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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone was acting inappropriate, but no one besides you didn’t seem to notice? And you didn’t say anything just because you felt as if it would just make everything worse? This TikTok user @nayaaford asked her followers to share what is something that people find normal or even idealised when it is an example of toxic behaviour. In her video that has 49.6k likes and almost 3.5k comments, she pointed out that one of the examples of toxic behaviour is wanting a “significant other” who is unfriendly and even mean to other people just because this would mean that they are not going to cheat.

Image credits: jade:

#1

Minimizing your own experience by saying “others have it way worse than you”. No. My feelings are valid regardless of how worse it could be.

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Pezor Zass
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a balance here, though; you need to feel like your feelings are valid, but you also need perspective. too much either way is bad.

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It encouraged more people to share their examples of toxic behaviour in the comment section: overprotected partners who end up being control freaks, covering early abuse signs with “if someone is mean to you, it means they like you”, or blaming one’s bad behaviours or lack of responsibility to their zodiac sign. This endless list shows some ridiculous as well as serious problems that society faces but not really takes into consideration, instead they are simply normalised.

#2

Telling little girls "if hes being mean to you it means he likes you"... no.. just no

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#3

Giving men glory for doing all the normal things women do..ie: cleaning, cooking, caring for their own kids, grocery shopping, etc

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kennedy1209
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I realize I am in the minority here - But I actually hate that it is assumed that my wife does all of those things and gets all the glory, when I am the one who does them all.

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The virality of the video and the number of comments of this TikTok video showed that people are actually aware of these toxic behaviours. But why then people get along with these situations? Most of them occur in the family and groups of friends. So not saying to your family member or a close friend that they are being unreasonable saves you from a fight that at first seems unnecessary because these people are close to you, so why would they want bad things for you?

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#4

People bragging that they are “brutally honest”. You can be honest without being Brutal.

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#5

Don't come at me but moms who excessively drink wine to put up with their kids. you'll never convince me it's ok .

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Later all these saved fights turn little annoying behaviours into normalised habits: spitting something upsetting and then calling yourself “brutally honest”, being abusive towards your son’s/daughter’s partner, or spreading toxic positivity when clearly this is not the way to solve an occurring problem.

Do you also find some other things that people say or do to be toxic, or maybe you know an effective way on how to stop this kind of behaviour? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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#7

Giving money to homeless on YouTube. Toxic. You don't need other people to see you doing charitable things for it to be worth doing.

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also think about the people on the receiving end who probably don't want to be on some stranger's social media while they are in a bad place in their lives.

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#8

Toxic positivity... let people feel

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Thorfin Wolfsbane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

people who are upbeat and positive all the time tend to irritate me

H Edwards
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I read an interesting article by someone who had breast cancer, and how suffocating and dismissive she found all the forced positivity. My own tiny example was when my mother was dying (quite suddenly of covid, although she had been infirm for a year or so before) one of the staff at her care home told me not to cry. At the time I was too emotional and surprised to react, but that casual remark had quite a big negative effect on me.

Dawn Sardella-Ayres
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

A subsection of this is toxic Christian rhetoric. It's bad enough when someone does the "Now, it's not THAT bad" schtick, but it is even more damaging when it's wrapped up in harmful ideology like "You need to let go and let God" and "It's because you don't put your faith in Jesus" and "God is just testing you because you have a very special purpose in life!" None of that helps. Stop.

juice
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

trying to see the bright side is one thing. that's okay (though i'd say it usually applies to your own situation, not that of others). but disregarding pain and not letting anyone feel negative emotions is really unhealthy.

Ozacoter
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some months ago my partner told my MIL that I am aplying for disability help since i cannot longer work (chronic illnesses). She got angry and said that instead "I need to focus on improving". Improving my incurable diseases? F**k you

Esther (she/her)
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In stories (and some cases in real life too) people that are too nice are almost always the villain or just has a dark secret. Being happy is one thing, being excessively happy is another

Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

most of the time I'm happy but I can change my mood in a way that affects others. I'm empathic and I not always gonna share my happiness with others in the same way. I do it step by step and I just give advice for them to try out

Brian Michael
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some people are just very positive all the time and it's funny how people are saying that it's toxic or that it affects them. I hear the reasoning and I agree as I tend to be a bit of a rain cloud sometimes BUT to tell someone to stop being overly happy because it affects YOU is the definition of toxic. You want them to let you just be? Let them just be too!

Charles Amoranto
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I agree with you. They downvoting you but this people are so just feel bad for their life they envy those who can still smile in the rain. Down vote us all you can but you can't hide the fact that you hate yourself so much that's why you don't want other to be so happy

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Dark Pearl
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This deserves 3 cubic acres of upvotes because it's so good!

Alex Cross
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Feel what you want. Positive is what I feel. I prefer to be positive then sit in a puddle and cry or rage against what I can’t control or worse things I can do something about. We all have feeling and we are all different. Also, you may not want to hear my happiness and that ok but maybe I don’t want to hear your feeling either and that is just as ok

Mazer
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Toxic positivity created by wealthy people who have little understanding or experience of the real world

Tracy Wallick
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In fairness, I've met people who don't realize they're being toxic. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt the first time, and explain that saying "I'm here for you" or "is there anything I can do?" is a much healthier and more helpful response.

Tamara Kroonen
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Toxic positivity, yeah like nothing negative is not allowed to exist. That is basically denying a huge part of yourself. Good luck with that!

deanna woods
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Happiness and joy are good emotions, but no one should be taunted because they don't feel that way twenty four hours a day.

Esther Evans
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm sorry...I'm an optimist, but everyone is entitled to feel how they feel !!

Frankenfrog
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I absolutely hate positive people who refuse to acknowledge the dark and difficult sides of life.

Anne Mitchell
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

EG "We are here to celebrate the life of.... "!!!!! I HATE that phrase . My loved one has died. I am very sad and hurting. In time I will celebrate that s/he lived, but on the day of the funeral I am in mourning.

Steve
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If you're mad because someone else is happy, you're the one with issues

Brian Michael
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Absolutely! Sucks everyone is downvoting you but it's the truth. People who want to just be alone and feel sad should also leave people who are alone who feel happy. It's funny all these comments who are calling them fake or liars...like maybe you are just sad all the time and they can find joy, sucks to be you!

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Brandy G
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I'm upset about something and talk to someone about it, I either want you to truthfully tell me I'm being an idiot, or an "that sucks, I'm sorry you're so upset" and a hug. My husband tends to say "well, look at the bright side..." dude shut up and just hug me

Phil Vaive
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I blocked my friend's husband on all social media because he is condescendingly positive, and I think I lost my friend cause of it.

Xandra, The Little Hufflepuff
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate this because, I thought I had to be the happy friend all the time, and that my emotions weren't valid, still struggling with that, but I'm getting better

Charles Amoranto
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Why would people don't want someone to be happy? If they faking it. It's their choice. You don't know their story. Why would it bother you all? Well there's another name for hating someone's happiness "jelousy"

Yoga Kitty
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

In my opinion, some people get this whole "Think positive!" idea completely wrong. If you are sad or hurt for a reason, it will not do you any good at all to pretend otherwise. If a close friend of yours suddenly dies and you have to smile at your customers and show a happy face, your subconscious mind will say all the time "No, you are not, you are lying." Allow yourself to feel sad, acknowledge it - and then, only after you have done that, don't bathe in it. Actively decide to concentrate from now on on the good things. Like, in my example, while it is of course sad that your friend died - isn't it fabulous that you got to know them? Don't you have fantastic memories? Has your friend influenced some decision in your life that is still important and valid now? Be grateful for what you have and really try to concentrate more and more on the positive things. This will GENUINELY lift your mood in the long run - but don't pretend to be a happy bunny all the time if you are not.

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#9

They use their zodiac sign to justify their actions and anger issues.

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who does that? I'm a Scorpio and I am so annoyed by all the negative prejudices. No, I am not a psychopath because I was born in November and I am certainly not going to make anyone believe that this is a thing.

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#10

Adhd- just because you were late a few times and got distracted by your friends in class doesn't mean you have it. It's not fun and quirky.

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Bird lover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES don't just self-diagnose because you daydream. Tell me once a professional diagnoses you bitch

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#11

Being each other's “everything”. Nah y'all both need lives, family, and friends

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

#Facts. Sure you want to spend time with each other but you also have lives outside of it. I don't mean to ignore your partner either btw.

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#12

"Push yourself till it hurts” when it comes to work, school, physical activities. I don't get paid enough to go over my physical limits.

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#13

Treating trauma/traumatic events as a competition.

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#14

When the current gfs hate their boyfriends ex's for no other reason but the fact they dated him.

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Kateryna
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or exes who hate the current partner of their ex-partner for the same reason

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#15

Mother in law's being abusive towards their son mates it's normal in so many cultures and it's NEVER OKAY

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Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

let me tell you, my mother is getting married to her boyfriend and he has met my grandmother and she is NOT abusive nor is my mom's boyfriend's mom abusive to her as far as I know. this needs to stop since it puts a bad name of MIL

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#16

Men not taking care of their children because they have a new woman in their life

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#17

The whole “respect your elders” where I agree, you should show respect but there is a lot of disrespectful elderly and people in general who don't

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I generally try to show respect to every person I meet until they give me reason to stop respecting them.

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#18

But we got a baby together so we gotta stay together

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids might prefer divorced parents to a home where fights and anger are a daily issue.

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#19

Overprotective partners - your partner should trust your judgment enough to let you stand up for yourself or ask for their help when it's needed

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A
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many romantic movies do this and it irritates me. So many creepy or abusive actions or traits are seen as romantic in movies because the love interest is physically attractive. Just stop....

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#20

Hustle culture for me. Would rather have a good paying 9-5 than 3 entrepreneural "hustles"

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Hustle" has just become so overused and watered down. What they don't show you is 95% of those "hustlers" have financial support outside of the hustle.

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#21

People romanticise "being crazy" in relationships. "Yeah she's so crazy, she deleted every girl off my Facebook, she's so crazy I love her though

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#22

Friendzoning! setting boundaries in friendships should be okay. no one owes you getting into a relationship

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anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is weird. The Friend Zone just means that someone you like doesn't like you back, it will happen to every adult at some point in their life, it has nothing to do with being owed something.

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#23

Going through your partners phone

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is actually rlly disrespectful and disgusting. m8, if they let you use their phone its bc they trust you. don't exploit that.

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#24

Possessive partners

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am assuming they mean a partner that wants to know exactly what you're doing every second of the day and want you to be with them 24/7....I'm assuming.

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#25

The ‘psycho' girlfriend. There's a difference between boundaries and control/abuse

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#26

The concept of forgiveness nowadays is just "oh yeah they hurt you and u prob have trauma u will deal with forever but just forgive and move on" um no

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beavis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah like my ex friends beat me up ( I had bruises) I got horrible anxiety that they would stab me while I was outside bc my mum asked me to go to the store, after the weekend one of them ( didn't even apologise) asked if we could be friends again and I said no bc they beat me caused me pain and anxiety and made me scared to go outside

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#27

When people talk about beating there kids or scaring there kids

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anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel that this attitude has thankfully changed in the part of the world that I live in, it seems mad to me that someone would think that hitting a child is somehow okay.

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#28

I don't know if this is toxic but people think that because two people have been together for years their relationship is perfect and healthy.

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Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

love can break down. it doesn't matter how long you have been together it matters if your love is still strong that can build up a relationship

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#29

Any beauty standards

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Best way to improve your body image: Throw away any fashion magazines. Go to places where you see real people's bodies, e.g. public pools. (Saunas if you live in a place where this is a thing. Seeing naked strangers will show you that NO ONE has the perfect body.)

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#30

Couples that take pride in being each other's only friends and spend ALL their time together. It's good to be separate from your partner sometimes

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Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

spend some time with family, friends, or just alone time for yourself

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#31

For kids-he picks on her cause he likes her.

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#32

Hyper independence when really its just unaddressed childhood or other past trauma

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've got that trait and I can definitely tell you...it was past trauma.

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#34

Befriending the kid that's alone out of pity. Bruh sometimes they just don't like the environment or people

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it is nice to ask if they need a friend, but if they say no don't push it like: "oh don't be scared i wont be mean i promise" like just give them some space, you don't know what they might be going through.

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#35

Being petty, people wear it as a badge of honor. You can have boundaries so people don't overstep but being petty is usually just extreme immaturity.

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#36

Anger issues

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

if someone has anger issues and they ask for space don't be like: but whyy? aw are u mad? they want their space to cool off for a bit and are tryina be polite about it.

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#37

Drinking because you are stressed or overwhelmed.

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#38

Having no feelings and not wanting to admit when you actually care or when something is actually affecting you

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

another one: people glorify depression of all things. like 4 real? depression?

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#39

People bragging about having no boundaries like how their bestfriends just show up in their rooms with no notice like some ppl need boundaries

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David Butler
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is, literally, a recurring nightmare. Doors and windows in my dream-room never stay closed, and dream-people never stay out. I grew up an introvert in a family of extroverts.

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#40

Standing by a partner when they are unwilling to better themselves and their life situation

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anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these people that unwilling to better themselves have underlying mental health issues, depression etc; it's tricky.

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#41

Being a ride or die

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#42

The idea your friends owe you so much more than they really do... let people be independent and live their lives. Be a good friend but don't be clingy

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Alexis Bilodeau
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You owe me nothing, I owe you nothing, what I do for you is of my own volition so don't keep tab

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#44

Maladaptive Daydreaming- its not cute and fun, you miss out on ur life and become extremely dependent on it. you also can't turn it off its alwys on

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

question, i make storys in my head. a lot. is this the same thing? i get carried off sometimes but it hasn't hurt me.

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#45

Not texting people back that you like

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#46

Having multiple partners /cheating

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blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

multiple partners isnt toxic as long as everyone is consenting and aware of it all! its called polyamory, and theres nothing wrong with it at all :]

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