In an ideal world, our partners would never do a thing that embarrasses us. But, in reality, we’re often embarrassed by their joke that didn’t land, the funny shirt they decided to wear, or, sometimes, even the way they walk.

This boyfriend kept embarrassing his girlfriend with his poor restaurant etiquette. The guy would imagine he was ordering one thing, and flip out after the waitstaff would present him something he didn’t expect.

Tired of the mishaps, the girlfriend sought advice online on how to handle his behavior: should she confront him and try to ask him to be more flexible, or is this a dealbreaker?

A guy kept embarrassing his girlfriend in restaurants by repeatedly not understanding what he was ordering

Image credits: Mohamed hamdi / unsplash (not the actual photo)

The woman felt she couldn’t take it anymore, and sought some relationship advice

Image credits: Jeremy Yap / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Abbie Tanner / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Image credits: Heidelbeere27

Checking the menu beforehand or asking the staff to clarify can help people avoid embarrassing situations in restaurants

Dining etiquette sometimes might get away from all of us. After all, who hasn’t been confused about which fork they’re supposed to use while at a fancy restaurant? In fact, people have differing opinions about what’s okay and not okay to do at restaurants.

Last year, YouGov asked Americans what restaurant behaviors are a no-no for customers. The top two cardinal sins are not paying for the dish you didn’t like but ate anyway and letting your kids roam free around the restaurant.

People also think that debating the menu prices with the staff, staying well past closing time, snapping your fingers at your waiter, bringing outside food or drink, and showing up late for your reservation are signs of poor restaurant etiquette.

In essence, eating out shouldn’t be a difficult thing. Servers and restaurant staff are there for a reason (even in the most fancy places) and should help people with anything that is unclear. In fact, high-end restaurateurs even want to explain it to you: ” If you have a conscience and you’re going to take people’s money, part of it is like, let me explain what we’ve done here,” Adam Gersten, owner of the New Schnitzel House in Miami, told Eater. “Why is this like this, and why you don’t get that at Wendy’s.”

Another way to avoid the potential embarrassment of ordering a thing you don’t like is to pick what you’re going to eat ahead of time. Pop Sugar’s Taylor Andrews calls this ‘menu sleuthing.’ “I rarely have to experience order regret,” she writes. “It isn’t about being a control freak, it’s simply knowing what to ask for.”

Image credits: Tayla Brand / unsplash (not the actual photo)

We might be overestimating how much attention people are paying to our partners’ embarrassing behavior

When something embarrassing happens to you in public, do you automatically assume that everyone is looking at you and having a laugh? We all embarrass ourselves in front of others, but the reality is that we tend to grossly overestimate how much others care about our behavior.

Psychologists call this the spotlight effect. It’s the feeling we get when we’re in public and think that everyone’s judging us for our wrinkled shirt or uncombed hair. Research shows that we overestimate the attention others pay us by 50%.

But we also get embarrassed on behalf of others; our partners, for example. That’s what researchers call the vicarious spotlight effect. Researchers have found that the successes of our partners boosts our self-esteem. We feel the spotlight on us when our partner acts positively, but instead of embarrassment, we feel pride.

Embarrassment and shame, however, are stronger, as we believe that more people notice when our partners engage in embarrassing behavior. We also get more embarrassed when it happens in front of strangers or acquaintances, not close family members or friends.

Psychologists theorize that if we’re overestimating how much attention people are paying to our embarrassing behavior, the odds are not many people care about the ridicule we think our partners are inviting upon us. Perhaps we really are thinking about ourselves too much.

Image credits: Chermiti Mohamed / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Some people couldn’t believe a grown man could act like this

Some speculated that he may enjoy causing drama, while others concluded that he’s maybe just “straight-up stupid”

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