In theory, our family members are the people we are closest to in the world. They have been there for us since day one, and we are tied to them for our entire lives. But for some reason, relatives sometimes assume that because we’re bonded by blood, they can get away with treating us horribly. Whether it’s feeling entitled to our time, money or things, the way family members often speak to one another would definitely not fly among friends or romantic partners.

But the love of our relatives is unconditional, right? Well, if you’re having trouble dealing with a difficult family member, have no fear. I’ve consulted Dr. Abigail Brenner’s list of strategies to deal with challenging family members on Psychology Today, to help you pandas know what to say the next time a relative comes knocking asking for a large pepperoni pizza, money for gambling or demanding that you pick up their children when you already had plans.   

The first tip Dr. Brenner provides for dealing with difficult relatives is to resist the urge to try to fix them. As hard as it may be, we must accept our family members as they are. The problem with attempting to change them is that nobody can actually change without having the desire to do so themselves. If we try to force it onto them, we will only be causing a headache for ourselves and exerting time and energy unnecessarily. Dr. Brenner notes that, for the time being, we should assume that our family members are unable to change. We should base our knowledge of them on their actual behavior, rather than an optimistic belief that they will be better in the future. When we manage our expectations, we are less likely to be disappointed by them, and we can avoid wasting time and energy on “fixing” them.  

Next, Dr. Brenner says that we should be present and direct with our relatives. Understand that if they are trying to get a rise out of you, you don’t have to give them that satisfaction. Stand your ground, and avoid getting into an argument. Stay present and focused, and don’t become defensive. Once a conversation has turned into a fight, it’s not possible to effectively communicate, as it simply becomes about winning. If it gets to that point, step back and walk away. 

Another strategy that Dr. Brenner recommends is allowing difficult relatives the opportunity to fully express themselves. Let them state their point of view, and be sure to listen to them. Understand where they are coming from and why they feel judged, misunderstood or frustrated. You don’t have to agree, but let them know that you respect their opinion. After they get to release their thoughts, they may be much less confrontational and emotional.

Another thing to keep in mind is to watch out for trigger topics. You might need to avoid delicate issues altogether, or have a strategy for de-escalating the conversation if it becomes about a sensitive topic. For many people, avoiding hot topics like politics and religion with their relatives can help relationships run more smoothly, but you can't always control the conversation. “Be prepared to address these issues in a direct, non-confrontational way or to deflect the conflict if the atmosphere becomes too heated,” Dr. Brenner writes.  

Dr. Brenner goes on to note that some topics should actually be explicitly off-limits, if they only ever leave you feeling stressed, traumatized, or emotionally exhausted. It may be challenging, but you have the right to set boundaries with your relatives. And finally, she reminds readers that we are not responsible for our family members. If they are difficult, it is not our fault. When we can see a familiar pattern being carried out, it can be helpful to do everything in our power to avoid a conflict. But at the end of the day, people can be stubborn. Remember that your well-being comes first, and if it comes down to it, you can always cut a family member off. Whether that means financially or through all contact, you are allowed to have boundaries. And especially when you don’t feel supported by your family, it is more important to have people around who do support you, regardless of whether you’re related or not.  

Now, when it comes to which family members are demanding too much of us, it can come from anywhere. Siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even our own parents. While parents are supposed to look out for their children and teach them how to be kind, well-adjusted individuals, sometimes they actually do more harm than good. Caroline Bologna wrote an article for the Huff Post breaking down the signs that you might have been raised by an entitled parent, or a Karent, and if you find any of this behavior to be familiar, just know that you don’t have to follow in your parents’ footsteps. According to psychotherapist Noel McDermott, entitled parents will make unreasonable demands of everyone, including their children.

“The entitlement is projected onto the child as a set of expectations and belief in perfectionist views of the child,” Noel McDermott told the Huff Post. “Any criticism of the child will be a criticism of the parent. The parent will insist on special treatment for their child and remove their child from opportunities to socialize outside of their tightly controlled social circle.” Dealing with an entitled parent can be extremely challenging because they feel like the world owes them something, and they tend to assume they are the victim in any scenario. This can lead to embarrassment and shame in their children, if their parents are causing a scene at baseball practice, at school or when eating out at a restaurant. 

It can also hinder a child’s understanding of empathy if their parent never teaches them to consider the perspectives of others. “It’s important for children to be raised to believe that other people’s needs are as important as their own,” Perri Shaw Borish, a psychotherapist and founder of Whole Heart Maternal Mental Health, told the Huff Post. “If a parent is entitled they are likely not modeling that for their children. Entitled parents may not be helping their children to understand their place in the larger community and world and their connectedness to those outside of themselves.” This can cause the cycle to repeat itself, as the apple doesn’t fall very far from the tree.

Entitled parents often have trouble with boundaries as well, as I’m sure you can see from some of the posts on this list. “Entitled parents often treat their child’s life as if it’s their own life,” licensed marriage and family therapist Becky Stuempfig told the Huff Post. “There’s not a healthy separation between parent and child.” This can be seen when a parent feels entitled to their child’s income, responsible for their child’s accomplishments, and more. And this lack of boundaries can be detrimental for a child. They may be unable to appropriately express themselves, which can lead to feeling like they are unimportant and developing low self-esteem.  

Another important trait that entitled parents, or entitled individuals in general, often lack is the ability to express gratitude. “Entitlement isn’t so much about actual position but more about relationship to position,” Noel McDermott explains. “Someone who is entitled will lack gratitude for their good fortune and view anyone who questions their position as bad.” As you can see from many of the photos on this list, an entitled person will not say thank you and appreciate someone going out of their way to help them. They simply assume that they deserve to be helped, and they feel free to ask for whatever they want. Thankfully, however, even if your parents raised you this way, you are not doomed to a life of entitlement. Being aware is the first step in correcting or preventing these unhealthy tendencies, so if you want to ensure that you don't end up too entitled, try to remember to practice gratitude whenever you can.  

I sincerely hope that these posts are not reminding you of your own relatives, but if they are, maybe this is a good reminder to set some healthy boundaries. Keep upvoting the pictures that you find most obnoxious, and then let us know in the comments if you've ever had to deal with a "choosy beggar" of a family member. And if you're interested in checking out even more of these posts, you can find Bored Panda's last article on the same topic right here.