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It’s only after you become a parent that you realize raising your child has a lot more hidden challenges than you could have foreseen. And we’re not just talking about how tough it can be to help them out with their homework and what to pitch to Santa for this year’s Christmas gifts. Good parents take the time to look after their kids’ mental health, not just their physical well-being.

A roof over their head and food on their table is absolutely essential, but how you communicate and how you treat them is absolutely vital for their welfare. There are various fears and anxieties to tackle… though the sad reality is that traumatic experiences can’t always be avoided. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.

Trauma counselor Courtney, who has 18 years of experience in her field, filmed a series of emotionally impactful videos on TikTok that we weren’t prepared to see. She shared the things that her child and teenage clients told her about their parents, by writing them on sticky notes. It just goes to show how insightful and smart kids really are, and how vital it is to actively listen to them. Scroll down to see what she revealed in her three incredibly powerful TikToks, and to see how the internet reacted.

More info: TikTok | YouTube | Podcast

Trauma counselor Courtney revealed some of the most heartbreaking things her kid and teen clients told her during therapy

Image credits: ask.courtney

You can watch the first part of her video series right over here

@ask.courtney They gave permission to share #teens #teenthoughts #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenting101 #familiesoftiktok #therapy #familymatters ♬ Einaudi: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi & Daniel Hope & I Virtuosi Italiani

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Harley Lee
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen. Killing and threatening to kill my pets, loved ones, my animal friends does not motivate me to follow ur rules.

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The counselor notes that her clients all gave her permission to anonymously share what they had told her during their sessions with her.

Combined, the three videos got over half a million likes since being posted. The things the clients told Courtney are absolutely heartbreaking, and they had some TikTok users in tears.

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Winter
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

for the past year I have been stuggling to make my parents understand this as well.

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over it already
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof... sounds like how I felt with my mom growing up. I try hard now not to be that parent, but should and will actively check in with each of my kids after school today.

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Counselor Courtney told Scary Mommy that there is no such thing “as a perfect parent.” 

“We've all been on our phones too much because we've needed to zone out after a long day or were stuck so deep in our own minds that we didn't give our children the attention they needed, or simply bailed out of a tea party because we were too overstimulated. It's okay—learning to take responsibility, showing accountability, and repairing are the ultimate goals,” the expert said.

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But when the kid gets a phone, the parents will freak out about it whenever he/she/they/ are on it.

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MellonCollie
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

6 years old and they don't say goodnight anymore ... I don't know why this one in particular stuck out to me, but I find it very telling about how much the parents care. Poor kid :-(

Hatred Pony
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Agreed! My oldest is 11 and I don't see an end to goodnight hugs and kisses.

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LittlePiggie
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a 6 year old. This made me cry. I can't imagine not snuggling as we read bedtime stories, tickling him and telling him I love him until he says it back. It's such a joyous and quiet time to connect after the crazy of the day. This breaks my heart. :(

Lauren S
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is the same for me. I have a 6 yo too. Our bedtime routine is not short, bath, books, snuggles, kisses, hugs, and the best chats of the day. This is so sad to me. How can someone not do this with their 6 yo?? My son is getting extra snuggles tonight.

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Butterfinger
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people just dont deserve to have kids. No 6-year-old should comprehend the concept of ¨Running away¨ and the fact that they do and know that their parents won't care is even more heartbreaking.

Lisa Reuss
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My heart is literally breaking. Who stops saying goodnight to a SIX YEAR OLD?? My son is 15, and he still comes & says goodnight to me & gives me a hug. Then, when I go up to bed, I go into his room to check on him & give him a kiss, even though he’s sleeping. What is wrong with some people???

Nunya Business
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How can you not say goodnight to your little six year old?? I couldn't sleep.

Gina Babe
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My teenagers tell me they love me every night before bed. I can't imagine at 6!

Shauna Voigt
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I still say goodnight to my 16yr old and 19yr old (when she comes home from college) and if I hear them moving around in the middle of the night I still get up to check on them and see if they need anything or try to feed them.

Elaine Roberts
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is shocking. I was still tucking my boys in when they were in their early teens.

Natassja Moore
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My boys are 15 and I still hug them goodnight every single night and exchange I love you's. Poor baby...

James016
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I put my son to bed. However my wife always says good night and gives him a kiss and cuddle before I take him upstairs.

Agamemnon Padar
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son is 26 years old and sometimes I call him on Sunday evenings to wish him a great start into the week. And even at evenings I call him and or send a WhatsApp to say I hope that he has a good night.. Why not. I love him and be surprised... he likes it. He likes when I tell him that he has done something great. And I love when he says that I did. Got a cool new job with 56 and he told me that he is proud about me making that. Loved it. How cruel, cold, egoistic and loveless you can be as a parent not to say goodnight to your child is far beyond my comprehension.

James Suttle
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

What parent doesn't do that? I have a 14 year old and I still say goodnight - I'll probably still do it until she moves out. Even then...

Kat Min
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Scrolling down and then seeing 6 years old is just heartbreaking.

Rosesinmyhair
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry Xxx Just because they don't doesn't mean you should stop..as long as you feel safe and have trust. Be You <3

Madeleine Flowers
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents would say goodnight to me almost every night until I was 10, and then I went to their rooms to say goodnight. That's just cruel.

Vanessa MacKenzie
Community Member
2 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

my kids, teen and adults, have no idea that I check on them regularly after they have gone to sleep, every night.

Kristina Kovacic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Seeing these makes me want to grab them all up and foster them. Very sad

Ari
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Because of my cancer diagnosis I live with my 21yo daughter and 20yo son and if I can't get out of bed they come and hug me me. Of course if I can I go to their rooms ❤️ this absolutely shattered me 😭 6yo should still believe in magic

naylene hess
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I mean 6yrs okd is pretty young for this but. I do know most parents dont say goodnight after a certain point dur to different sleeping schedules

Lene
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Poor kid! As a mother of 3 kids I really feel sad for the kids who stated the things in this post. I want to just hug them all and read them bedtime stories, tell them how amazing they are, and all that... all the things I do with my kids all the time.

Lauren Andrews
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I’ve heard it said that you know you’ve grown up when you say good night to your parents when *they* go to bed. Even then there’s still an exchange of love. Imagine a six year old not being tucked into bed 😭

Jackie Nettleton
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My parents (I live with them as they are my caregivers) still say good night and I’m in my 30’s so not doing that small bit of love for a 6 year old is terrible

Linda Patterson
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That’s so sad. I never go to bed without a good night and an I love you. Even with my oldest being in college I always get up when he gets home to say good night.

Amanda Garren
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh poor baby! To feel like that....how terrible. Makes me want to give him a big hug and take him home w me.

Alexandra Sanders
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i ran away twice but my too-strict overprotective gramma got me the second time, the popo decided to take me home after i begged them not to the first time :´)

MR
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Our parents NEVER said goodnight, tucked us in, hugged us, kissed us. A few times I was told, "I love you." Yep.

Bored Trash Panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This makes me so sad. I hate when my son (9) isn't home and we can't do our bedtime routine. Its the same every night. Kiss on the forehead with a hug, and we both say "I love you, goodnight, sweet dreams, and don't let the bed bugs bite". I'm not looking forward to when he is older and doesn't want to do this anymore, cause I always will.

shado
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

never had kids ... but, reading that just cripples me

SomePeopleCallMeMaurice
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was little, I used to hide in a closet for hours to see if anyone noticed. When I grew up, I found out my mom did the same thing when she was a kid.

sovy marcia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

6 years is equivalent to =72 months witch equals = 2190 days old. so young, and when u are hurt that young, it cuts deep, and is hard to heal.

Diane Herman
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Broken hearted.... If my kids still lived at home I'd say goodnight forever.

Diana Pahule
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I ran away during a tv program when I was 6 or 7. I didn't get far though. They never knew I was gone.

Noname
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mother packed up my clothes in a suitcase and threatened to bring me to an orphanage when I was 6 years old because I didn't clean my room. This was 1975.. I'm the youngest of 6 kids. I was the stupid kid.

Androgyny Lunacy
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Uh CPS? Why don't they say goodnight to a SIX year old.?? Did they both get night jobs? I'm concerned.

Patricia Stilwell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a retired speech-language therapist and I've worked with kids from K through 12. I often used to wonder why so many people had children as they didn't seem to be honestly interested in them as people.

Miah Lee
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My son is 15, he lives with his mom, but Every day, I text “I love you”, at the least. It’s so important to let them know.

Got Myself 4 Pandas
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Either myself or my husband still sits with our youngest two (8&5) until they're asleep - story time them we'll just chill in the chair in their room until they're asleep - it's high up on my list of favourite things to do

Sue User
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So my neighbor had a routine where the kid would jump into his arms to day goodnight. It was a sad day when the child got too big and had to settle for hugs.

Edweirdo Contagious
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

At 6!?! And you’re shutting the kids off?? Man, some folk shouldn’t have had kids if they’re doing this!

Joanne Hudson
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't know when it started, but I had to go to them for a peck on their cheek before I went to bed. Couldn't even get off chair to "tuck me in". I reached a point where I didn't go to them any more. Mom asked and I'd say I forgot. That was it. I never felt loved or wanted. I am very old now, never had kids.

Giles Ensor
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When my daughter complained when I hugged and kissed her, I used to tell her that if ever something went wrong in her life, it definitely wouldn't be because she thought she wasn't loved. My father never hugged or kissed his kids. I don't blame him for how my life turned out (that's all down to me), but growing up, it sure would have been nice to know he loved me. My daughter is 18 years old now and I still hug and kiss her, but she doesn't complain anymore. Just goes to show, kids need to know they're loved, no matter what age they are.

no_name
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Huh... I don't remember at all them wishing me or my sister a goodnight. Is that what parents do?

Mauricio A.Rivera
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Is this true, come on! We all know as a kid things and issue are magnified, and these days it's all about getting a hit, a following, attention! I AM OUTTA HERE ,I can't relate to allot of these posts. I come from an unconventional family where both my parents worked hard to get food ,clothes and a decent education and did their best to show me love, respect and some hard lessons.

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The trauma counselor mentioned that while it’s perfectly normal to want to know what happened during therapy sessions, “it's equally as important that the relationship between child and counselor remain safe and that means that parents won't always be privy to what is said.”

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Good communication is about trust and respecting boundaries. Some of the ways that parents can talk to their kids about their sessions, however, include asking them about their favorite part of therapy that day. If they see that their kids are tense and don’t want to open up, parents ought to point out that they’re not upset about this.

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teens should get some independence, it should not be either a whooping whenever the kid has an opinion or helicopter parents.

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barn owls ️
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i want to hug this kid and tell them it isn’t their fault. i was raised like this and it’s very detrimental to the rest of your life

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“You can say, ‘I get it, you feel safe talking to [Counselor Name]. I like that, and I am happy that you have them to talk to. I want you to know that I, too, am working hard and when you are ready, I'd love to be a safe place for you where I can listen’—the best thing to do is respect that emotional boundary that's popping up for them,” she told Scary Mommy.

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She added that a way for parents to start an honest conversation with their kids is to ask for their permission. Here’s an example of what a parent might say: “I realize that we need to communicate more and I think that starts with me becoming a better listener. Like you, I am still growing and learning new things each day. Thank you for being patient with me. I know sometimes I haven't listened to you. I know how frustrating that is. So, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you ok with that?”

Some other things that parents can ask include: “If there was one thing at home that you could change, what would that be?" and "What is one thing in your life that you'd like to have more control over?”

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 “The more we know about ourselves, our childhood, and what we need now as adults the better we can heal and the more emotionally present we can be for our children. As parents, we mustn't strive for perfection but for growth. Be gentle with yourself as you grow and keep showing up…it truly takes a village,” Courtney said.

See Also on Bored Panda

A while back, single mom Ariane Sherine told Bored Panda that the difficult years of parenting are just phases, and that there will be plenty of shifts and changes along the way. She highlighted the fact that, just as parents need to take care of their children, they also need to take care of themselves.

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“See if you can get some help each week, whether that's grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn't be able to do while looking after your child,” she noted that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can try talking to a friend or consider reaching out to a counselor.

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I will get downvoted, but is is a fun relaxing game. No need to prioritize it over a kid though.

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a fruity dream of delusion
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is how it was with my sisters for a lot of my life… it just led them to disliking me and ignoring me even more for a very long time

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Previously, psychologist Lee Chambers shared his thoughts with Bored Panda about traumatic experiences and resilience.

"As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," the expert told us.

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Tracy Butler
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, they definitely shouldn’t. I have so much respect for my father bc he’s never talked s**t on my alcoholic mother, ever. I called her an idiot once and he said, ‘well I won’t fight with you on that one’…that’s the worst 😝❤️

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Mokayokok
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is most parents. We don't want to unload our issue(s) onto you, it wouldn't be fair, and we love you too much to do that to you. It is not because we're trying to deceive you, we are actually trying to protect your well being.

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Artistic Panda (he him)
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2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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"It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead,” the psychologist said.

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Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom lies a lot to. "I miss you!" She says over the phone. Just seen me for the first time in 4 years l:(

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harpling
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a very fine line between punishment and abuse. People who don't know where that line is should not be in charge of children.

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"Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda.

He revealed that he himself had to learn to walk again. Here’s what he said helped him during that difficult time: “Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."

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Here's how some internet users reacted to the extremely emotional videos