so I followed suit.

It's Christmas 2013 - best holiday celebrations I could never imagine. All is well. - Middle brother walks in the door to collect presents two days after celebrations - Strike one.
Middle brother drops bag of drugs when he walks in the door - Strike two.
Middle brother criticizes eldest brother's renovations and tells my grandmother she wasted her money. - Strike three.

In the car on the way home. Decide it is best to go back into town together so it saves someone a trip. Middle brother asks me for my passport. I say "no I can't do that". Middle brother concocts magical story where I have borrowed his ID to get into clubs when I was a teenager. Lies. I did not and would not. He says he needs it to get into a party. He's 300lbs and 35 and would never be carded under any circumstances.

Middle brother differs to his standard method of persuasion and starts yelling and is getting increasingly loud and argumentative.
I tell him that it is illegal and that it would be very bad for him if he gets caught.

There's a line somewhere between asking and demanding something of someone - he crosses it. My heart races like it used to when I was a boy. When he used to follow my friends and I and beat the s**t out of us with his friends. I remember him pulling me out of a lake where I almost drowned. But it's not him anymore. The brother I knew is gone and there's a total stranger directly behind me demanding **the symbol of my liberty**.
Strike f*****g four.
I tell him that if he mentions my passport again on the ride home, I will crane the steering wheel into a snowbank and beat him to within an inch of his life.

I hear 'Give me your passport' in the voice of a man I don't know, from a face I don't recognize. Blood and adrenaline surge from my heart faster and more rapidly than I have ever felt. We pull into a parking lot, I open my door and wait patiently until that f*****g a*****e works up the courage to fight me.

He steps out and yells something I don't hear. I tell him that I'll give him one more chance to get back in the car without saying a word about my passport ever again. He says 'passport' with a wily grin and expects me to be the same cowering boy that I used to be. The same kid who loved him and adored him and wanted nothing else but to be just like him.

I connect the quickest and hardest fist I've ever thrown against another person directly onto his chin. Blood spurts out of his mouth with the second blow. He hits me twice above and below my right eye. I completely lose my s**t and wail on the left side of his face until it is a broken and bloody ruin.

If you're reading this, middle brother - F**k you.

Edit: You bet your a*s I felt no guilt.

anon Report

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My ex said she'd call the cops on me for confronting her repeatedly about having stolen and re-homing my cat, so I went home and called the cops on her. Found out what she did with my cat after that

MOEman365 Report

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There was a guy in high school who was a complete a*s to me, for a couple years. I decided to exact revenge via magazine. I went to the school library and pulled subscription cards out of every female magazine I could get my hands on, and a few strange ones like Psychology Today and Architectural Digest, and filled out cards in his name, with his address, and checked "bill me later"

I overheard him complaining a few months later how he kept getting all these magazines he never ordered and it was getting irritating.

Score.

LGXboxDewNissan Report

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Called out the teacher who told me I would fail her class and needed to deal with not succeeding in my valedictorian speech. Best "suck it" moment of my life.

chandlerisawesome Report

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Ex cheated on me, moved out but moved out slowly over time, which meant I still lived with a lot of her stuff. Some of her clothes were left in the closet. I cut teeny tiny corners off of every sleeve, but barely enough to be noticeable. You'd have to think you were going insane to notice it...but then again, over time, each sleeve did look...somewhat off. She eventually asked me about it months later. I denied everything. I regret nothing.

mikelovenotwar Report

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I was living in a Middle Eastern country a few years back. Nice place, but because 50% of the population in the region is under the age of 20, the roads are simply overrun by teenage and early-20s douchebags. The culture's fatalism makes young guys even more reckless and irresponsible than they are already programmed to be by their hormones.

So, after a rare rain shower the highway is flooded up ahead. 18 inches deep. Traffic is backed up for at least a mile, and it takes us 15 minutes to get to the flooded patch. Everyone is pissed. Then I see two cars full of teenage douchebags passing people on the shoulder on the right from way behind me. Mother*f****r*, there's just no excuse for *that* horses**t.

Eventually they get to where I am, and they pass me *just* as we're reaching the 50-yard stretch where the flooding is crossing the road. And wouldn't you know it? One of them crosses into the far left lane, and one stays in the right lane to avoid the deep water... in the middle lane...

And wouldn't you know it? Their windows are rolled down...

I'm in a Toyota Land Cruiser - nice big 4WD. So while they're crawling through a foot of water in their little action-boy Hondas, I decide f**k it and GUN IT between them through the deep stuff in the middle lane.

The wave from my front wheels was about 6 feet high, and it had to have put 20 gallons of water through the windows of both cars. Completely. F*****g. Drenched. All of them. With nasty urban stormwater runoff. BUUUAAAAHAHAAHAHAAAHAAA!

Of course they chased up after me once they cleared the water, screaming and cursing, but I just pretended to be on my phone and ignored them. Eventually they gave up and (I hope) figured I had just been as impatient and selfish as them and had hosed them by accident.

Most satisfying revenge of my life.

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I was bullied a lot in middle school because, you know, middle school. I was a quiet, unassuming, itty-bitty girl who got along well with the teachers and always did my homework/answered questions/blahblahblah.

One day in class, this kid is being a d**k and throwing (his) stuff at me. Whatever, the usual. BUT when the teacher is turned away, I whip an eraser (one if his that he had thrown) at this kid's face and hit him right in the middle of his f*****g forehead. He's stunned for a second and then tries to get me in trouble. B***h can't do s**t because a) it is his eraser and 2) no one believed that I would do something like that.

Made my day.

ohyaycanadaeh Report

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When I was 12 years old, a kid beat me up at a birthday party for reasons unknown. 4 years later, the kid is a pitcher (and a very good one at that) for his school in the playoffs. I was playing for the other team. After going 0-3 to start the game, I hit a walk-off home run off of him to advance to the next round. Kid actually started crying on the mound. I don't think I've ever had a bigger smile than I did in that moment. Still have the ball in my apartment at college.

french_prince , Jon Tyson Report

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Recently posted this, but:

Long story short, and kid I was friends with hit me in the balls 3 times in one night. He then called me a "wee baby" and got in my face. He tried to make me flinch by half-swinging at me. I didn't flinch, but instead headbutted him with everything I had. Crushed his nose, blood pouring out of his face. I had a tiny cut in the center of my forehead, with one line of blood running down my face. I looked f*****g psychotic, but badass. Also, f**k you for that David.

Get_it_Reddit Report

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When I was 16, I was heartbroken by a girl who basically decided to f**k someone else after we were in love and I just used it as motivation to eat better and lose weight. I saw her a couple years later and it looks like she gained as much as I lost (80 lbs). Felt soo good.

imdabesss Report

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My first "real" boyfriend (we kissed instead of just holding hands) kissed another girl and dumped me for her when I was a freshman in high school. She had actively pursued him although she knew he had a girlfriend, so I blamed her rather than him. (I know, I know.)

Fast forward four years: I was a volleyball player throughout college. In the off-season I played in a city women's league and a co-ed league as an outside hitter. My team played a new team with a familiar face. She didn't recognize me (different high schools), but I immediately recognized her. My team's setter kept giving me amazing sets and I kept slamming the ball over the net, just waiting for my shot. Finally, she was in the back row and my setter set me up. I hit the ball and the boyfriend stealer stepped into the hit. It bounced off her foot, and went straight up into her face... and broke her nose.

FutileUtility Report

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During our 100 multiple choice law exam, I wrote all my answers on the original exam page and coloured in wrong answers on the scantron sheet. The girl who copied me since day 1 thought she was going to pass this exam worth 30% of our final mark. She looked over and copied almost each of my scantron answer, then guessed a few, handed it in, and left for the Winter break.

I erased all my old answers, put the correct answers in, handed it in, and left. I got 71/100 and barely managed to pass that class. I'll find out what she got on Tuesday when I maybe see her with a gun at my locker.

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The chainsmoker who lives above me tosses his cigarette butts on my back patio. I asked him not to and he just ignored me...so every Friday when he has a party, I call in a noise complaint

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Late to the party... But here's mine

In high school one of my best friends started dating my ex boyfriend the day after we broke up... Which happened to be my 16th birthday. So then and there I decided to ruin her sweet sixteen. I just wasn't sure how.

Fast forward three months. She planned an extravagant birthday party and played hookie from school the Friday before the big party to prepare. This was my opportunity. I told everyone at school that she had gotten the flu, and was postponing the party (hence why she wasn't in school). We were neighbors so everyone bought it.

The next day she got all dolled up, arrived at her sweet 16 party in a large rented ballroom only to spend the entire party with her mom and little sister, not one person showed up.

Looking back it was terrible and mean, but to a 16 year old girl I felt she broke sacred girl code, and that's never okay

TL;DR: a birthday for a birthday leaves the whole world sad

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