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It’s only after you become a parent that you realize raising your child has a lot more hidden challenges than you could have foreseen. And we’re not just talking about how tough it can be to help them out with their homework and what to pitch to Santa for this year’s Christmas gifts. Good parents take the time to look after their kids’ mental health, not just their physical well-being.

A roof over their head and food on their table is absolutely essential, but how you communicate and how you treat them is absolutely vital for their welfare. There are various fears and anxieties to tackle… though the sad reality is that traumatic experiences can’t always be avoided. Nobody is perfect and all parents make mistakes.

Trauma counselor Courtney, who has 18 years of experience in her field, filmed a series of emotionally impactful videos on TikTok that we weren’t prepared to see. She shared the things that her child and teenage clients told her about their parents, by writing them on sticky notes. It just goes to show how insightful and smart kids really are, and how vital it is to actively listen to them. Scroll down to see what she revealed in her three incredibly powerful TikToks, and to see how the internet reacted.

More info: TikTok | YouTube | Podcast

Trauma counselor Courtney revealed some of the most heartbreaking things her kid and teen clients told her during therapy

Image credits: ask.courtney

You can watch the first part of her video series right over here

@ask.courtney They gave permission to share #teens #teenthoughts #parentsoftiktok #parenting #parenting101 #familiesoftiktok #therapy #familymatters ♬ Einaudi: Experience - Ludovico Einaudi & Daniel Hope & I Virtuosi Italiani

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#3

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Harley Lee
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Amen. Killing and threatening to kill my pets, loved ones, my animal friends does not motivate me to follow ur rules.

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The counselor notes that her clients all gave her permission to anonymously share what they had told her during their sessions with her.

Combined, the three videos got over half a million likes since being posted. The things the clients told Courtney are absolutely heartbreaking, and they had some TikTok users in tears.

#4

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Winter
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

for the past year I have been stuggling to make my parents understand this as well.

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over it already
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oof... sounds like how I felt with my mom growing up. I try hard now not to be that parent, but should and will actively check in with each of my kids after school today.

Pluto
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is sometimes helpful, and can make it feel like you really care but some studies suggest otherwise, try reading “How to talk so kids will listen, how to listen so kids will talk” it is a truly splendid book that really changed my household for the better.

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Brazen
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom did this to me all the time and when trying to explain that it wasn't how I was feeling, I was suddenly in trouble for "talking back". Ugh.

Emily Nevins
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Exactly, my parents always think I'm arguing when I'm just trying to discuss and understand their reasons for things.

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Unknown
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some things never change I guess, no matter how loudly I scream in the middle of an empty room, this point never gets across. I still had the same things happening to me, until I eventually cut the majority of those people out. No matter what I do though, I can't get over needing to support my mom and her feelings and emotions over mine. So thank you for posting this:)

Ella Grace
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this. this needs to be heard more. maybe I should show it to my parents

Kim Bush
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm 55 years old and some of my family members still treat me this way.

Alexandra Sanders
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

when im depressed, she says im just tired... I HAVE DEPRESSION AND SHE KNOWS IT!!!

Mackenzie Alameda
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am a kid so i will confirm my dad does this when i cry he's like "I know you'r faking go to you'r room." so trust me

GPZ
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why do parents find it so hard to just ask these things? If you're answering this question for me, it means that you're not particularly interested in how I actually feel

sovy marcia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"well you think this", "and you feel this," my mom cant make up her mind if she knows how i feel. , because, majority of the time a day later, she hesitates to ask 4 or 5 simple words and doesnt even end up asking in the end. , "how are you doing lately?", "was school decent today?" the car rides home from school are as scilent as they can get endless there's somthing my mom has somthing to complain about

Riley Quinn
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Looking back, I realize that I was merely a puppet under my mother's control. I was expected to respond based on her needs.

kay321
Community Member
6 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's my mum and I'm mid-30s, she always decides how I feel and why and never accepts that she is to blame when I'm annoyed because she's started yet another argument.

Charlie
Community Member
8 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes!!! There was a pretty important incident when I was a teenager, that ended up defining a lot of my teen and adult relationship with my parents. I was upset with my dad for not following through and protecting me like he had promised. My mom came to tell me that my dad knew how I felt because he had been a teenager before and proceeded to tell me how she assumed I felt… which had nothing to do with what I actually felt.

kansasmagic
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my experience, *everyone* needs to hear this! (Yes, myself included.) I have always hated, and I mean *hated*, being told how I feel or "should" feel or "will" feel. After a while, if enough people ignore what you actually say, you start to think that there's no point in saying anything. Why should I tell you how I feel if a) you act like you can read my mind, and b) you respond with something like "oh, you don't really feel that way" or "you'll feel differently when..."

Shelley Clagg
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I had a professor tell me he knew how I felt. I told him I was tired that was the problem. He never allowed me to explain my health issue. I was in graduate school and possibly older than him.

Noname
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, I ask you, and you can't explain why you feel the way you do, so OK, I'm supporting you.. Meanwhile, I've got your teachers hounding me as to why you're having so many problems at school, with making friends, doing class work. Social services for the protection of children are up our a*s because you won't talk to anyone, and you hate the sspe for visiting us every week, being in your school, but you won't say what's bothering you so it must be the fault of us, your parents. You want sspe to go away? Start talking. Tell us all everything that makes you do or don't do so we can help you. Gfc, I want to help you be the best you you can be.

backatya
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Well then give your parents the answers instead of keeping them bottled up

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Counselor Courtney told Scary Mommy that there is no such thing “as a perfect parent.” 

“We've all been on our phones too much because we've needed to zone out after a long day or were stuck so deep in our own minds that we didn't give our children the attention they needed, or simply bailed out of a tea party because we were too overstimulated. It's okay—learning to take responsibility, showing accountability, and repairing are the ultimate goals,” the expert said.

#7

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But when the kid gets a phone, the parents will freak out about it whenever he/she/they/ are on it.

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MellonCollie
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

6 years old and they don't say goodnight anymore ... I don't know why this one in particular stuck out to me, but I find it very telling about how much the parents care. Poor kid :-(

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The trauma counselor mentioned that while it’s perfectly normal to want to know what happened during therapy sessions, “it's equally as important that the relationship between child and counselor remain safe and that means that parents won't always be privy to what is said.”

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Good communication is about trust and respecting boundaries. Some of the ways that parents can talk to their kids about their sessions, however, include asking them about their favorite part of therapy that day. If they see that their kids are tense and don’t want to open up, parents ought to point out that they’re not upset about this.

#10

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Teens should get some independence, it should not be either a whooping whenever the kid has an opinion or helicopter parents.

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barn owls ️
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i want to hug this kid and tell them it isn’t their fault. i was raised like this and it’s very detrimental to the rest of your life

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“You can say, ‘I get it, you feel safe talking to [Counselor Name]. I like that, and I am happy that you have them to talk to. I want you to know that I, too, am working hard and when you are ready, I'd love to be a safe place for you where I can listen’—the best thing to do is respect that emotional boundary that's popping up for them,” she told Scary Mommy.

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She added that a way for parents to start an honest conversation with their kids is to ask for their permission. Here’s an example of what a parent might say: “I realize that we need to communicate more and I think that starts with me becoming a better listener. Like you, I am still growing and learning new things each day. Thank you for being patient with me. I know sometimes I haven't listened to you. I know how frustrating that is. So, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions. Are you ok with that?”

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Some other things that parents can ask include: “If there was one thing at home that you could change, what would that be?" and "What is one thing in your life that you'd like to have more control over?”

 “The more we know about ourselves, our childhood, and what we need now as adults the better we can heal and the more emotionally present we can be for our children. As parents, we mustn't strive for perfection but for growth. Be gentle with yourself as you grow and keep showing up…it truly takes a village,” Courtney said.

A while back, single mom Ariane Sherine told Bored Panda that the difficult years of parenting are just phases, and that there will be plenty of shifts and changes along the way. She highlighted the fact that, just as parents need to take care of their children, they also need to take care of themselves.

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“See if you can get some help each week, whether that's grandparents doing a bit of childcare or paying a childminder. Use the extra time to exercise self-care and pamper yourself, whether that means having a massage or just a soak in the bath—do things you wouldn't be able to do while looking after your child,” she noted that if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you can try talking to a friend or consider reaching out to a counselor.

#19

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ForThePeople
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I will get downvoted, but is is a fun relaxing game. No need to prioritize it over a kid though.

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a fruity dream of delusion
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is how it was with my sisters for a lot of my life… it just led them to disliking me and ignoring me even more for a very long time

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Previously, psychologist Lee Chambers shared his thoughts with Bored Panda about traumatic experiences and resilience.

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"As human beings, we have a desire for certainty and routine that keeps us feeling safe and able to plan what lies ahead in an organized manner. When unpredictable situations or accidents impact us, it can be traumatic, and we will likely feel a sense of disappointment, frustration, and loss," the expert told us.

#22

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Tracy Butler
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

No, they definitely shouldn’t. I have so much respect for my father bc he’s never talked s**t on my alcoholic mother, ever. I called her an idiot once and he said, ‘well I won’t fight with you on that one’…that’s the worst 😝❤️

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Mokayokok
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is most parents. We don't want to unload our issue(s) onto you, it wouldn't be fair, and we love you too much to do that to you. It is not because we're trying to deceive you, we are actually trying to protect your well being.

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Artistic Panda (he him)
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2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

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"It is important however that we embrace the fact that the world can be unpredictable and uncertain, and become more tolerant of this being a reality. Understanding that things are sometimes out of our control helps us to accept that not everything goes to plan, and accept when things happen to us that are negative. This acceptance allows us to embrace the change and difference, and manage our expectations so we can become more resilient to the ups and downs that all our lives lead,” the psychologist said.

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Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom lies a lot to. "I miss you!" She says over the phone. Just seen me for the first time in 4 years l:(

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harpling
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2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There is a very fine line between punishment and abuse. People who don't know where that line is should not be in charge of children.

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"Post-traumatic growth isn't always simple to explain or utilize, but often the adversity we face can create a precedent for what we can overcome, help us to see what we need to be grateful for, and give us an understanding of the support we do have. A big part of opening the door to grow from our struggles is finding acceptance and taking ownership over what you can control and finding healthy ways to express the negative emotion that comes with challenges that test us," psychologist Lee told Bored Panda.

He revealed that he himself had to learn to walk again. Here’s what he said helped him during that difficult time: “Using journaling and talking about how I felt played a significant part in my recovery when I had to learn to walk again, and gave me the space to grow to become mentally stronger as a result. It is also important to reflect on all the hurdles you've overcome, so you can see what skills and lessons you've learned to apply in the future, and adversity often helps us to see what really matters, and gets us closer to knowing our values and purpose."

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Here's how some internet users reacted to the extremely emotional videos