Mom Calls Out Ex-Husband For Giving Kids Unhealthy Meals Instead Of Cooking
Interview With ExpertFor kids to grow strong and healthy, they need a good diet. This means incorporating fresh produce and nutrient-dense ingredients into their meals and avoiding highly sugary and processed foods. Eating well helps children to stabilize energy, prevent future health issues, and even improve their mental health.
This mom did her best to ensure that her kid’s diet stayed healthy. However, when the children would stay with their dad, it all went to waste, as he only fed them takeout and junk food. Worried for their well-being, she voiced her concerns to him, which unfortunately were ignored.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Stacey Woodson, MS, RDN, LDN, registered dietitian and author, who kindly agreed to tell us more about children’s nutrition.
Children need a healthy diet to grow happy and strong
Image credits: egrigorovich (not the actual photo)
However, this dad was completely unbothered by such a fact, feeding his children purely fast food
Image credits: djoronimo (not the actual photo)
Image credits: lolamillyrosie
Children and teenagers in the U.S. receive 67% of their calories from highly processed foods
Fast food or junk food is an umbrella term for foods that are full of fats, sugars, and salt, which provide a lot of calories and energy but are relatively low in other important nutrients such as protein, fiber, vitamins, and minerals.
A 2021 study found that children and teenagers in the U.S. receive the majority of their calories (67%) from highly processed foods like frozen pizza, microwaveable meals, cookies, and chips. A 6% jump from 1999 revealed that the overall nutritional profile of the youth is getting worse.
“This is particularly worrisome for children and adolescents because they are at a critical life stage to form dietary habits that can persist into adulthood,” says the senior author of the study Fang Fang Zhang. “A diet high in ultra-processed foods may negatively influence children’s dietary quality and contribute to adverse health outcomes in the long term.”
“Regular consumption of takeout or junk food may lead to malnutrition in children,” says Stacey Woodson, MS, RDN, LDN, registered dietitian, and author to Bored Panda. “Although these foods offer a significant amount of energy, they lack the vitamins and minerals needed for proper development. Additionally, eating lots of these foods early in life may establish preferences for foods that lack nutrient density in adulthood.”
Children who frequently consume risk having high levels of bad cholesterol in their blood, which can lead to heart diseases like hypertension and stroke in the future. Meanwhile, a single fast food meal can add from 160 to 310 extra calories to a kid’s daily intake and can result in unhealthy weight in the long term. And all it takes to increase the risk of asthma, eczema, or rhinitis in younger children is visiting a fast food restaurant three times a week.
Poor nutrition can also lead to worse academic performance, as high sugar levels followed by sugar crashes make it difficult to concentrate and focus on accomplishing tasks that require a longer time to finish. In addition, fast food doesn’t provide enough nutrients for physical activity, which keeps children out of peer groups and can impair their physical and mental health.
Image credits: Caleb Oquendo (not the actual photo)
The responsibility of tackling children’s nutrition problems shouldn’t only fall on parents
That’s far from being all, which proves that children’s nutrition shouldn’t be taken lightly. “It is essential for children to eat a balanced and nourished diet during childhood. Nutritional status in childhood has many lifelong implications that impact growth, immune health, cognitive ability, and mental health. The first 1000 days of life are particularly important and may influence the risk of developing chronic diseases such as diabetes and high blood pressure later in life,” explains Woods.
Parents, of course, are the ones who should first implement the change in their children’s diets. Woods suggests that they start by creating engaging and balanced meals by pairing 2-3 different food groups together, which results in fun, colorful, delicious, and nutritious combinations.
Another option is to include children in meal planning. “Children are more likely to eat or try new things when they have participated in the selection process. Parents can empower children by offering them a choice between two nutritious options, fostering a sense of involvement while maintaining parental control over the overall meal selection.”
It’s worth noting that eating healthy doesn’t have to be difficult. Children can benefit from simply having more home-cooked meals or plenty of healthy snacks on hand, like fruits, vegetables, and drinks such as milk, water, and pure fruit juice. Swapping high-sugar cereals for breakfast to yogurt, cheese, eggs, meat or fish can help kids have more stable moods and energy and score higher on tests. It’s all about replacing the ultra-processed foods with something whole—food that is the closest to its natural form.
However, Zhang notes that the responsibility of tackling this problem shouldn’t only fall on the caregivers. While parents and children should consider replacing the highly processed foods with minimally and unprocessed meals, changes in policy level are needed to achieve a more broader and long-term effect.
Just like it happened with the consumption of soda when the sugar tax and raising awareness about the effects of sugar dropped sweetened beverages to 5.3% from 10.8% of overall calories. “We may have won this battle, at least partially, for some sugary beverages,” Zhang says, “but we haven’t yet against ultra-processed foods.”
Image credits: Caleb Oquendo (not the actual photo)
The mom provided more information in the comments
Meanwhile, readers offered some advice
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Lmao - I went to my friends wedding and was gone for 3 days. 3 Days. I left tons of easy to cook food in the fridge /freezer for my husband to prepare for himself and our kids. I left Friday morning and returned Sunday afternoon. My children reported that they ate nothing Friday except what they could find in the fridge and cabinets, that on Saturday, their father called his father and asked him to treat them to a meal (but nothing to eat until this call) . On Sunday when I arrived home after a 5 hour journey, my husband expected me to prepare a dinner for us all. I just put the food I had left for them, which he should have made into the microwave oven and offered a smorgasbord. We're divorced now, and our kids know how to cook.
Weaponized incompetence is real. Glad you don't have to deal with that anymore.
Load More Replies...She may not be happy about it, but it sounds like in the long term it's actually helping build a good attitude about food. It's better that they have grown bored of it and see it as nothing special, rather than it being a special treat and a feel good comfort food compared to healthier meals.
Absolutely, I think this will work in their favour. And honestly if she does try make things happen differently on his watch, it's likely to cause issues for the children. And three days of rubbish food isn't going to kill them
Load More Replies...It's not healthy, but pick your battles. Maybe look into take outs that are a little healthier and introduce the kids to them on weekends so they might request it. 11 and 13 are old enough to prepare simple meals, get them helping you in the kitchen and they'll cook for themselves at their dads. Maybe pack some veg snacks. But if you make food a huge point of contention and drama, you make meal times a stress. It's not going to help the kids, and will greatly increase their susceptibility to eating disorders. It's going to drive you crazy, but this isn't a fight you can win, vent to your friends if you need to, but let it go.
He's a lazy SOB who should've stepped up to his responsibilities and done better. It costs less to make a meal at home. Lazy guy didn't want to deal with cooking or clean up. Especially the clean up part.
Load More Replies...I don't think them having takeout three days every other week is a big deal in itself, but what is a problem is that the youngest get an upset stomach and the oldest says she want healthier food, and the dad won't even let the older kids choose what they want to order! He is either exceptionally lazy or he just wants his junk and don't care what the children want or need.
I'm absolutely OK with fast-food for kids, especially especially if the minding parent can't cook, and if it's used sparingly. Tbh, there's no reason why anyone hasnt learned how to cook a simple meal except laziness.
Load More Replies...There are red flags you don't get to see until after you're married with children. My ex is a decent person but a crappy husband and parent. I could not have known this until after we married and had kids. We were married for 15 years. The last 6 years were the most eye opening for me about his true nature.
Load More Replies...Good grief. I mostly cook out of boxes and I managed a vegetable tonight. Cut up head of broccoli, throw in steamer pot, wait. This is not rocket science.
For a year, I had to live on food I received from a food bank to feed my 2 teens and myself. Not more than €50 a week. Some of the fresh vege had worms, but hey, protein, right? There's a lot you can make from a bag of flour that will fill your belly. We survived. A bag of dried beans can be soup and hummus. We've known poverty, but never hunger.
Load More Replies...Yes, the ex is lazy and incompetent at basic life skills, but he's unlikely to change. Parentifying the oldest daughter into cooking is not the answer. Either accept it (3/14 days is not that bad) or send the kids over with some food that can just be reheated, like a casserole, and some fruit/granola bars.
My parents separated when I was five and I saw my dad every weekend. My mom (still) is a stellar cook and I ate very well and healthy. Dad was a lot more lenient but he always made me food I wanted, and him being French a charcuterie board was such an easy go-to. Still got my fruits and dairy but it felt fun. It’s really not difficult. (I miss your potato’s dad! Even mom admits you did something really right there!)
Aren´t there any healthy, or at least healthier than pizza and burger, Take out places in their area?
I'm alarmed both by the father's diet offerings and by a 13 year old interested in eating caesar salad for a meal.
I don't know, I'm not the world's healthiest eater by a long stretch, but I'd probably hanker after a salad after three days of fast food
Load More Replies...Dear daughter, dear son, am I being unreasonable, you are not being unreasonable.
Load More Replies...Normally, I wouldn’t comment on things like this. However, this was sort of my experience after my parents divorced when I was eight years old. My dad tried, but he also refused to avoid eating excess meat, sweets, and the like. He also had autoimmune health issues eating certain types of red meat especially would trigger and he knew that, but figured enjoying a bit of pork once in a while wouldn’t hurt him. From him, I learned what not to do , just as these kids learn from their father, what not to do. From my mother, just like these guys learn from their mother, I learned what to do and I’m grateful.
I don't think me and my siblings would have been too happy about not having had any veg a whole weekend. My family still laughs about us nicking chopped vegetables when my parents where preparing food. I used to eat the lettuce used for decoration at buffets and I loved celery sticks with a bit of mayonnaise. Of course crisps where a hut as well, but I think a lot of people would get tired of only having carbs and fast food for a while day. Even kids.
13 and 11 is old enough to make their own food. Why don't they do that? If dad doesn't buy food for them to cook then mom can send some with them.
I think looking at this with empathy is far more helpful. He's probably depressed and struggling. Going to him and asking how you can help will go much farther than accusing him of being lazy. Getting the older daughter to being ingredients to cook with him might turn out to be fun and rewarding for him and encourage him to do more of it himself. Ask him to order salad with the pizza. Start small with preprepared kits or salad kits, maybe easily grilled meats. He can get there especially if the kids tell him that's what they want! In the meantime a few nights of great food isn't going to harm them if their diet is otherwise good.
My ex could do better with the kids - tidy and clean his house more. 50/50 co-parenting. But it's not my house, not my rules. I don't get to tell him how to run his household, even if I think it negatively affects my children. They are not hurt by it. Maybe he is depressed but I am his ex wife, not his therapist. We are on speaking terms but I am not his mother, his friend, his caretaker. (He does cook btw). The only thing I can do is show my children another way of living in a house/ maintaining it.
Load More Replies...If I was OP I’d send the kids with microwaveable meals that are healthy. Dinner leftovers or specially prepared stuff. Not prepackaged unless mum is happy with them. Guarantee you he has a microwave for nuking cr@p food so it should be doable. Yes mum will end up paying for it financially but at least the kids would have some options.
He could fill the freezer with frozen meals eg lasagna, stir fry, curry & rice, roast meat & vegies. Much cheaper & healthier than fried foods
You want the kids to eat fruit & veggies. Ex doesn't buy those things. So - send some healthy snacks with the kids. Ex evidently doesn't cook, but most fast food places do have healthy-ish options. Ask him nicely to nudge the kids towards those choices. Lean on the fact that 5yo feels sick if there's too much grease. I doubt he wants to clean up THAT mess.
The kids don’t need to be nudged, the oldest daughter wants different food and the fast food is making the youngest sick. The father won’t let them have what they want. He needs way more than a nudge. He is being a real a hole.
Load More Replies...My best friend's son and dil split last year. The ex-dil gets their daughter for similar visits and is the same way. She doesn't cook, like to eat c**p, is very unhealthy herself. She had their 6yo daughter for a 10 day vacation period about 8 weeks ago. Because of her crazy eating habits and lackluster parenting their 6yo daughter gained 16lbs during that 10 day period. So we've been monitoring her weight more closely and every time she goes with her mom for the weekend she gains 4-6 lbs in 3 days. No amount of talking will get this woman to feed her child anything healthy despite their pediatrician telling her it needs to stop. This is a form of child abuse that the courts will do nothing about and it's sad!
When I first read the title, I was against Op. but when I read the story, i switch sides. coming from an autistic/adhd/depression person with executive functioning issues - making healthy meals isn't difficult. not only are there healthy meals that have very little prep, there are so many pre-made meals that come fresh or frozen. it's not difficult, it's defiance.
I have the same issue with my ex… with both junk food and screen time. At home my kid eats what he’s served and gets an hour of screens a day. It’s a free for all at dads. The custody agreement is about the same as OP. The issue is his first day back he’s absolutely miserable (no sleep and no healthy food). I also hate that junk food isn’t even a treat because of it. Surprise him with a donut or ice cream or happy meal and it isn’t that exciting because he can live off of it for three days at dads if he wants to.
You have no right in saying what your ex feeds your children. That's the bottom line. How he parents on his parenting days is up to him. Even if you think it's unhealthy etc it's his parenting days and you have no place to tell him how to parent now that you are separated. You need a reality check o.p.
I am divorced and I agree. Unless it is dangerous for them or there is abuse: his house, his rules. He has to do it himself. The kids ofcourse are free to fight him with tooth and nail every meal - that is his problem. The only thing you can do is teach your kids how to cook and the value of food nutrition. But fast food 3 days isn't going to kill you. (Would be nice if they could order what they want though, like a salad).
Load More Replies...It makes em feel sick- the poor kids r being mistreated
Pack them foods they can bring with them (ex. Tupperware of cut veggies, fruit, hummus, pasta, casserole) to heat up. Pretend it's like camping, pack three days of food. 13 and 11 is not too young to learn to do basic cooking to supplement the packed food, especially "easy things" (like the man is asked to do). You shouldn't HAVE to go this, but 6 days out of 30 the kids eat nothing but junk food with lazy dad...(FYI a Cesar salad is not "healthy", it has the most calories/fat and least nutrients of any green salad) As someone else mentioned, "pick your battles". This man sounds stubborn and lazy but you're stuck with the child sharing arrangement.
I'm a guy. I was raised mostly by a single-mom. I grew up with McDonalds, frozen pizza, fried chicken, TV DINNERS (in the little metal trays). Our fridge was full of twinkies and cupcakes and Ding Dongs. We ate sugary cereal and we drank cool-aid. I lived. It's 3 days, man. And, yes, maybe he should learn to cook. Me? I love to cook. But honestly? This isn't about health. This is about control. I SERIOUSLY doubt the kids are complaining. The OP is just saying that to put weight on what THEY want.
Lmao - I went to my friends wedding and was gone for 3 days. 3 Days. I left tons of easy to cook food in the fridge /freezer for my husband to prepare for himself and our kids. I left Friday morning and returned Sunday afternoon. My children reported that they ate nothing Friday except what they could find in the fridge and cabinets, that on Saturday, their father called his father and asked him to treat them to a meal (but nothing to eat until this call) . On Sunday when I arrived home after a 5 hour journey, my husband expected me to prepare a dinner for us all. I just put the food I had left for them, which he should have made into the microwave oven and offered a smorgasbord. We're divorced now, and our kids know how to cook.
Weaponized incompetence is real. Glad you don't have to deal with that anymore.
Load More Replies...She may not be happy about it, but it sounds like in the long term it's actually helping build a good attitude about food. It's better that they have grown bored of it and see it as nothing special, rather than it being a special treat and a feel good comfort food compared to healthier meals.
Absolutely, I think this will work in their favour. And honestly if she does try make things happen differently on his watch, it's likely to cause issues for the children. And three days of rubbish food isn't going to kill them
Load More Replies...It's not healthy, but pick your battles. Maybe look into take outs that are a little healthier and introduce the kids to them on weekends so they might request it. 11 and 13 are old enough to prepare simple meals, get them helping you in the kitchen and they'll cook for themselves at their dads. Maybe pack some veg snacks. But if you make food a huge point of contention and drama, you make meal times a stress. It's not going to help the kids, and will greatly increase their susceptibility to eating disorders. It's going to drive you crazy, but this isn't a fight you can win, vent to your friends if you need to, but let it go.
He's a lazy SOB who should've stepped up to his responsibilities and done better. It costs less to make a meal at home. Lazy guy didn't want to deal with cooking or clean up. Especially the clean up part.
Load More Replies...I don't think them having takeout three days every other week is a big deal in itself, but what is a problem is that the youngest get an upset stomach and the oldest says she want healthier food, and the dad won't even let the older kids choose what they want to order! He is either exceptionally lazy or he just wants his junk and don't care what the children want or need.
I'm absolutely OK with fast-food for kids, especially especially if the minding parent can't cook, and if it's used sparingly. Tbh, there's no reason why anyone hasnt learned how to cook a simple meal except laziness.
Load More Replies...There are red flags you don't get to see until after you're married with children. My ex is a decent person but a crappy husband and parent. I could not have known this until after we married and had kids. We were married for 15 years. The last 6 years were the most eye opening for me about his true nature.
Load More Replies...Good grief. I mostly cook out of boxes and I managed a vegetable tonight. Cut up head of broccoli, throw in steamer pot, wait. This is not rocket science.
For a year, I had to live on food I received from a food bank to feed my 2 teens and myself. Not more than €50 a week. Some of the fresh vege had worms, but hey, protein, right? There's a lot you can make from a bag of flour that will fill your belly. We survived. A bag of dried beans can be soup and hummus. We've known poverty, but never hunger.
Load More Replies...Yes, the ex is lazy and incompetent at basic life skills, but he's unlikely to change. Parentifying the oldest daughter into cooking is not the answer. Either accept it (3/14 days is not that bad) or send the kids over with some food that can just be reheated, like a casserole, and some fruit/granola bars.
My parents separated when I was five and I saw my dad every weekend. My mom (still) is a stellar cook and I ate very well and healthy. Dad was a lot more lenient but he always made me food I wanted, and him being French a charcuterie board was such an easy go-to. Still got my fruits and dairy but it felt fun. It’s really not difficult. (I miss your potato’s dad! Even mom admits you did something really right there!)
Aren´t there any healthy, or at least healthier than pizza and burger, Take out places in their area?
I'm alarmed both by the father's diet offerings and by a 13 year old interested in eating caesar salad for a meal.
I don't know, I'm not the world's healthiest eater by a long stretch, but I'd probably hanker after a salad after three days of fast food
Load More Replies...Dear daughter, dear son, am I being unreasonable, you are not being unreasonable.
Load More Replies...Normally, I wouldn’t comment on things like this. However, this was sort of my experience after my parents divorced when I was eight years old. My dad tried, but he also refused to avoid eating excess meat, sweets, and the like. He also had autoimmune health issues eating certain types of red meat especially would trigger and he knew that, but figured enjoying a bit of pork once in a while wouldn’t hurt him. From him, I learned what not to do , just as these kids learn from their father, what not to do. From my mother, just like these guys learn from their mother, I learned what to do and I’m grateful.
I don't think me and my siblings would have been too happy about not having had any veg a whole weekend. My family still laughs about us nicking chopped vegetables when my parents where preparing food. I used to eat the lettuce used for decoration at buffets and I loved celery sticks with a bit of mayonnaise. Of course crisps where a hut as well, but I think a lot of people would get tired of only having carbs and fast food for a while day. Even kids.
13 and 11 is old enough to make their own food. Why don't they do that? If dad doesn't buy food for them to cook then mom can send some with them.
I think looking at this with empathy is far more helpful. He's probably depressed and struggling. Going to him and asking how you can help will go much farther than accusing him of being lazy. Getting the older daughter to being ingredients to cook with him might turn out to be fun and rewarding for him and encourage him to do more of it himself. Ask him to order salad with the pizza. Start small with preprepared kits or salad kits, maybe easily grilled meats. He can get there especially if the kids tell him that's what they want! In the meantime a few nights of great food isn't going to harm them if their diet is otherwise good.
My ex could do better with the kids - tidy and clean his house more. 50/50 co-parenting. But it's not my house, not my rules. I don't get to tell him how to run his household, even if I think it negatively affects my children. They are not hurt by it. Maybe he is depressed but I am his ex wife, not his therapist. We are on speaking terms but I am not his mother, his friend, his caretaker. (He does cook btw). The only thing I can do is show my children another way of living in a house/ maintaining it.
Load More Replies...If I was OP I’d send the kids with microwaveable meals that are healthy. Dinner leftovers or specially prepared stuff. Not prepackaged unless mum is happy with them. Guarantee you he has a microwave for nuking cr@p food so it should be doable. Yes mum will end up paying for it financially but at least the kids would have some options.
He could fill the freezer with frozen meals eg lasagna, stir fry, curry & rice, roast meat & vegies. Much cheaper & healthier than fried foods
You want the kids to eat fruit & veggies. Ex doesn't buy those things. So - send some healthy snacks with the kids. Ex evidently doesn't cook, but most fast food places do have healthy-ish options. Ask him nicely to nudge the kids towards those choices. Lean on the fact that 5yo feels sick if there's too much grease. I doubt he wants to clean up THAT mess.
The kids don’t need to be nudged, the oldest daughter wants different food and the fast food is making the youngest sick. The father won’t let them have what they want. He needs way more than a nudge. He is being a real a hole.
Load More Replies...My best friend's son and dil split last year. The ex-dil gets their daughter for similar visits and is the same way. She doesn't cook, like to eat c**p, is very unhealthy herself. She had their 6yo daughter for a 10 day vacation period about 8 weeks ago. Because of her crazy eating habits and lackluster parenting their 6yo daughter gained 16lbs during that 10 day period. So we've been monitoring her weight more closely and every time she goes with her mom for the weekend she gains 4-6 lbs in 3 days. No amount of talking will get this woman to feed her child anything healthy despite their pediatrician telling her it needs to stop. This is a form of child abuse that the courts will do nothing about and it's sad!
When I first read the title, I was against Op. but when I read the story, i switch sides. coming from an autistic/adhd/depression person with executive functioning issues - making healthy meals isn't difficult. not only are there healthy meals that have very little prep, there are so many pre-made meals that come fresh or frozen. it's not difficult, it's defiance.
I have the same issue with my ex… with both junk food and screen time. At home my kid eats what he’s served and gets an hour of screens a day. It’s a free for all at dads. The custody agreement is about the same as OP. The issue is his first day back he’s absolutely miserable (no sleep and no healthy food). I also hate that junk food isn’t even a treat because of it. Surprise him with a donut or ice cream or happy meal and it isn’t that exciting because he can live off of it for three days at dads if he wants to.
You have no right in saying what your ex feeds your children. That's the bottom line. How he parents on his parenting days is up to him. Even if you think it's unhealthy etc it's his parenting days and you have no place to tell him how to parent now that you are separated. You need a reality check o.p.
I am divorced and I agree. Unless it is dangerous for them or there is abuse: his house, his rules. He has to do it himself. The kids ofcourse are free to fight him with tooth and nail every meal - that is his problem. The only thing you can do is teach your kids how to cook and the value of food nutrition. But fast food 3 days isn't going to kill you. (Would be nice if they could order what they want though, like a salad).
Load More Replies...It makes em feel sick- the poor kids r being mistreated
Pack them foods they can bring with them (ex. Tupperware of cut veggies, fruit, hummus, pasta, casserole) to heat up. Pretend it's like camping, pack three days of food. 13 and 11 is not too young to learn to do basic cooking to supplement the packed food, especially "easy things" (like the man is asked to do). You shouldn't HAVE to go this, but 6 days out of 30 the kids eat nothing but junk food with lazy dad...(FYI a Cesar salad is not "healthy", it has the most calories/fat and least nutrients of any green salad) As someone else mentioned, "pick your battles". This man sounds stubborn and lazy but you're stuck with the child sharing arrangement.
I'm a guy. I was raised mostly by a single-mom. I grew up with McDonalds, frozen pizza, fried chicken, TV DINNERS (in the little metal trays). Our fridge was full of twinkies and cupcakes and Ding Dongs. We ate sugary cereal and we drank cool-aid. I lived. It's 3 days, man. And, yes, maybe he should learn to cook. Me? I love to cook. But honestly? This isn't about health. This is about control. I SERIOUSLY doubt the kids are complaining. The OP is just saying that to put weight on what THEY want.
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