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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Dad It’s His Fault He Missed My Son’s First Birthday Party?”
Parents know that their child’s first birthday is one of those magical milestones you want to celebrate with loved ones. But what happens when one of the most important guests—a grandparent—decides to skip out at the last minute?
Today’s Original Poster (OP) experienced this when her father opted to attend his girlfriend’s church event instead of his grandson’s birthday party. Spoiler alert: it led to one uncomfortable conversation.
More info: Reddit
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First birthday parties might not stick in the baby’s memory, but for parents, they’re the Oscars of parenting milestones
Image credits: KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s father had confirmed his attendance for his grandson’s first birthday, but ended up calling to ask if the party could be rescheduled
Image credits: Hefty-Tea-2143
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / agency (not the actual photo)
He decided to go to his girlfriend’s church event instead and would later text to say that he would not be able to come to the party anymore
Image credits: Hefty-Tea-2143
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The father would later call but refuse to apologize for not showing up for his grandson’s first birthday celebration
Image credits: Hefty-Tea-2143
He claimed he couldn’t have known the church event’s length, but the author pointed out attending was his choice in the first place
The OP and her husband hosted their son’s first birthday party at a local kids venue. The date had been locked in months in advance, and guests—including her father—had RSVP’d “Yes.” Everything was pretty much in order.
However, just days before the party, her dad made an interesting request. He wanted to know if the event could be rescheduled. What was the reason, you might ask. It was because his girlfriend’s church was hosting an event on the same day.
Rescheduling wasn’t really an option, so he promised to show up, even though he would be late, but the OP was fine with it. Hours into the party, however, her dad texted saying he wouldn’t be able to make it to the party at all because he didn’t want to leave the church event early.
The OP made it a point to note that her dad wasn’t even a devout churchgoer. In fact, he’d made it clear he doesn’t enjoy attending, but goes along to keep his super religious girlfriend happy.
Her dad called the next day, but it wasn’t to apologize. Instead, he blamed the situation on the event running longer than expected, claiming it was out of his control. But for the OP, it wasn’t necessarily about his physical absence— it was about the choices that led to it.
Her dad skipped his grandson’s once-in-a-lifetime milestone for an event he had no personal investment in, and her frustration stemmed from his refusal to take accountability.
While her sister dismissed the incident as overdramatic, the question remains: Is she right to feel upset?
Image credits: Alex Green / Pexels (not the actual photo)
According to Paired, while it’s common to prioritize a romantic partner in the early stages of a relationship, research suggests that neglecting other areas of life, such as family and personal development, can have negative consequences.
Solely focusing on a relationship might feel romantic, but it’s very important to strike a balance. Prioritizing both your relationship and other important aspects of life leads to greater satisfaction and prevents resentment.
This need for balance applies to handling conflicts in relationships. You’ve probably heard the quote from that famous 70s movie that says “love means never having to say you’re sorry,” but Very Well Mind doesn’t necessarily agree with that philosophy. In fact, they state that not being able to apologize in any type of relationship is a sure way to risk losing it.
According to them, refusing to apologize could be due to various reasons, including fears of inadequacy or guilt. Some people see an apology as admitting a flaw rather than acknowledging a mistake, while others believe it excuses the other party of their own contribution to the problem.
Martha Beck, a sociologist and life coach, affirmed on her website that holding back an apology can harm relationships. Avoiding an apology often involves justifying behavior or shifting blame, but it’s crucial to apologize when you’ve hurt someone, judged a person unfairly, or failed to keep a promise.
Many people wait for the “perfect moment” to apologize, but the right time is when you realize you’ve wronged someone. Once a person doesn’t recognize their mistake, getting them to say sorry is futile.
However, as stated on the website, “The impulse to go into such a stall is a big ol’ signal. When you really don’t want to say you’re sorry, it’s almost certainly time to do so”.
Netizens criticized the OP’s dad, emphasizing that he had full control over his decisions and prioritized his girlfriend’s church event over his grandson’s first birthday. Some also expressed frustration at the father’s lack of accountability.
Do you think the OP is being too harsh, or is her frustration understandable? Please, let us know your thoughts!
Netizens criticized the father’s dismissive attitude and refusal to acknowledge his role in the situation
What do you think ?
sweet emotion 2 hours ago
A FIRST birthday party....at a "venue".....that lasted for "hours"??? I really only feel sorry for the poor baby who probably would have gotten a lot more enjoyment out of staying home, getting hugs from family, gaping at pretty balloons, digging his fingers in frosting and then taking a nap in his own bed. (45 minutes tops).
The Pretenders 3 hours ago
First birthday parties are like my sister's first wedding; totally forgettable.
Libstak 3 hours ago
This one was at a kids play centre. The kids would be running around playing, the parents taking turns chasing around after kids. He is older, has a girlfriend he is obviously hoping will be his companion in he twilight years and wants to cement that versus being one of only a couple of elderly at a 1 year olds party who will never remember him being there. Do the maths, he doesn't want to be alone, his daughter may invite him to things but is no substitute for a life mate, even if she cares for him in his twilight years and especially if she is too busy raising her own family to do so.
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sweet emotion 2 hours ago
A FIRST birthday party....at a "venue".....that lasted for "hours"??? I really only feel sorry for the poor baby who probably would have gotten a lot more enjoyment out of staying home, getting hugs from family, gaping at pretty balloons, digging his fingers in frosting and then taking a nap in his own bed. (45 minutes tops).
The Pretenders 3 hours ago
First birthday parties are like my sister's first wedding; totally forgettable.
Libstak 3 hours ago
This one was at a kids play centre. The kids would be running around playing, the parents taking turns chasing around after kids. He is older, has a girlfriend he is obviously hoping will be his companion in he twilight years and wants to cement that versus being one of only a couple of elderly at a 1 year olds party who will never remember him being there. Do the maths, he doesn't want to be alone, his daughter may invite him to things but is no substitute for a life mate, even if she cares for him in his twilight years and especially if she is too busy raising her own family to do so.
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