Perfect. 😂😂😂

hahahahahahahahahahhaha billionare

Yes! Do as little as you can to get your pay.

Wise.

My husband struggles with subtitles... he's dyslexic. As around one in ten people are, that's going to be a lot of people who struggle with subtitles for very good reasons. Though personally I like them, but then I'm a bit deaf!!

Thank goodness we all find different people attractive. Chances are you’d die in the crush or die old and single otherwise. I’m still going down the old and single route anyway!

get into a large cardboard box and ship yourself to the seychelles, duh

at least half of all anxiety/depression is caused by not being financially stable

That's why one should not take their teenage crush/love seriously

Truth.

I would rather party outside than clean the house

Cat's still going to hog 98.5% of the bed.

As a teacher, I can confirm.

i dont need money, just a few thousand kilograms of solid gold thanks

That’s quite sweet.

Taking the joke to the next level: By using ticks as their weapon, the vegans are exploiting animals for their own agenda, thereby violating their own principals. The vegans are no longer vegans. Edit: violating principles, of course. Autocorrect thought that violating principals was the more likely option 🤔

This was a plot point in a murder mystery I read a while ago - murder by tick-borne allergy. I assumed the author had made it up, but apparently not!

What's in it for the tick to make me unable to eat burgers since decreasing the drive-thur line at McDonalds isn't going to help an animal whose tiny little tick legs are too short to reach the gas pedal?

Lone star tick of Texas. I bet there is some Texan die hards bit by this tick killing themselves eatting steak still..

Is there one that makes me allergic to carbs? Pre-ordering

I swear this is real I lived in PA and one month I could not eat any meat it made me so sick. I went to the DR and they said it was just IBS but I've never felt like that before and I was itchy. After a few weeks it went away.

Using a nonvegan insect no less

The veganites.

In Soviet Russia, bug eat you!

I get the joke here, but this really happened to one of my nephews. He can only eat fish/seafood or poultry. Went to Sub**y for lunch and had to go to the hospital immediately afterward. the knife they used to slice his sandwich was cross-contaminated since they only put the knives in a container with water instead of using a fresh knife.

yes, this-

Luckily it only makes you allergic to mammals/marsupial /products, beef, lamb, pork, milk, gelatin, rabbit, raccoon, bear, moose, deer, kangaroo. Can still eat chicken, turkey, duck, goose, snake, alligator, fish, eggs, turtles, frogs, seafood.

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Mwahahahaha!

Poppyseed muddiest? Maijauna?

I don’t keep my phone on silent because I’ve just never been able to feel phones vibrating. But I do have it set to automatically turn on do not disturb when I should be in bed. Edit: Well, I’m stupid. Of course silent or vibrate are different. I wasn’t thinking at all. But yeah, still don’t use silent except when I actually need to because I want notifications???

My experience is that women don't seem to notice them either so it's a tiebreaker.

Thank heavens it wasn’t a child. 🤔

she must be driving a delorean.

im bored. ooh, found some mints! want one?

I love Imagine Dragons!

It's a trap.

Can there be a third option where you push your ex down the stairs as a distraction? 🤔

Absolutely LOVED seeing Snoop at the Olympics. Almost as much as watching the US news services putting a disclaimer saying that there were two ways to read the medal tally!!! 😂😂😂

Resent your parents not the little siblings then

I literally said "oof" out loud when I read this.... That's rough.

I am never unthinking this…

ross: I'm FiIiiIIIIiiiNnnnNNeeEEEee

Geese.

Same!

To ve fair, i would probably have said that too, only I do have two 😅