i don't know where you live, but (a) did you ever go to a psychiatrist? we are trained to help people in their darkest hours, and most of the time we can improve something, and (b) i think you would be a great asset to every psychiatric program with your ability to make visible what most of our patient cannot express with their words.

yes, i was but i'm difficult person in theraphy. maybe i will find good theraphist. i get much help from my familly. (Reinhard, i hope u see this comment as reply for yours - i don't know this page very well)