The mention of African-American heritage versus a blonde does lead one to an obvious conclusion, subconscious or otherwise.

This is so sad. I'm a baker. Had I known OP and her family I'd conspired with her lovely Cousin and made her a huge Oreo cake that the cousin could have carried out first, singing for her and the way OP described her cousin she'd done that too. I might have gone all out and made her something like my wedding cakes. Three tiered, lots of flowers and sparklers. I'd just made it covered in sparkly, colourful lusterdust and put a lookalike figurine of OP right on top.

I understand this SO much. When I was younger, I would hang out with my aunt Glenda (mother's bro's wife) and thought she was the coolest aunt ever. But when I hit the teenage years, she started comparing me with with my cousin, "Misha". "Why can't you dress better, more like Misha?" "Misha did X, Misha did Y..." (I was quite tomboyish and only discovered my girly style in my forties.) One day as we were looking at photos, Glenda stopped on a pic of Misha and said, "Misha is your uncle's favourite niece." Of course, I resented Misha even before this, but that really made me hate her. And she had never done anything to me! We're just totally different people, and while that would be fine with me, Glenda's infernal comparisons with Misha (literally, if she took me and my bro somewhere, she'd make sure to tell us afterwards that if she'd been with Misha she would have had a better time) made it impossible for me to have a relationship with Misha without resentment creeping in.

I have 6 kids and 3 birthday months. That means, in January, October and August, we have 2 birthdays. We share birthdays. 1 day for both children. But we have 1 big cake with both names and 2 smash cakes, one for each child with their name on it, bought or made in their favorite flavor. We sing to both children and all cakes include the child's age. We have games based on each child. I don't have a lot of money, so gifts are prizes won for the games and each child "wins" a prize, regardless of how I have to do it. I see no reason why even money should make it ok to exclude one child.

I'm so sorry T'Mar. You and your cousin are different people. We are all different people. I'm so sorry you were compared to her. I hope you no longer have contact with the aunt.

I'm amazed it took her that long to lose it! Calling her ungrateful, but it's hard to be greatful for nothing.

Gave up on my family in my late 30's after a lifetime of being marginalized by them. Made the mistake of reconnecting with them when my mother became ill. Big mistake. Nothing changed. After she passed I cut the rest of them off this time for good.

OP, I say this with much regret: You have NO family! You did good to cut the gangrenous excuse of a scumbag family, especially abuela, out of your life. Please live a good life and good riddance to toxic scum, even if they are related by blood.

Sounds like you just have new traditions to make for yourself an family that supports you. You make yourself happy. Don't rely on them. Apparently they just lie right to you an expect you to deal with it. Sorry but didn't they even give you cards in your birthday? Shoot it seems like you're right. You are the ghost in that family. Move on to better rainbows with those that love you. Xxx

I was born the day before my sister's third birthday. I can relate to this story. As we got older, the joint birthdays stopped, but when I was little they were always catered to my sister and we'd usually have it on HER birthday so mine was just completely over looked. Also, cousins and friends often didn't even know it was a joint birthday party so I'd get stiffed on the gifts. Or they'd give us one girl gift (I'm male) and we were supposed to share it. Yeah right.

Mmm...Oreo ice-cream cake

Let's just get to the point. Your family has been emotionally abusing their daughter. It is not uncommon for toxic family dynamics to find a child to be the scapegoat. You do not need to be like your cousin or anyone else to be worthy. You are, you just are. Also, if you can start therapy asap. This kind of abuse leaves emotiibal damage and even affects the brains nueorology. It doeanr surprise me a second you didnt find your niche in school, you did not have the support you needed in fact you were working with a deficeit. I can very much relate to your story. You are now in a safe place where you can begin to find yourself which will make it easier to find your path to your personal success and reach your goals. I am glad you have a cousin that is there to support you. Going no contact is sometimes it is what is required. You have no responsibility to live up to their standards. You need to put you first. They have made it very clear they dont put you first. You go find your mojo.

As someone who has a Birthday pretty close to other family members (my dad a few days before and my younger cousin a few days later) I've almost always had to share a birthday party with SOMEONE, but at least I was considered when the parties were planned. If this had happened to me, I would have snapped long before 18. Good for her calling them out on their BS!

I'm a bit surprised at how well the cousin seems to have turned out. Sounds like she was raised to be a Karen but turned out to be a caring empathetic person. Hehe which could almost being annoying.

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Sounds a bit racist, going by the comment about her genetic past.

So sad an Oreo cake at Walmart costs $15… smh. Parents can’t buy her a dang cake on her 18th birthday?

Sadly this is a prime example of parents playing favorites and being unable to love unconditionally. As hard as it is to say and read, but people like these DESERVE the no contact. They are never satisfied with what they have, will never see you as "good enough" and turn away as soon as something "better" comes along.

This poor child. I hope she Will continue to be treated well by her cousin and brother. She's going to need someone in her corner. I bet she is beautiful but has been so beaten down by her own parents that she can't even see it. I'll never understand why some people have kids. I could never treat a stranger on the street that poorly.

Wow. Can they make their hate for this poor child/woman any more blatantly obvious. Why is it always the people doing absolutly nothing for others that cry about ungratefulness first. Grateful for what, 'just' negecting them instead of outright physical abuse or what? yes that sure sounds like behaviour so called adult should be praised for, almost had me convinced... I have absolutly no idea how these children actually grew up to be as good people as they obviously are. Often this kind of treatement can and will drive children apart through misplaced jealousy or superority complexes, but luckily they have a good moral compass despite the adults being anything but good role models. The cousin always felt bad about this, giving part of your own presents is no small thing. She did easily more for OP each year than the rest of the "family" did in their entire lives.

There is a time when you choose your family, and which you keep in touch with, and which ones you don't. I suppose this is one of these times...

Seriously all kids deserve good parents, but not all parents deserve kids

Cartman was right. Kyle's mom is a b***h. I know, but the point remains valid.

What’s an abuela?

This makes me so angry. The psychological impact on this girl will be difficult to overcome, as the resentments and feeling of worthlesssness can pervade every aspect of her life going forward. Shame on the parents.

I’m not surprised by her situation. My father was an immigrant from Argentina and my mothers family moved from Denmark. My brother was the oldest followed by 2 daughters. My brother had everything handed to him without question and many times without asking. My dad offered fully funded 4 year college education whereas we were given nothing. My brothers first year of driving, he totaled 3 cars but he was handed a new one without question. The mentality is deeply rooted within the Spanish/Mexican culture as it has been the way things have been done for decades and probably centuries. You simply can’t change the mindset either, unfortunately. I saw how strong the mindsets are still in Argentina when I went to visit my family as well.

Not the a*s at all. Kick them to the curb and just ignore them! Go become a famous artist and then see who comes crawling. In case you don't get rich, be yourself a d be happy! Each birthday pick something special to do you like, and go do it! Be kind to yourself, especially when your family, is not.

I feel for her, as the 2nd child (I was a mistake), older brother was the golden child to the entire maternal side of the family. I've had no contact with that side for 20 years, and I'm much happier now. It's a hard thing to go through, and therapy was needed for my self-worth issues, but I wish this dear girl the best. Thank goodness she has a supportive brother and cousin, because it sounds like the rest of the family are venomous.

fuq these horrible selfish people. Find friends that appreciate & value you as a human being & make them your family. NTA all day

Um, dna test?