My father would have called it "checking her sense of humor". I call it for what it really is, seeing how much bullying they will take. My mother was miserable with his "humor" tests. I HATE bullies with a passion.

Exactly as Deborah Harris2 says - then it might have actually been funny - everyone gets coal! But for them to accept her thoughtful gifts and not see the wrong in what they've done is bizarre and probably shows they don't have much emotional intelligence or empathy. I definitely wouldn't rush to marry into a family like that! And WTH is wrong with Dan, why is he buying her coal?? Surely he knows her well enough to choose a gift for her. This bit is mind boggling. I don't think this relationship can be saved at this point.

I would have picked up every single one of their presents I got them and taken them all back ( even if they had opened them) and handed them each a piece of the coal. I would have then laughed, wished them a merry effing Xmas, packed my bags and gone. She also needs to ditch the fiancé. If that is what his family thinks is funny, she will have bigger problems in the future.

Run and run now.

Aww, it's okay! With the nice new coal from your EFFING FIANCE, you can light things on fire and lob the flaming rocks at that pathetic excuse for a family's heads!

People tell children that if they misbehave, they will get coal for Christmas. Giving coal to adult as gag gift is rather childish, but if they gave her real gift after that, I would understand. Giving someone only coal, after that person bought you gifts for Christmas, is simply cruel. Fiancé and his family are bunch of AHs.

Genius, it's the opposite of bonding with a potential lifelong family member --- it's binding the previous/remaining ones together by excluding the new one. Also a good test in how much c**p newbies are willing to take, to see if you can later make them dance to your pipes.

They should all just wear T-shirts saying “ We’re a bunch of a-holes”. It would save time. After this bit of bullying, they are running through the bully’s handbook - it was funny, you’re too sensitive, it’s a tradition etc. The real problem is Dan participated in this. He has shown you what he is and what life in his family is. Run.

After opening the second one I would have asked if they were all the same. Then I would have taken back the ones I gave and give them the coal saying "If you don't understand then look up the tradition of giving coal at Christmas" and then I would have gone home

If OP decides to still marry this dude (I sure as sh!t wouldn't!) she should be very concerned what "traditions" his family will pull at the actual wedding. As low as they went for Christmas, imagine how much lower they will sink for a wedding, when all eyes will be on the poor bride!

So the family has a long standing tradition of treating people like c**p by doing this, and "Dan" thought it was so neat-o that he actually went along with it? this lady should run for the hills.

you are NTA, but your fiance and his family are. One is a joke, two is rude, 18 is inexcusable. Fiance is an a$$hat. Hazing by future family is cruel. Get out while you can. Flipside, to the future family, there are other ways to do this - coal themed gifts - charcoal sketch, charcoal coloured items (hats, gloves, scarves, socks, thermal mugs, sheets...), coal/resin jewelry, if they recipient is into art - charcoal pencils - the theme is the joke, but not hurtful.

If your fiance doesn't give you a heads up about something like this, you can expect more nasty surprises along the way. I would reconsider the nature of that relationship

The only coal I would get anyone is those little bags of chocolate wrapped to look like lumps of coal, what the hell is wrong with this family? And her own fiance didn't get her anything after she went out of her way to get heartfelt gifts for everyone and skipped out on her own family celebration for them! I hope she cut this dude out of her life and started the new year without this clown.

“Calling and saying I made it awkward for everyone” one gift of coal, oh that’s a gag, 2 ok I can see that, anymore than that is pushing the “I’m going to break up with you button”. That’s a lot, and for the family to take it to this length, 18 gifts of coal, kind of makes me think how they’re like on a daily. If you’re his fiancée then in reality, you’re not new, it was just the first year with them rather than your family, so there might have been a different meaning behind the coal. I remember one year not getting a present because everyone forgot about me, so I get it and I feel you 100%. This is a moment for you to really think about the relationship and the family, because no matter what, you marry him and you marry his family as well.

Give him back ... actually no - KEEP the damn ring and get rid of the guy!

If Dan had told her and prepared her in advance, then I think she should have been expected to be ok with that (as it was his family's tradition so in a way she shouldn't really challenge it). But the fact that he didn't give her any warning? And you're marrying him??

RUN! Stay away from someone that allows you to be humiliated. He is the same as his cruel family. I hope you see the huge red flag in front of you. RUN! This is what he will teach any future child...to be cruel.

This was a cowardly, weird way to break off an engagement. Under U.S. common law she’s entitled to keep the ring since he broke the engagement

The only way I'd have given him a pass is if he said something like "My family has a tradition of weird gifts the first time they meet someone. Here's an extra special gift from me to make up for it." Keeps the surprise, but balances it a bit. Even then, 1 single gift that's a piece of coal would have gotten the joke across, how many times can you laugh at the same punchline?

Coal as gift was once tradition to tell you you're too naughty to get any other xmasgift. So they would judge her without knowing her - 18 f.....ng times!!! This is one redflag But being upset cause of her reaction instead of comforting her or apologizing is a great redflagged exitsign not to marry in this family

"It's just easier for my family to give new people coal since they don't really know them well." Is coal easier to buy than a generic gift, like chocolate? Those people are a******s.

If that's what they do the first Christmas then I would make that the last Christmas spent with them. Period.

humiliation and bullying aside, this is the most important red flag to not marry that guy. When you marry someone you basically are marrying their family too. She'll have to deal with these a******s her entire life if she does, and most importantly, if the fiancé didn't tell her anything to warn her, he must be just like the rest of his family. So I'd run away from him asap

We have a saying we've been using with my son who doesn't realize when the funny has worn off- "once is funny, twice is annoying, three times in unnecessary ". It should never have gotten to 18

This is the worst in joke I have ever heard. Trick questions that only family will know the answer to; joke presents that elicit laughter from ALL; etc. But 18 pieces of coal is an insult not to be tolerated.

I don't believe any of this.

Make sure they get as good as they give. Get a bag of Kinsford and some paper sacks and a stapler. Anniversary...coal. announce to their friends that it's a tradition. Birthday...coal. Tradition. Valentine's...coal. Fill a heart box with coal. Tradition. Mothers day...coal. Laugh and say it's a young diamond. Tradition. When the big bag is almost empty. Break up with a bag of coal. Tell him it's TRADITION.

Take your coal, and Dan, and stick them where the sun doesn't shine.

NTA hopefully you took your gifts back , that sucks big time, that whole family are jerks and your fiance

NTA. We gave the newcomers in my family, the boy/girlfriends of my cousins, perfumes. It was Gacha where there was a sack and whatever scent they got was theirs. This is just plain rude

How does one even get that much coal?

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I come from a big family, our only meeting the new relationship tradition is joking with the person that there will be a test at the end of the night to see if you remember all the names. I could see this working into something fun though. Do a white elephant exchange and someone gets a bag of coal, next Christmas they give the bag of coal and make some silly tradition of what the person who gets the coal has to do, wear a silly hat all night or sing a Christmas song

Take the coal you have gifts for them next year :P ... or there was some company which turns people ashes into zircon... so maybe it is working with coal.... you can then wrote big "thank you" on all windows. I think it would be fun if there was one real gift from fiancé (or he just don't know you too?? )

FAKE!

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There is no way this is true. This is complete BS.