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“I Ended Up Losing My Mind”: Man Asks If He Was Wrong To Yell At His Wife After She Woke Him Up To Help With The Kids
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“I Ended Up Losing My Mind”: Man Asks If He Was Wrong To Yell At His Wife After She Woke Him Up To Help With The Kids

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Recently, a married man and a dad to two kids, a 7-year-old boy and a 5-year-old girl, turned to the AITA community for advice. In a post that received 2.1k comments, the author Sayejav explained that lately he has been beyond exhausted, both due to deadlines at work and stress at home where his wife, a stay-at-home mother, has not been feeling much better.

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“I was dragged to the hospital by my co-workers after nearly passing out for only walking. The doctor demanded that I take a week’s medical leave because I was already on the verge of a burnout,” Sayejav wrote. So after coming back home, the author asked his wife for “a day off from everything,” and they made an agreement.

However, it seems like there was a miscommunication between the two, and Sayejav went into a full-on breakdown.

Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk

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Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio

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Later, the author shared some more details about the incident

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Image credits: sayejav

And this is what people thought about this whole situation

[Reactions]

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[some people pointed out that this amount of work is dangerous]

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Rasa Žilinskaitė

Rasa Žilinskaitė

Author, Community member

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Rasa is a photo editor at Bored Panda, they have a college degree in photography and are currently studying sewing. Ever since childhood Rasa was interested in visual arts, including painting, photography, knitting and so on. When not at work or studying they like to knitting, cooking and spending quality time with their cats.

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Rasa Žilinskaitė

Rasa Žilinskaitė

Author, Community member

Rasa is a photo editor at Bored Panda, they have a college degree in photography and are currently studying sewing. Ever since childhood Rasa was interested in visual arts, including painting, photography, knitting and so on. When not at work or studying they like to knitting, cooking and spending quality time with their cats.

Liucija Adomaite

Liucija Adomaite

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Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

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Liucija Adomaite

Liucija Adomaite

Author, Community member

Liucija Adomaite is a creative mind with years of experience in copywriting. She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. This time, she has set out on a journey to investigate the ways in which we communicate ideas on a large scale. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus.

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Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the guy is legitimately sick but she needs to go to yoga class? How is this even a question. Even housecleaning can wait. Health is more important

Helena R
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if you read the whole thing, it's his insane work hours that have exhausted him. Not his wife or kids. Whilst she was unreasonable to wake him up, her lifestyle and the kids school weren't the problem.,

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StrangeOne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I know this kind of exhaustion. You can't think straight. You can't function. Everything in your body aches and you don't care where you lay, you're out the moment you close your eyes. Let the guy sleep.

Lace Neil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely nta. I suffer from on and off insomnia and right now, I'm in the position of having to go to work on just three hours sleep. When I get home, I'm taking a pill and going back to bed. If anyone tries to wake me up, murder will be committed, just saying.

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Beck
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He said if he gets a day off then so does she the next day or a later date. I guarantee on her whole day off she would make sure she did nothing with the kids. Crazy she asked him tobwatch them so she could do yoga after they agreed he gets a whole day off.

Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think some of this doesn't add up, if he's overworked for months, when exactly is she "getting a day off" ? Just wondering... I want to hear both sides. Everyone is taking his word for everything, the OP in the AITA is always going to make themselves sound sympathetic, I want more info.

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MoMcB
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Dad worked crazy hours like this to provide things for us. He had a massive heart attack at 52 and died. I was 16. Seriously, stop this. Your wife is an a*****e. Gym and yoga are not so important you can't have a day away, or do it at home.

Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If being a SAHM is so overwhelming that she can't give her burnt out partner a day off, she can always join the workforce and split childcare and housework 50% religiously. As a single mother who works inside and outside the house, l don't have a ton of compassion to spare for those SAHMs.

The Mom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been a SAHM and I've worked full time outside of the home. As a SAHM my husband and I didn't perceive the evenings as time to be assigned to one parent or the other. We were both parents to our 3 children. Who did what was not assigned and I have to wonder about the love shown to the children in these families. Especially when the parents argue about who's turn it is to take care of the kids. OP in this scenario is definitely NTA. Wife certainly is all of the time. OP works full time and is not given any down time at home or work while she gets her time at yoga and the gym.

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Mrs Irish Mom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤯 Sick husband is more important than cleaning, yoga... wife has kids 4 hours a day and when kids usually get home from school der tired and they come to life after 6 when near bedtime... poor man shouldnt have 2 cook family dinner, wife could do it when kids r doin homework... My mother/father had 6 kids, dad worked ft so mam got us up 4 school, had dinner ready after school, cleaned house ect, my dad made her breakie in bed and cleaned house and made dinner sat and sun took us al out 4 dinner.. 50/50 same as myself and my husband...

Mindghost
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not going to yoga class to let your beloved husband and father of your children have his legitimate earned rest is something that should be so clear. I'm sorry, but she seems to sleep a good amount of time, while he must be haunted by his work and gives himself up. He doesn't trust his senses so he doesn't drive and even gets to a doctor for being in a so bad condition physically and mentally and she wants to do yoga "just for fun" and interrupts him for this? I would question her mental health after this, for real.

Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Sure, apologise for yelling, but yelling was understandable. You were ordered to take a week of complete rest after being taken to the hospital for exhaustion. The two of you agreed that you would have a day completely off so you could sleep. Then she wakes you at 6.30am to walk the kids to school, so she can do yoga. You aren't "getting a day off from being a parent", you are a parent sick from exhaustion and having a day in bed. She can be a parent who skips yoga class and drops her kids at school on the way to the gym.

deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This man is sick from exhaustion and desperately needs a break, but because she wants to go to yoga she woke him up and then gets angry when he asks her to just let him sleep. He probably wouldn't have yelled at her if she wasn't acting like an entitled nut. Him being sick is far more important than her going to yoga. If yoga is that important, she could put on a yoga video on YouTube and do that. As far as I understand, this guy pulls his weight at home, so I don't understand why his wife can't cut him some slack.

Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK, sorry, but... she needs to chill out. And deal with it. Her yoga is important for her health, but he is *ill*. Ergo, he gets to rest. The end. ...

Monday
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doctor: "You need to rest. No work just rest". Wife: but I neeeeeeeed to go to yoga!

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Philenzortia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought that having a partner means being a team. He’s sick!!!! He needs rest. And the only thing she’s thinking about is to go to the gym and yoga. If I’ve had a partner and he’s sick I could sacrifice a day off from my workout and do his things while he recovers. It has nothing to do with who does what, but as a team I think I’ll help my partner to recover.

Hoodoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, but is this job worth it? Bein so overworked ya burn out to the point of seeking medical care is one ruby red flag. The other is the wife's abject lack of concern for him. IMO OP needs more than a day off & may need psychological help to re-evaluate his life. This is going to end badly.

Appalachian Panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he literally collapsed from exhaustion and had to go to the hospital, she can skip yoga for that one day. Also, are the kids still going to school despite having the flu or did I read it wrong?

Amused panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is interesting to note that having managed to get back to sleep he slept until 4pm. That's (including the interruption) 19hrs - so his wife disturbed him halfway through the sleep his body needed for his recovery. In that condition, I'm not surprised he shouted at her. He literally had a doctor's demand he rest for a week, he was exhausted to the verge of burn out, needed sleep and yet was expected to walk the kids to school so her normal morning yoga plans weren't affected?!? The only thing I can think of to possibly excuse his wife's actions is, in his extreme exhaustion, he didn't properly articulate the issue before he went to sleep and she didn't understand as he'd thought.

Praecordia
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not for nothing but wow. Im genuinely appalled by her behavior. Your telling me your a SAHM who’s kid’s go to school from 7:00am-1:00pm and you cant take the kids to school then go to your yoga class then come back and clean while your partner is busting his back working full time and on medical leave for burn out who also comes home to give you another 4 hr break from your 4 hr shift? That’s a VERY nice set up you have there wife.

J. Maxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The more of these I read, the more I realize that a lot of folks should not be breeding.

madbakes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand wanting to hear both sides, but as long as he's not lying about the hospital and doctor's orders, I don't see how he could be the a*****e.

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Emmydearest
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I'll get tons of criticism but I'll say it. Being a SAHM, especially with kids that age, it's not a hard work. I've experienced the SAHM life several times: I was a full time nanny for a couple of months, for several summers. I had the kids for the whole week, night and day; the parents only came on the weekend and switched with me (and in the weekend I worked another job, FYI). Usually four kids, aged from 1 to 6 (they obviously got older over the years). I had to clean, cook, help them with their homework, get groceries, invent a new activity everyday to entertain them. And it was the whole day, no school (because it was summertime), all by myself. I have to tell ya, it was not even difficult, it was easy. Sure, I didn't experience the "sick" days, but I got the temper tantrums, the "I miss mommy", "I'm bored"... It's not even remotely tiring as going to work so yeah, the OP is NTA.

Anouk T
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you are extremely simplifying things here and sorry but you also can’t compare being a non parent carer that get paid for work with kids to being a parent who has different emotional connection with kids and does not get paid for their work… also - kids are different, circumstances are different. One summer with a bunch of kids can be nice and enjoyable then long dark winter days come and it’s another story. I’m not saying that the wife from the post was not at fault because I agree that she was, but your comment only scratches a surface of looking after children full time as a parent.

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Esha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im kind of on the fence about this one but NTA. If she said that she would give you a day off then why the sudden change in the morning? I believe she said "you're still a father tired or not. Well she still did say that she would give hime a day off gym or not...

Jay Krissy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA.. He should schedule time for himself as business trip or merting abd book a hotel room.oder room service..turn on the tele..get in bed.. take a melatonin and sleep until his body is ready to wake up after it is fully rested. She is a lazy, selfish and entitled wife. The kids are in school for most of the day so she staying with them from 1-5 is really that difficult when you have been working from 8-5 to then spend 4hrs with then til 9pm. How dors she pay for yoga and gym? If you dont work she can't do that and inorder to be productive at work you have to be healthy. Being grumpy and raising your voice at her in the moment when you are mentally frazzled isnt toxic. She is the toxic one being lackadaisical and not willing to compromise just for a few hours. Tell her to go get a real 9-5 , I bet she will sing a different tune when she is burnt out from both ends.

Marta Fleter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand. Does she HAVE to go to a Yoga/Gym class at 6 in the morning? Why can't she do that when the kids are in school? They are literally there for HOURS. And don't tell me 6am is the only yoga class available because that's impossible. Everything in this post should not be a single problem. It's just a matter of planning and good will. NTA and WTF.

anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If people at work have noticed and the doctors have recommended he take time off, then he should do it. Go somewhere for a week, I'm sure his wife can manage to look after the children for such a short amount of time, she can follow yoga videos on YouTube and cooking is not hard. The guys going to kill himself otherwise.

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and his wife is abusing the situation. If her stay at home work is so hard and time-consuming she should not be going to the gym/yoga for TWO HOURS. If her workout time is the same as when he takes the kids to school then she should be dropping them at school. Op is being used and abused as she only has the kids for 4 hours while he works insane hours with little to no sleep. She agreed and then stepped back on the agreement to prioritize her gym/yoga time over his health. Then she gaslighted him by saying he was avoiding parental responsibility and was toxic to her. She sounds an awful lot like a narcissist.

KayBee
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the wife doesn't grasp team work, and he's ill. She should have pursued other options, like "he's ill. Maybe I can find a different yoga class today to go to while the kids are in school. Or maybe skip it this one day because he is ill" I work full time and also had two kids, but that didn't give me a pass on being flexible for my partner's life and schedule.

Happy_Pandalover
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We only know his side of the story. But if it‘s true, that he was sent home sick by the doctor and they both agreed he will get one full day of rest, then so be it. She agreed to this, so it‘s not understandable how she would take everything back the next day. The situation is pretty clear in this case.

Larry Whalen
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for pointing out she was supposed to be dropping off the children at school, BUT unless you determine where she actually is going to when she says she is at the gym and yoga for two hours then you are an 'A*s' . Been there, been the victim of that, (!) per the courtesy of my first (ex-wife) who said she was shopping from 8:00 PM till 10:00 PM until * finally had a friend watch our children and 5he followed in my friend's vehicle to a motel not far from our house where she had been meeting someone who I thought was a friend - her sorry a*s was out the door within a few months, but unfortunately so was my son and daughter. If this is the situation make sure you have your "ducks in a row" and more than enough proof to bury her in the mud before you confront her. For your sake I hope she is going to the gym and yoga, but at the same time she should be more concerned for your health than her gym and yoga classes because if not, then something is still Very Wrong in your relationship.

laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to say NTA. But also wonder what the rest of the story is.

Stacy Cote
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess the wife thought her self care to go to the gym/yoga was more important than her husband's need for self care. Even if he is crashing!

Terry Butler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It sounds like they have been treating their marriage like a balance sheet. In the normal course of things, when Dad is up to it, he should be looking for ways to love and support his wife. He implies that he does that. When she's able, she should do the same. Then when there is stress on one partner, the other will be more likely to go the extra mile. Take care of the crisis with as much grace as possible. (Mom, step up!) Then get back to being loving partners together. They may need counseling to return to a healthy place in the relationship.

blatherskitenoir
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he normally never sleeps, I can see her misunderstanding that he wasn't fine again after his long nap and a solid 9 hours

Frank Howard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Louis Dar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Stargazer66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're close to a physical, mental and emotional breakdown because of overwork and stress and lack of sleep. And your body obviously needs sleep if your coworkers were alarmed enough to take you to the hospital and the doctor to give you a 1week of medical leave to sleep and rest. Your wife could have and should have put your needs over her yoga class. Your wife, sir is TA, not you.

Holy Cow That's Outta This World
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Think the guy is right here needs sleep if he wants to keep himself at a constant. But you also gotta think that the guy has bad time management, sleeping at 3-4, having trouble sleeping, working on a project late into the night. So I don't blame either of the couple for being mad. The women was a bit petty knowing her husband needed the rest.

Jacob B.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I went in for a routine check up with my doctor...and she put me on medical leave for a week. My wife...let me rest. Occasionally I would go for a walk and she came along, but didn't force anything on me. She later stated that she was worried, saw how work was taking a toll on me. I eventually changed jobs....which turned out for the worse, but I updated the Resume and now work for someone else. Things got way too toxic at the old place.

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago

This comment has been deleted.

Gabriel Sbárbaro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the conclusion here is... DO NOT HAVE KIDS, THEY F**K UP YOUR LIFE...

Brendan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the mum does about 2 hours cleaning and 4 hours parenting (with a bit of "me" time in between)? And the Dad works 9 hours a day (even more recently), does the cooking and dishes, and spends about 3 hours with the kids? She's living the life of Riley!

ZeroCapacity
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else get the idea the wife might be doing more then Yoga in this scenerio or is it just me?

No One
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like there is definitely more to this story. It would be interesting hear HER side of things as well.

dxisy xo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

agreed, not trying to invalidate his feelings but there's got to be more to it on her side

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Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Community Member
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Even WHEN i don’t know much about computers, i never believed I could have TOTAL access to my spouse’s iPhone, TEXT MESSAGES ,snapchat, call logs , INSTAGRAM ,FACEBOOK, Line and WHATS APP without having physical contact until i was recommendation by my best friend to a professional *hacker*. He only asked for little information and the phone number of my husband i never wanted to contact him at First because i was so scared but trust me it was worth the RISK because i was happy to get proof for my lawyer to file a divorce. Contact him via email: Jeffreyethicalhacker@gmail.com Call or Text on +1(747)345-9036.. trdf

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Community Member
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Community Member
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Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Captain Awesome
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From what I read, she asked him to walk the kids to school. So you get yo a*s outta bed, put on comfy pants, walk the kids to school and go right back to bed. Before you all start downvoting, I've had this kind of job. Start at 8, work thru until 3 or 4 then rinse and repeat days on end. U a dad, u got s**t u gotta do. Stop whining.

Alice In Hell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is exhausted, told to rest under doctors orders. She can put her selfishness aside for one bloody day to help him out. One day..take your kids to school...would it have caused her any harm. The dad literally almost passed out whilst walking he was so exhausted. Where is the team in this relationship....one is supposed to help each other out in times like this.

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Jennifer Lee
Community Member
2 years ago

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YTA. You say it takes you SEVERAL HOURS to fall asleep, even when you are very tired. You obviously have a sleep disorder that needs to be treated. You underestimate how much work two active young children create during the day. If your job has you working up to 4am in the morning, THAT is the problem, not your wife's basic need for an hour of exercise during the day, and yoga to cope with the stress. Cooking and cleaning are the EASY tasks for dinner- it's planning meals and doing the shopping that take the most time and effort. You need to sit down with your employer and let them know that you can't work late hours with two small children. How old are you and your wife? It's odd to leave out those details unless there is a major age difference that you're hiding. Either way, you are a grown man. Have your doctor admit you to a sleep clinic to deal with your insomnia. It's already ruining your life.

Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago

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I think there's two sides to every story and I want to hear her side. Why is everyone dumping on the mom? Taking care of two small kids, and the house and the shopping and errands and everything else is a lot of work! Also, we only have his word about what she's doing instead of walking the kids to school and even if she is going to yoga, so what?! She needs to take care of herself too, both parents being sick isn't going to help anyone. She is right that you're still a parent even when you're sick and/or tired, I don't trust his take on it alone.

Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bro, if he walked his kids to school, he probably would've passed out on the sidewalk. Right there in front of his kids. If working out is so important to the mom, she could've walked the kids. A little warmup before the hard stuff. He ALSO needs to take care of hisself, which is what he was doing before the wife interrupted.

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Naresh
Community Member
2 years ago

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Magic trick 😀😀https://youtu.be/MSzlXjqJJX0

Tina Newman
Community Member
2 years ago

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She's right.. You're a father, tired of not. Sleeping ALL DAY for ONE day will not fix your problem. You need regular sleep. I call b******t on that "12 hours in 5 days" garbage. If you are so desperate for sleep, ask your doctor for sleep aid..... there are pills for that.

Alice In Hell
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow.... I really have no words for your comment, just...wow.... (actually I have lots of words, they just arent very nice)

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Penny Kemper
Community Member
2 years ago

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Sorry but I agree with her. He could do that then go back to sleep

Sanchi
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t mind him literally fainting of exhaustion… being rushed to the hospital, doctor being worried.

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Pablo Ramos
Community Member
2 years ago

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It's a wife. You are the a*s. Always. Apologize. Just apologize. Then apologize again. Then she will feel bad about it.

Trillian
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the guy is legitimately sick but she needs to go to yoga class? How is this even a question. Even housecleaning can wait. Health is more important

Helena R
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

But if you read the whole thing, it's his insane work hours that have exhausted him. Not his wife or kids. Whilst she was unreasonable to wake him up, her lifestyle and the kids school weren't the problem.,

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StrangeOne
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I know this kind of exhaustion. You can't think straight. You can't function. Everything in your body aches and you don't care where you lay, you're out the moment you close your eyes. Let the guy sleep.

Lace Neil
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Definitely nta. I suffer from on and off insomnia and right now, I'm in the position of having to go to work on just three hours sleep. When I get home, I'm taking a pill and going back to bed. If anyone tries to wake me up, murder will be committed, just saying.

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Beck
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He said if he gets a day off then so does she the next day or a later date. I guarantee on her whole day off she would make sure she did nothing with the kids. Crazy she asked him tobwatch them so she could do yoga after they agreed he gets a whole day off.

Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think some of this doesn't add up, if he's overworked for months, when exactly is she "getting a day off" ? Just wondering... I want to hear both sides. Everyone is taking his word for everything, the OP in the AITA is always going to make themselves sound sympathetic, I want more info.

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MoMcB
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My Dad worked crazy hours like this to provide things for us. He had a massive heart attack at 52 and died. I was 16. Seriously, stop this. Your wife is an a*****e. Gym and yoga are not so important you can't have a day away, or do it at home.

Pittsburgh rare
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If being a SAHM is so overwhelming that she can't give her burnt out partner a day off, she can always join the workforce and split childcare and housework 50% religiously. As a single mother who works inside and outside the house, l don't have a ton of compassion to spare for those SAHMs.

The Mom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have been a SAHM and I've worked full time outside of the home. As a SAHM my husband and I didn't perceive the evenings as time to be assigned to one parent or the other. We were both parents to our 3 children. Who did what was not assigned and I have to wonder about the love shown to the children in these families. Especially when the parents argue about who's turn it is to take care of the kids. OP in this scenario is definitely NTA. Wife certainly is all of the time. OP works full time and is not given any down time at home or work while she gets her time at yoga and the gym.

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Mrs Irish Mom
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

🤯 Sick husband is more important than cleaning, yoga... wife has kids 4 hours a day and when kids usually get home from school der tired and they come to life after 6 when near bedtime... poor man shouldnt have 2 cook family dinner, wife could do it when kids r doin homework... My mother/father had 6 kids, dad worked ft so mam got us up 4 school, had dinner ready after school, cleaned house ect, my dad made her breakie in bed and cleaned house and made dinner sat and sun took us al out 4 dinner.. 50/50 same as myself and my husband...

Mindghost
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not going to yoga class to let your beloved husband and father of your children have his legitimate earned rest is something that should be so clear. I'm sorry, but she seems to sleep a good amount of time, while he must be haunted by his work and gives himself up. He doesn't trust his senses so he doesn't drive and even gets to a doctor for being in a so bad condition physically and mentally and she wants to do yoga "just for fun" and interrupts him for this? I would question her mental health after this, for real.

Deborah B
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. Sure, apologise for yelling, but yelling was understandable. You were ordered to take a week of complete rest after being taken to the hospital for exhaustion. The two of you agreed that you would have a day completely off so you could sleep. Then she wakes you at 6.30am to walk the kids to school, so she can do yoga. You aren't "getting a day off from being a parent", you are a parent sick from exhaustion and having a day in bed. She can be a parent who skips yoga class and drops her kids at school on the way to the gym.

deanna woods
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This man is sick from exhaustion and desperately needs a break, but because she wants to go to yoga she woke him up and then gets angry when he asks her to just let him sleep. He probably wouldn't have yelled at her if she wasn't acting like an entitled nut. Him being sick is far more important than her going to yoga. If yoga is that important, she could put on a yoga video on YouTube and do that. As far as I understand, this guy pulls his weight at home, so I don't understand why his wife can't cut him some slack.

Leo Domitrix
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

OK, sorry, but... she needs to chill out. And deal with it. Her yoga is important for her health, but he is *ill*. Ergo, he gets to rest. The end. ...

Monday
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Doctor: "You need to rest. No work just rest". Wife: but I neeeeeeeed to go to yoga!

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Philenzortia
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought that having a partner means being a team. He’s sick!!!! He needs rest. And the only thing she’s thinking about is to go to the gym and yoga. If I’ve had a partner and he’s sick I could sacrifice a day off from my workout and do his things while he recovers. It has nothing to do with who does what, but as a team I think I’ll help my partner to recover.

Hoodoo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA, but is this job worth it? Bein so overworked ya burn out to the point of seeking medical care is one ruby red flag. The other is the wife's abject lack of concern for him. IMO OP needs more than a day off & may need psychological help to re-evaluate his life. This is going to end badly.

Appalachian Panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he literally collapsed from exhaustion and had to go to the hospital, she can skip yoga for that one day. Also, are the kids still going to school despite having the flu or did I read it wrong?

Amused panda
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It is interesting to note that having managed to get back to sleep he slept until 4pm. That's (including the interruption) 19hrs - so his wife disturbed him halfway through the sleep his body needed for his recovery. In that condition, I'm not surprised he shouted at her. He literally had a doctor's demand he rest for a week, he was exhausted to the verge of burn out, needed sleep and yet was expected to walk the kids to school so her normal morning yoga plans weren't affected?!? The only thing I can think of to possibly excuse his wife's actions is, in his extreme exhaustion, he didn't properly articulate the issue before he went to sleep and she didn't understand as he'd thought.

Praecordia
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Not for nothing but wow. Im genuinely appalled by her behavior. Your telling me your a SAHM who’s kid’s go to school from 7:00am-1:00pm and you cant take the kids to school then go to your yoga class then come back and clean while your partner is busting his back working full time and on medical leave for burn out who also comes home to give you another 4 hr break from your 4 hr shift? That’s a VERY nice set up you have there wife.

J. Maxx
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

The more of these I read, the more I realize that a lot of folks should not be breeding.

madbakes
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I understand wanting to hear both sides, but as long as he's not lying about the hospital and doctor's orders, I don't see how he could be the a*****e.

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Emmydearest
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I know I'll get tons of criticism but I'll say it. Being a SAHM, especially with kids that age, it's not a hard work. I've experienced the SAHM life several times: I was a full time nanny for a couple of months, for several summers. I had the kids for the whole week, night and day; the parents only came on the weekend and switched with me (and in the weekend I worked another job, FYI). Usually four kids, aged from 1 to 6 (they obviously got older over the years). I had to clean, cook, help them with their homework, get groceries, invent a new activity everyday to entertain them. And it was the whole day, no school (because it was summertime), all by myself. I have to tell ya, it was not even difficult, it was easy. Sure, I didn't experience the "sick" days, but I got the temper tantrums, the "I miss mommy", "I'm bored"... It's not even remotely tiring as going to work so yeah, the OP is NTA.

Anouk T
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think you are extremely simplifying things here and sorry but you also can’t compare being a non parent carer that get paid for work with kids to being a parent who has different emotional connection with kids and does not get paid for their work… also - kids are different, circumstances are different. One summer with a bunch of kids can be nice and enjoyable then long dark winter days come and it’s another story. I’m not saying that the wife from the post was not at fault because I agree that she was, but your comment only scratches a surface of looking after children full time as a parent.

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Esha
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Im kind of on the fence about this one but NTA. If she said that she would give you a day off then why the sudden change in the morning? I believe she said "you're still a father tired or not. Well she still did say that she would give hime a day off gym or not...

Jay Krissy
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA.. He should schedule time for himself as business trip or merting abd book a hotel room.oder room service..turn on the tele..get in bed.. take a melatonin and sleep until his body is ready to wake up after it is fully rested. She is a lazy, selfish and entitled wife. The kids are in school for most of the day so she staying with them from 1-5 is really that difficult when you have been working from 8-5 to then spend 4hrs with then til 9pm. How dors she pay for yoga and gym? If you dont work she can't do that and inorder to be productive at work you have to be healthy. Being grumpy and raising your voice at her in the moment when you are mentally frazzled isnt toxic. She is the toxic one being lackadaisical and not willing to compromise just for a few hours. Tell her to go get a real 9-5 , I bet she will sing a different tune when she is burnt out from both ends.

Marta Fleter
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I don't understand. Does she HAVE to go to a Yoga/Gym class at 6 in the morning? Why can't she do that when the kids are in school? They are literally there for HOURS. And don't tell me 6am is the only yoga class available because that's impossible. Everything in this post should not be a single problem. It's just a matter of planning and good will. NTA and WTF.

anarkzie
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If people at work have noticed and the doctors have recommended he take time off, then he should do it. Go somewhere for a week, I'm sure his wife can manage to look after the children for such a short amount of time, she can follow yoga videos on YouTube and cooking is not hard. The guys going to kill himself otherwise.

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA and his wife is abusing the situation. If her stay at home work is so hard and time-consuming she should not be going to the gym/yoga for TWO HOURS. If her workout time is the same as when he takes the kids to school then she should be dropping them at school. Op is being used and abused as she only has the kids for 4 hours while he works insane hours with little to no sleep. She agreed and then stepped back on the agreement to prioritize her gym/yoga time over his health. Then she gaslighted him by saying he was avoiding parental responsibility and was toxic to her. She sounds an awful lot like a narcissist.

KayBee
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the wife doesn't grasp team work, and he's ill. She should have pursued other options, like "he's ill. Maybe I can find a different yoga class today to go to while the kids are in school. Or maybe skip it this one day because he is ill" I work full time and also had two kids, but that didn't give me a pass on being flexible for my partner's life and schedule.

Happy_Pandalover
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We only know his side of the story. But if it‘s true, that he was sent home sick by the doctor and they both agreed he will get one full day of rest, then so be it. She agreed to this, so it‘s not understandable how she would take everything back the next day. The situation is pretty clear in this case.

Larry Whalen
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA for pointing out she was supposed to be dropping off the children at school, BUT unless you determine where she actually is going to when she says she is at the gym and yoga for two hours then you are an 'A*s' . Been there, been the victim of that, (!) per the courtesy of my first (ex-wife) who said she was shopping from 8:00 PM till 10:00 PM until * finally had a friend watch our children and 5he followed in my friend's vehicle to a motel not far from our house where she had been meeting someone who I thought was a friend - her sorry a*s was out the door within a few months, but unfortunately so was my son and daughter. If this is the situation make sure you have your "ducks in a row" and more than enough proof to bury her in the mud before you confront her. For your sake I hope she is going to the gym and yoga, but at the same time she should be more concerned for your health than her gym and yoga classes because if not, then something is still Very Wrong in your relationship.

laura edwards
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm going to say NTA. But also wonder what the rest of the story is.

Stacy Cote
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I guess the wife thought her self care to go to the gym/yoga was more important than her husband's need for self care. Even if he is crashing!

Terry Butler
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. It sounds like they have been treating their marriage like a balance sheet. In the normal course of things, when Dad is up to it, he should be looking for ways to love and support his wife. He implies that he does that. When she's able, she should do the same. Then when there is stress on one partner, the other will be more likely to go the extra mile. Take care of the crisis with as much grace as possible. (Mom, step up!) Then get back to being loving partners together. They may need counseling to return to a healthy place in the relationship.

blatherskitenoir
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If he normally never sleeps, I can see her misunderstanding that he wasn't fine again after his long nap and a solid 9 hours

Frank Howard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Louis Dar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Stargazer66
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You're close to a physical, mental and emotional breakdown because of overwork and stress and lack of sleep. And your body obviously needs sleep if your coworkers were alarmed enough to take you to the hospital and the doctor to give you a 1week of medical leave to sleep and rest. Your wife could have and should have put your needs over her yoga class. Your wife, sir is TA, not you.

Holy Cow That's Outta This World
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Think the guy is right here needs sleep if he wants to keep himself at a constant. But you also gotta think that the guy has bad time management, sleeping at 3-4, having trouble sleeping, working on a project late into the night. So I don't blame either of the couple for being mad. The women was a bit petty knowing her husband needed the rest.

Jacob B.
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

NTA. I went in for a routine check up with my doctor...and she put me on medical leave for a week. My wife...let me rest. Occasionally I would go for a walk and she came along, but didn't force anything on me. She later stated that she was worried, saw how work was taking a toll on me. I eventually changed jobs....which turned out for the worse, but I updated the Resume and now work for someone else. Things got way too toxic at the old place.

Craig Reynolds
Community Member
2 years ago

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Gabriel Sbárbaro
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I think the conclusion here is... DO NOT HAVE KIDS, THEY F**K UP YOUR LIFE...

Brendan
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So the mum does about 2 hours cleaning and 4 hours parenting (with a bit of "me" time in between)? And the Dad works 9 hours a day (even more recently), does the cooking and dishes, and spends about 3 hours with the kids? She's living the life of Riley!

ZeroCapacity
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Anyone else get the idea the wife might be doing more then Yoga in this scenerio or is it just me?

No One
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I feel like there is definitely more to this story. It would be interesting hear HER side of things as well.

dxisy xo
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

agreed, not trying to invalidate his feelings but there's got to be more to it on her side

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Frank Howard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Even WHEN i don’t know much about computers, i never believed I could have TOTAL access to my spouse’s iPhone, TEXT MESSAGES ,snapchat, call logs , INSTAGRAM ,FACEBOOK, Line and WHATS APP without having physical contact until i was recommendation by my best friend to a professional *hacker*. He only asked for little information and the phone number of my husband i never wanted to contact him at First because i was so scared but trust me it was worth the RISK because i was happy to get proof for my lawyer to file a divorce. Contact him via email: Jeffreyethicalhacker@gmail.com Call or Text on +1(747)345-9036.. trdf

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Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Frank Howard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Frank Howard
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

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Captain Awesome
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

From what I read, she asked him to walk the kids to school. So you get yo a*s outta bed, put on comfy pants, walk the kids to school and go right back to bed. Before you all start downvoting, I've had this kind of job. Start at 8, work thru until 3 or 4 then rinse and repeat days on end. U a dad, u got s**t u gotta do. Stop whining.

Alice In Hell
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He is exhausted, told to rest under doctors orders. She can put her selfishness aside for one bloody day to help him out. One day..take your kids to school...would it have caused her any harm. The dad literally almost passed out whilst walking he was so exhausted. Where is the team in this relationship....one is supposed to help each other out in times like this.

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Jennifer Lee
Community Member
2 years ago

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YTA. You say it takes you SEVERAL HOURS to fall asleep, even when you are very tired. You obviously have a sleep disorder that needs to be treated. You underestimate how much work two active young children create during the day. If your job has you working up to 4am in the morning, THAT is the problem, not your wife's basic need for an hour of exercise during the day, and yoga to cope with the stress. Cooking and cleaning are the EASY tasks for dinner- it's planning meals and doing the shopping that take the most time and effort. You need to sit down with your employer and let them know that you can't work late hours with two small children. How old are you and your wife? It's odd to leave out those details unless there is a major age difference that you're hiding. Either way, you are a grown man. Have your doctor admit you to a sleep clinic to deal with your insomnia. It's already ruining your life.

Cyndielouwhoo
Community Member
2 years ago

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I think there's two sides to every story and I want to hear her side. Why is everyone dumping on the mom? Taking care of two small kids, and the house and the shopping and errands and everything else is a lot of work! Also, we only have his word about what she's doing instead of walking the kids to school and even if she is going to yoga, so what?! She needs to take care of herself too, both parents being sick isn't going to help anyone. She is right that you're still a parent even when you're sick and/or tired, I don't trust his take on it alone.

Mrs.Pugh
Community Member
2 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Bro, if he walked his kids to school, he probably would've passed out on the sidewalk. Right there in front of his kids. If working out is so important to the mom, she could've walked the kids. A little warmup before the hard stuff. He ALSO needs to take care of hisself, which is what he was doing before the wife interrupted.

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Naresh
Community Member
2 years ago

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Magic trick 😀😀https://youtu.be/MSzlXjqJJX0

Tina Newman
Community Member
2 years ago

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She's right.. You're a father, tired of not. Sleeping ALL DAY for ONE day will not fix your problem. You need regular sleep. I call b******t on that "12 hours in 5 days" garbage. If you are so desperate for sleep, ask your doctor for sleep aid..... there are pills for that.

Alice In Hell
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow.... I really have no words for your comment, just...wow.... (actually I have lots of words, they just arent very nice)

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Penny Kemper
Community Member
2 years ago

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Sorry but I agree with her. He could do that then go back to sleep

Sanchi
Community Member
2 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Don’t mind him literally fainting of exhaustion… being rushed to the hospital, doctor being worried.

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Pablo Ramos
Community Member
2 years ago

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It's a wife. You are the a*s. Always. Apologize. Just apologize. Then apologize again. Then she will feel bad about it.

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