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It’s only after you become a parent that you realize raising your child has a lot more hidden challenges than you could have foreseen. And we’re not just talking about how tough it can be to help them out with their homework and what to pitch to Santa for this year’s Christmas gifts. Good parents take the time to look after their kids’ mental health, not just their physical well-being.

A roof over their head and food on their table is absolutely essential, but how you communicate and how you treat them is absolutely vital for their welfare. There are various fears and anxieties to tackle… though the sad reality is that traumatic experiences can’t always be avoided. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.

Trauma counselor Courtney, who has 18 years of experience in her field, filmed a series of emotionally impactful videos on TikTok that we weren’t prepared to see. She shared the things that her child and teenage clients told her about their parents, by writing them on sticky notes. It just goes to show how insightful and smart kids really are, and how vital it is to actively listen to them. Scroll down to see what she revealed in her three incredibly powerful TikToks, and to see how the internet reacted.

More info: TikTok | YouTube | Podcast

Trauma counselor Courtney revealed some of the most heartbreaking things her kid and teen clients told her during therapy

Image credits: ask.courtney

You can watch the first part of her video series right over here

@ask.courtney They gave permission to share #teens #teenthoughts #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenting101 #familiesoftiktok #therapy #familymatters ♬ Einaudi: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi & Daniel Hope & I Virtuosi Italiani

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    #3

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    Harley Lee
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Amen. Killing and threatening to kill my pets, loved ones, my animal friends does not motivate me to follow ur rules.

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    The counselor notes that her clients all gave her permission to anonymously share what they had told her during their sessions with her.

    Combined, the three videos got over half a million likes since being posted. The things the clients told Courtney are absolutely heartbreaking, and they had some TikTok users in tears.

    #4

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    Winter
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    for the past year I have been stuggling to make my parents understand this as well.

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    #6

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    over it already
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Oof... sounds like how I felt with my mom growing up. I try hard now not to be that parent, but should and will actively check in with each of my kids after school today.

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    Counselor Courtney told Scary Mommy that there is no such thing “as a perfect parent.” 

    “We've all been on our phones too much because we've needed to zone out after a long day or were stuck so deep in our own minds that we didn't give our children the attention they needed, or simply bailed out of a tea party because we were too overstimulated. It's okay—learning to take responsibility, showing accountability, and repairing are the ultimate goals,” the expert said.

    #7

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    ForThePeople
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    But when the kid gets a phone, the parents will freak out about it whenever he/she/they/ are on it.

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    MellonCollie
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    6 years old and they don't say goodnight anymore ... I don't know why this one in particular stuck out to me, but I find it very telling about how much the parents care. Poor kid :-(

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    The trauma counselor mentioned that while it’s perfectly normal to want to know what happened during therapy sessions, “it's equally as important that the relationship between child and counselor remain safe and that means that parents won't always be privy to what is said.”

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    Good communication is about trust and respecting boundaries. Some of the ways that parents can talk to their kids about their sessions, however, include asking them about their favorite part of therapy that day. If they see that their kids are tense and don’t want to open up, parents ought to point out that they’re not upset about this.

    #10

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    ForThePeople
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Teens should get some independence, it should not be either a whooping whenever the kid has an opinion or helicopter parents.

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    #12

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    barn owls ️
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i want to hug this kid and tell them it isn’t their fault. i was raised like this and it’s very detrimental to the rest of your life

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    “You can say, ‘I get it, you feel safe talking to [Counselor Name]. I like that, and I am happy that you have them to talk to. I want you to know that I, too, am working hard and when you are ready, I'd love to be a safe place for you where I can listen’—the best thing to do is respect that emotional boundary that's popping up for them,” she told Scary Mommy.

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    She added that a way for parents to start an honest conversation with their kids is to ask for their permission. Here’s an example of what a parent might say: “I realize that we need to communicate more and I think that starts with me becoming a better listener. Like you, I am still growing and learning new things each day. Thank you for being patient with me. I know sometimes I haven't listened to you. I know how frustrating that is. So, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you ok with that?”

    #14

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    HELIKOPTER HELIKOPTER
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    For me, (13), days go by. She (my mom) spent my allowance money “oh! I forgot you existed! Let me leave for 6 hours to get drunk!”

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    John Beck
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When I was a teen I would yell sometimes and folks would ask me "Why are you yelling?" and I'd reply "Because when I talk normally I get ignored - at least when I yell I get some response!"

    Amy
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have severe ADHD. My life is a constant "SQUIRREL" struggle. So I sincerely apologize if anyone takes it to heart. I don't mean to. (40 y.o. parent)

    naylene hess
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Bro same im worried about doing that to my future kids but at least i will try to make up for it if i can 😭

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    DancingPanda
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    And then they get mad for you not doing things immediately, or say that you’re being rude and disrespectful for asking multiple times and that they don’t owe it to you, it’s a treat

    laura lee
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is why I shut up and left home as soon as I was eighteen.

    Gemma Cadd
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This one is relatable. I ask my mom if she can do something (sign a paper for school, help me with a project, etc), she says in a minute, and then it will be three hours before I have to remind her about it. Sometimes she even calls my sister to dinner but doesn't even call me

    Lucas
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    You mean you're the one saying 'in a minute' and forgetting? Or you're the one yelling and demanding of the forgetful parent? Frankly, if a parent reads these and ups their game, MARVELLOUS. If a child reads these I hope they at least realise they're not alone and it says something about the parent and NOT THEM.

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    Phoenix Connor
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I get that too. I ask if they want to watch something with me and all I get is "maybe another time, I'm tired". When is that "another time"?

    Rosesinmyhair
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It's ok to express your frustration to your parents. If you feel safe and have trust. Don't leave it till you're out of control with Frustration. Your parent/s will still understand frustration tears and cracking voices ..over Taz the Tasmanian devil 🌪☺️ Only if you feel love and respected though..regardless of what is going down ❤. #its #ok to be #vulnerable with those we #respect and #love

    DoNotGoGentleIntoThatGoodNight
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My earliest memory if this phrase was wanting my mom and she replied with "in a minute" and I recall question "What does that even mean?" A minute never comes with her.

    What's sleep?
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    EXACTLY! I ask my mom for something, she says "in a minute" and I ask her again after an hour. She yells at me for asking her 5 times over the course of 3 hours.

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Unfortunately a by-product of both parents needing to work, hold the fort at home, manage other kids and be “on” 24/7 “thanks” to smart devices and social media. We are not meant to “live” like this.

    Jackie Nettleton
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    It’s terrible when that happens, I remember when I was younger that if I made definite plans with my mum and then she either forgot or there’s not enough time to do it anymore then I was feel forgotten and angry because it felt like she didn’t care enough to remember me and our plans. However if she added something like I will try to do that thing or some other qualifiers then I was ok with that as to me there’s nothing set in stone

    Alexandra Sanders
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    she ignores=me yell=she mad=she yell=me yell=she hit=me scream in agony= we stop=me cry for an hour=she gets over it=me crying when she talks for the next 11 hours= i dont get over it=me complain abt no love=her getting intimidated= never endng cycle of this help me ToT

    Francesca
    Community Member
    2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yes! I always ask my Mum “want to play a game?” She always says maybe later, she never plays. Once I spent 2 hours making a treasure map and hiding things around the house it took her 3 days before she agreed to help me find them but after she said she had to do washing and didn’t come back for a hours and spent the whole time on her phone.

    Pamela Keown
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I expected to see 7 year old when I scrolled down - heartbreaking age 16

    Riley Quinn
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If my parents had spent 25% of the time they used to berate us and used it as quality family time, maybe, just maybe...

    RM Ker
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If you say you will do something, do it. Parents lie and dont follow through on their word, and are role modelling that behavior to their kids. Not only do the kids not trust their parents, they might grow up and do the same to everyone else.

    Rylee Evergreen🦋
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Yuuuuuup this was my parents. Is, I guess. I learned to use the phrase too and then got in trouble for not meaning a minute....after saying in a minute the way they did. Sheesh!

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    Some other things that parents can ask include: “If there was one thing at home that you could change, what would that be?" and "What is one thing in your life that you'd like to have more control over?”

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     “The more we know about ourselves, our childhood, and what we need now as adults the better we can heal and the more emotionally present we can be for our children. As parents, we mustn't strive for perfection but for growth. Be gentle with yourself as you grow and keep showing up…it truly takes a village,” Courtney said.

    See Also on Bored Panda

    A while back, single mom Ariane Sherine told Bored Panda that the difficult years of parenting are just phases, and that there will be plenty of shifts and changes along the way. She highlighted the fact that, just as parents need to take care of their children, they also need to take care of themselves.

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    “See if you can get some help each week, whether that's grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn't be able to do while looking after your child,” she noted that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can try talking to a friend or consider reaching out to a counselor.

    #19

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    ForThePeople
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I know I will get downvoted, but is is a fun relaxing game. No need to prioritize it over a kid though.

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    a fruity dream of delusion
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    this is how it was with my sisters for a lot of my life… it just led them to disliking me and ignoring me even more for a very long time

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    Previously, psychologist Lee Chambers shared his thoughts with Bored Panda about traumatic experiences and resilience.

    "As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," the expert told us.

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    Tracy Butler
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    No, they definitely shouldn’t. I have so much respect for my father bc he’s never talked s**t on my alcoholic mother, ever. I called her an idiot once and he said, ‘well I won’t fight with you on that one’…that’s the worst 😝❤️

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    Mokayokok
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    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This is most parents. We don't want to unload our issue(s) onto you, it wouldn't be fair, and we love you too much to do that to you. It is not because we're trying to deceive you, we are actually trying to protect your well being.

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    Artistic Panda (he him)
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    2 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    "It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead,” the psychologist said.

    #25

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    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My mom lies a lot to. "I miss you!" She says over the phone. Just seen me for the first time in 4 years l:(

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    #27

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    harpling
    Community Member
    2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There is a very fine line between punishment and abuse. People who don't know where that line is should not be in charge of children.

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    "Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda.

    He revealed that he himself had to learn to walk again. Here’s what he said helped him during that difficult time: “Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."

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    Here's how some internet users reacted to the extremely emotional videos