"We am become dirt".

"It should be an original thought that answers at least one of the questions: Who? What? Why? Me?"

9-1-1, I’d like to report my computer for malicious sneakery

Optimistic Nihilism

yikes

Politicians of the American kind?

Anna Freud theorized that the ordeal of being born resulted in lifelong psychological trauma. However, although my own memories are unclear, I believe the womb’s accommodations have been overrated

I read on Tumblr once that you are chosen to mourn for someone who passed and doesn't have anyone who cares or remember s.

Just buy artificial nails, factory-chewed

Hence the line stops with me

Oppenheimer vs. Barbie.

God: “No it’s your GLORIOUS PURPOSE”

When I turn off my phone finally at 2:00 am this isthmus face I see

That's Xavier. 😀

I does do dat

Ruh ro.

Everyone is fighting over who has the better imaginary friend!

My existential crisis is in month 3 right now

I feel you Rocket

If you’re a woman, it’s Karen-teed to earn you immortality on YouTube

42

8ft. Being a carpenter he'd made himself stilts.

"one shadow farts..."

OMG that's me!

Ain't ever getting rid of me voluntarily until my time is up

You ever shake ur head so hard u feel ur lil meaty brain knockin around? No? Just me… okay

Ah this how Army of Darkness got its soldiers!

Yup, this is my therapist reminding me every week.

Yup me trapped between world of the living and the dead

This has been my strategy for the last few years. Frankly, it's not working very well. Thoughts keep slipping in.

Damnit why does this keep happening to me!

You ever just look super depressed in the mirror so you try to laugh about it but end up feeling more depressed?

Come on, your not THAT bad of a driver...

Mood

Ha you get sleep

All of the above

A the Cycle of Life! It never ends well!

They forgot "I'm going to harm people who don't share my tribal identity!"

Body: why don't you both just FO & die!

The grammar police in me: "THE GIRLS THAT EXIST!" now I'm strong

In reality there's no such thing as a Day, it's just a made up excuse to keep slaving on hoping for things to change! From the sun's perspective it's always Day!

No! I’m too short. Damn my abnormally short everything

Yea who needs brain cells when you're buffed?

Do it

I'm laughing so hard at this

I’m gonna finally die and gods gonna be like, this is the little s**t that has been refusing to pass into the endless void!

Me right now, actual bread from supermarket...how did this become so hard to do?

I'm ready for my next life please!

Hahaha that's what I did!

No chance in hell things will get better!

Thinking about every life event I must've forgotten or rarely thought about and realising pieces of me are dead and gone but there is a whole new me in the now....which also will be dead and gone tomorrow.

Time is an illusion, and lunch time doubly so!

Then i found out there's a hole in my wall