It’s a tricky business being a working parent. Balancing work and home priorities, juggling multiple tasks, getting the kids to school on time, and taking care of a newborn all while trying to not lose yourself in the process. That’s quite a handful! Thankfully, moms and dads keep their sanity intact by supporting each other, helping out, and dividing responsibilities equally. Well, usually. Because as one post shared on the AITA subreddit proves, that’s not always the case.

A 35-year-old woman has turned to the internet to ask for advice after an infuriating situation, which involved her husband neglecting their children over a video game. As she detailed in the story, her husband started spending more time gaming and forgetting to take care of himself and the household.

As the man told her this won’t be a problem, she trusted him enough to leave everything in his care while she was at work. And regretted it instantly after she came home to find her 6-month-old daughter wearing a full diaper for 9 hours while “he was busy playing.” Scroll down to read how the situation escalated below, and be sure to let us know what you think about it in the comments. Then don’t miss the chat we had about the importance of dividing tasks equally with relationship coach Sam Owen.

After her husband started spending time playing video games, this woman believed him when he said it wouldn’t become a problem

Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)

Until the day she came home to a crying 6-month-old baby and found out her husband “forgot” to take care of her because he was “busy” gaming

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

Image credits: u/57675997

Parenthood may come with countless joys, but it also poses a fair share of challenges. As working parents face additional difficulties balancing their work and home lives, sharing the load fairly is crucial for the well-being of their children, partners, and themselves. However, this is easier said than done. In many families where both partners work full time, mothers are picking up more day-to-day duties in the running of the household

As women are still expected to do the bulk of childcare and domestic work, how important is it for couples to divide duties fairly? And how can they find the right balance? We reached out to an expert.

Sam Owen, a global relationship coach who makes it her mission to help people achieve their well-being goals, explained that both partners need to feel appreciated and know that their partner is there to help for a happy relationship to exist.

“That can mean different things to different individuals and couples,” the renowned author of Happy Relationships: 7 simple rules to create harmony and growth told Bored Panda. “Aim for a balance that feels fair to both of you. Even if technically those tasks may not seem equal to an onlooker, they may feel like the right split for you because of each of your strengths and preferences. Ultimately, you have to come up with relationship rules that work for the two of you regardless of what society thinks.”

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It’s even more complicated for mothers who feel they are disproportionately responsible for looking after the house and the children: they “experience lower relationship satisfaction and more of a strain on their well-being.”

When partners are not pulling their weight or not valuing their other half’s time equally to their own, it usually sparks arguments. “Over time, it can lead to resentment and, ultimately, it can lead to a breakup or divorce (particularly, as one study found, when the wife feels there is an imbalance).”

The relationship coach explained it’s not only about what a partner is doing (or not doing) but also why they are choosing to behave this way. “Such selfish behavior, as is the case in this scenario, shows a complete lack of interest in the child and the family unit which needs to be addressed.”

“It could be that he is purposely breaking the relationship down in the hopes of ending it, or rather, in the hopes that she’ll eventually end it,” Owen added. “This could be an early warning sign of a looming drawn-out breakup/divorce.”

The fact that the husband neglected his children over a video game and then blamed his spouse for not reminding him about what he was supposed to do begs a further discussion.

According to Owen, partners who care would never repeatedly forget to do something that’s important to their loved ones. “Therefore, if your partner has a habit of not doing something, whatever the excuse, and then even worse, they are blaming you for it, their behaviors are telling you they don’t care enough to create a happy, healthy relationship with you.”

“It can be easy to make excuses for your loved ones at first, before you realize what is going on, so don’t beat yourself up about that. But once you do know, deal with the issue or it will worsen the relationship if left unchecked,” the coach advised.

For people who are frequently being told that things are their fault or those who are asked to take the blame for something they didn’t do wrong, coach Owen suggested reaching out to someone. “Because chances are, you are in a toxic relationship, whether you’re dealing with a narcissist or a narcissistic abuser.”
If you ever find yourself in similar situations with your partner, Owen advised you to come up with relationship rules that work for you both. But if they keep failing to honor them, “you need to uncover what is really plaguing your relationship.”

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“Repeat offenders generally don’t have a memory problem, they either have another issue they will address with you if they want to save the relationship, or if they have a commitment problem and want the relationship to end, they may not admit it to you if they are manipulative or abusive. If their answers aren’t forthcoming or just don’t make sense, intuitively work out the truth for yourself based on their repeat behavior rather than their words,” Owen concluded.

The mother later continued the conversation in the comments, clarifying some details about the situation

Readers were appalled by the man’s behavior and criticized him for neglecting his children

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