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It’s only after you become a parent that you realize raising your child has a lot more hidden challenges than you could have foreseen. And we’re not just talking about how tough it can be to help them out with their homework and what to pitch to Santa for this year’s Christmas gifts. Good parents take the time to look after their kids’ mental health, not just their physical well-being.

A roof over their head and food on their table is absolutely essential, but how you communicate and how you treat them is absolutely vital for their welfare. There are various fears and anxieties to tackle… though the sad reality is that traumatic experiences can’t always be avoided. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.

Trauma counselor Courtney, who has 18 years of experience in her field, filmed a series of emotionally impactful videos on TikTok that we weren’t prepared to see. She shared the things that her child and teenage clients told her about their parents, by writing them on sticky notes. It just goes to show how insightful and smart kids really are, and how vital it is to actively listen to them. Scroll down to see what she revealed in her three incredibly powerful TikToks, and to see how the internet reacted.

More info: TikTok | YouTube | Podcast

Trauma counselor Courtney revealed some of the most heartbreaking things her kid and teen clients told her during therapy

Image credits: ask.courtney

You can watch the first part of her video series right over here

@ask.courtney They gave permission to share #teens #teenthoughts #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenting101 #familiesoftiktok #therapy #familymatters ♬ Einaudi: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi & Daniel Hope & I Virtuosi Italiani

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Harley Lee
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen. Killing and threatening to kill my pets, loved ones, my animal friends does not motivate me to follow ur rules.

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The counselor notes that her clients all gave her permission to anonymously share what they had told her during their sessions with her.

Combined, the three videos got over half a million likes since being posted. The things the clients told Courtney are absolutely heartbreaking, and they had some TikTok users in tears.

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Winter
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

for the past year I have been stuggling to make my parents understand this as well.

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over it already
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof... sounds like how I felt with my mom growing up. I try hard now not to be that parent, but should and will actively check in with each of my kids after school today.

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Counselor Courtney told Scary Mommy that there is no such thing “as a perfect parent.” 

“We've all been on our phones too much because we've needed to zone out after a long day or were stuck so deep in our own minds that we didn't give our children the attention they needed, or simply bailed out of a tea party because we were too overstimulated. It's okay—learning to take responsibility, showing accountability, and repairing are the ultimate goals,” the expert said.

#7

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But when the kid gets a phone, the parents will freak out about it whenever he/she/they/ are on it.

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MellonCollie
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

6 years old and they don't say goodnight anymore ... I don't know why this one in particular stuck out to me, but I find it very telling about how much the parents care. Poor kid :-(

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The trauma counselor mentioned that while it’s perfectly normal to want to know what happened during therapy sessions, “it's equally as important that the relationship between child and counselor remain safe and that means that parents won't always be privy to what is said.”

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Good communication is about trust and respecting boundaries. Some of the ways that parents can talk to their kids about their sessions, however, include asking them about their favorite part of therapy that day. If they see that their kids are tense and don’t want to open up, parents ought to point out that they’re not upset about this.

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teens should get some independence, it should not be either a whooping whenever the kid has an opinion or helicopter parents.

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barn owls ️
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i want to hug this kid and tell them it isn’t their fault. i was raised like this and it’s very detrimental to the rest of your life

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“You can say, ‘I get it, you feel safe talking to [Counselor Name]. I like that, and I am happy that you have them to talk to. I want you to know that I, too, am working hard and when you are ready, I'd love to be a safe place for you where I can listen’—the best thing to do is respect that emotional boundary that's popping up for them,” she told Scary Mommy.

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She added that a way for parents to start an honest conversation with their kids is to ask for their permission. Here’s an example of what a parent might say: “I realize that we need to communicate more and I think that starts with me becoming a better listener. Like you, I am still growing and learning new things each day. Thank you for being patient with me. I know sometimes I haven't listened to you. I know how frustrating that is. So, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you ok with that?”

Some other things that parents can ask include: “If there was one thing at home that you could change, what would that be?" and "What is one thing in your life that you'd like to have more control over?”

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 “The more we know about ourselves, our childhood, and what we need now as adults the better we can heal and the more emotionally present we can be for our children. As parents, we mustn't strive for perfection but for growth. Be gentle with yourself as you grow and keep showing up…it truly takes a village,” Courtney said.

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Alexia
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of my own cryings to sleep during childhood. I used to hide under the blanket and cover my ears, trying (in vain) not to hear the screams and slammed doors.

Eden Bxl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Same here. I wish I could give this kid a hug right now. Heartbreaking

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Misty-Dawn Amayi
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Me too, kid, and it's a two-edged sword. On one hand, this made me so embittered, and certain that my feelings and needs were irrelevant to others. On the other hand, surrendering the possibility of fate or others to be my salvation motivated me to find solutions and self-help and to not procrastinate. Still needed therapy to tweak this to a more positive slant now that I own my own wellbeing, but did get that therapy. So glad I did.

Weirdest Bi You’ll Ever Meet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I got therapy around 2 years ago for suicidal depression, anxiety, and PTSD from car accidents and my mom and sister fighting. When I got therapy I realized there was way more than I thought. Eventually, I was diagnosed with autism because I can’t tell emotions apart and I’m awful at telling certain social behaviors. It even goes to hating socks and other types of clothes. I loved my therapist, but I eventually started not liking therapy and eventually go into tears after the appointment. I still have some stuff to go through but sadly my time with my therapist had to end with money problems. I’m glad to that I got therapy too, and I don’t deal with suicide in my head and I’ve learned to control my anxiety + no more PTSD for car accident but sometime I do freak out when someone starts going into a small amount of arguments or even picking on each other. I have to tweak myself but I’m glad that some of these kid got therapy but sadly so early. There was a 4-year-old taking therapy.

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Beachbum
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh boy... this hits hard. My husband and I at the time, I felt bad for my kids having to walk around on egg shells all the time. I was miserable, the kids were miserable, life is too short not to be happy. So I did it, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Pluto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My sis tries to be there, but more often then not she makes me hate her even more

Got Myself 4 Pandas
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why I divorced my first husband. I wouldn't put my kids through living with a miserable mum always on edge and fighting with their dad - best thing I've ever done. Now, I couldn't tell you last time I argued with my husband, it's been years since an all out argument - we barely even bicker and if we do it's in jest usually. I don't want to be always fighting, and the kids deserve a happy home

Darby
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is so sad yet poetic which is probably another reason it’s sad

London Newsome
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

yo ok look i cry every night i hold my breath not trying to be loud

bro idk
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

7years old???? i need to have a word with these parents a 7 year old if all ppl shouldn’t be feeling this way!!

Lemon
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my parent fought and fought until me and them broke and my brother was just born now i live in cali with my mom and brother and my dad lives in texas

Someone Orother
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

7 years old! A 7 year old should never ever feel like that. I mean, no one should, but 7? That's so young. They're still a baby 💔

Fairity McCowen
Community Member
2 years ago

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della by the sea
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A SEVEN year old said that their only companion were their tears??? Jeez! First off, that’s one well spoken kid bug second of all, the kiddo is SEVEN!! How are you not playing with them outside, mealtimes together, bathtimes, snuggles on the couch for movie time, homework together, bedtime stories/goodnight kisses etc etc etc. i know people that are more involved with their pets

Danish Susanne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

And if you asked them, they might say, that they are staying together for the sake of the kids.

Riley Quinn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's no escaping the loud voices and slamming objects. The next day, we'd drag ourselves to school, scared and tired.

Alexander Izzo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

jeez. sometimes you can't control this stuff. but sometimes it can control you. try to fight.

RM Ker
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Therapists and teachers are really helpless unless parents want to change their behaviors. So many parents want professionals to "fix" their children for them, but dont want to take actual accountability for the role they play in their childs problems. There is nothing sadder than a "depressed" and lonely child.

Weirdest Bi You’ll Ever Meet
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I cry myself asleep sometimes too little dude/gal. This is sad that it’s starts so early.

Vanessa Ubl
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else seeing a common thing in all of these? Depression/anxiety shouldn't happen to kids this young, or in general! It's heartbreaking.

Audra Sisler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh love 🥺🥺😢😭I so wish I could give you a gigantic hug!!!!

Bad Ass69
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Crying is for wimps and girls! I learned to go camping alone at 7 years old. Living in the woods with wild animals was more peaceful than being at home was! 😁🐍🐺🐻🐢🐰🏕🦊🦅🦇🦎🦃 Dr. Do little didn't have nothing on me!

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A while back, single mom Ariane Sherine told Bored Panda that the difficult years of parenting are just phases, and that there will be plenty of shifts and changes along the way. She highlighted the fact that, just as parents need to take care of their children, they also need to take care of themselves.

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“See if you can get some help each week, whether that's grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn't be able to do while looking after your child,” she noted that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can try talking to a friend or consider reaching out to a counselor.

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I will get downvoted, but is is a fun relaxing game. No need to prioritize it over a kid though.

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a fruity dream of delusion
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is how it was with my sisters for a lot of my life… it just led them to disliking me and ignoring me even more for a very long time

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Previously, psychologist Lee Chambers shared his thoughts with Bored Panda about traumatic experiences and resilience.

"As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," the expert told us.

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Tracy Butler
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, they definitely shouldn’t. I have so much respect for my father bc he’s never talked s**t on my alcoholic mother, ever. I called her an idiot once and he said, ‘well I won’t fight with you on that one’…that’s the worst 😝❤️

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Mokayokok
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is most parents. We don't want to unload our issue(s) onto you, it wouldn't be fair, and we love you too much to do that to you. It is not because we're trying to deceive you, we are actually trying to protect your well being.

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Artistic Panda (he him)
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2 years ago

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"It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead,” the psychologist said.

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Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom lies a lot to. "I miss you!" She says over the phone. Just seen me for the first time in 4 years l:(

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harpling
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a very fine line between punishment and abuse. People who don't know where that line is should not be in charge of children.

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"Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda.

He revealed that he himself had to learn to walk again. Here’s what he said helped him during that difficult time: “Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."

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Here's how some internet users reacted to the extremely emotional videos