The woman is blind as to what kind of person her son is. The efforts of the DIL are wasted on and unappreciated by her. When I finally gave up and left MrTribbleTheFirst to deal with his mother, she got *nothing*. No cards, no calls, no presents, no visits every week or two. That was his choice when I wasn't doing the running around.

"My adult son almost never contacts me and my DIL consistently tries to keep in good communication. DIL must be the problem." 🤣🤦🏾‍♀️🤣🤦🏾‍♀️ Is this woman incapable of any self reflection?!

Ever think that Son moved 13 hours away to get distance from Mom?

She should invite him back for Smothering Sunday. Of course they told her as a couple. Once your son marries, he's no longer your little boy, he is first and foremost her husband. When the child comes, he will first and foremost be their father, and MIL goes down to third. She sounds like the sort who will want to name the baby. The fact is that it's quite normal for one person in a couple to be more social and communicative than the other; in the case, I get the feeling that he's trying to distance himself a bit because he's been overly parented in younger life.

I don't understand why there are always so many machinations attached to familial relationships. If it's not in accordance with some rule or etiquette in someone's preconceived notions, then it's wrong. Meh. I am not a parent but I am an aunt to 2 nieces and a nephew, all married and with kids. The spouses call me aunty. I don't fuss if I talk to one or the other about plans or events or anything really, I do see them as a team and expect what I say to one, will be passed on or shared in one way or another. I guess I am one step removed but, still, in laws do need to remember that the wedding ceremony is specific about the partners leaving their parents and committing to their partner, it's in the ceremony and the vows are that they are one through sickness or health blah blah. The wife in this case is managing things pretty well imo. Being the one to call, ensuring news that affects them both is shared together. MIL is overthinking and also keeping an unnecessary distance in her relationship to DIL.

It sounds like if it wasn't for his wife she wouldn't even have a "watered down" relationship with her son. OP, your son finds you overbearing and annoying. Your daughter in law seems to understand this but also knows that you just love your son so she is trying to include you in their life. If anything you should be buying your DIL a gift, if left to your son you'd probably never get any updates. Back off and just be grateful to be included as much as you are. If you really want to be included then form a stronger relationship with your DIL because it sounds like that's gonna be the way to your sons heart.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't help but laugh at OP's outright stupidity. She was upset because they both told her of the pregnancy - that SHE will be carrying for 9 months. LOLOLOL!!!! To be honest, I think OP is trying to say in the nicest way possible, without making herself look like a total d******d, that she hates that her DIL has a better relationship with her son than she does. Calling him every other day is the fastest way I can think of to push him away, wife or no wife. I think her attitude is palpable when she talks to him, and he doesn't like it. OP is too dense to figure that out. I also think, no matter what OP says, that she doesn't like her DIL. There's no other excuse for why she treats her like this.

You call him 3-4 times a week. Ever considered that you're just up in his grill, and he just wants a bit of peace from you?

There's a "MIL issue here"... all her responses are quite defensive. She still doesn't get why it's not weird for a couple to announce as a couple that they're having a baby. Her response: You are right I guess it's my son I need to have a word with. I would like him to initiate more phone calls and texts with me and show more of an interest in family things. However where I worry about my DIL "watering down " or "overpowering" my relationship with my son is the fact when I do reach out and do something individual for my son she takes over for example when I reached out to my 3 children in a group chat with a picture of items I saw when I came across a yard sale my son immediately called me up stated what he wanted and then added in what my DIL wanted and added that she would zelle me. I have her number if I was extending the offer to my DIL I would have reached out and texted her myself. She also got upset that on my son's birthday I give him a card with a check and she gets a text

I was the daughter in law in the way before my mother in law passed. She constantly made life a battle over who was more important to my husband and she was pretty awful to me. Guess who was taking care of her the last weeks of her life? Not her step daughters. Not her other daughter in law. No one else stepped up to do it. I did. She needs to appreciate the person her son married and appreciate that she seems to want a relationship with her too.

It's not just mother in laws BP, father in laws can also be problematic.

Your daugher in law seems to be the only one trying to keep any kind of relationship with you. You should be grateful for that. Your son is a big boy and surely not around his wife 24/7 (if she was really trying to keep him from you), if he wanted to pick up the phone when she isn't around he could do that (so I don´t think your DL is the problem) Also I think that you need to understand that your son and his wife are a unit, and it is highly offensive that you want to exclude her from things? If you don't see your DL as your daughter then the problem lies with you. Really sorry...but you are not in the right

I've got 2 sons in their 30s, the eldest 34, is married with 3 kids 9, 7 and 2. The youngest 33, has a partner and no kidlets. I have far more interaction with my DIL than my oldest son. She and I make all the arrangements for the kidlets coming over for sleepovers, birthdays etc. She's been part of my life for 18 years and is amazing. My other son's partner is awesome, she's the perfect fit for him. They keep me in their loop when they need to. I do not understand these mothers who have this obsessive "ownership" of their sons.

Pershendetje

They are a married unit. Not sure why she doesn't see that. Maybe they like doing everything together. Some do. It might be that the son is resenting his mother's treatment of his wife by leaving her out of things. Just because MIL's relationship with her husband is different doesn't mean her son's should be the same. Also, there is nothing mentioned about what type of work the do. He could be busy as heck.

If it wasn't for the DIL, mom wouldn't hear anything at all. There's every chance that DIL is asking her husband why she always has to be the one to communicate with his mother.

He's a typical guy. Hasn't she heard the saying, A son's a son until he takes a wife. A daughter's a daughter the rest of her life.

Not at all surprising OP seems to not at all question HER relationship with HER son. Maybe son has A LOT he hasn't been able to confront OP about and feels a very necessary distance (already 13 hours away is not an eye opener?). I got away from my mother and still took years to try even harder to address issues, which were never really respected, and her CONTINUED boundary pushing/crossing, while feeling nonstop pressure about visiting and being accommodating to her visits on a whim. Getting physically away from her gave me freedom and courage to face who she is in my therapy. When I went NC last year (five years after moving 15 hours away), she ramped up her harassment (now by 3rd party). She will ALWAYS be the "clueless" victim. For reference, my partner at the time was an abusive POS who is very similar to her, so he actually tried to isolate me from family, but I've listened to her blame all her other kids-in-law when my siblings have put up boundaries for 20 years.