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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where someone was acting inappropriate, but no one besides you didn’t seem to notice? And you didn’t say anything just because you felt as if it would just make everything worse? This TikTok user @nayaaford asked her followers to share what is something that people find normal or even idealised when it is an example of toxic behaviour. In her video that has 49.6k likes and almost 3.5k comments, she pointed out that one of the examples of toxic behaviour is wanting a “significant other” who is unfriendly and even mean to other people just because this would mean that they are not going to cheat.

Image credits: jade:

#1

Minimizing your own experience by saying “others have it way worse than you”. No. My feelings are valid regardless of how worse it could be.

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Pezor Zass
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a balance here, though; you need to feel like your feelings are valid, but you also need perspective. too much either way is bad.

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It encouraged more people to share their examples of toxic behaviour in the comment section: overprotected partners who end up being control freaks, covering early abuse signs with “if someone is mean to you, it means they like you”, or blaming one’s bad behaviours or lack of responsibility to their zodiac sign. This endless list shows some ridiculous as well as serious problems that society faces but not really takes into consideration, instead they are simply normalised.

#2

Telling little girls "if hes being mean to you it means he likes you"... no.. just no

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#3

Giving men glory for doing all the normal things women do..ie: cleaning, cooking, caring for their own kids, grocery shopping, etc

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kennedy1209
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I realize I am in the minority here - But I actually hate that it is assumed that my wife does all of those things and gets all the glory, when I am the one who does them all.

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The virality of the video and the number of comments of this TikTok video showed that people are actually aware of these toxic behaviours. But why then people get along with these situations? Most of them occur in the family and groups of friends. So not saying to your family member or a close friend that they are being unreasonable saves you from a fight that at first seems unnecessary because these people are close to you, so why would they want bad things for you?

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#4

People bragging that they are “brutally honest”. You can be honest without being Brutal.

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#5

Don't come at me but moms who excessively drink wine to put up with their kids. you'll never convince me it's ok .

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Later all these saved fights turn little annoying behaviours into normalised habits: spitting something upsetting and then calling yourself “brutally honest”, being abusive towards your son’s/daughter’s partner, or spreading toxic positivity when clearly this is not the way to solve an occurring problem.

Do you also find some other things that people say or do to be toxic, or maybe you know an effective way on how to stop this kind of behaviour? Share your thoughts in the comments!

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#7

Giving money to homeless on YouTube. Toxic. You don't need other people to see you doing charitable things for it to be worth doing.

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Also think about the people on the receiving end who probably don't want to be on some stranger's social media while they are in a bad place in their lives.

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#8

Toxic positivity... let people feel

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#9

They use their zodiac sign to justify their actions and anger issues.

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Who does that? I'm a Scorpio and I am so annoyed by all the negative prejudices. No, I am not a psychopath because I was born in November and I am certainly not going to make anyone believe that this is a thing.

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#10

Adhd- just because you were late a few times and got distracted by your friends in class doesn't mean you have it. It's not fun and quirky.

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Bird lover
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

YES don't just self-diagnose because you daydream. Tell me once a professional diagnoses you bitch

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#11

Being each other's “everything”. Nah y'all both need lives, family, and friends

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

#Facts. Sure you want to spend time with each other but you also have lives outside of it. I don't mean to ignore your partner either btw.

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#12

"Push yourself till it hurts” when it comes to work, school, physical activities. I don't get paid enough to go over my physical limits.

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#13

Treating trauma/traumatic events as a competition.

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#14

When the current gfs hate their boyfriends ex's for no other reason but the fact they dated him.

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Kateryna
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or exes who hate the current partner of their ex-partner for the same reason

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#15

Mother in law's being abusive towards their son mates it's normal in so many cultures and it's NEVER OKAY

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Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

let me tell you, my mother is getting married to her boyfriend and he has met my grandmother and she is NOT abusive nor is my mom's boyfriend's mom abusive to her as far as I know. this needs to stop since it puts a bad name of MIL

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#16

Men not taking care of their children because they have a new woman in their life

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#17

The whole “respect your elders” where I agree, you should show respect but there is a lot of disrespectful elderly and people in general who don't

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I generally try to show respect to every person I meet until they give me reason to stop respecting them.

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#18

But we got a baby together so we gotta stay together

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Kids might prefer divorced parents to a home where fights and anger are a daily issue.

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#19

Overprotective partners - your partner should trust your judgment enough to let you stand up for yourself or ask for their help when it's needed

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A
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many romantic movies do this and it irritates me. So many creepy or abusive actions or traits are seen as romantic in movies because the love interest is physically attractive. Just stop....

Dark Pearl
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Finally! Someone who agrees with me that Fifty Shades and 365 Days are toxic and pathetically petty!

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Bettie-Jean Neal
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How about the ones who stand back all the time? My husband NEVER had my back. Ever! Needless to say, he's my ex-husband now.

Dawn Sardella-Ayres
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is why the harmful trope has gotten so popular. On the surface, it sounds great, especially if, like so many of, you're feeling neglected or lonely. But there's a lot between "he ignores me" and "he's tracking my cell phone and controls my work schedule BECAUSE HE LOOOOOVES ME!"

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The Harry Potter person
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I reread the twilight books as an adult and let me tell you how toxic both jacob and Edward were towards bella.

Rannveig Ess
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Those characters and movie drove me crazy. All Edward did was snivel and look forlorn, telling Bella to go, he wasn't good for her, she deserved better...and all Bella did was throw herself at him and refuse to wake up. I found it all very creepy and a bad message. I'm glad you agree! :)

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Steve
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Damn right! If I want to stand in a plastic tub filled with gasoline, strap dynamite to my crotch and stick a fork in an electical outlet, stop judging and get outta my waaaaay!

HooowlAtTheMoon
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate partners who don't let their s/o have friends or go out by themselves, or who check their phones, like, a relationship isn't going to work without trust.

Dawn Sardella-Ayres
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm still shocked at the number of times family/casual acquaintances still say things to us like "Will your husband/wife let you _____?" It covers everything from a research trip to wearing a favorite t-shirt.

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#20

Hustle culture for me. Would rather have a good paying 9-5 than 3 entrepreneural "hustles"

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

"Hustle" has just become so overused and watered down. What they don't show you is 95% of those "hustlers" have financial support outside of the hustle.

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#21

People romanticise "being crazy" in relationships. "Yeah she's so crazy, she deleted every girl off my Facebook, she's so crazy I love her though

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#22

Friendzoning! setting boundaries in friendships should be okay. no one owes you getting into a relationship

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anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This one is weird. The Friend Zone just means that someone you like doesn't like you back, it will happen to every adult at some point in their life, it has nothing to do with being owed something.

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#23

Going through your partners phone

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

this is actually rlly disrespectful and disgusting. m8, if they let you use their phone its bc they trust you. don't exploit that.

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#24

Possessive partners

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I am assuming they mean a partner that wants to know exactly what you're doing every second of the day and want you to be with them 24/7....I'm assuming.

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#25

The ‘psycho' girlfriend. There's a difference between boundaries and control/abuse

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#26

The concept of forgiveness nowadays is just "oh yeah they hurt you and u prob have trauma u will deal with forever but just forgive and move on" um no

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beavis
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah like my ex friends beat me up ( I had bruises) I got horrible anxiety that they would stab me while I was outside bc my mum asked me to go to the store, after the weekend one of them ( didn't even apologise) asked if we could be friends again and I said no bc they beat me caused me pain and anxiety and made me scared to go outside

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#27

When people talk about beating there kids or scaring there kids

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anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel that this attitude has thankfully changed in the part of the world that I live in, it seems mad to me that someone would think that hitting a child is somehow okay.

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#28

I don't know if this is toxic but people think that because two people have been together for years their relationship is perfect and healthy.

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Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

love can break down. it doesn't matter how long you have been together it matters if your love is still strong that can build up a relationship

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#29

Any beauty standards

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Marianne
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Best way to improve your body image: Throw away any fashion magazines. Go to places where you see real people's bodies, e.g. public pools. (Saunas if you live in a place where this is a thing. Seeing naked strangers will show you that NO ONE has the perfect body.)

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#30

Couples that take pride in being each other's only friends and spend ALL their time together. It's good to be separate from your partner sometimes

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Ambar
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

spend some time with family, friends, or just alone time for yourself

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#31

For kids-he picks on her cause he likes her.

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#32

Hyper independence when really its just unaddressed childhood or other past trauma

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denzoren
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I've got that trait and I can definitely tell you...it was past trauma.

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#34

Befriending the kid that's alone out of pity. Bruh sometimes they just don't like the environment or people

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

it is nice to ask if they need a friend, but if they say no don't push it like: "oh don't be scared i wont be mean i promise" like just give them some space, you don't know what they might be going through.

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#35

Being petty, people wear it as a badge of honor. You can have boundaries so people don't overstep but being petty is usually just extreme immaturity.

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#36

Anger issues

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

if someone has anger issues and they ask for space don't be like: but whyy? aw are u mad? they want their space to cool off for a bit and are tryina be polite about it.

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#37

Drinking because you are stressed or overwhelmed.

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#38

Having no feelings and not wanting to admit when you actually care or when something is actually affecting you

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

another one: people glorify depression of all things. like 4 real? depression?

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#39

People bragging about having no boundaries like how their bestfriends just show up in their rooms with no notice like some ppl need boundaries

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David Butler
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is, literally, a recurring nightmare. Doors and windows in my dream-room never stay closed, and dream-people never stay out. I grew up an introvert in a family of extroverts.

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#40

Standing by a partner when they are unwilling to better themselves and their life situation

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anarkzie
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Some of these people that unwilling to better themselves have underlying mental health issues, depression etc; it's tricky.

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#41

Being a ride or die

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#42

The idea your friends owe you so much more than they really do... let people be independent and live their lives. Be a good friend but don't be clingy

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Alexis Bilodeau
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You owe me nothing, I owe you nothing, what I do for you is of my own volition so don't keep tab

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#44

Maladaptive Daydreaming- its not cute and fun, you miss out on ur life and become extremely dependent on it. you also can't turn it off its alwys on

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cookie panda
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

question, i make storys in my head. a lot. is this the same thing? i get carried off sometimes but it hasn't hurt me.

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#45

Not texting people back that you like

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#46

Having multiple partners /cheating

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blue
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

multiple partners isnt toxic as long as everyone is consenting and aware of it all! its called polyamory, and theres nothing wrong with it at all :]

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