8 and 10 is old enough to make themselves cereal or toast for breakfast. They may need a bit of help occasionally but you are absolutely disadvantaging those boys from learning life skills.

Cook and clean. Not a few meals a week but a whole household and cooking. Yes, he is the A Hole. Give her some slack ffs. He doesn't want to pay for a housekeeper and a babysitter as well. I bet he's at work when the young boys come home from school so she has to babysit as well. A Hole is too nice but other words I want to use will get me banned. grrrrrrrrrr

This is a repost of a post from a few years ago that blew up. The daughter moved out and in with her aunt. It's an almost word by word repost, down to the edits and comments. The father was stubborn till the end and even complained that she moved out and to her aunt where she only had to help out and not be a live in maid and nanny

I don't know about anyone else but if my son needed to come home, I would not be making demands of him beyond keeping the place tidy etc. I would not be charging rent or be expecting him to cook, clean etc. Sorry but I cannot get this mindset that this dad has towards his daughter.

I had it hard growing up so I’m going to make sure my daughter has it just as hard.

He's clueless! He says "at her age I was going to school full time and was paying full rent without help from my family". Does this guy not understand the difference in the economy in his day and now? Perhaps he needs to take a good hard look, a VERY HARD LOOK, at the situation! I'm sick to death of reading comments from people my age, a little younger and older who are clueless about the costs of housing and how little people are paid today in relation to how they were paid back then. He needs a wake up call on that alone. His daughter is not only a maid for her father, but her two brothers. She's also a cook. Now he's threatening her with a part time status as maid and having a part time job or getting a full time job with her studies. Why is he deliberately setting her up to fail? Why does he have so little respect for her? What an AH!

Our man here really is oblivious to how much time cooking and cleaning takes up. I'm a guy who lives alone, and at takes a considerable amount of time just to do theaw thibgs for myself, but whenever I visit my girlfriend or she comes over, chores from cleaning, washing laundry, cooking, just increases immediately. And that's two adults, not two adults and two children. Op's TA.

"AITA? Wait, you all say yes? Well, you're still wrong and I'm going to stick to my guns." wtaf.

I was wavering for most of it. But man does this guy really not get it, especially that last line. When he was able to afford to work and rent on his own at her age, the price of literally everything was no where near as unlivable as it is now. I don't mind the deal he had in theory. It's reasonable to do. But his boys are easily capable of feeding themselves and need to start helping around the house. Even without your daughter around, they need to do that. And any chore deal needs to flexible. Cooking shouldn't even be on the list as it has expectations she be home at a specific day/time. Some nights she may have classes or need to study. These chores need to be doable when she has time to do them.

“When I was her age … “ Yeah, yeah, yeah, sounds like the old “I had to walk 5 miles to school in the snow in my bare feet” routine. Just because the dad had it hard doesn’t give him a license to make it hard for his daughter. And the two boys are old enough to start learning the basics of cooking — that’s the age girls start. This guy sounds like a real mysoginist.

He should not be at all surprised when she decides to move out and go NC with him.

So it's ok for Dad to work and come home and spend it free time how he likes but his daughter isn't allowed to cook 1 or 2 days less and has to clean on top of that to improve grades for schooling HES paying for?? I don't think the the A in YTA is strong enough for this one.

I ended up quitting a similar situation. Turns out when someone else is doing the cleaning, somme people stop picking up after themselves *at all*, and way up their standards. Suddenly you are constantly cleaning, cooking, ironing. I quit, got a different job that was way less work and defined off hours, and they hired a cleaning service twice a month for way more money and the house is usually a mess. Some family take advantage and think it's fair.

Just because they made a deal doesn't mean there shouldn't be room for some negotiation as needed.

I know I have seen some 10 year-olds cooking on master Chef Junior and those type of shows, and they cook far better than me.

"You should see how others have it & you'll realize you're lucky" Is manipulative af

She's 20 yrs old by the time I was 20 I had 3 kids done classes and kept the house clean and kids fed and part time job what your asking of ur daughter is completely reasonable and do-able ..but just to ensure she has time for studies pop tarts or cereal for breakfast sandwiches or hotdogs for lunch the other kids can pitch in and clean up after themselves mine did by the time they were able to walk we had clean up games. If u don't teach them to clean up now they're going to be entitled slobs as adult

To the father of the daughter who requires her to work in the home in order to live there and go to college - definitely NTA! Ever heard of room & board? I guess NO ONE who reads this column has. After all, it IS the "entitled" generation plus. Pay for My college, My rent, My food and this after 18 years of paying for everything as a good parent should. But actually the better question is why is she not working and paying for her own college? Many, many kids have done and do all the time. All the people saying otherwise are part of this nation's very severe problem with today's young people.

10 and 8 are old enough to do dishes at least n make cereal for breakfast. Im in college (grad school) and some days YES the work gets to be very demanding. Ex. One class wanted you to check in for online discussions 2 days a week (one to post another to reply) and thats IF your class post timely for you to reply (many times they didn't until last day) so thatd be checking in 7 days to make sure you can do it. Its stressful af. So yea cut her slack. Hell even my 9-5 job tespects my workload enough to let me have 2-3 days off a week to do schoolwork

I'm a full time college student and my studying and schooling takes sometimes 11 hours a day. Exactly where does that leave time for a job? I clean some but I couldn't imagine a father willingly doing that to his daughter.

Honestly I think a lot of you haven't asked enough questions and are fast to vilify this father. For one thing, how many credits is she taking? 3? 16? That will make a huge difference. Also, if she wasn't living with her father (who I also gather is paying for her tuition) where would she be and at what stress level in relation to school/life? Do I think she should earn her way instead of having it handed to her? I don't know, but I'd be willing to bet she'd make more of her opportunities if they weren't just offered up. Finally, she's 20, not a child, at 18 (17 with a little paperwork) we put guns into hands and ask kids to fight wars so maybe this isn't as big a deal as folks are making it. People parent in their style and what works in one home isn't right for every home.

ABSOLUTELY NTA that's a sweet deal and realistically, needs to manage her time better. It's called a croc pot, use one. Everyone saying he's taking advantage of her and to listen to her??!!!... ummmm no. She's under his roof and still being supported by her dad, and needs to step up, if she's too tired to clean, then enlist her siblings to help. Failing that, get a job and pay rent, and at th same time, putting mre strain and pressure on her dad, all while slaving away at a job for a possible pittance and hvng to part wth that pay - so really, working n gtng nt as much as a result of it. Kids these days need to get a wake up call

NTA but you do need to make a concession. If your boys are 8 and 10 they certainly can get breakfast themselves, they should also be making their own lunches - that stops complaints about food. They can do dishes, take it in turns and they should be tidying their own rooms. No reason why they can't take it in turns to help prepare tea. My granddaughter was learning to cook at about 8yrs and doing her own laundry at 10. My son and daughter both used to cook. Son is a chef now and furthermore he NEVER STARVED while flatting . You're doing your boys a disservice if you don't insist they help their sister. They could have 2 nights a week where they cook tea. Even if it's homemade pizza and Mac n cheese.

Stick to your guns Dad. Your daughter has to learn sometime about responsibility. Most o the cleaning can be done on weekends and cooking doesn't take that much time.

I was expected to leave home once I finished college. I have lived on my own until my later 40s when I got married. I earned less as a college grad living on his own than I did when I was living at home in high school. This was the 70s when women started competing against men in the job market. These same women still expected men to be the provider if they want marriage and a family. We now approaching 2030 when half of the women will remain childless and single.

Uhhh, no. NTA. You are correct in stating that if you weren't helping her she would be working f/t, going to school, finding time to study, and doing all the cooking and cleaning in her own place. She agreed. And while it isn't unreasonable for one adult to approach another adult to request a discussion on modifying the terms of the original agreement,you are completely within your rights to decline her offer. Sorry people. This is adulthood. It does not matter if the OP was a natural parent or a step-parent. This is life. I also agree with Carol. The younger children aren't so young they can't pitch in. Otherwise, you’ll be having this same covo again in 10 yrs.

When did a parent teaching their child self-reliance become a bad thing? And why should she live for free who lives for free anymore. She lives in the house with the family she should be contributing to that family. And to expect otherwise is ridiculous. I'm pretty sure that if she has an important exam the next day that she might be excused from cooking but if not so what. Not sure why people think their children should have a free ride but that's not teaching them a thing. And for her to complain about having a free ride at home like free room and board is very ungrateful. She could always move out if she doesn't want to do the things that contribute to the family. She has the right to move anytime she wants.