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People Tear This Dad Apart Online After He Seeks Support Because Wife Won’t Forgive His Prank
Many people—young and old—absolutely hate practical jokes and jumpscares; typically for a reason, be it simply not finding them amusing or having a personal experience that was disturbing at best.
This redditor’s son might grow up to be one of said people. When his 10-year-old sister suggested pranking him, the dad did not realize how big of a shock it would be for the child and how big of a fight with his wife it would put him in.
Seeking to learn more about how pranks can affect children, Bored Panda turned to the founder and director of the Child’s Play, Learning, and Development Lab, a professor in the School of Education at the University of Delaware, Dr. Roberta Michnick Golinkoff, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions.
Many people hate practical jokes, usually not without a reason
Image credits: choreograph / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
This dad got into a huge fight with his wife after pranking his 9-year-old son
Image credits: nd3000 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Small-Elephant9195
Parents should provide their children with support, not with a traumatizing event to recover from
Image credits: Vlada Karpovich / pexels (not the actual photo)
Discussing the occurrence with Bored Panda, Dr. Roberta Michnick Golinkoff emphasized that the child did not need to expend all his energy and emotion on recovering from the prank. “Parents are there to support their kids and not to increase their fears and trauma. I repeat: Parents are protectors not torturers. And anyone who says, ‘Oh, that kid will recover’ fails to see the depth of that child’s reaction and how he will be afraid for longer than he needs to be when he enters an empty or dark room,” the expert said.
Whether or not parents find pranking kids funny, the latter most likely don’t. “Not only are they not able to cognitively understand the humour, but they’re also the butt of a joke. And there’s a violation of trust,” developmental psychologist at York St John University and expert in how children develop humor, Paige Davis pointed out in a piece for BBC, discussing the mixed feelings pranks evoke in children.
Another expert, a child psychotherapist and spokesperson for the Association of Child Psychotherapists (ACP) in the UK, Rachel Melville-Thomas, added that pranking your offspring might not necessarily make them hyper-vigilant, but it can result in them thinking that the parent can do it again, because of the way our brains are wired.
Pranking children, especially seeking online fame, is needlessly cruel
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Children losing trust in adults or being frightened they might scare them again are arguably two of the main reasons some individuals would never consider pranking kids. A survey on potential April Fool’s targets found that more than half of pranksters—56% to be exact—would never joke around at the expense of a young child. Unfortunately, some people would; and to make matters worse, they might do it “for the likes”.
“My sense is that parents prank on just what they know will trigger their children. If that sounds cruel and heartless, it is because it is,” Dr. Michnick Golinkoff said, adding that pranking kids has apparently become a new trend and it is awful.
“Before you prank a child, consider whether that is the best way to generate a few laughs,” the expert suggested. “Posting the child’s reaction on social media should be prohibited because I think in some cases, this is the parent’s motivation in hopes that it will go viral. Please, no. Please think about how you would have felt as a child to have the rug pulled out from under you.”
Dr. Michnick Golinkoff continued to point out that there’s nothing wrong with lightly teasing your child—only if not in a cruel way!— or using humor with them. But, according to her, people who care about kids should recognize that pranking does not come from a caring place; which is arguably why quite a few netizens in the comments criticized the OP for his behavior.
Quite a few netizens believed the dad was in the wrong here
Some people, however, shared a different opinion
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What do you think ?
Insomniac 1 month ago
I will never comprehend why terrorizing children is amusing to adults. Kids look to parents to feel safe, secure, loved. The world is harsh enough. Home should be a place of peace and sanctuary. The kid is only nine. His mental capacity is limited, and it could take him months or years before he feels really safe at home again. Childhood experiences, even sometimes minor ones, can stick with a kid. It happens often enough by accident. It's beyond me why the dad would deliberately inflict one on his child. How is that amusing? You scared a vulnerable human who depends on you for safety and security. People may say I'm overreacting, but read up on the neurobiology of childhood development and what traumatic experiences do to that. The dad is a big time AH.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
I can tell you from personal experience that negative/bad stuff that our parents do to us/say to us in single-digit childhood can stay with us - and hurt and harm us - for DECADES. I'm not going to get into all of the actual abuses my mom did to me when I was a child (one example to set the tone though: she pressed a real gun to my throat when I was 6 and said she would unalive me) but I am 42 now and I still have nightmares about a lot of the incidents, including the one I mentioned. I still remember them all clearly. I still think about them. They still affect me. I still have not forgiven my mother (who is now 80 years old) for any of the abuse. OP obliterated the trust his son had in him as a parent, a protector, and a safe adult. OP's son may literally NEVER trust OP again. You are 100% correct and not overreacting at all in what you said. Thank you for saying it <3
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Linda Lee 1 month ago
Where's the part where the dad apologized to his son? Oh, that's right, he didn't mean any harm so no reason to apologize for traumatizing his son. Because you only apologize if something bad happens ...on purpose?
Lyoness 1 month ago
I'm thinking the same thing. He's stuck on intention. But bluntly, it means zip. If you hit someone with your bike, you hurt them, whether you meant to or not. What matters is how the injured party feels, not whether or not the person who hurt them meant to do it. Same thing here, except that Dad DID mean to scare him (just not so much, in Dad's opinion). OP is completely invalidating his son's feelings with the "I didn't mean to!" defensiveness. He scared him. On purpose. The son was traumatised. Dad needs to apologise. That's it.
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Zoe Vokes 1 month ago
YTA simply because he didn’t mention how his son is feeling. Is the son over it? Is he still upset? OP is annoyed that his wife is upset with him, but maybe that’s because the son is still upset. Plus anybody who enjoys pranking people is automatically an AH
OneWithRatsAndKefir 1 month ago
The only ‘good’ kind of pranks are hiding little rubber duckies everywhere or switiching out a photograph in a frame for something silly and seeing how long it takes for somebody to notice! The ones that aren’t hard to clean up and that don’t make a person the butt of the joke.
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Lyoness 1 month ago
It's interesting that at no point does OP say he apologised to his son for scaring him. As others have pointed out he definitely should be talking this out with the kid, but a very heartfelt "I'm so sorry I scared you." is in order. Intention means zip, it's the kid's feelings that matter. Think of it this way: If you run over someone's foot with your car, you hurt them, whether you meant to or not. It's the feelings of the injured party that matter, not whether or not the person who hurt them meant to do it. Same principle here, except in this case OP DID mean to scare the kid. I'd still be pissed if I was his wife too, and I'd stay that way until my partner made it right with our son.
Fembot 1 month ago
When kids are around that age, they know real from pretend. They may not be easily spooked by monsters under the bed but they will begin to fear things that could happen in real life: from heavy storms to burglary to things they see in the media. And losing loved ones. So coming home in the dark to find scary people in your house instead of dad and sis: very frightening! Dad needs to get some parenting 101
Deborah B 1 month ago
Dude. Letting his sister jump out and say "boo" would have made him jump, and been funny to your daughter, and startled and irritated your son, and he would have been okay. But that's not what happened. You took her idea and ran with it. Masks, dimmed the lights, phone call set up. Instead of being the responsible parent and keeping chaos in check, thinking about consequenses, your son's reaction etc, you acted like a teenage prankster. You betrayed your son's trust, and scared him into crisis mode. Your wife is pissed off, because instead of having a co-parent who shares the responsibility of parenthood, she has an emotionally immature a*****e making things worse. You get to be the fun parent for your daughter, she gets to take on the emotional labour of reassuring your betrayed son who's having a panic attack. She's upset because you are abdicating all the mental and emotional labour and parenting to her, instead of a partner to share the load, she has another kid, who's a jackass.
Jennifer Clayton 1 month ago
I'm sure they yelled in the jump scare. If kids had pulled the pranks, high voices. A grown man yelling or growling is terror.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago (edited)
Why would he be forgiven when he hasn't don't anything to earn forgiveness? Recognising you sxrewed up is a necessary first step, but an apology isn't action to address the concern. Saying sorry, even feeling sorry isn't enough, it's what changes after that counts. He hasn't mentioned how his interactions have been since with his son, or what he's don't to make up for being a d**k. He's keen to talk about cold shoulder, but doesn't even seem to notice he should be doing something other than say oops
Phillip Moderow 1 month ago
Funny Home Videos on TV showed a boy take his pet white mouse outside. He placed the cage on a stand, opened the cage, and was handling his mouse when BAM!!! A hawk swooped in and snatched it right out of his hand. The video camera, on a tripod, caught it all including the shock and horror on that poor boy's face. I'm not sure if the boy got over it, but I haven't because it traumatized me. That was the last TV I ever watched. The video camera on the tripod told me that it was a setup by the parents just to get on TV. They should go to prison for doing that. And the audience laughed. It really hurt.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
She's probably upset that you don't know your son well enough to know if he would find it funny or not.
Alexandra 1 month ago
I love the comment that 'it's not normal to hold a grudge for so long'. Who exactly gets to decide that? What is the normal time-span for holding a grudge? The same with 'she should be over it by now'. And you're the one who decides that? Of course you want your wife to get over it asap because that benefits you but not her. OP appears to have no empathy at all when it comes to his actions and their effect on his wife and son.
Colby DeYoung 1 month ago
Yeah, the mom should totally keep making her daughter feel guilty because it was her idea to scare the son. How is holding a grudge helpful in any way? Mom feels bad, treats Dad badly which makes daughter feel bad. In no way does this help son feel better. But sure, hold a grudge as long as you want. Focusing on negative things as long as possible is always the best move.
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Broad Panda 1 month ago
I'm gonna guess the Mum is still pissed off because this is only the latest in a string of dumb things. She's probably totally fed up. This might be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Apatheist Account2 1 month ago
Pranks are stupid. Don't do them to anyone, especially children.
R Dennis 1 month ago
I probably would have just told the sister to do it, but wouldn't have done it myself. Nine is awfully young to do something like that. I did scare my teen daughter and her friends when they had a sleepover - they were in her room and I told them to be careful of monsters or something like that, so they figured I was going to scare them. I put on a s Halloween mask and stood at the door. I heard one of her friends say "Watch me not get scared" and they opened the door... they did get scared. They all shrieked and slammed the door in a fit of laughter. 20 years later and they still talk about it. They were teens, I would never have done it if they were 9 or 10.
Weasel Wise 1 month ago
My parents used to pull "pranks" on me all the time, especially my dad. Come adulthood, I've learned that this was just another trait of their codependent narcissism and it's one of the reasons I don't talk to them. Parents scaring the shìt outta their kids isn't fukcing funny!
Rebel Peewee 1 month ago
I think he made an honest (and terrible) mistake and I'd almost say he regrets it but OP doesn't think too hard, as we already know. Like hello, are the lights up there on OP? Take the initiative on the next step and take your son out for a fun dad-son day and genuinely apologize and tell him you're here to protect him, always. No wonder Mom is a "mama bear," she has to do all the emotional labor.
Alexandra Nara 1 month ago
Why worrying about the woman, he should rather take care that his son is okay .. Not mention this part of " being sorry" is kinda red flag.. like a kid that cries about,it didn't meant to make a mess ,but still not help to clean up
Panda Bear 1 month ago
The first rule of pranks is know your audience. If the person you’re pranking gets scared easily, don’t prank them!
Tams21 1 month ago
If op didn't know how his kid would react then he should have, or at least some idea. Even if not, anyone using a bit of common sense would know that the prank could backfire. And even then, I'd have to ask myself what the motivation was, having a laugh at the expense of a child? It might have not been malicious but after all that, as his wife I would be seriously reconsidering his suitability as a father and it certainly sounds like that's exactly what she's doing. If I were in her shoes and saw this post then my mind would be made up.
Michael MacKinnon 1 month ago
I think prankster has to promise to ***never again*** prank (and stick to it). And apologize to his son and wife. Then, maybe, he can get out of the doghouse.
StumblingThroughLife 1 month ago
YTA . Pranking is infantile and mean. I just don't get why peeps find it funny. It's up there with videos of peeps accidentally hurting/injuring themselves, and their friends/family post them for laughs - much worse when it's kids & animals.
Space Invader 1 month ago (edited)
He's asking the wrong questions. The son's intense reaction hints at a deeper anxiety being triggered, and he should sit down and talk with him to find out what it is. It might be the particulars of one of the masks. But more likely it was his perception of his place of comfort and security being compromised - suggesting something out there scaring or worrying him so he longs for safety - or the fear of not finding two people he deeply cares about where he expected them to be - hinting that he has some reason to fear loss or abandonment. Or he was scared because he thought the whole family lied or ganged up on him (he couldn't have known the mother wasn't in on it at the time). Help him discover his true fears by talking to him, and do your best to allay them. Then your wife can forgive you. Don't ask AITA, ask HCISBTA (How can I stop being the a***)
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
It has nothing to do with the masks. It has to do with being a young child and coming home to your safe home, where you expect to be safe with your family, who will also be safe forever. Then - the house is dark and suddenly two complete strangers (as far as you can tell, they're strangers) LEAP OUT at you and yell. A child of 9 will think his family got murdered while he was at his friend's house, and these people are the murderers who stayed in his house in order to murder him as well. Kids aren't rational or logical. The kid didn't have any underlying anxieties or complexes - it does not imply he was already scared or worried for his safety BEFORE the "prank". It just means he's a NORMAL CHILD who knows his home is a safe place where nothing bad will ever happen - that's how kids THINK if they're not already being abused/mistreated. There's no "true fears" here. There's only a mean a-hole of an adult who thought it would be funny to scare his 9-year-old son.
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Watermelon 1 month ago
Okayyyy, so this man-child had zero idea his son would react that way. Doesn't sound like he has even taken the time to get to know his own kid.
Juanita Sullivan 1 month ago
This kind of stuff makes my blood boil. I had so called pranks pulled on me as a kid and it really messed me up. If this man's son ever trusts him again it'll be a miracle. In this day and age where just about everything is scary in society, with all the school shootings, bullying, and so on, kids are on edge even if they don't say much. Home should be a safe space. I don't mean kids should be coddled, not at all. I'm with the wife on this one all the way.
Charlie Haase 1 month ago
He’s nine, you d**k. You’re a major league a*****e, and I’d be surprised if he or your wife ever truly forgive you. Go screw.
brookeannsimmer 1 month ago
People who think scaring children is 'harmless fun' are the same people that think hitting them is 'discipline'. Abuse against children is something they've already normalized.
Damned_Cat 1 month ago
People don't realize how they harm the child's trust in their parents when they do this stuff. My mom used to pull a lot of pranks on me and then get mad if something went wrong. Like one time she talked me into blowing up a big balloon until it burst. A piece of the latex went down my throat and we ended up in ER to get it removed. Another time we went to the mountains in late winter when the snow was mostly hard mush. She caught me off guard with a hard snowball that split my lip and loosened my tooth. Another trip to the ER. Of course, it was all my fault for ruining everyone's good time. My mom could never understand why I always questioned her motives later in life.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
Pranks in any form are cruel and it doesn't matter the intention. My dad played a relatively harmless prank by borrowing some Disneyland tickets from some friends who had just returned and told us we were going. I was really disappointed and frankly hurt when I found out we weren't actually going. Pregnancy pranks, scare pranks, it doesn't matter they're all horrible and anyone who engages in them or defends people who do them are horrible people who I want nothing to do with.
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
Dad needed to be reamed out for this. He + daughter went overboard: scary masks, dim lights, hiding behind furniture, etc.
Beak Hookage 1 month ago
I had the "jump out at someone" prank pulled on me more than once as a kid and the perpetrator didn't seem to understand why I always reacted by getting angry and shouting at them.
Karalee Trapp 1 month ago
YTA a grown man wearing a scary mask and jumping out from behind a couch in the dark to scare his young son after the son has been away all day? WHAT could possibly go wrong? Next time? Leave the pranking? Up to your daughter you ahole. Did you even immediately comfort your son and apologise? No wonder you are still in the doghouse. Your son was tired and most likely emotional after a long day.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 month ago
Some more details from the reddit post: he did apologize to his son and so did the sister, he and the sister comforted the brother immediately, he thought the son would laugh, he said the son "seems over it".
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 3 weeks ago
All I needed to read was he pulled a prank.. and YTA, full stop. No compromise, period. F**k that guy.
Iyelatu 4 weeks ago (edited)
This was viral yesterday in my country: husband pranked his wife - send her video or something about him bringing his 'affair partner' home. The wife was at the office, rushed back home (while crying i imagine) got into an accident and died on the spot. It was her birthday. Prank? That was just cruel joke. I hope her husband will rot!
KatSaidWhat 4 weeks ago
Dad doubling down makes him the a*****e. Pranks are meant to be funny not traumatise. No apology from dad, or sister, I note.
Ephemera Image 1 month ago
Frightening and terrorising a nine year old? 'But it was a PRAAANK!' The battle cry of stupid vicious people who enjoy seeing other people humiliated and hurt. Ugh. So sick of them.
AD Sully 1 month ago
I don't really think this story is a great example of what I'm about to say, but my personal experience with pranking (observing or being the butt of one) is that the person who comes up with the idea is usually, on some level, a sadist who enjoys other people's discomfort/fear. And the people who go along are too wary of the sadist to protest.
Scott Rackley 1 month ago
Huh, the one place in the whole world where your son should feel safe, and you f****d that up. Well done.
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
This reminds me of jerk-face-Jimmy on late nite tv who tells parents to take ALL their kids Halloween candy + tell the kids the parents ate it. Are you TRYING to get your kids to hate you? Hope you don't plan on living with your kids when you get old + sick cuz they're going to say, "My parents are *dead*."
Marianne 1 month ago
ESH. Should he have known better? Absolutely. Would I be mad at him if I was his wife? Absolutely. But would I stay mad for days? Probably not. It seems that he realized his misjudgement and he is sorry. I do hope that he apologized to his son and tried to reconnect to him. There is no good in making this an ongoing conflict.
Schmebulock 1 month ago
Sounds like the wife is overly sensitive, and you're raising an overly sensitive future man-baby.
Just stopping by 1 month ago
I'm sorry but this is an overreaction. My dad did pranks like that all the time and yes with the mask and all. I think I'd need more information about the son. Like does he have anxiety? Panic attacks? Prone to big emotions? Regardless he needs to apologize and talk to his son during some one on one time to make it up to him. Let him know it was bad judgement on his part and limit those types of activities to his daughter since they have that type of humor.
London Paris 1 month ago
Damn but people are overly precious and sensitive today, y'all need to ditch the cotton wool and live a little. A 9 year old overly precious child got a fright and had a melt down and I'm getting that the casual reference to "mama bear" got missed by a lot of people. Overly protected can lead to just as much anxiety as "left to feral", especially if the kid is wrapped in cotton wool and not allowed to experience normal life. He got a fright? Awww, get over it kid and tell momma bear to back off so you can experience interacting with people. Btw: the kids not traumatized, he got a fright and apparently had no taught resilience and then got babied by an overly protective parent. The kid wasn't "terrorized", he wasn't chased around the house by the father pretending to carry a chain saw, he wasn't hung over a pit of fake snakes, he just received a fright . . . . . NTA but needs to have a long conversation with his partner about parenting styles and goals in bringing up the kid.
Karalee Trapp 1 month ago
Are you serious? A young child was expecting to come home to a house with lights on. Instead? He came home to a house in darkness, and his older sister and father were wearing scary masks jumping out at him and yelling. His father didn't apologise for scaring the c**p out of him, and you think the child is over protected? He would have been tired after being away all day. Seriously. Of course, he had a meltdown. The father should have apologised and comforted his son. He didn't. He ignored his son until his wife came home. Then, he became a concerned parent.
Load More Replies... Ash 1 month ago
NAH. Depending on how much care they took to make it scary, the prank itself isn't all that bad. (Tho with the caveat that if he knew his son was sensitive, that would make him TA.) But it sounds like he didn't do much to apologize to/ comfort his child, and of COURSE his wife his mad at him! Especially because it sounds like, instead of accepting his guilt and working on it, he's making excuses and blaming her for being mad at him. I think it was an honest accidental screw-up that WAS a pretty basic, mild prank, but I also think his wife is totally justified in being mad at him, and he needs to take accountability and really connect more with his son.
Karalee Trapp 1 month ago
Really? So, you think it is acceptable to scare a child who has been away all day and is very likely tired? Grow up.
Load More Replies... Captain Grump 1 month ago
Oh FFS. Dude messed up and admitted it. There's a lot of self-imagined perfect people casting judgment. The mother is being unreasonable.
Mad McQueen 1 month ago
I bet mom gets the kids to prank dad back. That would make it more even. Or the son and her are plotting a prank on dad an sis. That's the fun family way to handle it so the little boy isn't scared forever and mom needs to lighten up.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
If mom pranks them back after acting like a shut-in the past week, she needs some serious readjustment herself.
Load More Replies... The Big Bad 1 month ago
He admitted it went bad and too far. It just wasn't the right prank for this kid at this moment. At the same time it sometimes is fun to do scary pranks and I'm saying this as the youngest sister who got pranked monthly by two older brothers. They scared the schnitzel out of me. They'd unexpectedly came to our cabin for instance. I was staying there with friends when we were 12 or something. And in the dark they went around and in the cabin with Halloween masks scaring the c**p out of us. We all laughed and talked about it for ages. Difference being we were all in the mood for scary stuff. And knowing my brothers, I'd seen it coming... For the mum in the story, Yes it went wrong and you were right to blame your husband, he should've known better. BUT if your boy is still scared after days, there are probably underlying issues he needs help for. Maybe something that happened in school that your husband didnt even know about. Talk with your husband and try to forgive him.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
Life spans tend to go down SIGNIFICANTLY for these people who choose to live their lives with a stick firmly planted up their anoos. That's not healthy.
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Roberta Schrote 1 month ago
No wonder we are a country of entitled bullies who, among other things, can't write a grammatically correct sentence. Like the father, you don't recognize that the intention ('it was a prank') doesn't matter more than how it was received. There is some very scary s**t out there and now this child's home is included. Grow up? To be an indifferent, callous, a-hole who enjoys seeing kids so scared they soil themselves? Who decided that was the goal?
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
When burglars, murderers, or crazy people break into a house, they generally hide when they hear someone coming home/coming into the house. And I imagine a hypothetical someone who broke into the house and murdered the kid's dad and older sister would probably, you know, JUMP OUT and YELL at the kid as well, and then proceed to grab him and murder him as well. Bit of a stretch of the imagination? No, it's not. People get murdered in their own homes every single day. You're a complete a-hole if you think it's acceptable that the dad hid in a dark room and then leapt out at his son while shouting at him. The son IS A CHILD. He doesn't have logic down pat yet, but probably has plenty of imagination, like children tend to. He probably thought it was a murderer or a monster. Punishing your partner doesn't belong in a marriage, but terrorizing your nine-year-old child DOES?
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OneWithRatsAndKefir 1 month ago
I don’t think you understand context. If a nine year old’s first reaction is to run off in a fit of terror that doesn’t stop until mum gets home to comfort him, and the dad ‘only’ accepts that he’s in the wrong but doesn’t explain if or how he tried to make it up to his son (get him icecream, sit down and apologise, et cetera), then yeah, the YTA people have a right to say ‘YTA’; it’s not ONLY the prank they’re upset about, they’re mostly upset that the dad doesn’t seem to have SHOWN that he was apologetic. Nine year olds often need more than a ‘sorry’.
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Insomniac 1 month ago
The child is a child. WTF kind of adult finds amusement in frightening a child? If you don't know what will scare your kid, you're a terrible parent anyhow. If you decide to do something for your own amusement that even has a chance of scaring your child, you're an even worse parent. Kids need to feel safe at home with their parents.
Load More Replies... Insomniac 1 month ago
I will never comprehend why terrorizing children is amusing to adults. Kids look to parents to feel safe, secure, loved. The world is harsh enough. Home should be a place of peace and sanctuary. The kid is only nine. His mental capacity is limited, and it could take him months or years before he feels really safe at home again. Childhood experiences, even sometimes minor ones, can stick with a kid. It happens often enough by accident. It's beyond me why the dad would deliberately inflict one on his child. How is that amusing? You scared a vulnerable human who depends on you for safety and security. People may say I'm overreacting, but read up on the neurobiology of childhood development and what traumatic experiences do to that. The dad is a big time AH.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
I can tell you from personal experience that negative/bad stuff that our parents do to us/say to us in single-digit childhood can stay with us - and hurt and harm us - for DECADES. I'm not going to get into all of the actual abuses my mom did to me when I was a child (one example to set the tone though: she pressed a real gun to my throat when I was 6 and said she would unalive me) but I am 42 now and I still have nightmares about a lot of the incidents, including the one I mentioned. I still remember them all clearly. I still think about them. They still affect me. I still have not forgiven my mother (who is now 80 years old) for any of the abuse. OP obliterated the trust his son had in him as a parent, a protector, and a safe adult. OP's son may literally NEVER trust OP again. You are 100% correct and not overreacting at all in what you said. Thank you for saying it <3
Load More Replies... Linda Lee 1 month ago
Where's the part where the dad apologized to his son? Oh, that's right, he didn't mean any harm so no reason to apologize for traumatizing his son. Because you only apologize if something bad happens ...on purpose?
Lyoness 1 month ago
I'm thinking the same thing. He's stuck on intention. But bluntly, it means zip. If you hit someone with your bike, you hurt them, whether you meant to or not. What matters is how the injured party feels, not whether or not the person who hurt them meant to do it. Same thing here, except that Dad DID mean to scare him (just not so much, in Dad's opinion). OP is completely invalidating his son's feelings with the "I didn't mean to!" defensiveness. He scared him. On purpose. The son was traumatised. Dad needs to apologise. That's it.
Load More Replies... Zoe Vokes 1 month ago
YTA simply because he didn’t mention how his son is feeling. Is the son over it? Is he still upset? OP is annoyed that his wife is upset with him, but maybe that’s because the son is still upset. Plus anybody who enjoys pranking people is automatically an AH
OneWithRatsAndKefir 1 month ago
The only ‘good’ kind of pranks are hiding little rubber duckies everywhere or switiching out a photograph in a frame for something silly and seeing how long it takes for somebody to notice! The ones that aren’t hard to clean up and that don’t make a person the butt of the joke.
Load More Replies... Lyoness 1 month ago
It's interesting that at no point does OP say he apologised to his son for scaring him. As others have pointed out he definitely should be talking this out with the kid, but a very heartfelt "I'm so sorry I scared you." is in order. Intention means zip, it's the kid's feelings that matter. Think of it this way: If you run over someone's foot with your car, you hurt them, whether you meant to or not. It's the feelings of the injured party that matter, not whether or not the person who hurt them meant to do it. Same principle here, except in this case OP DID mean to scare the kid. I'd still be pissed if I was his wife too, and I'd stay that way until my partner made it right with our son.
Fembot 1 month ago
When kids are around that age, they know real from pretend. They may not be easily spooked by monsters under the bed but they will begin to fear things that could happen in real life: from heavy storms to burglary to things they see in the media. And losing loved ones. So coming home in the dark to find scary people in your house instead of dad and sis: very frightening! Dad needs to get some parenting 101
Deborah B 1 month ago
Dude. Letting his sister jump out and say "boo" would have made him jump, and been funny to your daughter, and startled and irritated your son, and he would have been okay. But that's not what happened. You took her idea and ran with it. Masks, dimmed the lights, phone call set up. Instead of being the responsible parent and keeping chaos in check, thinking about consequenses, your son's reaction etc, you acted like a teenage prankster. You betrayed your son's trust, and scared him into crisis mode. Your wife is pissed off, because instead of having a co-parent who shares the responsibility of parenthood, she has an emotionally immature a*****e making things worse. You get to be the fun parent for your daughter, she gets to take on the emotional labour of reassuring your betrayed son who's having a panic attack. She's upset because you are abdicating all the mental and emotional labour and parenting to her, instead of a partner to share the load, she has another kid, who's a jackass.
Jennifer Clayton 1 month ago
I'm sure they yelled in the jump scare. If kids had pulled the pranks, high voices. A grown man yelling or growling is terror.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago (edited)
Why would he be forgiven when he hasn't don't anything to earn forgiveness? Recognising you sxrewed up is a necessary first step, but an apology isn't action to address the concern. Saying sorry, even feeling sorry isn't enough, it's what changes after that counts. He hasn't mentioned how his interactions have been since with his son, or what he's don't to make up for being a d**k. He's keen to talk about cold shoulder, but doesn't even seem to notice he should be doing something other than say oops
Phillip Moderow 1 month ago
Funny Home Videos on TV showed a boy take his pet white mouse outside. He placed the cage on a stand, opened the cage, and was handling his mouse when BAM!!! A hawk swooped in and snatched it right out of his hand. The video camera, on a tripod, caught it all including the shock and horror on that poor boy's face. I'm not sure if the boy got over it, but I haven't because it traumatized me. That was the last TV I ever watched. The video camera on the tripod told me that it was a setup by the parents just to get on TV. They should go to prison for doing that. And the audience laughed. It really hurt.
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
She's probably upset that you don't know your son well enough to know if he would find it funny or not.
Alexandra 1 month ago
I love the comment that 'it's not normal to hold a grudge for so long'. Who exactly gets to decide that? What is the normal time-span for holding a grudge? The same with 'she should be over it by now'. And you're the one who decides that? Of course you want your wife to get over it asap because that benefits you but not her. OP appears to have no empathy at all when it comes to his actions and their effect on his wife and son.
Colby DeYoung 1 month ago
Yeah, the mom should totally keep making her daughter feel guilty because it was her idea to scare the son. How is holding a grudge helpful in any way? Mom feels bad, treats Dad badly which makes daughter feel bad. In no way does this help son feel better. But sure, hold a grudge as long as you want. Focusing on negative things as long as possible is always the best move.
Load More Replies... Broad Panda 1 month ago
I'm gonna guess the Mum is still pissed off because this is only the latest in a string of dumb things. She's probably totally fed up. This might be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Apatheist Account2 1 month ago
Pranks are stupid. Don't do them to anyone, especially children.
R Dennis 1 month ago
I probably would have just told the sister to do it, but wouldn't have done it myself. Nine is awfully young to do something like that. I did scare my teen daughter and her friends when they had a sleepover - they were in her room and I told them to be careful of monsters or something like that, so they figured I was going to scare them. I put on a s Halloween mask and stood at the door. I heard one of her friends say "Watch me not get scared" and they opened the door... they did get scared. They all shrieked and slammed the door in a fit of laughter. 20 years later and they still talk about it. They were teens, I would never have done it if they were 9 or 10.
Weasel Wise 1 month ago
My parents used to pull "pranks" on me all the time, especially my dad. Come adulthood, I've learned that this was just another trait of their codependent narcissism and it's one of the reasons I don't talk to them. Parents scaring the shìt outta their kids isn't fukcing funny!
Rebel Peewee 1 month ago
I think he made an honest (and terrible) mistake and I'd almost say he regrets it but OP doesn't think too hard, as we already know. Like hello, are the lights up there on OP? Take the initiative on the next step and take your son out for a fun dad-son day and genuinely apologize and tell him you're here to protect him, always. No wonder Mom is a "mama bear," she has to do all the emotional labor.
Alexandra Nara 1 month ago
Why worrying about the woman, he should rather take care that his son is okay .. Not mention this part of " being sorry" is kinda red flag.. like a kid that cries about,it didn't meant to make a mess ,but still not help to clean up
Panda Bear 1 month ago
The first rule of pranks is know your audience. If the person you’re pranking gets scared easily, don’t prank them!
Tams21 1 month ago
If op didn't know how his kid would react then he should have, or at least some idea. Even if not, anyone using a bit of common sense would know that the prank could backfire. And even then, I'd have to ask myself what the motivation was, having a laugh at the expense of a child? It might have not been malicious but after all that, as his wife I would be seriously reconsidering his suitability as a father and it certainly sounds like that's exactly what she's doing. If I were in her shoes and saw this post then my mind would be made up.
Michael MacKinnon 1 month ago
I think prankster has to promise to ***never again*** prank (and stick to it). And apologize to his son and wife. Then, maybe, he can get out of the doghouse.
StumblingThroughLife 1 month ago
YTA . Pranking is infantile and mean. I just don't get why peeps find it funny. It's up there with videos of peeps accidentally hurting/injuring themselves, and their friends/family post them for laughs - much worse when it's kids & animals.
Space Invader 1 month ago (edited)
He's asking the wrong questions. The son's intense reaction hints at a deeper anxiety being triggered, and he should sit down and talk with him to find out what it is. It might be the particulars of one of the masks. But more likely it was his perception of his place of comfort and security being compromised - suggesting something out there scaring or worrying him so he longs for safety - or the fear of not finding two people he deeply cares about where he expected them to be - hinting that he has some reason to fear loss or abandonment. Or he was scared because he thought the whole family lied or ganged up on him (he couldn't have known the mother wasn't in on it at the time). Help him discover his true fears by talking to him, and do your best to allay them. Then your wife can forgive you. Don't ask AITA, ask HCISBTA (How can I stop being the a***)
LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
It has nothing to do with the masks. It has to do with being a young child and coming home to your safe home, where you expect to be safe with your family, who will also be safe forever. Then - the house is dark and suddenly two complete strangers (as far as you can tell, they're strangers) LEAP OUT at you and yell. A child of 9 will think his family got murdered while he was at his friend's house, and these people are the murderers who stayed in his house in order to murder him as well. Kids aren't rational or logical. The kid didn't have any underlying anxieties or complexes - it does not imply he was already scared or worried for his safety BEFORE the "prank". It just means he's a NORMAL CHILD who knows his home is a safe place where nothing bad will ever happen - that's how kids THINK if they're not already being abused/mistreated. There's no "true fears" here. There's only a mean a-hole of an adult who thought it would be funny to scare his 9-year-old son.
Load More Replies... Watermelon 1 month ago
Okayyyy, so this man-child had zero idea his son would react that way. Doesn't sound like he has even taken the time to get to know his own kid.
Juanita Sullivan 1 month ago
This kind of stuff makes my blood boil. I had so called pranks pulled on me as a kid and it really messed me up. If this man's son ever trusts him again it'll be a miracle. In this day and age where just about everything is scary in society, with all the school shootings, bullying, and so on, kids are on edge even if they don't say much. Home should be a safe space. I don't mean kids should be coddled, not at all. I'm with the wife on this one all the way.
Charlie Haase 1 month ago
He’s nine, you d**k. You’re a major league a*****e, and I’d be surprised if he or your wife ever truly forgive you. Go screw.
brookeannsimmer 1 month ago
People who think scaring children is 'harmless fun' are the same people that think hitting them is 'discipline'. Abuse against children is something they've already normalized.
Damned_Cat 1 month ago
People don't realize how they harm the child's trust in their parents when they do this stuff. My mom used to pull a lot of pranks on me and then get mad if something went wrong. Like one time she talked me into blowing up a big balloon until it burst. A piece of the latex went down my throat and we ended up in ER to get it removed. Another time we went to the mountains in late winter when the snow was mostly hard mush. She caught me off guard with a hard snowball that split my lip and loosened my tooth. Another trip to the ER. Of course, it was all my fault for ruining everyone's good time. My mom could never understand why I always questioned her motives later in life.
Child of the Stars 1 month ago
Pranks in any form are cruel and it doesn't matter the intention. My dad played a relatively harmless prank by borrowing some Disneyland tickets from some friends who had just returned and told us we were going. I was really disappointed and frankly hurt when I found out we weren't actually going. Pregnancy pranks, scare pranks, it doesn't matter they're all horrible and anyone who engages in them or defends people who do them are horrible people who I want nothing to do with.
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
Dad needed to be reamed out for this. He + daughter went overboard: scary masks, dim lights, hiding behind furniture, etc.
Beak Hookage 1 month ago
I had the "jump out at someone" prank pulled on me more than once as a kid and the perpetrator didn't seem to understand why I always reacted by getting angry and shouting at them.
Karalee Trapp 1 month ago
YTA a grown man wearing a scary mask and jumping out from behind a couch in the dark to scare his young son after the son has been away all day? WHAT could possibly go wrong? Next time? Leave the pranking? Up to your daughter you ahole. Did you even immediately comfort your son and apologise? No wonder you are still in the doghouse. Your son was tired and most likely emotional after a long day.
Joey Jo Jo Shabadoo 1 month ago
Some more details from the reddit post: he did apologize to his son and so did the sister, he and the sister comforted the brother immediately, he thought the son would laugh, he said the son "seems over it".
Fox with a Dragon Tattoo 3 weeks ago
All I needed to read was he pulled a prank.. and YTA, full stop. No compromise, period. F**k that guy.
Iyelatu 4 weeks ago (edited)
This was viral yesterday in my country: husband pranked his wife - send her video or something about him bringing his 'affair partner' home. The wife was at the office, rushed back home (while crying i imagine) got into an accident and died on the spot. It was her birthday. Prank? That was just cruel joke. I hope her husband will rot!
KatSaidWhat 4 weeks ago
Dad doubling down makes him the a*****e. Pranks are meant to be funny not traumatise. No apology from dad, or sister, I note.
Ephemera Image 1 month ago
Frightening and terrorising a nine year old? 'But it was a PRAAANK!' The battle cry of stupid vicious people who enjoy seeing other people humiliated and hurt. Ugh. So sick of them.
AD Sully 1 month ago
I don't really think this story is a great example of what I'm about to say, but my personal experience with pranking (observing or being the butt of one) is that the person who comes up with the idea is usually, on some level, a sadist who enjoys other people's discomfort/fear. And the people who go along are too wary of the sadist to protest.
Scott Rackley 1 month ago
Huh, the one place in the whole world where your son should feel safe, and you f****d that up. Well done.
Janelle Collard 1 month ago
This reminds me of jerk-face-Jimmy on late nite tv who tells parents to take ALL their kids Halloween candy + tell the kids the parents ate it. Are you TRYING to get your kids to hate you? Hope you don't plan on living with your kids when you get old + sick cuz they're going to say, "My parents are *dead*."
Marianne 1 month ago
ESH. Should he have known better? Absolutely. Would I be mad at him if I was his wife? Absolutely. But would I stay mad for days? Probably not. It seems that he realized his misjudgement and he is sorry. I do hope that he apologized to his son and tried to reconnect to him. There is no good in making this an ongoing conflict.
Schmebulock 1 month ago
Sounds like the wife is overly sensitive, and you're raising an overly sensitive future man-baby.
Just stopping by 1 month ago
I'm sorry but this is an overreaction. My dad did pranks like that all the time and yes with the mask and all. I think I'd need more information about the son. Like does he have anxiety? Panic attacks? Prone to big emotions? Regardless he needs to apologize and talk to his son during some one on one time to make it up to him. Let him know it was bad judgement on his part and limit those types of activities to his daughter since they have that type of humor.
London Paris 1 month ago
Damn but people are overly precious and sensitive today, y'all need to ditch the cotton wool and live a little. A 9 year old overly precious child got a fright and had a melt down and I'm getting that the casual reference to "mama bear" got missed by a lot of people. Overly protected can lead to just as much anxiety as "left to feral", especially if the kid is wrapped in cotton wool and not allowed to experience normal life. He got a fright? Awww, get over it kid and tell momma bear to back off so you can experience interacting with people. Btw: the kids not traumatized, he got a fright and apparently had no taught resilience and then got babied by an overly protective parent. The kid wasn't "terrorized", he wasn't chased around the house by the father pretending to carry a chain saw, he wasn't hung over a pit of fake snakes, he just received a fright . . . . . NTA but needs to have a long conversation with his partner about parenting styles and goals in bringing up the kid.
Karalee Trapp 1 month ago
Are you serious? A young child was expecting to come home to a house with lights on. Instead? He came home to a house in darkness, and his older sister and father were wearing scary masks jumping out at him and yelling. His father didn't apologise for scaring the c**p out of him, and you think the child is over protected? He would have been tired after being away all day. Seriously. Of course, he had a meltdown. The father should have apologised and comforted his son. He didn't. He ignored his son until his wife came home. Then, he became a concerned parent.
Load More Replies... Ash 1 month ago
NAH. Depending on how much care they took to make it scary, the prank itself isn't all that bad. (Tho with the caveat that if he knew his son was sensitive, that would make him TA.) But it sounds like he didn't do much to apologize to/ comfort his child, and of COURSE his wife his mad at him! Especially because it sounds like, instead of accepting his guilt and working on it, he's making excuses and blaming her for being mad at him. I think it was an honest accidental screw-up that WAS a pretty basic, mild prank, but I also think his wife is totally justified in being mad at him, and he needs to take accountability and really connect more with his son.
Karalee Trapp 1 month ago
Really? So, you think it is acceptable to scare a child who has been away all day and is very likely tired? Grow up.
Load More Replies... Captain Grump 1 month ago
Oh FFS. Dude messed up and admitted it. There's a lot of self-imagined perfect people casting judgment. The mother is being unreasonable.
Mad McQueen 1 month ago
I bet mom gets the kids to prank dad back. That would make it more even. Or the son and her are plotting a prank on dad an sis. That's the fun family way to handle it so the little boy isn't scared forever and mom needs to lighten up.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
If mom pranks them back after acting like a shut-in the past week, she needs some serious readjustment herself.
Load More Replies... The Big Bad 1 month ago
He admitted it went bad and too far. It just wasn't the right prank for this kid at this moment. At the same time it sometimes is fun to do scary pranks and I'm saying this as the youngest sister who got pranked monthly by two older brothers. They scared the schnitzel out of me. They'd unexpectedly came to our cabin for instance. I was staying there with friends when we were 12 or something. And in the dark they went around and in the cabin with Halloween masks scaring the c**p out of us. We all laughed and talked about it for ages. Difference being we were all in the mood for scary stuff. And knowing my brothers, I'd seen it coming... For the mum in the story, Yes it went wrong and you were right to blame your husband, he should've known better. BUT if your boy is still scared after days, there are probably underlying issues he needs help for. Maybe something that happened in school that your husband didnt even know about. Talk with your husband and try to forgive him.
Thanos'Fingers 1 month ago
Life spans tend to go down SIGNIFICANTLY for these people who choose to live their lives with a stick firmly planted up their anoos. That's not healthy.
Load More Replies... Roberta Schrote 1 month ago
No wonder we are a country of entitled bullies who, among other things, can't write a grammatically correct sentence. Like the father, you don't recognize that the intention ('it was a prank') doesn't matter more than how it was received. There is some very scary s**t out there and now this child's home is included. Grow up? To be an indifferent, callous, a-hole who enjoys seeing kids so scared they soil themselves? Who decided that was the goal?
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 1 month ago
When burglars, murderers, or crazy people break into a house, they generally hide when they hear someone coming home/coming into the house. And I imagine a hypothetical someone who broke into the house and murdered the kid's dad and older sister would probably, you know, JUMP OUT and YELL at the kid as well, and then proceed to grab him and murder him as well. Bit of a stretch of the imagination? No, it's not. People get murdered in their own homes every single day. You're a complete a-hole if you think it's acceptable that the dad hid in a dark room and then leapt out at his son while shouting at him. The son IS A CHILD. He doesn't have logic down pat yet, but probably has plenty of imagination, like children tend to. He probably thought it was a murderer or a monster. Punishing your partner doesn't belong in a marriage, but terrorizing your nine-year-old child DOES?
Load More Replies... OneWithRatsAndKefir 1 month ago
I don’t think you understand context. If a nine year old’s first reaction is to run off in a fit of terror that doesn’t stop until mum gets home to comfort him, and the dad ‘only’ accepts that he’s in the wrong but doesn’t explain if or how he tried to make it up to his son (get him icecream, sit down and apologise, et cetera), then yeah, the YTA people have a right to say ‘YTA’; it’s not ONLY the prank they’re upset about, they’re mostly upset that the dad doesn’t seem to have SHOWN that he was apologetic. Nine year olds often need more than a ‘sorry’.
Load More Replies... Insomniac 1 month ago
The child is a child. WTF kind of adult finds amusement in frightening a child? If you don't know what will scare your kid, you're a terrible parent anyhow. If you decide to do something for your own amusement that even has a chance of scaring your child, you're an even worse parent. Kids need to feel safe at home with their parents.
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