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26YO Has Spicy Affair With Alluring Older Man And Has His Baby, Gets A Visit From His Wife

26YO Has Spicy Affair With Alluring Older Man And Has His Baby, Gets A Visit From His Wife

26YO Has Spicy Affair With Alluring Older Man And Has His Baby, Gets A Visit From His Wife26YO Woman Has Long-Term Affair With Charming Older Man, Has His Baby, His Wife Pays Her A VisitLong-Running Affair With Married Guy Ends In Pregnancy For 26YO, Gets A Visit From His WIfeLong-Term Affair With A Married Man Ends In Pregnancy For 26YO, She Gets A Visit From His WifeWoman’s Affair With A Married Guy Ends With Her Being Pregnant And Him Saying She Can’t Keep ItWoman Has An Affair With A Married Man, Gets Pregnant By Him, He Tells Her She Can’t Keep The Baby26YO Has Spicy Affair With Alluring Older Man And Has His Baby, Gets A Visit From His Wife26YO Has Spicy Affair With Alluring Older Man And Has His Baby, Gets A Visit From His Wife26YO Has Spicy Affair With Alluring Older Man And Has His Baby, Gets A Visit From His Wife26YO Has Spicy Affair With Alluring Older Man And Has His Baby, Gets A Visit From His Wife
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Nothing stirs the pot quite like a secret baby, right? One minute, everything’s fine, and the next, you’re blindsided by a little bundle of surprises and a whole lot of unanswered questions. Whether it’s the baby mama drama, the shock of finding out that your husband’s been hiding a kid with his mistress, or dealing with the aftermath of a messy situation, it’s always a lot to handle.

And let’s be honest, no one’s ever ready for the twist that comes with this kind of revelation. So, grab your popcorn and get comfy, because this Reddit story has more drama than a prime-time soap opera.

More info: Reddit

RELATED:

    When your affair turns into an unexpected parenthood situation, things go from steamy to seriously complicated

    Image credits: bristekjegor / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    One woman ends up pregnant after having a long-term affair with a married man, but he doesn’t want the baby, so she raises him on her own until the man comes back into her life

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    Image credits: Free_River_3388

    Our storyteller, let’s call her Anna, is a 26-year-old who got caught up in the ultimate drama: a romance with an older man—mature, suave, and unfortunately, very married. Yup, at 42, “Jake” (not his real name, but let’s just roll with it) had a secret life that Anna discovered after a month of dating.

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    Turns out he was still very much hitched, but don’t worry—he swore it was all just on paper and for “practical reasons.” Hmm, sounds like a classic line from a movie, right?

    So, Anna found herself in a moral gray area, as one does, and kept things going, letting herself get swept up by the charm, mystery, and well, the guy’s whole “older man” vibe. And, a year into their relationship, surprise, surprise, she was pregnant and secretly thrilled about it. But Jake? Not so much.

    The guy didn’t want the baby, told Anna she must end her pregnancy, and even had the nerve to suggest they make it an “abortion vacation,” like he was offering a weekend getaway. Real romantic, dude! Needless to say, our Redditor wasn’t down with that idea, and after some heated words, she vanished to raise her baby on her own, moving back home and embracing single motherhood like a champ.

    For 2 years, Anna had the mom life locked down like a pro. Diapers? Check. Bottles? Check. Drama-free zone? Oh, wait. There’s a twist, of course. Jake’s now ex-wife sent Anna a message. Yep, that ex-wife.

    Turns out, she was all done with Jake and wanted her kids to meet their half-sibling. But Anna was a bit suspicious about the whole thing, and honestly, I would be too. Could this lady actually be this chill about everything? Sure, it could be genuine, but is it? Should she even talk to the ex-wife? She was unsure.

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    The man’s now ex-wife reaches out to the poster after 2 years, wanting her kids to meet their half-sibling

    Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    So, three weeks after her original post, Anna updates the world on her next move. She decided to reach out to the ex-wife (just to see if she was actually legit), and the two had a video chat. Turns out, the ex-wife’s got her own sad backstory. Apparently, Jake was a serial cheater, and Anna’s baby was the final straw. Surprisingly, the ex-wife wasn’t mad at Anna, just really pissed at Jake. Honestly, can you blame her?

    But wait, it gets juicier. The ex-wife tells Anna that Jake’s been in a serious accident and now feels really bad about not being involved in the child’s life. Suddenly, Anna’s wondering if the ex-wife is reaching out for the sake of the kids, or if she’s just acting as a messenger for Jake. Oh, how the plot thickens.

    The poster shares an update saying she replied to the ex-wife, who told her that she had divorced the man, as he was a serial cheater, and that he had been in a serious accident

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    Image credits: Free_River_3388

    Image credits: peoplecreations / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    In her second update, Anna shares her surprise when Jake sends her a handwritten letter, begging to be part of his son’s life, offering to pay child support, and even asking for a paternity test. For what, exactly?  Hello, we all know who the dad is, right? But she’s also cautious—what’s Jake really after here? After some advice from her parents, Anna decided all future communication would go through legal channels. No more games, Jake.

    The court-ordered paternity test confirms what everyone already knew: Jake’s the dad. But things aren’t as simple as they seem. Anna’s now faced with a huge question: Does she let Jake into their son’s life?

    Sure, he’s financially stable and probably single, but can she trust him after all the drama he’s put her through? The thought of sharing her son with Jake terrifies her, but she also knows her kid deserves a good father, if Jake can prove he’s ready to be one.

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    After his accident, the man wants to be in the child’s life, sending the poster a letter asking her to allow him to meet his son, and even starts legal procedures for it

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    Image credits: Free_River_3388

    In the third update, we find out that Anna got an unexpected visit from Jake. He showed up at her door unannounced, claiming he couldn’t wait the six weeks until their court-mandated mediation. He insisted he just wanted to be in their son’s life and even apologized for his past mistakes. Remember that “abortion vacation” request? Yeah, he admitted that was a massive mistake.

    The man shows up at the poster’s door unannounced, telling her he wants to be in the son’s life and apologizing for his past mistakes

    Image credits: garetsvisual / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    Since Anna’s update, a lot has happened. She and Jake had a mediation session, and he’s met their son twice. Currently, Jake has supervised visitation with Anna present. Since he lives out of state, he has to travel for the visits, which won’t be weekly. A year from now, they’ll reconvene in mediation to determine the next steps—Jake’s aiming for overnight visits at his place, but Anna’s not ready for that.

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    The first few visits were, well, awkward. Anna’s son is shy, so he mostly hid behind her and stared at Jake. But hey, by the end of the visits, the little guy was warming up, just a little. Still, Jake did seem patient, and I’ll give him credit for that. However, there was one thing that rubbed Anna the wrong way: Jake suggested that her son spend less time with Anna and her parents and more time in daycare. Um, excuse me?

    And don’t even get me started on how Jake introduced himself as “Dad” during their first meeting, even though Anna specifically asked him to take things slow. Anna’s been explaining the situation to her son since then, trying to make him understand what’s going on.

    Oh, and then comes the child support. While waiting for the court’s approval, Jake writes Anna a big check, but she returns it. She’d rather he buy things directly for their son.

    The woman posts another update saying the man was given supervised visitation rights and has to pay child support for his son

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    Image credits: Free_River_3388

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    Image credits: pch.vector / Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Image credits: prostooleh / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    Anna’s holding her ground and playing it smart. Despite some online naysayers, she’s focused on what’s best for her son—sticking to the court’s rules, keeping Jake at arm’s length, and dodging his attempts to sweet-talk her outside their parenting app.

    But Jake is still trying to wiggle his way back into her life. He’s not even keeping it professional, contacting her outside the parenting app like they’re old pals. Now, he’s got the wild idea of changing their son’s last name and making “family” visits happen, as if everything’s just peachy.

    Anna’s not falling for it, though. She’s shutting down his attempts to get personal faster than he can say “reconciliation.” Nice try, buddy, but she’s got her lawyer on speed dial and her eye on the prize: her son’s best interest.

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    The man keeps contacting the poster outside the court-ordered parenting app, but she documents every interaction with him, following her lawyer’s advice

    Image credits: Free_River_3388

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    Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

    In her latest update, Anna shares that Jake still texts her—about their son, of course—but it always takes a personal turn. He’s been sending his son toys he likes, clothes that fit, and books, which, okay, I’ll admit, was kind of sweet. But Anna’s not letting her guard down just yet. She’s staying cautious. After all, Jake is pushing her to change their son’s last name to his, despite her not wanting to.

    She documents every interaction with him, just like her lawyer advised. Yes, every little thing. Including how he offered to rent an Airbnb for them so they could visit over the holidays. But, when Anna refuses, Jake shows his true colors once again, gaslighting her, calling her a paranoid narcissist who wants to keep their son to herself. Wait, what did you just say, Jake?

    And, what’s worse is that he tries to manipulate her using his money, offering to pay off all her debts. No strings attached, he says, but Anna side-eyes him all the way. She knows better.

    The man started sending gifts and clothes to his son—which helped the woman a lot with her expenses—but he called her a “paranoid narcissist” for not visiting him over the holidays

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    Image credits: Free_River_3388

    The man even offers to pay off all of the poster’s debts, but she refuses, and despite his gifts and promises, she’s still suspicious and wary of his sudden “change of heart”, keeping her guard up

    For Anna, this whole thing is not about the money—she wants an apology. A real one. From Jake. For everything he put her through and how he treated her when she first told him she was pregnant. But, so far, nothing.

    The saddest part is that Anna is actually questioning herself as a mom, thinking maybe Jake is right and she really is as he describes her. Jake’s taken a page from the gaslighting playbook, alright, twisting every interaction to make Anna doubt her own instincts as a mom.

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    He’s subtly dropping hints that her parenting is somehow lacking, trying to paint her as overprotective and even a “narcissist” for wanting what’s best for their son.

    Classic gaslighting move: deflect responsibility and make the other feel guilty instead. It’s the oldest trick in the book. Gaslighting is the classic mind game where someone tries to make you question your reality, especially when it comes to your worth or abilities. It’s like a subtle drip of doubt—suddenly, you’re second-guessing yourself and, unfortunately, Jake has that effect on Anna.

    In the end, Anna’s got herself a classic case of “too little, too late.” Jake’s swooping in with gifts, apologies, and promises of fatherly devotion, but Anna’s not buying the reformed dad act just yet. She’s letting him closer, inch by inch, but on her terms. So, will Jake really stick around, or is this just another round of empty promises? Anna, we’re keeping the popcorn handy, and the side-eyes even handier.

    So, what do you think? Is Jake turning over a new leaf? Or is he just playing the game? Drop your thoughts below!

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    Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

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    Monica Selvi

    Monica Selvi

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

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    Hi! I'm Moni. I’m a globetrotting creative with a camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. I’ve lived in 4 different countries, an visited 17, soaking up inspiration wherever I go. A marketer by trade but a writer at heart, I’ve been crafting stories, poems, and songs, and creating quirky characters since I was 7.

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    Monica Selvi

    Monica Selvi

    Writer, BoredPanda staff

    Hi! I'm Moni. I’m a globetrotting creative with a camera in one hand and a notebook in the other. I’ve lived in 4 different countries, an visited 17, soaking up inspiration wherever I go. A marketer by trade but a writer at heart, I’ve been crafting stories, poems, and songs, and creating quirky characters since I was 7.

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

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    Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

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    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Rūta Zumbrickaitė

    Author, BoredPanda staff

    Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

    What do you think ?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If OP lets that douchebag back in she'll be sorry. She needs to have everything go thru her lawyer + not let AH weasel into her + her son's lives by NOT going thru proper channels. Does she *not* remember how much of an AH he was when she said she was keeping the baby?

    Nina
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He so controlling and she's so stupid. I worry for this kid. He's going to steal him and make her his f**k tart once more. She needs to go back to ex wife and find out if this is his tactics. Also stop talking to him, let the court and solicitors do their job.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    6 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Her instinct is telling her something isn't right, trust your gut. I don't know what's up but him and "ex" wife are working together on this and I wonder if his other children are girls as he suddenly wants son to carry his surname. The ex wife told one story and then it became another heart rending story about him having an accident blah blah. I really feel like they want her son and are playing the long game to get him. I also feel like getting her out of the picture is a part of that long game.

    Papa
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Her instinct has been telling her something wasn't right from the very beginning, but she never listens to it.

    Load More Replies...
    Atom Bohr
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If this is genuine, his behaviour is really threatening and controlling. I don't like it at all. And he groomed her to the extent that she's questioning why she's "so unreasonable" when her instincts are telling her that something is wrong. I really feel for this woman and I feel like her lawyer is letting her down, maybe even endangering her and the child.

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    6 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    IF its real. Stop talking to him about anything outside of courts, app or lawyer. He is actually harassing her in ways. Like the money. And like "I can find out" or "I know more about you." it's very iffy and intimidating. And point blank. NO. We are NOT, nor will we EVER change his surname. And he did very likely have help selecting gifts. Likely from ex-wife. It may be that the siblings do want to know him. And can find him one day. So OP would be better mediating that now, herself. To save her son trauma. I wonder a couple of things. Are his kids all girls? Is that why he is so on about the surname? Is he getting pressure from his parents about family name continuation. Did he and wife always want a boy? Is he hiding lasting injuries from the accident and needs a donor for future? Or as a backup in case it happens again? Is it an attempt to be dad as other kids have rejected him? OP MUST be more careful. Shut down to formal Comms only. Anything unofficial, copy or tape and submit to support continued supervised visitation. He may just be trying to be decent. But my gut says it stinks of fishy.

    Sara Frazer
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gah I couldn't read this, she said the same story like 5 times. Also very little sympathy for someone who willingly and knowingly slept with a married person. 🤢

    Meagan Glaser
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "why is everybody calling me dumb?" Girl because you never learn and the only person you actually listen to and believe is the POS father. She just keeps repeating "he told me" and "I think that" and that's it, that's what she bases her decisions on. Doesn't stick to agreements (that were meant to protect her) doesn't listen to her lawyer or keep him updated (the person she pays to protect her). Girl needs therapy so badly.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The man is consistent in his behaviour, first when he wants something he lies (he's not really married, and all the affairs) if someone disagrees with him or says no, he threatens and scares them into it. That is not a man who should be around children. Now he's manipulating his ex into contact and then showing up uninvited when he gets told no. The ex wife sounds like she's still under his coercive control, which is unsurprising after 20 years, even if you get out, it takes a while to deprogram. But it's a common patter with abusive parents to discard children as they get older because controlling them is harder and less interesting and focusing on the next batch. You get kids, younger woman, relive the glory days etc. Keep him away from kids.

    moggie63
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've read shorter novellas. Couldn't bring myself to finish it. Also, don't care.

    Traveling Lady Railfan
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am procrastinating starting a project that I really really don't want to start, as a result, keep obsessively going back to read stories such as this one which are way too long way too boring and I really really don't care about. But it makes wonderful procrastination fuel ;)

    Load More Replies...
    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP made a mess of things for herself, but that man is manipulating her in the most subtle way ever. She's smart for not accepting his money and being careful. I don't understand why everyone's so bent on her being dumb - she knows she was dumb and naive, and thus now very careful on how to handle things further. If I were her, I wouldn't discuss anything with him that isn't via text or that app - at least in writing. His manipulation and pressuring is so subtle that I'm wondering if OP's son is the only son he has.

    Jen Dunne
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he wants to give money, put it in a separate account for your son for college. Otherwise go through the legal system for visitation etc.

    Sarah Matsoukis
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a cheater and wanted the proof dead. I'd have my lawyer murder him in court immediately.

    Aussi Panda
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pity she has to have anything to do with this prick. He didn’t want her to have the baby but now he wants it. Does she have to let him see the boy? Surely with his history of threats etc that could go towards a restraining order or something

    Lynette Vella
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most men practice gaslighting - they want things their way and will say and do, in whatever way possible, to get it as soon as possible. First, he tries to win you with kindness (the offer to pay off your debts included). Then, when that doesn't work, he calls you names and makes you doubt your parenting skills. Next, will come the threats. After that, be careful because your life may be in danger (remember how he threatened to kill you?). Classic.

    LaserBrain
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Most" is overstating it. And what you describe is not gaslighting, it's psychological manipulation - something women do as much as men. Probably only a small minority actually threaten their partner's life, though. My ex-gf threatened to kill me in my sleep. Unsettling.

    Load More Replies...
    Audrey Malone
    Community Member
    3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This guy lied to her and manipulated her for a WHOLE YEAR before blowing up at her in a way that scared her for years. No wonder she's hesitant to let him in her life again.

    Carol Borg
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the future tell him you know he is trying to Gaslight you and that this type of behaviour is toxic to you and your son. Then hang up. Dont let him buy your compliance with gifts or money for your son. Stay strong and good luck. You're going to need it.

    Carol Borg
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg you are in trouble girl. This guy is a classic physco Narcissist and all he wants is complete control of you and his son. The minute he gets access he will start alienating him from you. First you need to learn more about what he is doing to you. Get online at the very least and do some Googling. There is a lot out there. Read everything you can. Set some boundaries with his messaging and stick to them, he is definitely trying to wear you down with his contact outside the ap. Get two opinions on the name change but DON'T do it. Also, insist on him not bringing it up. Stop letting him control the conversation. What does your lawyer say about him harrassing you like this? Because it is harassment. Why has he sent a desist letter. Also, why the hell do you even care about an apology? Narc don't apologize unless it's vague and a means to have something to throw in your face to get what he wants.

    CBolt
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a very creepy, scary man & OP's & her child's lives are going to get more & more complicated, & for many years. He's getting more demanding & manipulative. Sad situation. (& The ex-wife's involvement is just weird.)

    WonderWoman
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My heart breaks for OP and her son. She was taken advantage of by an older married man. He talked the talk and walked the walk. When she was pregnant, he showed who he truly is. I hope she never lets that sperm donor too close to her son. She needs to be vigilant forever. Narcissists don't change.

    I
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He was taken advantage of by her as well. She liked his attention, she liked places he took her to, etc. She wanted everything of that, that's why she didn't finish their affair as soon as she knew he was married. She used him and now baby has to deal with this b******t.

    Load More Replies...
    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    TL:DR - is there anyone in the comments section with more patience than I willing to give us all a one-paragraph summary? I know, I should just read it all or not care, but I DID read the first part - I just didn't realize there were going to be SO MANY UPDATES.

    Traveling Lady Railfan
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let me try, cuz it really was too long for me too... "When I was fresh out of college I met a guy, within a short while of dating found out he was married with kids but I continued the affair with him anyway. I got pregnant and was over the moon, he told me to have an abortion, I ran away from him to keep the baby. Couple years later his wife contacts me and says they've broken up, but on behalf of her ex-husband, who now's feels regretful, she's reaching out because he wants to get to know the son. Money is offered, getting his name on the birth certificate by proving his parental claim is offered, trying to get visitation rights is offered, OP is suspicious as to why he's interested in kids life now and is worried he'll try to take kid away. (I think...it REALLY was too long)

    Load More Replies...
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    6 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If OP lets that douchebag back in she'll be sorry. She needs to have everything go thru her lawyer + not let AH weasel into her + her son's lives by NOT going thru proper channels. Does she *not* remember how much of an AH he was when she said she was keeping the baby?

    Nina
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He so controlling and she's so stupid. I worry for this kid. He's going to steal him and make her his f**k tart once more. She needs to go back to ex wife and find out if this is his tactics. Also stop talking to him, let the court and solicitors do their job.

    Libstak
    Community Member
    6 days ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Her instinct is telling her something isn't right, trust your gut. I don't know what's up but him and "ex" wife are working together on this and I wonder if his other children are girls as he suddenly wants son to carry his surname. The ex wife told one story and then it became another heart rending story about him having an accident blah blah. I really feel like they want her son and are playing the long game to get him. I also feel like getting her out of the picture is a part of that long game.

    Papa
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Her instinct has been telling her something wasn't right from the very beginning, but she never listens to it.

    Load More Replies...
    Atom Bohr
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If this is genuine, his behaviour is really threatening and controlling. I don't like it at all. And he groomed her to the extent that she's questioning why she's "so unreasonable" when her instincts are telling her that something is wrong. I really feel for this woman and I feel like her lawyer is letting her down, maybe even endangering her and the child.

    Doodles1983
    Community Member
    6 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    IF its real. Stop talking to him about anything outside of courts, app or lawyer. He is actually harassing her in ways. Like the money. And like "I can find out" or "I know more about you." it's very iffy and intimidating. And point blank. NO. We are NOT, nor will we EVER change his surname. And he did very likely have help selecting gifts. Likely from ex-wife. It may be that the siblings do want to know him. And can find him one day. So OP would be better mediating that now, herself. To save her son trauma. I wonder a couple of things. Are his kids all girls? Is that why he is so on about the surname? Is he getting pressure from his parents about family name continuation. Did he and wife always want a boy? Is he hiding lasting injuries from the accident and needs a donor for future? Or as a backup in case it happens again? Is it an attempt to be dad as other kids have rejected him? OP MUST be more careful. Shut down to formal Comms only. Anything unofficial, copy or tape and submit to support continued supervised visitation. He may just be trying to be decent. But my gut says it stinks of fishy.

    Sara Frazer
    Community Member
    5 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Gah I couldn't read this, she said the same story like 5 times. Also very little sympathy for someone who willingly and knowingly slept with a married person. 🤢

    Meagan Glaser
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "why is everybody calling me dumb?" Girl because you never learn and the only person you actually listen to and believe is the POS father. She just keeps repeating "he told me" and "I think that" and that's it, that's what she bases her decisions on. Doesn't stick to agreements (that were meant to protect her) doesn't listen to her lawyer or keep him updated (the person she pays to protect her). Girl needs therapy so badly.

    FreeTheUnicorn
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    The man is consistent in his behaviour, first when he wants something he lies (he's not really married, and all the affairs) if someone disagrees with him or says no, he threatens and scares them into it. That is not a man who should be around children. Now he's manipulating his ex into contact and then showing up uninvited when he gets told no. The ex wife sounds like she's still under his coercive control, which is unsurprising after 20 years, even if you get out, it takes a while to deprogram. But it's a common patter with abusive parents to discard children as they get older because controlling them is harder and less interesting and focusing on the next batch. You get kids, younger woman, relive the glory days etc. Keep him away from kids.

    moggie63
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I've read shorter novellas. Couldn't bring myself to finish it. Also, don't care.

    Traveling Lady Railfan
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I am procrastinating starting a project that I really really don't want to start, as a result, keep obsessively going back to read stories such as this one which are way too long way too boring and I really really don't care about. But it makes wonderful procrastination fuel ;)

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    Susie Elle
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    OP made a mess of things for herself, but that man is manipulating her in the most subtle way ever. She's smart for not accepting his money and being careful. I don't understand why everyone's so bent on her being dumb - she knows she was dumb and naive, and thus now very careful on how to handle things further. If I were her, I wouldn't discuss anything with him that isn't via text or that app - at least in writing. His manipulation and pressuring is so subtle that I'm wondering if OP's son is the only son he has.

    Jen Dunne
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    If he wants to give money, put it in a separate account for your son for college. Otherwise go through the legal system for visitation etc.

    Sarah Matsoukis
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He's a cheater and wanted the proof dead. I'd have my lawyer murder him in court immediately.

    Aussi Panda
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Pity she has to have anything to do with this prick. He didn’t want her to have the baby but now he wants it. Does she have to let him see the boy? Surely with his history of threats etc that could go towards a restraining order or something

    Lynette Vella
    Community Member
    4 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Most men practice gaslighting - they want things their way and will say and do, in whatever way possible, to get it as soon as possible. First, he tries to win you with kindness (the offer to pay off your debts included). Then, when that doesn't work, he calls you names and makes you doubt your parenting skills. Next, will come the threats. After that, be careful because your life may be in danger (remember how he threatened to kill you?). Classic.

    LaserBrain
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    "Most" is overstating it. And what you describe is not gaslighting, it's psychological manipulation - something women do as much as men. Probably only a small minority actually threaten their partner's life, though. My ex-gf threatened to kill me in my sleep. Unsettling.

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    Audrey Malone
    Community Member
    3 hours ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    This guy lied to her and manipulated her for a WHOLE YEAR before blowing up at her in a way that scared her for years. No wonder she's hesitant to let him in her life again.

    Carol Borg
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    In the future tell him you know he is trying to Gaslight you and that this type of behaviour is toxic to you and your son. Then hang up. Dont let him buy your compliance with gifts or money for your son. Stay strong and good luck. You're going to need it.

    Carol Borg
    Community Member
    1 day ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Omg you are in trouble girl. This guy is a classic physco Narcissist and all he wants is complete control of you and his son. The minute he gets access he will start alienating him from you. First you need to learn more about what he is doing to you. Get online at the very least and do some Googling. There is a lot out there. Read everything you can. Set some boundaries with his messaging and stick to them, he is definitely trying to wear you down with his contact outside the ap. Get two opinions on the name change but DON'T do it. Also, insist on him not bringing it up. Stop letting him control the conversation. What does your lawyer say about him harrassing you like this? Because it is harassment. Why has he sent a desist letter. Also, why the hell do you even care about an apology? Narc don't apologize unless it's vague and a means to have something to throw in your face to get what he wants.

    CBolt
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That's a very creepy, scary man & OP's & her child's lives are going to get more & more complicated, & for many years. He's getting more demanding & manipulative. Sad situation. (& The ex-wife's involvement is just weird.)

    WonderWoman
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My heart breaks for OP and her son. She was taken advantage of by an older married man. He talked the talk and walked the walk. When she was pregnant, he showed who he truly is. I hope she never lets that sperm donor too close to her son. She needs to be vigilant forever. Narcissists don't change.

    I
    Community Member
    2 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He was taken advantage of by her as well. She liked his attention, she liked places he took her to, etc. She wanted everything of that, that's why she didn't finish their affair as soon as she knew he was married. She used him and now baby has to deal with this b******t.

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    Paul Rabit
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    TL:DR - is there anyone in the comments section with more patience than I willing to give us all a one-paragraph summary? I know, I should just read it all or not care, but I DID read the first part - I just didn't realize there were going to be SO MANY UPDATES.

    Traveling Lady Railfan
    Community Member
    3 days ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Let me try, cuz it really was too long for me too... "When I was fresh out of college I met a guy, within a short while of dating found out he was married with kids but I continued the affair with him anyway. I got pregnant and was over the moon, he told me to have an abortion, I ran away from him to keep the baby. Couple years later his wife contacts me and says they've broken up, but on behalf of her ex-husband, who now's feels regretful, she's reaching out because he wants to get to know the son. Money is offered, getting his name on the birth certificate by proving his parental claim is offered, trying to get visitation rights is offered, OP is suspicious as to why he's interested in kids life now and is worried he'll try to take kid away. (I think...it REALLY was too long)

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