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Every family is complicated in their own way. Usually, we learn how to work through our challenges or quirks, but when there are Earth-shattering secrets hidden under the surface for years, or even decades, there's always a chance they'll find a way to be exposed.
Fathers whose lives were turned upside down by finding out that the kids they were raising weren’t actually related to them have been opening up about their experiences on Reddit. We’ve gathered some of the most shocking and heart-wrenching tales down below, so you may want to grab a box of tissues now, pandas. And remember to upvote the stories that you find particularly impactful.
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#1
Not the same, but my biological father raised my older brother and sister(each from different douche bags) as his own when my brother was 6 and my sister was 3. I was the happy accident. My brother and sister don't talk to their biological fathers, and call "my" dad Dad. I've never once heard him refer to either as stepson or stepdaughter. He explained it to his angry mother like so: "I married a woman with children; they are my children now." My dad kicks a*s.
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#2
Found out when my daughter was 4 that she was fathered by a guy my then wife had had an affair with. I had been a stay at home dad for her for the first 2 years of her life. I only found out after my wife left to persue a relationship with another guy she had been having an affair with, it was her parting shot to tell me that she wasn't mine and that she wasn't going to let me see her any more. I have since spent almost 3 years (and around $40k) fighting though family law court to finally have orders allowing me to see her 4 days a fortnight. She's always going to be my daughter.
#3
Not a father, or even a male for that matter. But a buddy of mine was taking care of a child that he was *pretty sure* was his. When I asked why he didn't have a paternity test, he basically said "Why would I? Even if she isn't mine, she still needs a dad. Growing up my father wasn't around much, and I couldn't sleep at night knowing I allowed that to happen to her." He's a good dude.
#4
When I worked as a journalist, I got involved with reporting on a father whose son had a rare medical disorder that guaranteed his death before age 10. It was a heartbreaking story. The family were incredibly kind people. This kid couldn't feed or clean himself, was regularly hospitalized with seizures, was on all kinds of expensive medication, and required 24-7 supervision.
As I researched the disease, I found that both parents had to be carriers of a specific gene for the child to get the disease. I asked the dad about it one day after working with them for several months - how he felt about the possibility that this could happen again if he ever remarried and had kids (the sick kid's mother and he had divorced. The dad and his mother and father were the sick kid's care givers). He revealed to me that he'd actually been tested for it shortly after they found out the kid was sick, only to discover that he didn't carry the gene and his wife had cheated on him. The boy's actual father was nowhere to be found and wasn't involved at all. The boy's mother was barely involved with him, so there was this poor guy suffering heart-crushing agony at watching this kid - who wasn't even his - wither away and die tragically. It was gut-wrenching.
Like I said, the father and his family members were among the best people I've ever met.
BetterBitterButter 1 year ago
They might not share DNA but he was the dad and in a painful situation.
#5
Little late to this party.
My stepdad married my mom when I was five. My bio dad was out of the picture my whole life. After they got married, I started calling him my dad because he was. He worked to feed me, clothe me, and let me participate in things I was passionate about. In third grade, he asked me if he could adopt me. He explained my last name would change to his and if anything happened to my mom, he would take care of me, not my biological father. I was so happy. I went to the courthouse with my whole family and the judge gave me some books and a teddy bear. I will always remember that day. To this day, he is my dad, not the man who I share DNA with. With the modern family becoming more and more complicated/convoluted, it's difficult to really figure out who is really the mother and father figure in our lives. But, I don't think that matters too much because in the end, it's whoever fills those shoes the best, wether they be blood related or not. I love my dad just as much as my dear mother and I owe him my entire life. He always comments that he "got to choose his son"(he has no biological children) and that always just brightens my day. On the flip side, I got to choose my dad and as far as I'm concerned, it was the best choice I've ever made. I'd erase my biological father from existence if he ever tried to harm the man I call dad (not a realistic situation, but true). So, to any person raising a child that is not biologically yours, my hat is off to you. I'd be lost without my pops.
#6
My Father was in this situation. He raised me and my brother like we were his own, and we never thought anything different up until the day he died. He gave us everything we could ever want, regardless of his own limitations of being a quadriplegic.
My sperm donor, T. Sorak, was/is a f*****g piece of s**t who couldn't be bothered to answer a goddamn phone call to try and get a medical history. F**k you Tom, you f*****g sack of s**t.
#7
My brother found out around the time his daughter was 7 or 8. He never told anybody but me and his current wife. She still thinks she's his and he payed every penny of child support until she was 18 even though she lived with him the entire time. My brother is the man I wish i was ethically.
#8
I was married for 13 years and had 2 sons so I thought, the youngest son was 8 years old when we divorced, I was ordered to pay $236 a week in support, (mind you I did not make all that much money so it pretty much ruined my life) imagine having nearly 1/2 of what you earn being taken before you can pay any of your own bills, so I was forced to work 2 jobs just to keep my head above water, including weekends, so even my visitation sucked because I had to work all weekend and had no extra money, Well the older my youngest son got, the more he looked like my best friend, and by the time he was 16 it was obviously clear that he looked nothing like me or my other son and looked exactly like my best friend, even his voice and mannerisms were identical. My oldest son finally confessed to me when he was 19 years old that he had walked in on his mother and my friend one time when I was at work, he was only around 5 or 6 years old at the time so he had no idea what he was seeing. Well I managed to get hair samples from both my friend and youngest son without them knowing it, and paid to have them tested, and my suspensions became reality. I have not told my son, nor have I confronted the X-wife or X-friend, and what hurts the most is the years and years of paying all that support, (my friend watched me suffer financially for years) and I feel that the financial sacrifices I made all those years and the hours I spent working is a crime. At this point my illegitimate son is 25 years old, and I don't see what it would accomplish to tell him, the X-wife has no money due to total irresponsibility so getting paid back is not going to happen, and as soon as I had confirmed that my best friend was banging my wife all those years I cut ties with him. I am sure he knows I know, but I just told him to get out of my house and to never even walk on the side of the street I am on and then shut the door on that part of my life. It's one thing to cheat, or even have a child due to an affair, but to use somebody financially for years just to keep your secret is inexcusable, and I hate her and him for doing that to me.
#9
My youngest sibling is not my fathers and he has known since she was born. But nothing has ever stopped him treating her as one of his own.
He wasn't going to tell her until she is old enough to understand but we have one of those gossip aunties in our family who tells everyone everything. So she found out.
She asks my father if it's true and all he said was "Yes. But you should have been my daughter from the start." (or something to that Liam Neeson acting extent)
she gave him a hug and that was that who cares if it's not your biological child. If you've been there for them since they were born then they might as well be.
nia not long 1 year ago
The auntie that told everyone would no longer be a part of my life nor my kids lives because what the what!?!?!!
#10
Not my story. Had an acquaintance who had found out on his son's 18th birthday that he wasn't the biological father. He wanted to be responsible for his actions and paid into child support and spent as much time with the kid as possible when he found out the kid existed. The father ended up telling his son that no matter who that kid's daddy was he was the man who loved him, so he was his real father no matter what. They ended up moving in together and the son resented his mother for trying to hurt his father and lying to both of them his entire life. Last I heard the son still won't talk to his mother.
#11
I'm 70 years old and have never understood this biological parent stuff unless it had to do with a health matter. To me, and I think to a most people that any man can just be a sperm donor but the real father is the man who steps up and raises the child as his own. My generation taught that if a person married someone with children that those children were his by marriage and they were to take the parental role and love and protect them as if they were always his/hers.
Sad to say, I think a lot of men now days use the fact that they aren't blood relatives to escape responsibility emotionally and financially.
#12
My friend had a kid with this woman who was a mess. Crazy crazy crazy and really nasty. Just after she gave birth she said she couldn't cope and abandoned them both. My friend loved that kid. Looked after him for 2 years by himself. Then she came back. Claimed she had post natal depression but was OK again. They moved in together and rekindled their relationship. A year later she runs off and takes the kid. Tells him he probably isn't the dad anyway.
He's not the smartest so didn't go to court to try and get his son back and as far as he was concerned the boy was his son. Another few years pass. He pays her money regularly. Eventually she starts to let him see him again. My friend spent a fortune on toys and games etc.
When the child is 6 she decides that the money she gets isn't enough and rather than talk to my friend goes to the csa. My friend is angry, says he'll pay more but he wants a blood test first. Kid isn't his. He offers to pay her money the same as before ( which was a good chunk of his wage in all honesty ) as long as he can keep seeing his son.
She pretty much disappeared again and he hasn't seen either of them since. Poor guy was cut to pieces.
#13
When I was in the Navy, I had an on-again-off-again relationship with a girl back home. On my last deployment, my girlfriend told me via email that she was knocked up. I accepted it, emailed my parents, and told the military. I ended up getting discharged, so I returned home and cared for my pregnant girlfriend. She had the baby, and I thought I was the father for five months. While she was on vacation with a 'girlfriend,' I got an email from her boyfriend telling me they had been together for the last four months and also for the week in Myrtle Beach I was bankrolling. After that, I got a paternity test and found out it wasn't mine. The weird part is my parents still babysit and treat the kid like their grandkid, so she's at a lot of family functions and such. Also, that guy wasn't even the father, either.
#14
This happened to a really good friend of mine. He was a teenager at the time, getting ready to go to university for the first time. He broke up with his ex who came to him a few weeks later and told him she was pregnant and that it was his. He immediately accepted it and dropped out of university before he even started it. He got a full-time job, took care of her all through her pregnancy, and got everything they needed for when the baby arrived. He was even in the delivery room when the baby was born. Upon the birth, his ex wavered and asked for a paternity test. All this time, the kid wasn't even his. He stuck around for about a month before he realized that it wasn't his burden to bear and then re-enrolled in university. He just picked up where he left off and basically got on with his life.
#15
My boyfriend's daughter is not his. He broke his hand on a door when he found out. But he never once denied her. He is on her birth certificate, and she has his last name. She is his baby girl, and he is her dad. End of story. His ex-wife likes to hold it above his head, though. She says, 'If you don't do XYZ, I'm getting a DNA test on the baby, and you'll never see her again.' It burns me up!
#16
Not me but some people I know -
This guys girlfriend went to her employers christmas party, got drunk and banged a co-worker. She became pregnant and she just let her boyfriend believe the child was his. When she delivered there was some medical issue, don't know the specifics, that exposed the fact that she cheated and he could not possibly be the child's biological father.
They talked about it and he decided to raise the child as if it was his own. His name went on the birth certificate.
A little while later the mother got into drugs and left him and the child. Now this guy is alone raising a child that is not his. Whenever I see him he just looks so down and depressed. I feel like giving him a hug.
Sea Squirrel 1 year ago (edited)
He probably needs that hug. Or just someone who tells him he's great. (And I hope these medical issues aren't severe)
#17
I found out after he started to have none of my features at all. Got a dna test and sure enough, he wasn't mine. I quickly noped out of that marriage, won my house in court, sold it and moved to a different country. Haven't looked back since and moving to England was one of the best decisions of my life.
Mike Fitzpatrick 1 year ago
Wow, this is complicated. I really hope the little guy was very young. It would have been traumatizing.
#18
I started dating this woman when I was 19, she was 22. She had recently moved back to the area after moving to California then got divorced because she found out her husband was doing gay p**n on the side. She and I were dating for about a month, maybe 2 at the max, and she had talked about how she needed to go back to California to get her stuff, because she left so quickly after finding out about what her husband was doing. She disappeared one day, wouldn't answer my texts or calls, I did not know what happened, and it was strange but I figured she moved on. I get a call 2 months later where she tells me she flew to Louisiana to hang out with some friends, who drove her to California to get her stuff, then drove back to the east coast with her. She called me to let me know she was back, and we should hang out. I declined. 4 months later I get a call from her the day before I am supposed to deploy for 5 months, but I ignore it and think nothing of it, woman clearly had some issues. When I return I have 20 voicemails from her, one a week yelling at me for being a piece of s**t, and not accepting that I am her son's father, all kinds of stuff. I had no clue what was going on. I call her back and we talk, the kid is only a couple months old, but he has the same hair color, if you squinted hard enough you could see me in him. I decided I should take it on, I'll be a dad, but I won't get back together with this person. When I tell my siblings they all tell me to get a DNA test now. I said I would but I had already bought a bunch of baby stuff, but I tried my best to be a dad in the meantime. When the result came back 99.8% sure I was not the father, she was pretty upset, but I peaced out of that place fast. I actually brought her the results right before I went to work that night so I had an excuse to leave. I later saw the actual Dad, who happened to live in Louisiana, and looked a lot like me. He seemed to embrace the fact and last I saw they were together. I'm now married to my wife, who I started dating almost as soon as I got back from my deployment, and who went through this whole ordeal with me, and have my own son. tldr: wasn't mine, other dude looked just like me. Woman was crazy
#19
My dad found out I wasn't his, biologically, when I was 18.
He didn't speak to me for ten years. We've reconnected fairly recently.
Im_That_Monkey 1 year ago
Not gonna lie, that's js sad that your dad cut you off like that. Not like it was your fault, really.🤷🏽♀️🫥
#20
I found out my dad wasn't my biological father when I was 25. My mom had cheated, resulting in me, and lived the next 25 years with that hanging over her head. Everyone in my family, parents and two brothers, found out before I did. It really hasn't changed anything. I have never met my biological father and I don't really think he is interested either.
Headless Horseman 1 year ago
Is it possible the biological father doesn't know of his childs existence?
#21
Not me but a friend of a friend. Mum passed away. Dad moved abroad. Dad wanted to live with his 2 daughters abroad and has to do a paternity (or dna?) test as part of process. Turns out both daughters aren't his. Last i heard they're on good terms
#22
I'm friends with a girl who is 20 years younger than her two older siblings. Her mom really liked to party and one year she partied really hard with this guy she didn't really know that was not her husband. About a month later she tells her husband, "Guess what? We're going to have another baby! Isn't that great?"
Only it wasn't great because he had gotten a vasectomy a few years before that and hadn't told her. So she got a baby and a divorce. The ex-husband was actually a pretty cool guy and my friend called him her grandpa, he was always really nice and loving with her. He just wasn't going to stay with a lady that cheated on him and was knowingly going to pass off a kid that wasn't his to him. Her mom's a nice enough lady but she had some serious issues that took about twenty years to get over.
Amelia Jade 1 year ago
Who doesn't tell their wife they're getting a vasectomy? That is something couples usually discuss beforehand to make sure both parties are cool with being done having kids. Also, vasectomies CAN reverse themselves. It isn't super common but it happens more than people realize.
#23
This happened to my uncle. He had three girls with his ex-wife. Two of which he found out weren't his when they turned around 15. He still loves them, though. He spoils them and would do anything for them. They don't know; however, he'll joke about it, but they're always totally oblivious.
#24
There is a family friend of mine that raised a son who wasn't biologically related to him (his ex-wife's boyfriend's kid) and he only told him right before he went off to college. They get along fine, I don't get what all the fuss is about a child needing to be biologically related.
Kathryn Baylis 1 year ago (edited)
I think the difference is whether they know from the get-go that the child isn’t theirs, like the kid was already around when they started dating the Mom. That’s honesty from the start. But when you throw in lying and cheating and using someone for support money, the anger all the OPs on here talk about is entirely justified. Just be honest and don’t cheat on the person you’re supposed to be in a relationship with. FFS. Oh, and how about not just jumping into bed with someone before you find out they’ve got a screw loose (no pun intended) upstairs. I can’t believe all the men I have heard about who got involved with absolute nightmares. Same goes for women who date men—-and even have children with them—-who anyone with a brain would stay far far away from.
#25
I was dating this girl for over one year. The relationship was crappy; one day she caused a scene at my mother's house, and I ended the relationship on the spot. I started a relationship with his German girl, and I made plans to move back to Germany. Fast-forward, I came back home after my month-long vacation with my family, and the girl and my ex told me she's pregnant. We basically decided to work things out for the sake of the child. I ended my brief relationship with the German girl. Fast-forward, we had the baby...our relationship got worse, and I ended it right before the child's first birthday. She took me for child support, and I basically suffered through paying for four years. I met my now-wife and mother to my kids... I tell her the story and basically say I always had this hunch the child was not mine.
I did one of those at-home paternity tests, and the results were a resounding no! I was devastated. I loved the kid and was working toward fighting for full custody. When I confronted her, she basically admitted to it all. She immediately stopped the child support although under current state law, she doesn't need to. This all happened 14 years ago. In the end, I should have gotten the paternity test done, and she should have told me there was another guy. The one who loses out the most is the kid. I am sure he remembers me to a point, and the biological father is not in his life.
Jennifer Clayton 1 year ago
Sooo, you had the choice to find out and then immediately haven't seen the child since? So you dumped a 4 year old child who thought you were their daddy.
#26
At the time, I flipped out. There were other reasons why we were having marital problems, but she thought she could make the situation better by going through artificial insemination.
I really reacted badly, we're now divorced.
#27
Didn't happen to me but I have a friend who discovered the daughter he'd been providing for wasn't his. She was a belligerent little c**t who use to say how she hated him and hoped he was dead. The real father tried to contact the mother and he recognized the real fathers features in the daughter. He demanded a paternity test and when it came back that he wasn't the girls father he dropped her and her mother like a hot rock. He was gone and took every penny he was putting into their lives with them. The mother and daughter were in bad shape because they couldn't get together enough money for the rent on their apartment and had to move in with the grandmother. My friend often said that he hoped such a thing would happen because he was sick of trying to take care of a daughter that hated and abused him. He was glad he had been putting money into a college fund for her, but decided to spend that money on himself in stead. As far as the bio-father goes, no one knows where he is. Supposedly he saw what a brat his daughter was and noped right out of there.
#28
I've always been told I looked like my dad, but I've also been told that I looked like I would be this girl's sister. The weird part is her dad used to like my mom and always wanted to date her... makes me wonder, because I've been told I favor him and his daughter.
#29
Walked the f**k out. Cleaned out the b***h's bank account too
#30
I just have to say, some of these stories sicken me. I mean what the actual f**k. Women cheating on you, not using protection, getting pregnant with a bastard child, continuing the lie, and then staying with the woman. I get that feelings and situations are crazy and there isn't any set protocol but damn I know there is no way I could be with that woman anymore. I am not saying you need to cut contact with the child but I wouldn't be with the mom. She lied to you and by doing so you thought you had your own child. You put your time, love, and money into providing for a child that another man put in your SO due to her cheating. Cheating is the lowest thing someone can do in a relationship. To then lie to the guy and have him raise the child as his own is psychological abuse. How sick and twisted can one person be to lie to their SO that they have received one of the greatest gifts in life knowing your horrible actions caused this and knowing how unethical and horrible of a person you are for lying to someone that they are the parent. Not only that, but after you spend time raising a child that is not yours, if you leave the woman she has legal ground to sue you for child support for a child that is not yours that came about because your SO has no self respect and opens her legs to anyone that wants to nut in her. So f*****g sad. Don't sign the birth certificate unless you are 100% sure guys. Just don't do it.
What do you think ?
Fuzzdinkel83 1 year ago
Some of these stories don't fit under this headline. Step parents knowingly raising their partners kids as their own is not the same as finding out you aren't the father of a kid you thought you were.
shado 1 year ago (edited)
I like the key words here being: 'anyone can write for Bored Panda' - even if they (the writer) can't differentiate one life event from another - thus, we (the reader) best be especially well-versed at being able to tell the difference on our own
Load More Replies...
Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago (edited)
Never been a father to "my own" but I've been a father to not my own multiple times. Guess I have a thing for single moms. One of my not-kids is in her 30s now and I couldn't be prouder of her.
DB 1 year ago
My stepdaughter royally f****d over this poor guy. Got pregnant right after they broke up but were still having sex. Though she was sleeping with 3 other guys managed to convince him the kid was his. A year later when they break up again, she admits that someone else is the father. A few months later pregnant again. Manages to convince him this one really is his. Two years later, surprise, no it's not. Finally, dumbshit wakes up and leaves her for good. He did try to stay in the kids lives for awhile but she made it clear he wasn't wanted. Too bad because he was a better dad than the two real ones.
Fuzzdinkel83 1 year ago
Some of these stories don't fit under this headline. Step parents knowingly raising their partners kids as their own is not the same as finding out you aren't the father of a kid you thought you were.
shado 1 year ago (edited)
I like the key words here being: 'anyone can write for Bored Panda' - even if they (the writer) can't differentiate one life event from another - thus, we (the reader) best be especially well-versed at being able to tell the difference on our own
Load More Replies... Ray Ceeya (RayCeeYa) 1 year ago (edited)
Never been a father to "my own" but I've been a father to not my own multiple times. Guess I have a thing for single moms. One of my not-kids is in her 30s now and I couldn't be prouder of her.
DB 1 year ago
My stepdaughter royally f****d over this poor guy. Got pregnant right after they broke up but were still having sex. Though she was sleeping with 3 other guys managed to convince him the kid was his. A year later when they break up again, she admits that someone else is the father. A few months later pregnant again. Manages to convince him this one really is his. Two years later, surprise, no it's not. Finally, dumbshit wakes up and leaves her for good. He did try to stay in the kids lives for awhile but she made it clear he wasn't wanted. Too bad because he was a better dad than the two real ones.
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