Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
60
Couple Marries After 30 Years Together, Daughters Shocked To Learn They’re Not Welcome
It’s hard to imagine being left out of an important event like a wedding, especially when it’s your own mother tying the knot. But, well, welcome to the world of family dynamics, where financial practicality often rules over love and tradition.
Today’s Original Poster (OP) was in such a situation when after dropping everything to care for her aging mother who had pneumonia, was not invited to her mother’s wedding for financial reasons.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Have you ever wondered what it would feel like if you weren’t invited to a family member’s wedding?
Image credits: Pixabay / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s elderly mother is getting married, although she already made it clear that she doesn’t want to spend any money on a wedding
Image credits: Candlemascand
Image credits: Natasha Fernandez / Pexels (not the actual photo)
However, by the time her mother and her partner picked out their guests, she was surprised to see the only guests were the partner’s daughter and her husband
Image credits: Candlemascand
Image credits: DC Studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her mother fell sick, but the author and her sister dropped everything just to take care of her while balancing taking care of their own kids
Image credits: Candlemascand
By the time the mother felt a lot better, the wedding was set to happen, but she and her sister were still not invited to the wedding
The OP started off by saying that her mother and her partner, both aged 81, had shared the same house for thirty years. They wanted to get married, though, to make their lives easier financially. They originally wished for a low-key wedding in a registry office, and they invited just the OP and her siblings along with their partners and children. But they made it clear that they did not want any big wedding.
As the year went by, the wedding plans of the OP’s mother came down to just the partner’s daughter and her husband as guests, and the rest of the family weren’t invited. It would have been okay if the others were invited to the dinner after the wedding, but they weren’t invited to that either.
Then her mom got very sick. Pneumonia landed her in the hospital, and all of a sudden everything else had to take a backseat. The partner’s daughter wasn’t available because she had her own family problems, but the OP and her sister dropped everything, juggling work and three children each, to sit with her while she was ill.
But even after her mother got better, the wedding plans still didn’t move forward. The wedding was postponed, but the OP was still not invited.
Image credits: Kampus Production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Love and marriage can be beautiful at any age, but tying the knot later in life often comes with financial complexities. As FYI 50+ points out, whether marriage makes economic sense depends on the couple’s unique circumstances. For older couples—like the one in this story—practical concerns such as taxes, inheritance, and financial obligations often outweigh sentimentality.
This focus on practicality is common in later-life weddings. According to Shine, these ceremonies tend to be more intimate, centered on the couple’s commitment rather than grand celebrations.
Many older couples personalize their weddings, deciding how much, if at all, family and friends will be involved. In this case, the couple’s decision reflects that mindset—prioritizing meaning over tradition without diminishing the significance of the moment.
However, while a smaller, simpler wedding may make financial sense, it can still cause emotional ripples. According to The Knot, being left off a guest list—especially when attendance is expected—can feel deeply personal. But often, such choices are shaped by budget, venue limitations, or the couple’s priorities rather than a desire to merely exclude anyone.
Netizens sympathized with the OP’s feelings, acknowledging how hurtful it must be to be excluded from her mother’s wedding. Others suggested finding a compromise, like joining the meal at their own expense or planning a separate celebration later.
On the other hand, several people felt her mother’s approach was practical rather than personal. They emphasized that at their age, her mother and her partner had every right to do what was easiest for them and urged the woman to respect their wishes rather than take it as a slight.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the OP’s mother is being reasonable, or is she sending a hurtful message to her children? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens acknowledged that she did have the right to be upset, but they also urged her to take her mother’s wishes into consideration
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Bailey 10 months ago
They have been together at least 30 years already and are in their 80s, signing a bit of paperwork as it will make things easier with expenses etc. I think it's perfectly reasonable that they see no reason to make a big deal out of it, and just do the minimum required and not waste money. Daughter needs to stop trying to make it into a big "life event", and think about it from their perspective. Reality for them is that nothing in their day to day lives is going to change that day
StarCrossedFriday 10 months ago
Maybe, but there’s also the celebratory dinner afterwards - couldn’t they at least have held that at a venue where everyone was welcome?
Load More Replies...
Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
I didn't invite any family to my wedding. We'd been together 17 years by that stage, it was purely to make it easier for inheritance tax as we own the house jointly. We're not the sort to have big parties anyway; but we had my wife's closest friend and her partner as witnesses, took them for a meal, total cost £120. Really no need for anything bigger if it's purely a practical arrangement.
greenideas 10 months ago
A lot of young couples choose to elope and get married without family members, so mom should have the same right. The only thing that kind of makes me give her the side-eye is that the partner's daughter and husband are invited and will celebrate afterwards, but mom's family isn't. I understand they are witnesses, but still...I can see how it makes OP feel rejected.
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
It sounds like the parents know OP will make a big fuss out of the day and won't just want to sign some papers and go for pints.
Orange Panda 10 months ago
I get where she's coming from. My step sister and I would have lost it if our parents had left us out of their wedding, but we were the witnesses. There is good advice in there about how it's just a piece of paper to them and his daughter is closer, which is why she was chosen. What got me was why she's worried others would know if and when her mom is getting married. If they live 200 miles away, that's doubtful unless she's running her mouth.
bElLa sTairZz 10 months ago
my parents had a small wedding like this last year, not even my grandparents were invited. just enough people to be witnesses, which im assuming is why ops sister and her family were invited while op was not. its not that deep.
YouBetTheyDie 10 months ago
I get where she's coming from, she was good enough to travel and take car either mum while nearby step daughter didn't life a finger.
TribbleThinking 10 months ago
She's not bothered about you. Stop bothering and dropping everything for her.
KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
My father got married on a Tuesday, I was informed on the Friday after when I got home from boarding school. it was a shotgun marriage because my father got babytrapped and is a man of principle. I was 13 at the time. It hurt. And it certainly damaged any chance of my getting on with #3 whose MO was to trash talk my mother without having met her.
Sigrid 9 months ago
OMG they need to get their head out of their own a**e!! If your parents are 80 1) you are lucky they are still alive (mine aren't) 2) they need you and not the other way around! 3) you are old enough to pay for yourself and not ''''need''' their help with your own kids or anything else, as a matter a fact, YOU should be throwing them a frigging party in stead of sulking with entiteldness. Good grief!!! You know why they are tight right? Because they don't want to spend their money so it goes to you when they die. That's it. Welcome to the real world. Now get out there and throw those people a party ffs.
Bailey 10 months ago
They have been together at least 30 years already and are in their 80s, signing a bit of paperwork as it will make things easier with expenses etc. I think it's perfectly reasonable that they see no reason to make a big deal out of it, and just do the minimum required and not waste money. Daughter needs to stop trying to make it into a big "life event", and think about it from their perspective. Reality for them is that nothing in their day to day lives is going to change that day
StarCrossedFriday 10 months ago
Maybe, but there’s also the celebratory dinner afterwards - couldn’t they at least have held that at a venue where everyone was welcome?
Load More Replies... Apatheist Account2 10 months ago
I didn't invite any family to my wedding. We'd been together 17 years by that stage, it was purely to make it easier for inheritance tax as we own the house jointly. We're not the sort to have big parties anyway; but we had my wife's closest friend and her partner as witnesses, took them for a meal, total cost £120. Really no need for anything bigger if it's purely a practical arrangement.
greenideas 10 months ago
A lot of young couples choose to elope and get married without family members, so mom should have the same right. The only thing that kind of makes me give her the side-eye is that the partner's daughter and husband are invited and will celebrate afterwards, but mom's family isn't. I understand they are witnesses, but still...I can see how it makes OP feel rejected.
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
It sounds like the parents know OP will make a big fuss out of the day and won't just want to sign some papers and go for pints.
Orange Panda 10 months ago
I get where she's coming from. My step sister and I would have lost it if our parents had left us out of their wedding, but we were the witnesses. There is good advice in there about how it's just a piece of paper to them and his daughter is closer, which is why she was chosen. What got me was why she's worried others would know if and when her mom is getting married. If they live 200 miles away, that's doubtful unless she's running her mouth.
bElLa sTairZz 10 months ago
my parents had a small wedding like this last year, not even my grandparents were invited. just enough people to be witnesses, which im assuming is why ops sister and her family were invited while op was not. its not that deep.
YouBetTheyDie 10 months ago
I get where she's coming from, she was good enough to travel and take car either mum while nearby step daughter didn't life a finger.
TribbleThinking 10 months ago
She's not bothered about you. Stop bothering and dropping everything for her.
KatSaidWhat 9 months ago
My father got married on a Tuesday, I was informed on the Friday after when I got home from boarding school. it was a shotgun marriage because my father got babytrapped and is a man of principle. I was 13 at the time. It hurt. And it certainly damaged any chance of my getting on with #3 whose MO was to trash talk my mother without having met her.
Sigrid 9 months ago
OMG they need to get their head out of their own a**e!! If your parents are 80 1) you are lucky they are still alive (mine aren't) 2) they need you and not the other way around! 3) you are old enough to pay for yourself and not ''''need''' their help with your own kids or anything else, as a matter a fact, YOU should be throwing them a frigging party in stead of sulking with entiteldness. Good grief!!! You know why they are tight right? Because they don't want to spend their money so it goes to you when they die. That's it. Welcome to the real world. Now get out there and throw those people a party ffs.
You May Like "AITA For Telling My BIL That Someone Is Going To Punch His Girlfriend One Day?" Rich Parents Suspect DIL Is A Gold Digger, Ask Son To Sign A Prenup As She Demands $80K For Wedding In-Laws Make Bride Sign Prenup To ‘Protect Son,’ Life Plays Uno Reverse As She's The Rich One
Monika Pašukonytė
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Rūta Zumbrickaitė
Related on Bored Panda
33
27