To learn more about what it’s like to deal with an entitled family member and where this behavior comes from, we reached out to a couple of experts on the topic. According to Modern Therapy’s clinician Rachel Garduce, LCSW, “Entitled behavior often originates from upbringing, societal norms, and individual personality traits.”

“If individuals are consistently favored or their needs were met without effort, they may develop a sense of entitlement. Factors like age, race, and socioeconomic status also shape how others treat them, influencing their entitlement levels and opportunities,” Rachel explained. “Additionally, entitlement can serve as a defense mechanism against insecurity, where individuals seek validation and control to compensate for their own internal doubts.”

We also got in touch with Zencare, an online therapist directory and the simplest way to find your ideal therapist, and Al Hoberman, a New York-based Licensed Creative Arts Therapist and Board Certified Music Therapist, was kind enough to weigh in on the topic. Al noted that, "Entitlement can come across as overconfidence, but turned on its head, we can see it as an expression of some kind of need.”

“Maybe it’s wanting to feel special, to be cared and provided for, or to know that you’ll be there for them,” the expert explained. “Wanting a lot is a sign that someone feels that they’re lacking a lot, whether they’re fully aware of it or not.”

As far as why entitlement is often directed towards family members, Rachel says it might be because of how a person grew up and what they learned from their family. “If their needs were always put first, they might expect the same in adulthood,” she explained. 

“Cultural norms also play a role. For instance, if a culture values certain family roles, individuals might feel entitled to specific treatment within their families based on those norms,” Rachel added. “These dynamics shape their expectations and perceptions of entitlement within family relationships.”

Al also noted that this entitlement can be a bid for connection. “Just like a young child who is all smiles at daycare and then comes home and has a meltdown, we tend to show our most difficult feelings around people we trust,” the therapist explained. “So if a family member is asking a lot of you, it may be an unconscious way of asking, ‘How much can I lean on you and have you still love me?’”

“On the other hand, if someone has grown up in an environment where this kind of behavior was rewarded, or they observed it in others, it could be that this is just what feels normal to them,” Al added. “They might not even see it as special treatment, it’s just what they’re used to doing.”

If anyone out there is struggling with family members making you feel guilty for not meeting their demands, both experts recommend setting clear boundaries. “Assertively communicate your needs and limits while understanding and validating their feelings,” Rachel told Bored Panda. 

“Remember, you're not obliged to fulfill every demand, especially if it harms you or compromises your own well-being. Seeking help from a therapist can guide you in managing family issues effectively. It's crucial to prioritize your well-being and assert your boundaries in these situations,” she explained.

“It’s a common misconception that setting boundaries is about getting the other person to do something you want,” Al says. “Actually, it’s about figuring out what your limits are, and deciding how you’re going to respond when they’re crossed. Then, importantly, you communicate that decision ahead of time.”

“Say I have a parent who keeps giving me unsolicited parenting advice. My first step is to tell them it’s unwelcome, and ask them, firmly but kindly, to stop,” Al suggests. “Next, if they persist, I might say something like, ‘Listen, if you’re really not able to stop, I’m going to end our conversation. We can talk about something else another time.’”

“Of course, chances are, the person you set boundaries with is going to be upset at first,” Al notes. “That’s where the guilt comes in. No one wants to feel like they’re letting down someone they love, but tuning in to this caring can help you express yourself compassionately without compromising your own needs.”

“Setting boundaries is a good way to handle conflict, but it doesn’t avoid it altogether,” Al added. “It can be an emotionally taxing process, and especially if you’re naturally conflict-averse, it's important to have a support system in place as you go through it. This could mean speaking with friends, a partner, or a therapist, but should also include keeping in mind that you’re in a vulnerable place and treating yourself with care.”

“Entitlement is a complex issue and shows up in different ways and situations. Dealing with it means understanding yourself, setting boundaries, and talking openly with others,” Rachel shared. “It's also helpful to figure out why you feel entitled or why those around you feel entitled, as it expands your self-awareness or your understanding of others. It can enhance your relationships with people. By working on these things, you can handle entitlement in a positive way and improve your connections with others.”