To sign or not to sign, that is the question…

If you’re engaged, or ever have been, there’s a chance the topic of prenups has come up between you and your partner. They’re not a necessity, so not every couple considers them, but they can be an important precaution to take before tying the knot. Nobody ever wants to consider the worst case scenario when planning to spend the rest of their life with their favorite person, but the reality is that not all couples last forever.

Some people would never get married without signing a prenup first, while others consider them to be completely out of the question. Then there are some people who think they would never sign one, until they suddenly find themselves inheriting wealth…

One man reached out to the Relationships Advice subreddit asking for some guidance after his fiancé, who was previously against prenups, suddenly decided that signing one would be wise. Below, you can read the full story, as well as interviews we were lucky enough to receive from Julia Rodgers, CEO of HelloPrenup.com, and family law attorney Raymond Hekmat. We would love to hear your thoughts on prenups in the comments, and then if you’d like to read another Bored Panda article featuring prenup drama, look no further than right here!

This man sought advice online after his fiancé quickly changed her mind about prenups when she inherited $800K

Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)

Image credits: advokatsmart (not the actual photo)

Image credits: throwRA_southparking

To gain more insight on the topic of prenups, we reached out to Julia Rodgers. Julia is the CEO of HelloPrenup.com and a Massachusetts family law attorney who was kind enough to break down why she thinks everyone should sign a prenup prior to getting married. “A prenuptial agreement allows an engaged couple to contract to how they want their income, assets, property and inheritance be considered,” Julia told Bored Panda. “If you do not have a prenup, your state law will control how your property is viewed – and you may not like it!”

“All couples should consider a prenup, because generally, millennials are marrying later in life, have significant earning potential, often have some student debt, may own a business, and are likely to receive inheritance in the future,” Julia noted. “The best (and in many cases, only) way to protect these assets is with a prenup.” She explained that a few of the benefits of having a prenup are that they allow couples to categorize which debts should be considered separate, which marital assets should be considered separate, and define how inheritances should be considered.

It’s not likely that you’ll have any regrets about signing a prenup if you stay happily married for the rest of your life, but no couple wants to regret not having signed one if the relationship goes sour. “If you do not obtain a prenup prior to marriage, your assets, income, property, any business you own or have equity in as well as inheritance will be dictated by state divorce law in the event of a divorce,” Julia told Bored Panda. “And you may not like the outcome! State law does not take into account your personal circumstances, life goals, and relationship with your partner. A prenup allows you and your future spouse to decide what works for you, prior to marriage, so that some judge who doesn’t know you does not decide in the future.”

Julia also wanted to dispel a couple of the common misconceptions associated with prenups. “Prenups have a stigma, including the idea that they are an indicator of a future divorce,” she noted. “Not so fast! A prenup is a strategic planning for a successful marriage, and by talking about finances BEFORE marriage, you are avoiding the number one reason people divorce: misunderstandings about money. Discussing financial arrangements prior to marriage spells future relationship success.”

Julia went on to dispute the idea that prenups often only protect the wealthier spouse. “Prenups can be protective of both spouses and can feel more fair than default state divorce law, because it allows couples the ability to contract to an agreement that feels fair for their specific life goals,” she explained. “A prenup can create a more equitable financial playing field in the case where one party (usually the woman) chooses to step back from work for a few years to raise children, or care for a sick family member.”

There’s even an article on HelloPrenup discussing the gender wealth gap right here if you’d like to check it out. And if you’d like to learn more about prenups from Julia or the rest of her team, or you’re interested in created one with your fiancé, be sure to visit HelloPrenup.com right here.

The man later shared more context about the situation in the comments

We also reached out to family law attorney Raymond Hekmat to hear his thoughts on prenups. “Not everyone needs to sign a prenup, but I think everyone should talk about it,” he told Bored Panda. “Whether or not it is acceptable, every couple will be agreeing to a boilerplate ‘prenup’ based on their state’s laws. The conversation between couples should be whether or not the state’s ‘prenup’ is right for their relationship. There are certain instances where a state’s laws are not right for the couple, and a prenup is an opportunity to rewrite the state’s laws in order to customize them in a way that works for their relationship.”

“The uncomfortable discussions surrounding finances in a marriage will help couples realize whether or not they are compatible and should get married in the first place,” Raymond explained. “I have seen many situations where couples find out that they have differing views of marriage and the finances during marriage, and therefore, learn that they are not right for each other. It is better to discover that as soon as possible before taking the plunge planning a huge wedding or, even worse, getting divorced.”

Raymond warns that it’s better to be safe than sorry when it comes to signing a prenup. “When a couple does not enter into a prenuptial agreement, they succumb to their state’s laws in the event of divorce. Of times, these laws may be prejudicial to either or both parties in a divorce. In addition, the state’s laws can be interpreted and analyzed in different ways, causing significant divorce litigation. Divorce litigation can not only be expensive, but take an emotional toll on the parties as well as their families.” If you’d like to learn more about prenups from Raymond, be sure to check out the prenup resources on his website right here.

Traditionally, prenups were primarily for people coming from wealthy families who wanted to ensure that their assets would be protected in the event of divorce. However, in recent years, prenups have become much more common among the average person getting married. In 2010, a poll by Harris Interactive found that only 3% of adults who were engaged or married had a prenuptial agreement. By 2022, that number had jumped to 15%. Prenups are also more common among young people, as a whopping 40% of individuals surveyed between the ages of 18-34 who were married or engaged said that they had signed a prenup. 

While having a conversation about prenups can be a sensitive topic for some couples, it’s important to enter a marriage with full transparency. Couples must decide how they want to handle/share their finances, and if they cannot come to an agreement prior to tying the knot, it’s likely to be a nightmare if they ever do find themselves going through a divorce. None of us can predict the future, and in a world where nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce, it doesn’t hurt to be cautious.

In this particular situation, many readers commented that the woman had finally shown her true colors and that this might be a red flag for her fiancé. Signing a prenup is a wise step to take, and personally, I would be wary of marrying anyone who was adamantly against them. But we would love to hear your thoughts down below pandas: have you ever signed a prenup, or would you? Why or why not? Let us know what you would do in this man’s shoes, and then if you’re looking for another article featuring prenup drama, we recommend reading this one next!

Many readers cautioned the man that this is a huge red flag, noting that it might be wise to get out of the relationship before it’s too late

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