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“AITA For Asking My Husband To Prioritize Our Family Tradition Over His New Friendship?”
Creating traditions with your partner is a wonderful way to bond. The first time you do something, you have no way of knowing that it will become a necessary outing in the future. But if you decide to turn that special little trip to look at Christmas lights and drink mulled wine into an annual event, it becomes even more magical every single year!
That’s why one woman was looking forward to the beloved outing that she and her husband have been going on every year they’ve been together. But when her husband asked if they could postpone the adventure, she reached out to Reddit for advice. Below, you’ll find the full story, including suggestions that readers chimed in with.
This woman looks forward to the annual tradition she has with her husband all year long
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
So when he asked if it could be postponed this year, she was extremely disappointed
Later, the woman shared an update with a bit more information on the situation
Image credits: Miserable-Light-3444
She also responded to readers to provide more details
Creating traditions together is a great way for couples to stay connected
Traditions don’t just form overnight. But once you notice that you’ve created one, it feels like a magical creature that you have to keep alive. We must order pizza every time the power goes out in our building, and we have to create a painting together every year on Christmas! If we don’t keep our own traditions alive, who will?
While traditions should be formed organically, rather than forced, they can be a wonderful tool for growing closer to your partner. Dr. William J. Doherty at Boyle Counseling notes that rituals are important for keeping a strong connection with your partner.
Even small, simple daily rituals like having a cup of coffee together before work or recapping your days to one another in bed before falling asleep can be extremely comforting. The two of you can always look forward to these small moments that say “I love you” without using those exact words.
We can enjoy traditions with our partners year round, but many couples look forward to enjoying these special moments during the holiday season. Kari Rusnak, MA, LPC, CMHC, at Psychology Today shared that enjoying traditions with your partner during this time of year can help alleviate some of the holiday stress.
Making time to be present with your partner and focusing only on enjoying a Christmas film, decorating cookies together, drinking hot chocolate and playing board games or walking around and looking at holiday lights can be extremely relaxing. You don’t have to worry about shopping, decorating or finishing all of your work before New Year’s. You can simply focus on being with the person you love and making new memories.
Even simple, daily rituals can become a way to say “I love you”
Image credits: lookstudio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The two of you can enjoy traditions that you used to partake in with each of your families or create your own! It doesn’t matter; as long as you feel connected, the tradition is serving its purpose. But if you’re wondering how to form these rituals with your partner, The Wed recommends starting simple and focusing on your shared values and interests.
If you both hate arts and crafts, you probably won’t want to go to a pottery class together. And if one of you isn’t into sports, a physical activity might not be ideal. But if you love the same type of music, you might enjoy making playlists for each other every month or so. Or perhaps you can attend a concert every month and turn it into a fun date.
The Wed also notes that you don’t need to worry about something becoming a ritual or tradition immediately. Feel it out, and see how much you enjoyed the experience. If it wasn’t as much fun as you expected, you don’t have to repeat it. But if you find that you’re always craving pizza on Sunday evenings, making pizza with your partner might be the perfect way to welcome in each new week.
And if you do have a special experience, don’t hesitate to snap a few photos or take a video of the occasion. You don’t want to spend the entire time on your phone or behind your camera, of course, but it can be extremely special to have photos to look back on to remind you of the experience.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think it was reasonable for this woman to ask her husband to postpone his trip instead of their annual tradition? Feel free to share, and then if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing traditions, look no further than right here!
Some readers took the woman’s side, noting that it’s understandable why she didn’t want to postpone the special tradition
And others noted that neither party was in the wrong, while suggesting that the wife try to be more flexible
However, some readers thought that the woman was being unreasonable
Finally, the author shared another update after talking everything through with her husband
Image credits: katemangostar / Freepik (not the actual photo)
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What do you think ?
Helena 4 days ago
A guy making an actual friend as an adult, you support that 100%. It is good for his mental health. He isn't missing your birthday, anniversary, Christmas, your weekend thing can happen any weekend. This was a silly fight to pick.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 days ago
It also makes me wonder if her attitude would change if the shoe was on the other foot: if a friend or family member of HERS wanted to schedule something for that special weekend. Or a relative's wedding - would OP tell them they had to reschedule their wedding because that weekend is her "special tradition"? And, of course, there's all the things that can arise - a new job with less flexible hours/vacation time, children, etc. that could disrupt the "special tradition" that can ONLY happen on this ONE weekend. If OP's husband had to get a new job, would she demand that he tell his new employers that he ALWAYS has to have the first weekend in November off because it's their special tradition? My tl;dr is this - if the trip you usually take on x day has to get moved to z day, it's STILL the special trip! A special tradition isn't only defined by the date it happens on. Heck, adults sometimes have to celebrate their b-days on a day that ISN'T their b-day due to work, etc.
Load More Replies... Tyranamar Suess 4 days ago
She's TA. Even after reading all the comments she still decides they're going to keep it on exactly that day. I could never be married to someone so inflexible. "I don't mean to seem like I'm keeping you on a leash. Now do you mind turning around while I put this collar on you? See, everyone's happy. I get what I want. And you, well I hope your friendship makes it until January."
Green Tree 4 days ago
Yeah my immediate thought would be to move the ornament trip up a week this once. Sowing the seeds of resentment in a relationship is really dangerous
Load More Replies...
Ben Aziza 4 days ago
Ohh my god it happened! For once! I am actually partial to the YTA crowd... To me her logic fell apart when the "date" as in the specific time became more important than their couple tradition. Also, she ended up getting exactly what she wanted despite all what was needed was a tiny compromise about the time... Very controlling... "We have talked about it, and we concluded we both messed up and I get what I want!"
Roland Nijveld 3 days ago
That last part. In the end, she won and that date stays holy for her it seems.
Load More Replies...
Pittsburgh rare 4 days ago
She *sounds* reasonable but at the same time she sounds like an a**e, if that makes sense.
WonderWoman 3 days ago
OP is a manipulative woman who really doesn't want her husband to have friends of his own. It is a weekend of their choosing that could easily be moved, but nope, she strangled her husband and made him feel badly. Even the convo they had later she bullied him.
UncleJohn3000 3 days ago
I have little regard for grown ups who fixate on the calendar date instead of the event itself.
Justin Smith 3 days ago
Unless its the date that makes the event, like an anniversary or such.
Load More Replies...
Trillian 3 days ago
Maybe I missed something but why can't the trip with the new buddy be moved to another date?
Justin Smith 3 days ago
Because that might be the only time the buddy can do it for a while.
Load More Replies...
Janissary35680 4 days ago (edited)
What's that looming on the horizon? Could it be? Yes, it is! A fully-fledged Seven-Year Itch.
DrBronxx 2 days ago
One thing my wife and I have learned over the years is that, while traditions are important to us, our schedules mean that we have to be flexible on the timing. That we do the thing is what means something to us. If we can do it on the day that we want, then that's all the better. For example, Christmas. We both love Christmas, but we live in a country where it isn't important, so there are no days off. So, we only really celebrate Christmas *on* Christmas Day when it falls on a weekend. Then there are our individual schedules. We both have jobs that require work on a weekend on a semi-regular basis, so we have to be very careful about scheduling. So, my advice is to not get caught up on the *when*, just focus on the *doing*. Things will become much more relaxed because of it.
Arabiata Arabiata 2 days ago
He should be aware of how important this tradition is to you, and have respect for it. It wasn't a random idea of yours, it's a fixed occasion every year. And keeping this tradition shows that you're more important to him than friends.
Glb 2 days ago
I've worked shift-work for the past 25 years. If my crew is scheduled to work holidays, then I worked holidays. I have learned that holiday traditions should be tied to the people who you love, not to dates on a calendar. It's her sense of entitlement that provides the context of this conflict. It's a luxury to expect a specific date to be set aside just for this tradition. What if they have a death in the family? (I buried my mother on my birthday. Should I have skipped the funeral so I could have cake and presents on my special day?) What if their child has a recital on that day? Sorry baby, daddy and I have a special tradition on that date and won't be attending your recital. She should be more flexible and capable of compromise. Life should be about the time shared with loved ones. To pretend the tradition is not honored if it is not celebrated on a specific date, is just wrong.
PunchinelloTX 3 days ago
She has effectively sabotaged this friendship. The husband’s new friend will be reluctant to ask again and will feel uncomfortable around the wife. As it stands, the proposed January rescheduling will likely not happen because there’s always going to be a reason why she doesn’t want him to go. I am a proponent of honoring one’s partner or spouse above all else, but that also means it works both ways and compromise is key. Everyone who questioned WHY the date means more than the tradition—you’re spot on.
L M Desmet 3 days ago
Who wants to bet that ‘this year we’ll stick to’ will lead on the next year and every year will be that exact weekend, just like she wants. To be joined by mildly annoyed to resentful offspring in the decades that follow.
Alex Boyd 3 days ago
To me, the red flag here is her emphasizing her hurt feelings that he would "even consider" changing the date of their...day walking around the lake town an hour from their house. I can understand her being attached to doing it on the same day--it's not 100% reasonable, but people are allowed to have a few minor things that they ask their partner/loved ones to go along with just because it's important to them. But the fact that she doesn't seem to have any idea that her fixation on this specific date is at all odd, has me wondering if she has a habit of getting overly emotionally invested in things like this. (Hasn't it ever *rained* on this specific weekend that she needs to walk around the lake and buy a Christmas ornament? What did she do then?) Again, if it's really just this one thing that she feels strongly about for reasons she cannot explain, that's fine, but if it's part of a pattern, that's a problem.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 days ago (edited)
Im glad both of them cane to a conclusion and had a good conversation
WonderWoman 3 days ago
He was browbeaten into submission and made to apologize for wanting to have a life outside of their marriage.
Load More Replies...
Schmebulock 3 days ago (edited)
YTA. The husband clearly just wants some time to explore his homosexuality. A long weekend with his new buddy where they can do a bunch of sucking and f*****g, but you are inhibiting his freedom to be his true self. For shame
JB 3 days ago
Y’know, if I ask my partner how they feel about something, I expect an honest answer. The last thing I’m going to do is accuse them of overreacting if they tell me they’re hurt by my suggestion. I find it odd that some are inventing alternative scenarios where OP would obviously be an asshøle but none of you call out his emotional manipulation when he didn’t get the answer he wanted. He ASKED, she answered. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear so he decides telling her she’s unreasonable is a great way of getting what he wants. Yeah, that obviously makes her the asshøle /s.
Pyla 4 days ago
What is this Gaycation Week on bored panda? …seriously (that thread caught me off guard) by making it a problem she took the luster off of the special weekend.
Ben Aziza 4 days ago (edited)
Well maybe you should read... That is how people communicate... You know to understand the context and not go conclusion based on what you project... You have dismissed it all to "male ego" without even a word from the person in question...YET even with people ONLY getting the perspective of the wife, most agree that she is unreasonably controlling... It is almost like you used only the word "man" to judge! I wonder what that is called... I have seen the tate boys do that! Telling me all sorts of things about the "women" and how they all are the same...Ohh yeh misogyny!!! Wait I think it is a broader word for that concept... Sexism yeh that is it. You have just demonstrated how it is beyond your sex, sexuality, DNA or the genitals between your legs... I hope you can wake up. Get out of the Redpill and remove yourself from whatever echo chamber of friends who validate "this". It will do you good... I think the Redpill for many women is actually the View...
Load More Replies...
Helena 4 days ago
A guy making an actual friend as an adult, you support that 100%. It is good for his mental health. He isn't missing your birthday, anniversary, Christmas, your weekend thing can happen any weekend. This was a silly fight to pick.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 4 days ago
It also makes me wonder if her attitude would change if the shoe was on the other foot: if a friend or family member of HERS wanted to schedule something for that special weekend. Or a relative's wedding - would OP tell them they had to reschedule their wedding because that weekend is her "special tradition"? And, of course, there's all the things that can arise - a new job with less flexible hours/vacation time, children, etc. that could disrupt the "special tradition" that can ONLY happen on this ONE weekend. If OP's husband had to get a new job, would she demand that he tell his new employers that he ALWAYS has to have the first weekend in November off because it's their special tradition? My tl;dr is this - if the trip you usually take on x day has to get moved to z day, it's STILL the special trip! A special tradition isn't only defined by the date it happens on. Heck, adults sometimes have to celebrate their b-days on a day that ISN'T their b-day due to work, etc.
Load More Replies... Tyranamar Suess 4 days ago
She's TA. Even after reading all the comments she still decides they're going to keep it on exactly that day. I could never be married to someone so inflexible. "I don't mean to seem like I'm keeping you on a leash. Now do you mind turning around while I put this collar on you? See, everyone's happy. I get what I want. And you, well I hope your friendship makes it until January."
Green Tree 4 days ago
Yeah my immediate thought would be to move the ornament trip up a week this once. Sowing the seeds of resentment in a relationship is really dangerous
Load More Replies... Ben Aziza 4 days ago
Ohh my god it happened! For once! I am actually partial to the YTA crowd... To me her logic fell apart when the "date" as in the specific time became more important than their couple tradition. Also, she ended up getting exactly what she wanted despite all what was needed was a tiny compromise about the time... Very controlling... "We have talked about it, and we concluded we both messed up and I get what I want!"
Roland Nijveld 3 days ago
That last part. In the end, she won and that date stays holy for her it seems.
Load More Replies... Pittsburgh rare 4 days ago
She *sounds* reasonable but at the same time she sounds like an a**e, if that makes sense.
WonderWoman 3 days ago
OP is a manipulative woman who really doesn't want her husband to have friends of his own. It is a weekend of their choosing that could easily be moved, but nope, she strangled her husband and made him feel badly. Even the convo they had later she bullied him.
UncleJohn3000 3 days ago
I have little regard for grown ups who fixate on the calendar date instead of the event itself.
Justin Smith 3 days ago
Unless its the date that makes the event, like an anniversary or such.
Load More Replies... Trillian 3 days ago
Maybe I missed something but why can't the trip with the new buddy be moved to another date?
Justin Smith 3 days ago
Because that might be the only time the buddy can do it for a while.
Load More Replies... Janissary35680 4 days ago (edited)
What's that looming on the horizon? Could it be? Yes, it is! A fully-fledged Seven-Year Itch.
DrBronxx 2 days ago
One thing my wife and I have learned over the years is that, while traditions are important to us, our schedules mean that we have to be flexible on the timing. That we do the thing is what means something to us. If we can do it on the day that we want, then that's all the better. For example, Christmas. We both love Christmas, but we live in a country where it isn't important, so there are no days off. So, we only really celebrate Christmas *on* Christmas Day when it falls on a weekend. Then there are our individual schedules. We both have jobs that require work on a weekend on a semi-regular basis, so we have to be very careful about scheduling. So, my advice is to not get caught up on the *when*, just focus on the *doing*. Things will become much more relaxed because of it.
Arabiata Arabiata 2 days ago
He should be aware of how important this tradition is to you, and have respect for it. It wasn't a random idea of yours, it's a fixed occasion every year. And keeping this tradition shows that you're more important to him than friends.
Glb 2 days ago
I've worked shift-work for the past 25 years. If my crew is scheduled to work holidays, then I worked holidays. I have learned that holiday traditions should be tied to the people who you love, not to dates on a calendar. It's her sense of entitlement that provides the context of this conflict. It's a luxury to expect a specific date to be set aside just for this tradition. What if they have a death in the family? (I buried my mother on my birthday. Should I have skipped the funeral so I could have cake and presents on my special day?) What if their child has a recital on that day? Sorry baby, daddy and I have a special tradition on that date and won't be attending your recital. She should be more flexible and capable of compromise. Life should be about the time shared with loved ones. To pretend the tradition is not honored if it is not celebrated on a specific date, is just wrong.
PunchinelloTX 3 days ago
She has effectively sabotaged this friendship. The husband’s new friend will be reluctant to ask again and will feel uncomfortable around the wife. As it stands, the proposed January rescheduling will likely not happen because there’s always going to be a reason why she doesn’t want him to go. I am a proponent of honoring one’s partner or spouse above all else, but that also means it works both ways and compromise is key. Everyone who questioned WHY the date means more than the tradition—you’re spot on.
L M Desmet 3 days ago
Who wants to bet that ‘this year we’ll stick to’ will lead on the next year and every year will be that exact weekend, just like she wants. To be joined by mildly annoyed to resentful offspring in the decades that follow.
Alex Boyd 3 days ago
To me, the red flag here is her emphasizing her hurt feelings that he would "even consider" changing the date of their...day walking around the lake town an hour from their house. I can understand her being attached to doing it on the same day--it's not 100% reasonable, but people are allowed to have a few minor things that they ask their partner/loved ones to go along with just because it's important to them. But the fact that she doesn't seem to have any idea that her fixation on this specific date is at all odd, has me wondering if she has a habit of getting overly emotionally invested in things like this. (Hasn't it ever *rained* on this specific weekend that she needs to walk around the lake and buy a Christmas ornament? What did she do then?) Again, if it's really just this one thing that she feels strongly about for reasons she cannot explain, that's fine, but if it's part of a pattern, that's a problem.
Aroace tiger (she/they/he) 3 days ago (edited)
Im glad both of them cane to a conclusion and had a good conversation
WonderWoman 3 days ago
He was browbeaten into submission and made to apologize for wanting to have a life outside of their marriage.
Load More Replies... Schmebulock 3 days ago (edited)
YTA. The husband clearly just wants some time to explore his homosexuality. A long weekend with his new buddy where they can do a bunch of sucking and f*****g, but you are inhibiting his freedom to be his true self. For shame
JB 3 days ago
Y’know, if I ask my partner how they feel about something, I expect an honest answer. The last thing I’m going to do is accuse them of overreacting if they tell me they’re hurt by my suggestion. I find it odd that some are inventing alternative scenarios where OP would obviously be an asshøle but none of you call out his emotional manipulation when he didn’t get the answer he wanted. He ASKED, she answered. It wasn’t what he wanted to hear so he decides telling her she’s unreasonable is a great way of getting what he wants. Yeah, that obviously makes her the asshøle /s.
Pyla 4 days ago
What is this Gaycation Week on bored panda? …seriously (that thread caught me off guard) by making it a problem she took the luster off of the special weekend.
Ben Aziza 4 days ago (edited)
Well maybe you should read... That is how people communicate... You know to understand the context and not go conclusion based on what you project... You have dismissed it all to "male ego" without even a word from the person in question...YET even with people ONLY getting the perspective of the wife, most agree that she is unreasonably controlling... It is almost like you used only the word "man" to judge! I wonder what that is called... I have seen the tate boys do that! Telling me all sorts of things about the "women" and how they all are the same...Ohh yeh misogyny!!! Wait I think it is a broader word for that concept... Sexism yeh that is it. You have just demonstrated how it is beyond your sex, sexuality, DNA or the genitals between your legs... I hope you can wake up. Get out of the Redpill and remove yourself from whatever echo chamber of friends who validate "this". It will do you good... I think the Redpill for many women is actually the View...
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