Man Shocked As Fiancée Leaves Over Forgotten Allergy And Wrong Sandwich, People See Deeper Issue
Relationships are all about loving each other and constantly learning new things about your partner. It’s also important to remember the little things you’ve learned about them so that they feel heard, or else they’ll begin to feel like you don’t know them that well at all.
This is what happened to one couple when the man forgot about his fiancée’s allergies. Despite dating for three years, he didn’t know what takeout food she liked and got her a sandwich she was allergic to. That hurt her so much that she left him.
More info: Reddit
People feel loved and valued when their partner makes an effort for them and remembers the little things that they like
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that he had been with his fiancée for three years and that she had never previously reacted to any situation so strongly before
Image credits: topntp26 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One day, he got a takeaway for himself and his fiancée, as she was a nurse and was too tired to cook, and was just recovering from coronavirus
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, he got her a tuna fish sandwich, which she was allergic to, and when he gave it to her, she was so shocked that she left their house to stay with a friend
Image credits: Creative-Avocado1900
The man was flabbergasted because he couldn’t understand why his partner would be reconsidering their relationship over a mistake with a sandwich
The man’s main mistake was that he completely forgot about his fiancée’s allergies despite dating her for three years. As an accident and emergency nurse, she probably had a tough schedule, and on top of that, had to recover from coronavirus, so she only expected to have her partner get her a nice meal. Unfortunately, he messed up big time.
According to allergy experts, neither the person with the allergy nor their partner should ignore the issue or take it too lightly. Ignoring such a condition can have serious consequences, which is why both people should be aware of it and make the right accommodations. It’s just a matter of paying attention.
The OP didn’t seem to understand why his mistake was being blown out of proportion. He felt that by offering to cook for his partner, she would forgive him, but that didn’t turn out the way he expected. It seems like he wasn’t taking her allergies seriously and instead was downplaying what could have happened.
If one person in a relationship has an allergy, it is important for both them and their partner to be informed about the ways to manage the condition and also what food items are off-limits. It’s clear that the man didn’t make an effort to learn this for his fiancée and was only thinking about the coupon offer he got from the takeaway place.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This situation caused the woman so much pain that she left for her friend’s house and stayed there. She told the poster that she was reconsidering their relationship because he forgot about her allergies and couldn’t recite her regular order from different takeaway places. It seems like she remembered way more things about him than he did about her.
When one partner feels neglected and unheard in a relationship, it is important for them to first understand whether they want to repair the bond or not. If they want things to work out between them and their partner, both people must discuss the issue. Rather than putting the blame on the other person, they should express how they feel and what actions they need to see to feel loved.
It’s possible that the woman didn’t want to work things out with the man anymore because he wasn’t even taking responsibility for his actions. Instead, he was trying to rally support from his family and friends to make it seem like he was in the right and she was overreacting.
It’s difficult to truly understand the best way to deal with such a situation. Maybe if the OP apologized and made an effort to remember things about his fiancée, she would end up coming back. Or else she could deal with it by never letting him be the one to get takeaways for them again.
Who do you think is right in this story? Share your honest opinion in the comments below.
People confronted the man over his actions and made him realize that his partner wasn’t angry about the sandwich; it had more to do with his lack of attention
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He valued a 2 for 1 coupon over his fiancees’s health. What a loser. He could have gotten two tuna sandwiches for himself plus a sandwich—-or 2—that his fiancée could eat. Cheapskate on top of everything else. She is SO much better without him. She’s way out of his league anyway. D*****s had the prize and instead of keeping it safe he pissed on it. FAFO.
Exactly. The fact that he keeps insisting she’s leaving him “over a sandwich” is so telling - like dude this is very obviously NOT ABOUT A SANDWICH 😂 she’s not leaving you over a sandwich! It’s about her being tired of being disrespected and feeling unimportant to him. I bet the sandwich is just the 105th thing she’s had to put up with and she’s getting tired.
Load More Replies...No, weenie - you don't care enough about her to *remember* she has allergies and *what* she can eat. It's not about the f***ing sandwich, you absolute moron. I hope she dumps your stupid a*s. Good luck finding someone else.
What a tool. I've known too many guys like this, they (the specific men I'm talking about) acted like it was just a "guy thing" to forget stuff but it's not. I've got a horrible memory but I write important things down or intentionally learn them. People who "forget" such important details really just don't fůcking care enough to listen or remember. Also, how on earth does he not realise it's not about a sandwich? Willing to bet this was just the straw that broke the camels back.
Totally. You reminded me that I have a good friend who has a whole spreadsheet with things about people he cares about (important things, but also small things like activities they did) because he can be forgetful and he cares enough to make sure he doesn’t forget important things
Load More Replies...He wants to MARRY her but forgets something as crucial as a food allergy because he has a coupon. What a gem.
Somebody needs to get this guy a coupon for some f*cks to give, maybe that'd get his attention.
Load More Replies...I love the way he's not even sorry and was magnanimously "willing to let it go". And now he's bewildered that she's willing to let him go.
That's really the thing that struck me. He me messed up and could have killed her, but was willing to let it go? Yeah there's definitively more going on that he lets on!
Load More Replies...Lol, flip this: "I forgot our toddler was allergic to peanuts and bought him a Snickers, I don't get why she's leaving me!". You don't love the person if you don't KNOW the person.
I'm also allergic to fish and shellfish. Poor girlfriend has an incredibly stressful job, is recovering from covid, and boyfriend HAS TO BE ASKED to sort out dinner because she's too tired to cook. That's mistake one. Your partner is ill and exhausted, you just take care of them! Mistake two - forgetting that your sandwich choice could, you know, k**l them - leaving them STILL tired and hungry, and now hurt because you don't even care enough to buy them food that's safe to eat. What an a*****e.
This! I've been sick this last week and normally cook. First night right before husband went to sleep(He works graveyard shift) he asked everyone for their pizza order and put it in for dinnertime and reminded our son that I'm sick and if I fall asleep on the couch to leave me alone cause I need it
Load More Replies...With guys like him it's always like this, isn't it? Their partners are leaving them over something minor, and they find it sooo absurd. But they always fail to recognize that it's not the single event. I bet something like the sandwich issue has happened several times. She talks to him, let him know her needs (and not dying of anaphylactic shock is quite a big need I dare say) but he doesn't listen because he doesn't care. But now, the moron, is convinced that she is reconsidering the relationship over a sandwich. SMH
Some people (esp men) are very good at only seeing the 'surface' of things - ie. 'She's leaving me over a sandwich'. They just don't see the great weight of accumulated issues underneath.
Load More Replies...OP needs to believe her when she said the sandwich is a symptom not the the problem. From the snapshot provided, OP doesn't listen or pay attention to details (large or small, and allergies are not small) and fiancée is hurt or concerned or whatever. Stop focusing on the sandwich and focus on what she's upset about. The sandwich was a catalyst, but it doesn't sound out of the blue. She should dump him.
But that would mean making an effort and putting his phone down! How dare you suggest such to a man of his virility and charm?
Load More Replies...I had been married for 24 years when my husband called me to ask how I spell my name. At first, I thought it was a joke, but sadly it wasn't. He had changed jobs and had to fill out some forms for health insurance. He not only forgot my name, but a week later, he came home and asked my daughter how she liked 10th grade at her new school. She was half way through her senior year. It was really my fault I guess, because I always covered for him forgetting anniversaries or birthdays. I didn't want the girls to know that he was too busy to remember their birthdays, so I hid special "dad" wrapping paper and signed the tags with my left hand. I even ordered gifts for his mother, who hated me, and pretended he had sent them. Ironically, I overheard him talking to our neighbor about Mother's Day and he said " Why should I get my wife anything for Mother's Day- she's not my mother!" My anniversary gift to myself on our 26th anniversary? A divorce. It was the best decision I ever made.
Remembering what someone likes (or CAN) eat is not something you consciously have to make an effort for. If you spend enough time together, you just know, but default, because the information has leaked into your brain time and time again. You're not breaking up over a sandwich, you're breaking up over your lack of effort.
Yeah. I am a terrible host who never remembers who wants milk or sugar in their coffee. I know what my husband likes, though. And somehow I picked it up when he started to take less sugar. Now he does without. Never told me. I just happened to notice. Maybe because I care?
Load More Replies...I'm sure this is simply the straw that broke the camel's back. If he could not remember what she was allergic to after three years, there was definitely a lot of other things going on she was sick of.
100%. I’m only allergic to Gravol (the anti-nausea medication, which I obviously never take) and I have only mentioned to my boyfriend once like way back in 2015. Last year I had a mild emergency and needed an ambulance, and I heard my boyfriend talking to the paramedics saying “she’s allergic to Gravol, don’t give her any Gravol.” 🥹 I was so touched. If people care they’ll show it. If they don’t, they’ll show that too.
Load More Replies...Not sure there's anything incredible about him except his want to use coupons
Load More Replies...The person you marry is at the very least the person you are entrusting your future life and happiness to. If they don't care enough to remember what can k.ill then then forget it, you dont love them. If she was unconscious in a medical emergency the paramedics and doctors would be asking him about her medical history and allergies...it's the top of the list about what you should know ffs.
Exactly. This is the person you’re planning on marrying, the person who’s gonna be your EMERGENCY CONTACT, and they don’t know what you’re ALLERGIC TO??? 😳 Could the guy be more useless? Sending the OP’s ex my best wishes on her next fiancé ❤️
Load More Replies...Let's try it the other way around. You're hungry, ask her for something to eat, and she gives you an arsenic sandwich. How happy would that make you? Especially if this is not the first time she did it?
Some fish allergies can be pretty severe, if not deadly. To not remember when buying a sandwich, where the fish is easy to spot, could very well mean that he would forget it in some other food, where the fish may be much less easy to spot. It would have meant living on the edge, risking possible severe reactions at least, with every meal, just because he does not find it important enough to remember.
When we first started dating, my now hubs, made salmon for dinner. I'm allergic to most seafood and shellfish....didn't know about salmon tho...big surprise to me. I had an allergic reaction after eating a fork full. Broke out in a rash and had probs breathing. He saw what happened and was shocked and scared. Fast forward to a year and a half later, we were at his mum's and discussing what to have for Xmas dinner and this man....bless his little cotton socks....gave a run down of everything I was allergic to. If the guy can't remember after 3 years, he's not a keeper!
How is "forgetting" about a food allergy a "mistake". You're deluded, don't know her at all and have put her life in danger to save a couple of quid. You sir, are a grade A pillock.
I'll bet he's lying about the BOGO coupon being for the exact same sandwich and not one of equal or lesser value.
I've worked with a guy who is allergic to peanuts for a few months and I don't even like him but I care more about him than this idiot does about his fiance. What a moron, it's clearly not about the d**n sandwich.
Dude. This isn't about a sandwich. There are obviously issues under the surface. Gotta get to the real problem and/or get out of the relationship.
she's recovering from being ill and you brought a sandwich that would make her sick all over again. not after a few weeks of dating after years when you're supposed to be getting married. safety first. throw the whole man out. i get it.
Good for her. He'll use the memory thing as weaponized incompetence against her in the future. She will have to remember everything for him. Three years he's been dating her and can't remember she's allergic to fish????
he is showing with his actions he doesn't care about her, and continuing to dissmiss how she feels by making light of the situation. She knows the situation isn't right & good on her for not wasting more time
He sound like a total loser. He's obviously quite thick and clueless. She can do better.
FULL FLEDGED AH for sure. How can you forget something that has the potential to put your spouse in an early grave??? It's not about the fracking sandwich! It's about handing his wife the equivalent of a mµrder burger. She may only be alive today because he at least told her what he did. What if he didn't tell her, and she assumed it was a chicken salad sandwich instead? It's NOT ABOUT THE SANDWICH. I bet he "forgets" a lot of things! Well, now I hope he can "forget" he used to be married...
My BIL is a lot of things, but even he wouldn't do something like that to my sister.
She didn't ask him to memorize her social fŭkking security number, she just thought he'd remember her possibly life-threatening food allergy. Especially when she's exhausted from working full time while recovering from a serious illness. I'd be feeling a bit heartbroken in her shoes.
If he can’t remember her allergy what else can’t he be trusted to remember? Imagine if they had kids - would he remember to feed them, take them out the car at the supermarket? This is a huge red flag to me that he is so self absorbed that everyone else’s needs or even preferences aren’t on his radar
Now, this time, it's NTA. Not like that other allergy story where the mother of a daughter, likely going by the name "Allergy", wants to ban any nuts from any house they might ever set foot into, just in case. Three years is enough to memorize allergies. Not every order she ever made, or not even her favourite food from all places, but allergies are serious, and therefore, worth being remembered at any time. A honest mistake, maybe, if he says so, but a mistake of rather larger and harmful impact, may even life threatening. It's not like he accepted her watching her Grandma eat tuna, it's actually him buying her a poison sandwich because he stopped thinking at the outlook of saving a few bucks.
I may add an unpopular opinion. I have celiac disease diagnosed 10+ years ago (gluten intolerance). Oat is also making me sick even if it is gluten free, because it contains avenin which is a protein close to gluten. If I should cut contact with every family member who sometimes forgets about it after 10 years and give me something that I cannot eat, I would be divorced, childless, "orphaned" ... and more. Every single one of them made the mistake, most of them several times. Even my wife who is a nurse. I really will not divorce her after almost 30 years of marriage. It is not their tasks to remember or think about it, it is mine. And even I got into situation where I forgot to check product composition and ate something I should not. His girlfriend is a nurse, she is trained to focus on such thing. She will never understand that there are time when normal people forget to think about allergies. If he forgets often, he is the bad one. If it's rare, be forgiving to other's mistakes.
I can sympathize with her for leaving the a*****e , she was hANGRY!
She wasn't hangry she was done with his toxic bs
Load More Replies...He valued a 2 for 1 coupon over his fiancees’s health. What a loser. He could have gotten two tuna sandwiches for himself plus a sandwich—-or 2—that his fiancée could eat. Cheapskate on top of everything else. She is SO much better without him. She’s way out of his league anyway. D*****s had the prize and instead of keeping it safe he pissed on it. FAFO.
Exactly. The fact that he keeps insisting she’s leaving him “over a sandwich” is so telling - like dude this is very obviously NOT ABOUT A SANDWICH 😂 she’s not leaving you over a sandwich! It’s about her being tired of being disrespected and feeling unimportant to him. I bet the sandwich is just the 105th thing she’s had to put up with and she’s getting tired.
Load More Replies...No, weenie - you don't care enough about her to *remember* she has allergies and *what* she can eat. It's not about the f***ing sandwich, you absolute moron. I hope she dumps your stupid a*s. Good luck finding someone else.
What a tool. I've known too many guys like this, they (the specific men I'm talking about) acted like it was just a "guy thing" to forget stuff but it's not. I've got a horrible memory but I write important things down or intentionally learn them. People who "forget" such important details really just don't fůcking care enough to listen or remember. Also, how on earth does he not realise it's not about a sandwich? Willing to bet this was just the straw that broke the camels back.
Totally. You reminded me that I have a good friend who has a whole spreadsheet with things about people he cares about (important things, but also small things like activities they did) because he can be forgetful and he cares enough to make sure he doesn’t forget important things
Load More Replies...He wants to MARRY her but forgets something as crucial as a food allergy because he has a coupon. What a gem.
Somebody needs to get this guy a coupon for some f*cks to give, maybe that'd get his attention.
Load More Replies...I love the way he's not even sorry and was magnanimously "willing to let it go". And now he's bewildered that she's willing to let him go.
That's really the thing that struck me. He me messed up and could have killed her, but was willing to let it go? Yeah there's definitively more going on that he lets on!
Load More Replies...Lol, flip this: "I forgot our toddler was allergic to peanuts and bought him a Snickers, I don't get why she's leaving me!". You don't love the person if you don't KNOW the person.
I'm also allergic to fish and shellfish. Poor girlfriend has an incredibly stressful job, is recovering from covid, and boyfriend HAS TO BE ASKED to sort out dinner because she's too tired to cook. That's mistake one. Your partner is ill and exhausted, you just take care of them! Mistake two - forgetting that your sandwich choice could, you know, k**l them - leaving them STILL tired and hungry, and now hurt because you don't even care enough to buy them food that's safe to eat. What an a*****e.
This! I've been sick this last week and normally cook. First night right before husband went to sleep(He works graveyard shift) he asked everyone for their pizza order and put it in for dinnertime and reminded our son that I'm sick and if I fall asleep on the couch to leave me alone cause I need it
Load More Replies...With guys like him it's always like this, isn't it? Their partners are leaving them over something minor, and they find it sooo absurd. But they always fail to recognize that it's not the single event. I bet something like the sandwich issue has happened several times. She talks to him, let him know her needs (and not dying of anaphylactic shock is quite a big need I dare say) but he doesn't listen because he doesn't care. But now, the moron, is convinced that she is reconsidering the relationship over a sandwich. SMH
Some people (esp men) are very good at only seeing the 'surface' of things - ie. 'She's leaving me over a sandwich'. They just don't see the great weight of accumulated issues underneath.
Load More Replies...OP needs to believe her when she said the sandwich is a symptom not the the problem. From the snapshot provided, OP doesn't listen or pay attention to details (large or small, and allergies are not small) and fiancée is hurt or concerned or whatever. Stop focusing on the sandwich and focus on what she's upset about. The sandwich was a catalyst, but it doesn't sound out of the blue. She should dump him.
But that would mean making an effort and putting his phone down! How dare you suggest such to a man of his virility and charm?
Load More Replies...I had been married for 24 years when my husband called me to ask how I spell my name. At first, I thought it was a joke, but sadly it wasn't. He had changed jobs and had to fill out some forms for health insurance. He not only forgot my name, but a week later, he came home and asked my daughter how she liked 10th grade at her new school. She was half way through her senior year. It was really my fault I guess, because I always covered for him forgetting anniversaries or birthdays. I didn't want the girls to know that he was too busy to remember their birthdays, so I hid special "dad" wrapping paper and signed the tags with my left hand. I even ordered gifts for his mother, who hated me, and pretended he had sent them. Ironically, I overheard him talking to our neighbor about Mother's Day and he said " Why should I get my wife anything for Mother's Day- she's not my mother!" My anniversary gift to myself on our 26th anniversary? A divorce. It was the best decision I ever made.
Remembering what someone likes (or CAN) eat is not something you consciously have to make an effort for. If you spend enough time together, you just know, but default, because the information has leaked into your brain time and time again. You're not breaking up over a sandwich, you're breaking up over your lack of effort.
Yeah. I am a terrible host who never remembers who wants milk or sugar in their coffee. I know what my husband likes, though. And somehow I picked it up when he started to take less sugar. Now he does without. Never told me. I just happened to notice. Maybe because I care?
Load More Replies...I'm sure this is simply the straw that broke the camel's back. If he could not remember what she was allergic to after three years, there was definitely a lot of other things going on she was sick of.
100%. I’m only allergic to Gravol (the anti-nausea medication, which I obviously never take) and I have only mentioned to my boyfriend once like way back in 2015. Last year I had a mild emergency and needed an ambulance, and I heard my boyfriend talking to the paramedics saying “she’s allergic to Gravol, don’t give her any Gravol.” 🥹 I was so touched. If people care they’ll show it. If they don’t, they’ll show that too.
Load More Replies...Not sure there's anything incredible about him except his want to use coupons
Load More Replies...The person you marry is at the very least the person you are entrusting your future life and happiness to. If they don't care enough to remember what can k.ill then then forget it, you dont love them. If she was unconscious in a medical emergency the paramedics and doctors would be asking him about her medical history and allergies...it's the top of the list about what you should know ffs.
Exactly. This is the person you’re planning on marrying, the person who’s gonna be your EMERGENCY CONTACT, and they don’t know what you’re ALLERGIC TO??? 😳 Could the guy be more useless? Sending the OP’s ex my best wishes on her next fiancé ❤️
Load More Replies...Let's try it the other way around. You're hungry, ask her for something to eat, and she gives you an arsenic sandwich. How happy would that make you? Especially if this is not the first time she did it?
Some fish allergies can be pretty severe, if not deadly. To not remember when buying a sandwich, where the fish is easy to spot, could very well mean that he would forget it in some other food, where the fish may be much less easy to spot. It would have meant living on the edge, risking possible severe reactions at least, with every meal, just because he does not find it important enough to remember.
When we first started dating, my now hubs, made salmon for dinner. I'm allergic to most seafood and shellfish....didn't know about salmon tho...big surprise to me. I had an allergic reaction after eating a fork full. Broke out in a rash and had probs breathing. He saw what happened and was shocked and scared. Fast forward to a year and a half later, we were at his mum's and discussing what to have for Xmas dinner and this man....bless his little cotton socks....gave a run down of everything I was allergic to. If the guy can't remember after 3 years, he's not a keeper!
How is "forgetting" about a food allergy a "mistake". You're deluded, don't know her at all and have put her life in danger to save a couple of quid. You sir, are a grade A pillock.
I'll bet he's lying about the BOGO coupon being for the exact same sandwich and not one of equal or lesser value.
I've worked with a guy who is allergic to peanuts for a few months and I don't even like him but I care more about him than this idiot does about his fiance. What a moron, it's clearly not about the d**n sandwich.
Dude. This isn't about a sandwich. There are obviously issues under the surface. Gotta get to the real problem and/or get out of the relationship.
she's recovering from being ill and you brought a sandwich that would make her sick all over again. not after a few weeks of dating after years when you're supposed to be getting married. safety first. throw the whole man out. i get it.
Good for her. He'll use the memory thing as weaponized incompetence against her in the future. She will have to remember everything for him. Three years he's been dating her and can't remember she's allergic to fish????
he is showing with his actions he doesn't care about her, and continuing to dissmiss how she feels by making light of the situation. She knows the situation isn't right & good on her for not wasting more time
He sound like a total loser. He's obviously quite thick and clueless. She can do better.
FULL FLEDGED AH for sure. How can you forget something that has the potential to put your spouse in an early grave??? It's not about the fracking sandwich! It's about handing his wife the equivalent of a mµrder burger. She may only be alive today because he at least told her what he did. What if he didn't tell her, and she assumed it was a chicken salad sandwich instead? It's NOT ABOUT THE SANDWICH. I bet he "forgets" a lot of things! Well, now I hope he can "forget" he used to be married...
My BIL is a lot of things, but even he wouldn't do something like that to my sister.
She didn't ask him to memorize her social fŭkking security number, she just thought he'd remember her possibly life-threatening food allergy. Especially when she's exhausted from working full time while recovering from a serious illness. I'd be feeling a bit heartbroken in her shoes.
If he can’t remember her allergy what else can’t he be trusted to remember? Imagine if they had kids - would he remember to feed them, take them out the car at the supermarket? This is a huge red flag to me that he is so self absorbed that everyone else’s needs or even preferences aren’t on his radar
Now, this time, it's NTA. Not like that other allergy story where the mother of a daughter, likely going by the name "Allergy", wants to ban any nuts from any house they might ever set foot into, just in case. Three years is enough to memorize allergies. Not every order she ever made, or not even her favourite food from all places, but allergies are serious, and therefore, worth being remembered at any time. A honest mistake, maybe, if he says so, but a mistake of rather larger and harmful impact, may even life threatening. It's not like he accepted her watching her Grandma eat tuna, it's actually him buying her a poison sandwich because he stopped thinking at the outlook of saving a few bucks.
I may add an unpopular opinion. I have celiac disease diagnosed 10+ years ago (gluten intolerance). Oat is also making me sick even if it is gluten free, because it contains avenin which is a protein close to gluten. If I should cut contact with every family member who sometimes forgets about it after 10 years and give me something that I cannot eat, I would be divorced, childless, "orphaned" ... and more. Every single one of them made the mistake, most of them several times. Even my wife who is a nurse. I really will not divorce her after almost 30 years of marriage. It is not their tasks to remember or think about it, it is mine. And even I got into situation where I forgot to check product composition and ate something I should not. His girlfriend is a nurse, she is trained to focus on such thing. She will never understand that there are time when normal people forget to think about allergies. If he forgets often, he is the bad one. If it's rare, be forgiving to other's mistakes.
I can sympathize with her for leaving the a*****e , she was hANGRY!
She wasn't hangry she was done with his toxic bs
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