Ex-Wife Asks Man To Let Her Kid Use Bathroom, His New Wife And SIL Are Livid That He Allowed It
A good relationship with your ex-spouse is important if you share a child. It sets a positive example for the kid, showing that people can get along despite having a difficult history.
Today’s story covers how an amicable relationship between ex-spouses raised concern for the man’s current wife after he let his ex-wife into their home. The man was just being kind, but the wife took it personally and said he was “rude” and “tacky” as he did it without her permission.
More Info: Reddit
Maintaining a good relationship with your ex-spouse might not be easy, but necessary if you share offspring
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
A man took his recent dispute with his spouse to the internet after she deemed him a jerk for letting his ex-wife into their apartment
Image credits: senivpetro (not the actual photo)
The man and his ex-wife have a kid together, and when she came to pick him up, he let her in as one of her other kids needed to use the restroom
Image credits: senivpetro (not the actual photo)
While the kid was in the bathroom, the ex-spouse made small talk with the man’s friends, as they were having a small get-together
After his current wife and sister-in-law found out about this, they made it a big deal, saying that the man should’ve asked his wife’s permission and only then let the ex-spouse in
Recently a man approached Reddit’s r/AITA community to see if he was being a jerk to his wife, as she accused him of being one. For context, the man has an amicable relationship with his ex-spouse. They share a child, and they divorced on good terms. As usual, the ex-wife came to pick up their son, and he typically goes downstairs and meets the mom out front.
Last time, however, the mom arrived with her other 3 children and asked her ex-husband if she could come up. One of the kids needed to use the restroom, so the man agreed, as any decent person would, no matter if you have sour feelings for your ex or not.
At the same time, the man was hosting a small get-together with his friends, so when the ex-wife came up she made small talk with them. Soon after, she left with the children and the man thought nothing of it. It’s nothing important, right?
Well, not necessarily. The man’s current wife and her sister thought that it was a big deal for the wife to come up. As per their reasoning, the husband was rude and disrespected his wife by not asking her permission. According to them, the husband needed to ask his wife first if he could let the ex-spouse come up to their apartment.
The man was dumbfounded, as it was a simple act of kindness, there were no ulterior motives. Perplexed, he took his thoughts to Reddit to see if he was the jerk there, and netizens overwhelmingly disagreed. People on the internet agree that maintaining a good relationship with the mother of your child should be the standard. And the cliche of hating your ex-spouse shouldn’t be established any further.
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Due to this common trope, though, an amicable relationship with your ex can raise eyebrows for some. People tend to expect you should, at the very least, dislike your previous spouse. It can cause friction and even jealousy in your new relationship if your new significant other thinks you’re being disrespectful by maintaining good terms with an ex-wife or husband.
It’s certainly a reasonable basis for suspicion if the ex-partners do not have children from their relationship and are still very close to each other. However, the perspective should change once an offspring is in the picture, as it binds the parents for life for the well-being of their child.
Undoubtedly, it’s difficult for a kid to stomach the divorce of their parents in the first place. If the ex-spouses continue to go to war with each other once the separation is finalized, though, it can further inflict trauma on the child. That’s one of the reasons why a decent relationship between the parents is crucial.
Since children are not fully psychologically developed, demonizing one of the parents after the divorce is not uncommon. It helps the kid to cope with the immediate emotional shockwaves and provides structure, even though it’s not optimal long-term. Loving parents, who work together in the best interest of the child, can help defuse the turmoil.
What do you think about today’s story? Do you think the man was the jerk? Let us know in the comments below.
Netizens say that the man is not a jerk and that he should further discuss this with his wife
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Toxic sister and wife combo. "Please explain" "You wont understand" Yeh so i need to do something without you being able to explain it like a good little servant. F*****g hell that is toxic.
My ex and I have a very weird co-parenting relationship, so I might be biased, but I see nothing wrong with letting a CHILD use the bathroom. Then again my daughter's were in my ex's wedding (not his daughters) and I even have the ex-wife after me (ex is on 3rd relationship) over for visits to see the (ex) stepson. We went to her new wedding as well
Current wife and sister are weird. An amicable divorce involving children is a good thing. Indicates parents are 1. Adults 2. Welfare of children comes first 3. See #2
Sounds like the new wife is jealous of the ex and her sister is just stirring the pot and putting stupid ideas in her sisters head. He needs to put her in her place or he just might be divorced again
The current wife needs to understand that everyone is now part of one extended family group now.
Exactly this! She knew the family dynamics going into this marriage and she should not have married OP if she thought she could change it once the ink was dry on the marriage certificate.
Load More Replies...I may have missed it, but did OP mention to his wife and their guests that his ex and her children were stopping in briefly to allow one of the children to use the restroom? That would be my only soft scolding I'd give him - let your wife and guests know that it was happening. Otherwise NTA for letting a kid go to the bathroom rather than forcing them to hold it.
It's implied he (or ex wife) told people why because one of the guests made a comment about small kid bladders in response to sil.
Load More Replies...Wow, the wife sure is insecure about her marriage. And the SIL is just trying to stir drama. Who the hell denies letting a little kid use the bathroom? How ridiculous!
A child needed the bathroom. Who would say no? You just say yes! It's his kids half brother for crying out loud!!!
NTA, but your new wife and her sister are definitely a******s.
Sounds like the new wife lacks self confidence and has a jealousy problem that she tries to deal with by being controlling. I have 3 kids with my first husband and my second husband and I have actually let my ex stay with us a few days when he was in great financial straights. My husband was not jealous because he knew we were divorced for a reason, and that I did not want my ex back. We let him stay because he is the father of my children and I did not want to stress my kids by them worrying about their dad sleeping in his car and not having food to eat.
That's a very healthy family dynamic to have and your husband is obviously confident in your marriage and your love for him.
Load More Replies...They wife said it was embarrassing for the husband. I DESPISE this weird new thing where someone says something is embarrassing for someone else. If they other person is not embarrassed, then it was not embarrassing for them. It's just such a convoluted way to to tell someone you disapprove of their actions.
I've heard that said but not given it much thought until your post. It really is obnoxious, isn't it?
Load More Replies...Whatever happened to common decency - OPs wife certainly doesn't have any.
When someone says, "You wouldn't understand", that means that they already know what they are thinking is wrong and they don't want to be judged for it.
"You won't understand." Try me. Seriously. I can think of a number of reasons why this would be considered inappropriate. None of those reasons are *good* or *justifiable* reasons. So am I to understand these women are petty a**holes? Because that's what they're telling us here. A child, the sibling of your step son, had to pee. The mother asked, got permission from an adult in the household. She apologized for the inconvenience. She had a brief chat with known friends. And politely exited without causing drama or overstaying her welcome. Where's the problem?
Who would deny a small kid's request to pee? I would let my worst enemy use the loo if they had a small kid who was busting. He wizzed in the bowl, it's not like Mum and Boy were marking their territory.
Wow or even imagine this.... Letting the ex herself use the bathroom! Would have blown current screw loose wife's mind. The part about refusing to communicate and explain her feelings makes it just that much worse. She's pissed that the friends don't hate her and is likely so insecure that she's wondering if they like her more.
Who let the wackadoodle loose in the comments? Sheesh, talk about triggered. I've never seen anyone take a post so personally on here before.
I know! It's bizarre how much vitriol can spew out of one person over a kid needing to pee.
Load More Replies...Common human decency. You let a small child go potty. Omg your wife needs to grow tf up. Her and her sister. Seriously?!?!
I'm pleasantly surprised/sus at the lack of crazed YTA posts saying you have to back your new wife against the ex, no matter what
W in T actual F did the wife expect him to do? Say "Sorry, your child should wet themselves because my wife is too insecure to let them use our bathroom"? That's seriously messed up. He and his wife need to have a long talk about why she's feeling this way, because if she wasn't threatened basic decency would mean her saying yes without reservations.
Of course he was right. Any normal person would have done the same.
Definitely NTA - you did nothing wrong. You & your ex-wife acted like decent, civilized human beings. She asked your permission before coming up - she did not barge in, make a drink, sit down, & take over the party. Your & her co-parenting style is admirable & is wonderful for all the kids. Even if your wife says you wouldn't understand why she was so upset, in fairness she should tell you - maybe you won't understand it or won't agree (& FGS don't tell her she "shouldn't feel that way" - her feelings are her feelings) but you have the right to know why she's accusing you of egregious behavior. Interesting that she said you should have asked her "permission." It's your home too - you shouldn't be expected to ask. If you had & she refused to let your son's sibling use the bathroom in your home, I wonder what her alternative suggestion would have been for the poor little kid - wouldn't care where he peed - just not in her house? For the sake of the children I hope she's on the same page as you & your ex-wife in the co-parenting, that there's not some animosity you're not aware of but that the children might sense. Her sister: It's not surprising that she sided with your wife but it's not her place to insert herself into a matter that concerns only the 2 of you. Sounds like there was a little "piling on" by the sister & fanning the flames.
Why punish a child because you have a problem with an ex? Not even your own ex?
Next time she needs a glass of water and her child (unrelated to both home-holders) wants to play with that toy they saw last time. Next time Can you watch this random child while I pick up prescriptions Only half an hour. Next Imto your sofa Im Bushed, do you have a soda/beer? Let the kids play. You can go out later and sorry I caught you refinishing your kitchen I won't tell anyone you live like this.
Just told by Spencer's former slave to Let It Go. That is the definition of minimizing. This is a SOCIAL MEDIA site. I happen to be a socioplitiocian and I am aware of this phonomenon and I do not "let go" certain things Nowhere ever was the child actually needing to pee. It could have been poop, a lie, a child who was badly soiled/contagious. But it doesn't matter. Does it. No one in any culture I am aware of uses essentially a stranger's home toilet. And that is a human right. The child did not need water or electrolytes or heat relief. YOU let it go. I never served a person in real need who has these entitled concepts. Why don't the dispossed just come using random toilets on demand. Since this woman has At Least 2 children now she should be on top of it except that her "freind group" was with her ex and she wasn't invited. Stop with the BS and the songs.
The 14th Amendment in the USA is based upon freedom of privacy: in assumed spaces such as one's abode, one's restaurant seat, one's vehicle etc. This has a corollary in nearly every "democratic" nation on Planet Earth. I truly do fight, in court, for the safety in housing for every human soul, my husband does the animals and plants. He is also the non-violent communicator with skills in diplomacy. I am not. I have survived a riot and the murder of a loved one and I hate 2 things: racism and entitlement. So casting gravel at me will create a dust storm that will blind. Also dovorce law is nearly the same Worldwide and for all the same reasons because we are all just people. So breathe some O2 and look at a plant. Peace Out.
Try being like Elsa and just 🎶 Let it go🎶 .
Load More Replies...I want an explanation why it is a problem in the first place. Let us say the EX wife herself needed to take a dumb? Would that ALSO be a problem? Jealousy expecially of an EX IS NOT a good look.
Load More Replies...That's different, but they seem to be on good terms, so what's the problem?
Load More Replies...Oh no! Ex-spouse’s child’s pee on one’s toilet! We ALL know that the second your ex’s child pees on your toilet, you are cursed, and your toilet will disintegrate, your finances will fail, your cat will hork on the white carpeting, you will step in dog poop while barefoot, and your breadbox will be infested with roaches!!!!
Load More Replies...Toxic sister and wife combo. "Please explain" "You wont understand" Yeh so i need to do something without you being able to explain it like a good little servant. F*****g hell that is toxic.
My ex and I have a very weird co-parenting relationship, so I might be biased, but I see nothing wrong with letting a CHILD use the bathroom. Then again my daughter's were in my ex's wedding (not his daughters) and I even have the ex-wife after me (ex is on 3rd relationship) over for visits to see the (ex) stepson. We went to her new wedding as well
Current wife and sister are weird. An amicable divorce involving children is a good thing. Indicates parents are 1. Adults 2. Welfare of children comes first 3. See #2
Sounds like the new wife is jealous of the ex and her sister is just stirring the pot and putting stupid ideas in her sisters head. He needs to put her in her place or he just might be divorced again
The current wife needs to understand that everyone is now part of one extended family group now.
Exactly this! She knew the family dynamics going into this marriage and she should not have married OP if she thought she could change it once the ink was dry on the marriage certificate.
Load More Replies...I may have missed it, but did OP mention to his wife and their guests that his ex and her children were stopping in briefly to allow one of the children to use the restroom? That would be my only soft scolding I'd give him - let your wife and guests know that it was happening. Otherwise NTA for letting a kid go to the bathroom rather than forcing them to hold it.
It's implied he (or ex wife) told people why because one of the guests made a comment about small kid bladders in response to sil.
Load More Replies...Wow, the wife sure is insecure about her marriage. And the SIL is just trying to stir drama. Who the hell denies letting a little kid use the bathroom? How ridiculous!
A child needed the bathroom. Who would say no? You just say yes! It's his kids half brother for crying out loud!!!
NTA, but your new wife and her sister are definitely a******s.
Sounds like the new wife lacks self confidence and has a jealousy problem that she tries to deal with by being controlling. I have 3 kids with my first husband and my second husband and I have actually let my ex stay with us a few days when he was in great financial straights. My husband was not jealous because he knew we were divorced for a reason, and that I did not want my ex back. We let him stay because he is the father of my children and I did not want to stress my kids by them worrying about their dad sleeping in his car and not having food to eat.
That's a very healthy family dynamic to have and your husband is obviously confident in your marriage and your love for him.
Load More Replies...They wife said it was embarrassing for the husband. I DESPISE this weird new thing where someone says something is embarrassing for someone else. If they other person is not embarrassed, then it was not embarrassing for them. It's just such a convoluted way to to tell someone you disapprove of their actions.
I've heard that said but not given it much thought until your post. It really is obnoxious, isn't it?
Load More Replies...Whatever happened to common decency - OPs wife certainly doesn't have any.
When someone says, "You wouldn't understand", that means that they already know what they are thinking is wrong and they don't want to be judged for it.
"You won't understand." Try me. Seriously. I can think of a number of reasons why this would be considered inappropriate. None of those reasons are *good* or *justifiable* reasons. So am I to understand these women are petty a**holes? Because that's what they're telling us here. A child, the sibling of your step son, had to pee. The mother asked, got permission from an adult in the household. She apologized for the inconvenience. She had a brief chat with known friends. And politely exited without causing drama or overstaying her welcome. Where's the problem?
Who would deny a small kid's request to pee? I would let my worst enemy use the loo if they had a small kid who was busting. He wizzed in the bowl, it's not like Mum and Boy were marking their territory.
Wow or even imagine this.... Letting the ex herself use the bathroom! Would have blown current screw loose wife's mind. The part about refusing to communicate and explain her feelings makes it just that much worse. She's pissed that the friends don't hate her and is likely so insecure that she's wondering if they like her more.
Who let the wackadoodle loose in the comments? Sheesh, talk about triggered. I've never seen anyone take a post so personally on here before.
I know! It's bizarre how much vitriol can spew out of one person over a kid needing to pee.
Load More Replies...Common human decency. You let a small child go potty. Omg your wife needs to grow tf up. Her and her sister. Seriously?!?!
I'm pleasantly surprised/sus at the lack of crazed YTA posts saying you have to back your new wife against the ex, no matter what
W in T actual F did the wife expect him to do? Say "Sorry, your child should wet themselves because my wife is too insecure to let them use our bathroom"? That's seriously messed up. He and his wife need to have a long talk about why she's feeling this way, because if she wasn't threatened basic decency would mean her saying yes without reservations.
Of course he was right. Any normal person would have done the same.
Definitely NTA - you did nothing wrong. You & your ex-wife acted like decent, civilized human beings. She asked your permission before coming up - she did not barge in, make a drink, sit down, & take over the party. Your & her co-parenting style is admirable & is wonderful for all the kids. Even if your wife says you wouldn't understand why she was so upset, in fairness she should tell you - maybe you won't understand it or won't agree (& FGS don't tell her she "shouldn't feel that way" - her feelings are her feelings) but you have the right to know why she's accusing you of egregious behavior. Interesting that she said you should have asked her "permission." It's your home too - you shouldn't be expected to ask. If you had & she refused to let your son's sibling use the bathroom in your home, I wonder what her alternative suggestion would have been for the poor little kid - wouldn't care where he peed - just not in her house? For the sake of the children I hope she's on the same page as you & your ex-wife in the co-parenting, that there's not some animosity you're not aware of but that the children might sense. Her sister: It's not surprising that she sided with your wife but it's not her place to insert herself into a matter that concerns only the 2 of you. Sounds like there was a little "piling on" by the sister & fanning the flames.
Why punish a child because you have a problem with an ex? Not even your own ex?
Next time she needs a glass of water and her child (unrelated to both home-holders) wants to play with that toy they saw last time. Next time Can you watch this random child while I pick up prescriptions Only half an hour. Next Imto your sofa Im Bushed, do you have a soda/beer? Let the kids play. You can go out later and sorry I caught you refinishing your kitchen I won't tell anyone you live like this.
Just told by Spencer's former slave to Let It Go. That is the definition of minimizing. This is a SOCIAL MEDIA site. I happen to be a socioplitiocian and I am aware of this phonomenon and I do not "let go" certain things Nowhere ever was the child actually needing to pee. It could have been poop, a lie, a child who was badly soiled/contagious. But it doesn't matter. Does it. No one in any culture I am aware of uses essentially a stranger's home toilet. And that is a human right. The child did not need water or electrolytes or heat relief. YOU let it go. I never served a person in real need who has these entitled concepts. Why don't the dispossed just come using random toilets on demand. Since this woman has At Least 2 children now she should be on top of it except that her "freind group" was with her ex and she wasn't invited. Stop with the BS and the songs.
The 14th Amendment in the USA is based upon freedom of privacy: in assumed spaces such as one's abode, one's restaurant seat, one's vehicle etc. This has a corollary in nearly every "democratic" nation on Planet Earth. I truly do fight, in court, for the safety in housing for every human soul, my husband does the animals and plants. He is also the non-violent communicator with skills in diplomacy. I am not. I have survived a riot and the murder of a loved one and I hate 2 things: racism and entitlement. So casting gravel at me will create a dust storm that will blind. Also dovorce law is nearly the same Worldwide and for all the same reasons because we are all just people. So breathe some O2 and look at a plant. Peace Out.
Try being like Elsa and just 🎶 Let it go🎶 .
Load More Replies...I want an explanation why it is a problem in the first place. Let us say the EX wife herself needed to take a dumb? Would that ALSO be a problem? Jealousy expecially of an EX IS NOT a good look.
Load More Replies...That's different, but they seem to be on good terms, so what's the problem?
Load More Replies...Oh no! Ex-spouse’s child’s pee on one’s toilet! We ALL know that the second your ex’s child pees on your toilet, you are cursed, and your toilet will disintegrate, your finances will fail, your cat will hork on the white carpeting, you will step in dog poop while barefoot, and your breadbox will be infested with roaches!!!!
Load More Replies...
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